Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

I feel old and hitting the wall


JennaLSinclair

Recommended Posts

  • Forum Moderator

Jenna don't loose hope about your marriage. My wife also felt she couldn't live as a lesbian.  She was worried about how both of us would be perceived. Would others threaten us somehow or would we see cold shoulders and distain in the neighborhood.  As time passed those fears lessened.  Now years later she would most likely prefer he was still here but she accepts me and the open honest relationship new have is ( i feel ) stronger than ever.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
  • Replies 120
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • JennaLSinclair

    65

  • Ivy

    7

  • Susan R

    5

  • Katie M

    5

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

On 5/2/2021 at 6:58 AM, JennaLSinclair said:

I came out to my wife yesterday. ... She also said it's still early and anything could happen.

Jenna, Your makeover brings out your beauty. I love the long bangs, mine aren't there yet, but I'm finally able to tie a ponytail. ?

 

My coming out to my wife was so similar to yours. I'm hoping some couples therapy & time will help. As you said, one day at a time.

 

Hugs!

Delcina

Link to comment

Hi Jenna,  I’m sorry if my reply is late. And I’m not a lawyer. But from my experience in Washington State, the person who files for divorce first , controls the divorce.  In your case it might be a good thing to check out. After a quick google search it sounds like it. I let my first wife file first trying to be a nice guy and her lawyer controlled it, Same with my second wife. Child support was a nightmare. So I filed first in my last divorce and it went much better.  But in all cases , divorce was a relief.   I wish you good luck, Vini

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

It seems this isn’t a uncommon situation, though it’s usually a painful one. I think in general, as we evolve as individuals and learn about ourselves and the world, we change, and those changes can certainly cause us to grow apart from our partners. Often the feeling that arises is one of dishonesty, but I don’t think it is…it’s just that we didn’t have information then, that we do now. You didn’t lie to your wife or try to deceive her, you have changed based on new knowledge you have about yourself you didn’t have when you met her. But, her feelings of hurt and deceit are normal and your feelings of confusion and being confined are too. Some couples manage to work out these changes and others have to separate. It sounds like in your case, there may be other divergences besides just your gender identity & sexual orientation, and these all factor in. 
 

I hope things are going OK; I’m new here so I maybe haven’t found other threads of yours. What you wrote resonated with me as I live with an an ex girlfriend though we never were married, and she doesn’t believe I am trans and talking to her about it just results in painful arguments. Sometimes people hold firmly to their own opinions and there’s not much one can do to influence that. 

 

 

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Desert Fox said:

Often the feeling that arises is one of dishonesty, but I don’t think it is…it’s just that we didn’t have information then, that we do now. You didn’t lie to your wife or try to deceive her, you have changed based on new knowledge you have about yourself you didn’t have when you met her.

This is certainly true.  As we live our lives we learn and grow.  

I reserve the right to change my mind as more information comes to me.  I might have been wrong about something in the past.  It wasn't a lie, just a mistake.

Link to comment

Thank you @Desert Fox! ❤️ This actually helped a lot to hear. It's strange thinking of myself as changing. Even though that's what I am doing and that's what I want to do. It's like an internal transition.

Link to comment

You're so awesome @Jandi! It's hard thinking about "reserving the right" when I have been beating myself up thinking I am in the wrong. It's tough breaking through.

Link to comment
  • 6 months later...

Update:

 

My wife and I had sex for the first time in 5 years! 

 

She had all the pleasure and I enjoyed giving her that pleasure. It was the most intimate time I have ever had with her. I can't tell you how close I felt to her. This is how I wanted our relationship to be. How I've ALWAYS wanted our relationship to be.

 

I really don't know what this means. My wife said that she didn't care what I looked like if we continue have sex like that. I don't believe cross-dressing is enough for me. I'm hoping beyond hope that she may enjoy having me as a woman. I just want to live my life as a woman.

 

We met with the marriage therapist yesterday. And we both confirmed what our fears were. Hers is that our relationship would change. She's afraid I would leave her. Which I would if I don't feel accepted. My fear is that she won't accept me. She asked what I wanted and I said I would fully transition and stay married that I value our relationship over anything. I also need to be myself. I am tired of hiding. I can't be intimate with someone when 99% of myself is in the closet. I have to feel like I'm accepted for who I am. 

 

My wife said she's looking forward to Friday for my makeover with her. We're going out for me to have a professional makeover and then we're going to karaoke. She finally gets to see me as Jenna! Honestly, if she wanted a lesbian relationship, I would be thrilled. I could see myself staying with her after transition. If I knew she accepted me. That was really big. 

 

We continued to talk after the therapy session. She said that she thought transitioning would mean me leaving her. I told her that wasn't the case. Then we had sex. I'm hoping that she sees this is who I am and accepts me. That's all I really want. She even said it was okay that she would support me if I came out to our families. We even discussed me coming out at work. It meant a lot to hear that. That what's between us is between us and no one else. Our relationship is ours. I would live the rest of my life as her wife; taking on the traditional housewife role. I've always enjoyed cooking and cleaning. I would be the perfect Stepford Wife and I would be happy doing it. 💕 I hope I'm not dreaming. I really hope this could work out.

 

Who knew that acceptance would be such a turn-on for me?

 

Jenna
❤️

Link to comment
48 minutes ago, JennaLSinclair said:

Who knew that acceptance would be such a turn-on for me?

This sounds wonderful.

 I think most of us just want to be loved for who we are.

Link to comment
2 hours ago, JennaLSinclair said:

_EAT7664.JPG

Jenna you look absolutly beatiful so happy for you that things seem to be working out for you and your partner.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Love it! You GO sister! ❤️❤️❤️

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Damn girl! you and that dress, look out world!  I'm sorry I didn't jump into this thread earlier given so many similarities along the relationship front.. 

Did you end up liking your gender therapist?

The relationship rollercoaster is a wild ride for sure.

Mine had a great climb up, a HARD plummet and is now just racing along with all the twists and turns. We ended up separating but remaining very good friends. She tried to be Bi but just couldn't do it.

If you ever need an ally close by, I'm just over the river about 35 minutes from you. (And I know a great trans friendly consignment shop) 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 318 Guests (See full list)

    • Adrianna Danielle
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • Thea
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      770k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,091
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Layla Marie hay
    Newest Member
    Layla Marie hay
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Britton
      Britton
      (53 years old)
    2. chipped_teeth
      chipped_teeth
    3. james-m
      james-m
    4. jenny75
      jenny75
      (34 years old)
    5. KASS13
      KASS13
  • Posts

    • Thea
      This guy asked me to help with his tire.  So when I turned around and he saw that I'm a woman he's like,  oh nevermind
    • Betty K
      I think that’s an important point. In my case, I’ve found transitioning to be such a relief and a joy that I have no difficulty focussing on the positives. Maybe in your case you could make a practice of noting when you are gendered correctly? Do you keep a journal? I find doing so is major help.   After saying I rarely get misgendered, it actually happened to me yesterday in a local store. After recovering from my shock (the salesman called me “brother”, which to me is about as bad as it gets) I wrote my first complaint letter to a business w/r/t misgendering. That felt good. I also reflected that, to a degree, for those of us who don’t pass, I think gendering is correctly can take a conscious effort. Some Folks seem to automatically see me as feminine, others have to work at it. So if you’re often surrounded by people who have no desire to work at it, that may exacerbate your problem.      
    • Betty K
      I don’t know why anyone would go to the effort of advocating for trans folks only to charge people to read their articles. It seems so counterproductive, and I seriously doubt they’re making more than pocket money out of it. 
    • KathyLauren
      Oh, how I wish we were over-reacting!  But I don't think we are.  The danger is under-reacting. 
    • Ivy
      I understand your feelings. I have the same fears.  NC has made a swing to the right as well, and I'm not optimistic.  I want to tell myself I'm over reacting.  But seeing what these people are  saying, and doing when they do get into power can't be dismissed.  It's proof of what they will do if they take over the federal government. I'm getting kinda old now anyway.  It took me over 60 years to get here, and I'm not going back.  I suppose they can revert my gender markers, but I will still be legally Ivy.  And I have every intention of dying as Ivy Anna.  If I can't find my hormones somehow, I'll do without.  The physical changes I do have are permanent.   Trans people have always existed.
    • Willow
      @KymmieL I think we all have had to deal with a person who would not apologize when they were wrong no matter what.  In my case it was my MIL. Actually called me a lier I front of my wife.  Even when she realized she was wrong she wouldn’t admit it to my wife, nor would she apologize to my wife for any of the things she later admitted she had done that affected my wife.  I had a boss that accused me of saying things I did not say in a manner I did not use.  Even another employee told him that I had not said the things nor used the words but he still refused to back down.     Unfortunately, all too many people in this world believe they are always right no matter what.  Some are very famous.  lol   Willow    
    • KatieSC
      I wish I could cope as well as others. I feel very defeated in that all of the consideration, and then treatment to transition, could all be wiped out by this time next year with the united effort by the R party to eradicate all that is transgender. I fear that the national election could turn out to our detriment, and we will face a national push to eradicate us. Tracking us down will not be that hard to do. Once they know who we are, forcing the legislation to reverse our name changes, gender marker changes, and other records, will not be that hard. We saw an example when the AG in Texas was data mining the driver licenses for those who had gender marker changes. Who will we appeal to? The Supreme R Court? We would have an easier time trying to convince a Russian court.    We need to get out and vote in November. There is not enough Ben & Jerry's to improve my outlook on all of this. In some ways it is a cruel thing in a way. In the early 1930s, Germany was working hard to hunt down the LGBTQ population and eradicate it. Now Germany has better protections there than we have in many of our own states. About 90 years ago, Germany was seeing the rise of their very own dictator...Now the US is on the verge...Oh never mind. What a difference 90 years makes...    History may repeat itself, but sometimes it shifts the focus a little...
    • Nonexistent
      I have the same problem as you, my face is the main reason why I get misgendered I'm pretty sure. I think it's mostly up to genetics how your face will look (T can help, but still genetics will determine how you end up). You can't change your facial structure really, you can get facial masculinization surgery but it's expensive so not an option for most unless you're rich lol.    Experimentally (I haven't done it but want to), you could see if any plastic surgeons around you will give you Kybella in your cheeks. It is an injection that removes fat, and is usually used underneath the chin/on the neck below the jawline, but some may use it off-label on the face. The only potential problem with this is that if your face would naturally thin out at an older age, it could thin out extra and make you look older (though I'm not certain on this). Another option is to get filler in your jaw/chin, which would make your jawline look more square and your face more masculine. I want jaw filler but I'm poor lol, it only lasts one year up to a few years depending on what kind you get, so it would have to be done every so often and can get expensive. I did get chin filler once, only 2 small vials so it didn't make that big of a difference. I would recommend going for the jaw if you can only choose 1, I wish I had done that.   Those are the only options I know of that will bring legitimate noticeable changes.
    • April Marie
      Welcome to the forums, Blake!! We are happy that you found us!!
    • Mmindy
      Good evening Blake.   Welcome to Transgender Pulse Forums.   Best wishes, stay positive and motivated.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Nonexistent
      Thank you.    Trans men and trans women each have their own struggles for sure, but I agree, it can be a hard time to be a non-passing trans guy. There is no specific "man clothes" that only men wear. People could just think I'm butch (which sucks to think about, if people think I'm a lesbian when I'm a dude!!). I mean I would feel better if I got gendered correctly even if I don't fully pass, it would maybe raise my confidence to think maybe I do pass well lol! Instead I'm just reminded I don't.   Though I may just focus on the times I don't pass and ignore the times that I do. Because I rarely remember getting gendered correctly, but I hone in on the times that I don't. 
    • Nonexistent
      Thank you, I'm glad to be here. :)   I have been in therapy for 9 years but still can't seem to accept myself. I think it has to do with growing up trans in a world that hates us, especially in the south. I mean I was discriminated against by adults and ostracized as a kid/teen due to being trans. My family is accepting, but the rest of the world is not. I realize now a lot of people are accepting (even unexpectedly, like my partner's conservative republican Trump-loving parents lol), but it feels like my brain is still in survival mode every time I exit the door. I am a very fearful person.   My body still may change over time, but it feels like I haven't met the same 'quota' (don't know the right word) that a majority of other trans guys have on far less time on T. Most trans guys pass easily 1-3yrs on T, I'm double that and still don't pass well except my voice.
    • Nonexistent
      Thank you. I am just used to seeing trans guys who pass at like... 6 months to 1 year, at the most 3 years. And I just don't meet the mark, all the way at 6 years. It is possible with time I will masculinize more, but it's frustrating when I'm "behind" and may never catch up. It threatens my mental health mostly, possibly my physical health if I'm visibly trans (though I don't ever go out alone). 
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boss is happy with everything with me and said I will be the only one that works on one customer's truck.This customer saw me clean a small grease spot in the inter of his Kenworh last week,on the steering wheel.A new customer too,saw me walk out with my tub o' towels wiping that grease stain off.This one,he cannot stand a grease spot in the interior.
    • Nonexistent
      Yeah, I am grieving the man I "should" have been. He will never exist, especially not in my youth. But I don't know how to healthily go about it instead of fixating on the life that could have been.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...