Wanting to come out but....

[SheenaT]

Saw a therapist before covid and she confirmed that YES I AM VERY CLEARLY TRANS. I want so badly to transition, GCS, FFS... I am just so afraid of all I will lose?. It's a rollercoaster of emotions! Hating my male body, and yet happy with all I have accomplished by 63 yrs. Loving wife, children, friends. All the while miserable. When the therapist confirmed (and I needed confirmation) that I am very trans and she was ready and willing to assist me with my transition at any level I chose, I almost cried, and my heart leaped! Finally a professional confirmation and a path if I so choose. I AM SCARED AS HELL.

[Jackie C.]

OK! First off, breathe.

 

Secondly, what do you think that you're going to lose? I never had kids (I am a differently sane feline enthusiast of the female persuasion. I'm a pretty cool aunt though), but after transition I still have a loving wife and good friends. Most of my family accepts me (there's one holdout). I'm getting my life back on track. I'm healthier, happier and ready to pursue my dreams again.

 

I have lost some money. GCS is expensive. However, I'm in a better place to start earning some of that back. I'm working on myself and going forward instead of curling up and looking for a place to die.

 

Hugs!

[SheenaT]

My mind is racing. To preface above:

I am slightly encouraged that my wife is beginning to accept some of my changes i.e. need to wear more feminine attire, so far just undergarments. She has accepted me getting my ears pierced and growing my hair out. She just ordered me more earrings online yesterday. I need to go back to the therapist but am afraid to bring it up. She knows why I am going, but agreed if I need to go it's ok. I'm in a quandry.

[Jackie C.]

That's actually encouraging. Sometimes our spouses take a minute to catch up. After all, you've been living with this your whole life, it's still new to her.

 

Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. You need to be able to talk to your partner honestly and they get some odd ideas in their head when you don't let them know what's going on. For example, my spouse has asked;

• "Have you been wearing my underwear?"
• "Are you going to leave me behind?"
• "Are we still married?"

I've also heard of spouses who were convinced that their husband was going to transition and leave them for a man. This is new and scary for her too. Communicate open and honestly about what you need and that you still love her, no matter what.

 

Hugs!

[SheenaT]

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

That's actually encouraging. Sometimes our spouses take a minute to catch up. After all, you've been living with this your whole life, it's still new to her.

 

Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. You need to be able to talk to your partner honestly and they get some odd ideas in their head when you don't let them know what's going on. For example, my spouse has asked;

• "Have you been wearing my underwear?"
• "Are you going to leave me behind?"
• "Are we still married?"

I've also heard of spouses who were convinced that their husband was going to transition and leave them for a man. This is new and scary for her too. Communicate open and honestly about what you need and that you still love her, no matter what.

 

Hugs!

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[SheenaT]

On 2/20/2021 at 11:08 AM, SheenaT said:

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[SheenaT]

2 hours ago, gina-nicole-t said:

@SheenaT My ex-fiance who wanted to get back with me tried to convince me not to transition after she knew I was. I think like you alluded to that she had it in her mind that I would leave her for a man no matter how many times I convinced her that was not the case. I eventually had to block her from my cell phone after many rude voicemail messages. I look at it as one less toxic person in my life that I have to deal with. 

Regards, 

Gina 

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[rainflower]

Maybe you are tying all of your accomplishments too much to the male version. You did those things, regardless what gender, and I think out of love. I was not sure how my friends, family, and coworkers would react. I mostly suspected they would by ok with it, most of them knew I was bi at least. I was really surprised at the level of support and even encouragement I received from many of them. If I wouldn't have taken that chance I never would have found out and would still be miserable today. I wish I would have done this years ago.

[Bri2020]

I completely understand where you are at. It is so scary.  My realization/acceptance of who I was came on so fast and no one had any idea of what was going on in my life.  I was so scared once I knew that like you, I thought I might lose everything in my life if I came out. Wife if 12 years, two kids, a business, father, home .........   It took of month of living that fear to finally admit that the alternative to coming out would probably make me lose all those things anyway. The toxicity of lying to everyone and living that lie would send me into a severe depression and might have chosen to take my life again.  So my choices were to come out and maybe lose elements of everything in my life I accomplished/had or not come out and become a toxic mess who self destructs/dies/loses everything.  People always tell me know how brave I am. That's actually not true, I came out simply because I was afraid of dying if I didn't.  Now here's the fun part.  EVERYONE that mattered in my life fully supported me.  They see the happy, true version of me know and rejoice that I made the change because their lives are better and richer for knowing this version of me.  The old version was actually negatively affecting them because they all could see I wasn't fulfilled/happy.

My advise is like some of the other's posts.  Communicate with your spouse. Let them know what a struggle it has been and the pain and suffering it has caused and that you NEED to do this in order to truly be happy and be the best person you can be for the ones around you.  Honestly, as scary as it sounds, anyone who cannot support that decision doesn't belong in you life.  If you have good relationships with your loved one already, they will support you and the relationships will be richer for it.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Hugs

Bri