I feel old and hitting the wall

[JennaLSinclair]

OMG @Confused1! This is definitely a rollercoaster. It seems like every day surprises me. ?

[Rebekah H]

Hi Jenna

 

Really great to meet you and my heart goes out to you as you start out on this journey and in your situation. I'm 47 and just came out as trans not so long ago.

Every day is a battle but one that is 100% worth it to be who you truly are.

 

I honestly hope that your wife can be understanding with you, I really do.

 

Much love

[Rania]

On 3/24/2021 at 11:34 PM, JennaLSinclair said:

Hello I'm Jenna! ❤️
 

I know this will devastate my wife and she is going to out me to everyone, and try to hurt me out of revenge. She's going to take me for everything I got and leave me with nothing and all the debt. I may not ever financially recover from this. I am at an impasse. I don't know how to go about this. If there is a way to lessen the impact I am willing to try. 
 
I want to come out to her in a neutral environment. Where I know she's not going to retaliate immediately out of emotion, anger, hatred, and spite. 
 
Is there a way to protect myself financially before doing this? Should I seek a lawyer?
 
I feel like I have a ticking atom bomb in my hands and it's going to blow at any moment. No one will be left standing. If there is a bomb squad that can help me diffuse this to mitigate or even avoid an explosion, I'll gladly accept the help.
 

 

❤️??????♥️

 

 

OMG @JennaLSinclair !! 

 

The situation you have described is so tense !! I can imagine how hard is it for your to withstand such pressure . I recommend that you see a therapist first, who is speciliazd in transsexuality in particular and seek his/her help. They know how to bring people to common ground and reason with them , 

 

I wish you the best of luck and welcome onboard 

 

❤️??????

 

 

 

[Charlize]

Welcome Jenna.

   I was pretty much certain that my wife might just call it quits when i came out.  I was prepared to literally "loose the family farm" but we made it with love , patience, tenderness and understanding.  I am fortunate however as she is far from being a supporter of trump.  You have had good advice above.  I would certainly see both a gender therapist and a lawyer.  GTs can often help a spouse to understand.

  As to being gay only time will tell you that.  I thought i must be nuts as i was never attracted to men but wanted to be the woman i felt inside.  Gender and sexual preferences are certainly not as linked as society believes.

I'm glad you've found us.  Knowing i wasn't alone certainly eased my journey!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[JennaLSinclair]

Thank you so much @Rebekah H! You're right, everyday is a battle. I appreciate your kindness. I'll take all the love and support I can get. ❤️

[JennaLSinclair]

Thank you @Rania! ❤️ This is great advice. I'm looking for a therapist who specializes in transexuality. Thank you for your support! ?

[JennaLSinclair]

Thank you @Charlize! You're awesome! Love, patience, tenderness, and understanding is exactly what I need right now. ?

[Rania]

9 hours ago, JennaLSinclair said:

Thank you @Rania! ❤️ This is great advice. I'm looking for a therapist who specializes in transexuality. Thank you for your support! ?

 

I wish you the best my dear . Bless you 

[JennaLSinclair]

Just to update everyone! OMG I found a gender therapist in my area! It was hard! I tried the links in transgender pulse and either they were not taking new clients or they were dead links that led to nowhere.

 

So I went to psychology today and did a specific search for a therapist specializing in transgender. There I found the Whitman-Walker clinic here in DC. I got to write to the Director of Gender Affirming Care, Britt Walsh, who was very kind and gave me an extensive list of contacts of therapists in my area. None of them worked, they were all the same names I received before. But I did find out that the gender affirming care is where I will need to go for hormones and surgeries. They walk patients through the surgeries needed. 

 

Then amazingly one of the previous therapists had an opening. I contacted them and it turned out they weren't a gender therapist and I would be their first patient.

 

So back to psychology today I went. All of you who commented have given me nothing but love and encouragement. I can't let you down. So I'm not giving up. I searched again and found one nearby!! Her name is Ellen Dye, we wrote and it just feels right. It's like finding that perfect red 7inch stilleto with the cute ankle strap that fits! OMG it was perfect. Every question I asked she had an answer! I cried so much. It was the first time I actually felt someone could help me. Here is an excerpt from her response,

 

"I think I have exactly the experience you need, which is why I do not want to turn you away despite my practice being very full. I have lots of experience working with trans women, many of whom have transitioned to some degree. Before specializing in LGBTQ clients, I was a family and couples therapist for many years. I have worked with a number of individuals whose transition significantly impacted the marriage. Some of these individuals have divorced, while others remain married. I can also help with relationships with other family members or friends.

 

Most therapists do not know how to work with transgender clients. This is why I sought advanced training in this area and developed my specialty. I have been seeing transgender clients more intensively over the past five years."

 

We aren't scheduled to meet until early May. Ellen is completely booked. I told her that I've waited 16 years for this. If anything, I am patient.

 

I want to thank you all for your love and support. I couldn't have taken this step without you.

 

I'm going to go cry again. This time out of happiness.

 

❤️

Jenna

[Ivy]

This sounds good.

[Ann W]

That's awesome @JennaLSinclair.

Just having someone objective you can talk completely openly with is a game changer.  I hope it works out for you.  This a good reminder to all of us to keep at it when you really want something...it can be so worth it.

[Confused1]

Congratulations Jenna,

 

I used psychology today to find my therapist and she has been wonderful. Hoping you get as much help from Ellen as I got from mine.

 

Hugs,

Mike

[Kiera]

On 3/24/2021 at 6:34 PM, JennaLSinclair said:

Hello I'm Jenna! ❤️
 
I am 43 years old and have been married for 15 years . . my wife and I are around each other 24/7 and I feel like I'm in prison. Not the good kind either.

 

❤️??????♥️

 

Wow Amazing story Jenna, yours and mine being very similar, and if can find more time hopefully will share some of my hard won experiences as well. 

 

Welcome! 

[JennaLSinclair]

Thank you @Kiera! Everyone here is so beautiful and kind. I really feel honored meeting everyone here.

[Kiera]

17 hours ago, JennaLSinclair said:

Thank you @Kiera! 

          @JennaLSinclair, after 40+ years problem is I wouldn't know where to start. Had my 1st "trans doctor" appointment ever just yesterday and, because I'm now over 60, he wants me off 2mg tabs immediately have a script for valerate instead. Informed consent means no "labs", no therapist "letter referrels", no "gatekeeping (beating around) the bush" and to cap it off he knows I'm a "smoker" have promised, resolved, to QUIT.  I do have a trans therapist friend, have gone to her "group" in the past, but never seen her "officially" suppose one could say nicotine was always my "help therapy drug of choice"?

 

lol Don't recommend it! "Labs" (and bone density test) come later . . wants to establish a known baseline first.

 

         I (too?) come from a "marriage in hell" but you must understand it's not our fault, including her, rather it's just the divisive world we currently live in, didn't start off that way.  I (too?) had what turned out to be a longstanding gay relationship in high school but if you had asked me back then I'd have said "only like girls" . . . The "cause", the "past", the "why" we're trans REALLY DOESN'T MATTER rather, in looking ahead, it's where we're GOING instead . . 

 

        With me I consider it a case of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT, not "trans", not "LGBTQ" but always just another heterosexual woman who enjoys "female" sexuality better . . and yes! the two are connected, a choice one must consciously take, otherwise the social consequences just compound and "tada", welcome to our "diverse world" today? 

 

Unlike politics there's nothing wrong with differing sex, gender and religious beliefs but best if kept to self?

 

        Sorry if "obtuse", will hopefully post more later. In a world where "personal choices" seem to come at the expense of "everybody else" ask yourself where you'd best "fit in" then follow/do accordingly, avoiding great risks? Transition is not an easy path, is supposed to be a solution not another problem, so unless 100% sure take slow, steady steps not huge . . 

 

Cheers

[Ivy]

5 hours ago, Kiera said:

With me I consider it a case of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT…

I suspect there is an element of this in myself.  It was only when I was freed from some other constraints, that I was able to go back, and pick up where I had left off.  I didn't understand at the time.

[JennaLSinclair]

Oh @Kiera! ❤️ It's amazing how similar our paths are. I don't know my first step either. My appointment with my first ever gender therapist is May 6. I guess that's my first step. Before that my first step was coming here. Before that my first step was researching what was happening to me. Before that my first step was actually admitting that I was Trans to myself and that I couldn't do this alone.

 

It seems there are a lot of first steps. ❤️

[JennaLSinclair]

1 hour ago, Jandi said:

I suspect there is an element of this in myself.

Hello @Jandi! ? I am quickly realizing why being Trans creates a strong sisterhood. It's almost like we're all the same person experiencing different facets of the same struggle.

 

❤️

[Mmindy]

1 hour ago, JennaLSinclair said:

? I am quickly realizing why being Trans creates a strong sisterhood. It's almost like we're all the same person experiencing different facets of the same struggle.

Good morning Jenna,

 

Thank you for sharing your story, which as you've learned isn't that uncommon. I've been out to my wife for a year now, to say is was a total fireworks show, is an understatement at the time. She immediately outed me to our grown children and their spouse. At the time it was a total nightmare, looking back now it was like ripping the bandage off of a fairly fresh wound. It hurt, but the best thing to come out of it was... I'M OUT to my WIFE & GROWN CHILDREN! Just a few months ago my wife outed me to her sister and brother-in-law, with my permission. My Suzie doesn't believe in going to therapy until you talk it over with your closest of confidants, and that person is her sister. We're on the slow road through transition, and I'm continuing to love my therapy sessions.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy???

[JennaLSinclair]

2 hours ago, Mmindy said:

At the time it was a total nightmare, looking back now it was like ripping the bandage off of a fairly fresh wound.

 

Thank you @Mmindy! This is what gives me hope. ❤️

[JennaLSinclair]

I came out to my wife yesterday.

 

We spoke from about 4pm onward. It went a lot better than I thought it would. There was a lot of crying from both of us. We decided not to do anything yet. We're going to go through marriage counseling together. She also is willing to go to the gender therapist with me.

 

There is a lot of pushback and understandably so. I think she would rather this not happen. This is all new to her, whereas I've dealt with it my entire life. It's going to take her time to come to terms as well.

 

As of now she says that if I transition, she won't be able to stay because she doesn't identify as a lesbian. If we do separate, she will make it as amicable as possible. She doesn't want to be stuck with all of our debt. I don't want to leave her in a bad situation either. She also said it's still early and anything could happen.

 

One day at a time. This was the hardest thing I've ever done.

[JennaLSinclair]

I feel relief more than anything. Now that everything is out in the open.

[Beatriz]

I'm very happy for you, @JennaLSinclair. It was a very important step and it seems it went better than you would have imagined. Also, I admire you. I have not come out to my partner yet, so I admire your courage and sincerity. As you say, one day at a time. I wish you the best. Hugs

[JennaLSinclair]

Thank you @Beatriz ! It means a lot to have support. I don't think I could have come out without it. Having everyone here in my corner really gave me the courage to find a gender therapist and to come out to live as myself for a change.

[JennaLSinclair]

I got a makeover and updated my profile pic y'all! ❤️ I couldn't have gotten here without everyone's support. Thank you so much!