Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

I feel old and hitting the wall


JennaLSinclair

Recommended Posts

Hello I'm Jenna! ❤️
 
I am 43 years old and have been married for 15 years. I want to come out of the closet as gay and trans. If I'm Trans then, I may not be gay? I don't know, I'm confused. I want to end my marriage. 

 

Now because of Covid-19, my wife and I are around each other 24/7 and I feel like I'm in prison. Not the good kind either.
 
My wife is highly intelligent, and I admire her greatly. I do care for her and love her dearly. We haven't had sex in over three years. I'm not attracted to women anymore. I'm just not wired like that. I highly respect women. I mean, geez I want to be a woman!

 

There was a time when I was in college, me and a friend of mine went to a gay club to hang out. We both considered ourselves straight at the time. I wanted to see a Drag Show and didn't want to go alone. Even then, I loved crossdressers! My friend's mom called my parents and told them where we went. My parents lost it. They went out looking for me came to the club after we left and caused a scene. When they got home, Mom cried and Dad yelled at me and said if I was gay he would take me out in the field behind my house and shoot me in the head with his rifle. That was from my own father. So, of course I said I was straight, just out of survival. Buried it down as deep as I could. That was 1997 in Tennessee. There's a reason they are in Tennessee and I am here in DC. 

 

My marriage didn't start out like that. We were pretty close at one time. I still love her very much. She has always been far right conservative. Irish-Catholic family. Her Grandfather worked in OSI and made a living disgracing and removing homosexuals in the US Air Force. She is a thorough Trump Supporter. I guess opposites attract.

 

I know this will devastate my wife and she is going to out me to everyone, and try to hurt me out of revenge. She's going to take me for everything I got and leave me with nothing and all the debt. I may not ever financially recover from this. I am at an impasse. I don't know how to go about this. If there is a way to lessen the impact I am willing to try. 
 
I want to come out to her in a neutral environment. Where I know she's not going to retaliate immediately out of emotion, anger, hatred, and spite. 
 
Is there a way to protect myself financially before doing this? Should I seek a lawyer?
 
I feel like I have a ticking atom bomb in my hands and it's going to blow at any moment. No one will be left standing. If there is a bomb squad that can help me diffuse this to mitigate or even avoid an explosion, I'll gladly accept the help.
 
Thank You for Your help!

 

 

My name is

Jenna Love Sinclair

 

Jenna is close to my middle name. Sinclair means pure and Jenna is my pure self. I chose Love because the world needs more love.

 

❤️??????♥️

 

Link to comment
  • Replies 120
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • JennaLSinclair

    65

  • Ivy

    7

  • Susan R

    5

  • Katie M

    5

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

  • Admin

Welcome to Transgender Pulse, Jenna.  I certainly understand how you feel and what you've gone through.  I think you're right to be worried about your wife's reaction when you come out, but sometimes people can surprise us.

 

I can't offer any financial or legal advice.  I do think seeing an attorney would be a wise choice, and I strongly suggest seeing a gender therapist.  They can offer good advice on how to approach your coming-out dilemma.  I wish you all the best.  In the meantime, please look around the forums and post any questions or comments, and we'll do all we can to be of service.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment

@JennaLSinclairWelcome to the group and thank you for sharing some of your story with us. That's a very difficult situation for you to be in. Praying for guidance for you as you navigate this. Bless you sister ❤️

Link to comment

Jenna!

Welcome to our group. Your story is compelling and similar to many of ours. I hope things turn out ok for you. We are here to support you.

 

Hugs!

 

Stefi 

Link to comment

It appears as though you are afraid you are going to lose everything once you disclose your feelings. Before you do, I might recommend that you consider is that Gender Identity and Sexual Preference are two mutually exclusive things. I think you should work on each of those two issues separately, in a sequence, before laying your heart out to your wife. It's probably best if you are firm in the path(s) you are about to embark upon.

Link to comment

Welcome Jenna.   
I’m sorry you’re in such a place.    But I think it might be good to talk to a lawyer before you do anything in regards to your marriage.   There may be a way to protect yourself somewhat.  
And of course, a therapist would be a good idea too.  

Link to comment

Hi Jenna!  nice to meet you, and Welcome!

I am sorry to hear you are in such an unsupportive family and relationship situation.  Gender dysphoria and transition issues are tough enough as it is without the extra burden of what you face.

14 hours ago, JennaLSinclair said:

Is there a way to protect myself financially before doing this? Should I seek a lawyer?

YES!  I agree with @Carolyn Marie about both seeking out a lawyer (even just for advice to start and planning for the worst if needed) and therapy. 

D.C. is an "equitable property" state (not community property like most states) so why it might not be a split down the middle settlement nobody can usually take "everything" and lawyers are your best advocate (specially when its an emotional situation).
Also, the advice about seeking gender therapy is one I took when I first arrived on this Forum.  One of the best things I have ever done for myself, specially when you have that feeling of being in "prison" or the "ticking time bomb".  That's not healthy and you deserve better.

I know this is a long, hard road to travel but there is happiness at the other end .. what that "other end" is is for you to define, not your family or your wife.  Stay with us .. feel free to share your feelings ... there's a lot of wisdom in this Community here.

Deep breaths ... one step at a time

Link to comment

Welcome Jenna! I am new here & will let those who have the wisdom & experience provide advice. I hope you find the love & support here I have.

 

Hugs!

Delcina

Link to comment

Hey Jenna

Sorry to hear about  your situation. Hell been there with the; "YOU BETTER NOT BE GAY!!" speech.

I don't want to come off as a jerk. But how can you still respect or lv a woman that will retaliate with so much hate and fury towards you. I say if you are really afraid of the out-come then empty out your portion of monies from all the accounts, write a letter and move to a safe state, one that you can afford and will provide help with your insurance and  get the F out of there. Stop wasting you time. Cause I got to tell the longer you wait to TG the worse it will get. This I can attest to.

Good Luck

Be Safe, Stay STRONG and KICK ASS

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Jenna,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

Link to comment

OMG ❤️ Thank you everyone! I am so overwhelmed with Love and support that I am crying. I've never felt this before. I've been hurt for so long it's hard to believe I found you all. Thank you ?

 

Jenna

Link to comment

Hi Jenna,

So glad to have you here.  I'm fairly new myself, but if you stick around, you may find that in a little while you will be coming from a place of more strength and confidence.  That's certainly been my experience.  Also, I can't agree more with the others about therapy, if you can work it in somehow.  And I might suggest being patient about coming out too soon to people.  I found that I really didn't know how to do it, and there's much to consider sometimes.  It could even have a significant impact your legal concerns.

 

I can't help but wonder if coming out to your wife is so necessary if she were that likely to use it against you, and you want to end the marriage anyway.  I'm sorry you're in such a tough spot.

 

I'm still taking it very slow, but reading the experiences here on this site have helped me enormously.  It sounds like worst-case-scenarios are getting the best of you right now.  Let's shrink those fears down to their proper size, because you have some support, and you have time to sort things out (I wish I had this site when I was 43!).

Go easy on yourself...a better day is out there.

?

 

 

 

Link to comment

@Carolyn Marie Thank you for the warm welcome Carolyn! I'm going to look for a gender therapist based on your recommendation. I do have a therapist not one specifically for gender dysphoria.

Link to comment

@MelanieTamara Thank you! That is a great suggestion. I didn't think about them being as separate issues, you are so right about dealing with them one at a time. This is all so new to me. ?

Link to comment

@Jandi Thank you! When I didn't see any options before, I am seeing some now. This really helps.

Link to comment

@KayC Thank you! I don't know anything about legal issues. An equitable property State sounds promising. I'm in Southern Maryland. You are giving me hope!

Link to comment

Thank you @Lexi C for the encouragement. It means a lot to hear this. I wish I was as strong as you! But I'm getting there! ❤️

Link to comment

Thank you @Ann W! ❤️ Patience was never my strength. Fears are really crushing now. It's really hard to deal with.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hello @JennaLSinclair, Welcome to the safest place on the web to share your story!! OK, my opinion.? Glad you found us. I can’t add any better advice than what you’ve already received. I think @Carolyn Marie had some sage advice to seek out an attorney and a therapist if your sure you’re wife plans to take it all and make things difficult. You can’t be too ready if this much is at stake.

 

I hope things turn out better than you expect but being prepared is smart. Transition is difficult because of all the facets in one’s life that it affect and the time it takes to get to a place of comfort after starting. Like @KayC says, “this is a long, hard road to travel but there is happiness at the other end .. what that "other end" is is for you to define, not your family or your wife.” This is so true. Your life is yours to live they way you want. It took me 56 years to figure that out and put it into practice. I wish you the best and hope to read about your next moves if you’re willing to share.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Link to comment

Hi Jenna, Welcome to the forum. It is hard to add to what has already been said. You said you are confused. I think it would be good to talk to a gender therapist first, if you can discretely, to better understand the path you want and need to take. I live in a very conservative area and have been surprised at some of the reactions from people around me.

 

I don't know what the legal system is there, but it might be good to talk to a lawyer. That said, your wife could have a totally different reaction than what you expect. How you present this to her can make a big difference. Many of us have faced what you are going though. As you can already tell, you will find support here for whatever path you take.

 

Hugs,

Mike

Link to comment

Thank you @Susan R! OMG you're not kidding! This is great advice! I feel so humbled, thank you! It will help to be prepared.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 138 Guests (See full list)

    • April Marie
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • Petra Jane
    • Justine76
    • Ivy
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,058
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Aleksandria
    Newest Member
    Aleksandria
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Conner_Sent_By_Cyberlife
      Conner_Sent_By_Cyberlife
      (22 years old)
    2. CtN1p
      CtN1p
    3. heyim_finn
      heyim_finn
      (21 years old)
    4. Jayn
      Jayn
    5. joni_girl_1988
      joni_girl_1988
      (51 years old)
  • Posts

    • Justine76
      It's something I'm just learning but I find I actually enjoy the 'craft' of it in addition to how it makes me look. Even after a fresh shave, I have a mild 5'clock shadow. For me, the primary use of makeup is to get rid of that. I'll start with the orange concealer over facial hair areas and a bit under my eyes. Liquid foundation over that and light concealer used judiciously over that (still dialing that part in). Then just a tad of powder to bring color back in certain places. There are a number of Youtube tutorials on that layering process.    I'll also pencil in my eyebrows a bit since they're blonde and otherwise not very visible. Sometimes I'll get adventurous and give mascara a try but that's a delicate skill and usually I mess it up. I don't particularly like lipstick, but just ordered a 'lip pencil' to experiment with. Hoping for a more subtle effect. 
    • Vidanjali
    • April Marie
      Sunday is my weekly ablution day - all of the parts that need occasional shaving get their required attention. The weather is rainy and cool today so after the ablutions and shower, I put on blue jeans, a gray t-shirt and a black front-zip hoodie along with gray sneakers.   And, I did put on make-up, not to impress anyone but just to feel as if I'm looking my best....as good as that can be given this woman is now 69 years old. 
    • April Marie
      There are lots of us here willing to offer support, ideas, a shoulder or just a smile. Working with your therapist and finding your true self can be difficult process...but it will also be filled with wonder and joy as you discover that person who's been waiting inside you to be found.   Just know that you are not alone.
    • Mealaini
      Thank you for fixing my country of origin MaryEllen!     :) Mealaini
    • Mealaini
      Thank you KayC!  I am just trying to keep breathing. I don't have a huge amount of time in my life for self exploration.  My job and responsibilities have me second guessing all my inner work.  I do have time off in the summer - coming up soon as I am a teacher.  Only a few workshops.  Looking forward ward to some introspection.     :) Mealaini
    • Betty K
      Yes, essentially. As Julia Serano says, they view trans outcomes as intrinsically worse than cis outcomes. 
    • Jani
      I used to but now its just lip gloss every now and then, in a subdued tone.
    • Ivy
      Yeah, a lot of times I don't really have anything to add to the conversation. There are some threads I seldom post on.
    • Ivy
      I have seen some things about this.  As I remember it was not very trans-friendly. The people doing these things seem to minimize the positive aspects of transition, and maximize the potential problems. Basically, make it as difficult as possible (without outright banning it) to discourage anyone from doing it.
    • Willow
      Good morning    woke up to some light rain this morning.  Maybe I should run out with a giant umbrella to cover the car.   Ha ha ha.     I’ve had really nice cars before but never something like this.     @KymmieL I hope you got to go on your ride. Back when I had my Harley we went out for a ride almost every weekend. We would head either SW down the Shenandoah Valley or Skyline Drive which danced along the tops of the Mountains or we would head west into West Virginia and just travel along until it was time to find our way home.   occasionally I wish I still had a bike but I usually quickly for get that. The only thing I ever wanted as a young person that I never had was a late 50s vette.      
    • April Marie
      I admit to wearing make-up. Actually, I'll admit to enjoying wearing make-up. For me, it's been part of learning about myself as a woman and finding a style and look that reflects my personality.    Sometimes, it will just be a bit of mascara and a touch of lipstick. But, most often I wear foundation with setting powder, gel eyeliner, mascara, a little blush on my cheek line and lipstick. I also use an eyebrow pencil to darken my brows a bit.  Infrequently, I will add some eye shadow.   Most of my make-up is from Mary Kay although my lipsticks or from various manufacturers and eyeliners are mostly Maybelline. My wife purchases most of her make-up from Mary Kay and so we order together from our local representative. Of course, I don't have much brand experience but I'm happy with the Mary Kay products and find myself transitioning almost entirely to their line of make-up.
    • KathyLauren
      I did early on, out of necessity.  Regardless of how close you shave, beard shadow shows through.  I just used a bit of foundation, setting powder and blush.    I didn't use much eye makeup.  I started out with a bit of eye liner, but I thought it gave me a "trying too hard" look.  So I mostly didn't use any.   With covid and masking, I stopped using makeup altogether.  Why bother when no one can see your face and the mask smears the makeup anyway?   When restrictions were lifted, I didn't go back to wearing makeup.  My face feminized quite nicely over the first few years of HRT.  I'll never be pretty, but I look more female than male.  (Or I like to tell myself that anyway.)  With several years of electrolysis, and with what facial hair remains turning white, I don't have much beard shadow, so there is nothing to cover up.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Do you use make-up? If so, why and what  types?
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...