Transgender Retirement

[Sally Stone]

 

First off, I’m not retiring from being trans.  I already know that can’t happen.  I’m actually speaking of real retirement, where I take a break from working full time and look to enjoy life on my own terms.  I can’t believe I’m only 18 months away.

 

My wife and I are planning to move west to be closer to our kids.  They are west coasters and while we don’t want to be too close to them (for their sakes, not ours), it will be nice to not have to fly all the way across country to visit.

 

For me, retirement comes with one important consideration and that is, I want to live somewhere that is trans friendly and trans safe.  I certainly don’t plan on changing my current lifestyle, so I want to be sure we pick a retirement location where my feminine self-expression is welcomed.  In fact, my plan is for Sally to find some volunteer work in retirement.

 

After doing a lot research on line, I have begun to realize that trans friendly doesn’t always mean trans safe.  Take for example, the state of Oregon.  In one of the websites I visited, Oregon was listed as the 4^th best trans friendly state, yet trans related violence was higher than most other states.  Turns out that just because a state fosters trans protections and rights, it doesn’t actually mean the state is a safe place for us to live.

 

I was actually surprised to learn that from a protections and rights perspective, Nevada is ranked number 1.  It has no state tax and property taxes are lower than the rest of the country.  But until I am able to experience and observe the lay of the land as Sally, I’m really not certain where we will ultimately end up.  If I didn't have to factor being trans into our relocation decision, it would certainly be a lot easier to make a choice. 

[Jackie C.]

I think the big factor is community. States are big places and there are pockets that are more welcoming than others. For example: Here in Michigan, nobody would bat an eye at me in Ferndale or Ann Arbor if they clocked me. On the other side of the state, there could be some trouble.

 

So I guess I'm saying you need to choose your new locale wisely.

 

Hugs!

[Jani]

Sally this sounds like a number of opportunities for travel and investigation are in store.  I think you'll enjoy retirement.

[VickySGV]

I am a retired California girl and have really been unaware of much negative unless I go into certain neighborhoods that luckily I do  know about.  Nevada has only 2 seasons Too HOT and Too Cold.  I have been there many times.  Things are a bit more expensive here in some ways but I like to come back here after visiting other places. I do keep busy with volunteer work here, some for the Trans Community and some for the general community in many ways.  I think I actually do more now than I did when I had a 8 to 5 job but it is never the old routine and taking breaks us wholly up to me. 

[KathyLauren]

It is really hard to predict what will be a friendly community and what will not.  I would never in a million years have predicted that this tiny fishing village where we live would be a good place to be trans.  But it is, rednecks and all. 

 

Yet the city, an hour and a half away, where you might expect people to be more cosmopolitan and socially aware about LGBTQ+ issues, is not nearly as accepting.  A lot of my trans friends have had bad experiences there.

 

Pay attention to rumours about a potential location's reputation.  But be sure to visit any places that you have in mind.  Interact with people to get a feel for the vibe.  You won't really know until you experience it.

 

Good luck with your upcoming retirement!

[Carolyn Marie]

There are many issues to consider when looking for a place to retire.  My wife and I considered many possibilities but decided that staying put was best.  Nevada is nice if you like it hot, but the problem with it is that there are only two large cities, and finding doctors experienced with treating trans folk is a real problem.  I know someone in Reno who has experienced that first hand.

 

Another important issue concerns retirement communities and/or rehab centers.  Many otherwise good states have no laws or regulation mandating equal access for trans folk, so if eventually you need such a place, you may be legally excluded.  California is one of a very few states that forbids such facilities or communities from discriminating against LGBT seniors.  I researched this extensively a few years ago and was in contact with a state legislator about it.

 

Here is a link to some good resources about transgender aging:  https://www.lgbtagingcenter.org/resources/index.cfm?s=27

 

Carolyn Marie

[Sally Stone]

Thanks to all of you for commenting.  My current location spoils me as I can go anywhere without issue.  I'd actually love to stay put, but two things are going to prevent it.  First, my wife really wants to be closer to the kids and won't deny her that.  Secondly, the property taxes here in NJ are horrendous, so bad in fact, that they would make it very difficult for me to retire in financial comfort.  I pay more in property taxes each month than I pay for the mortgage.  I actually thought about transitioning to retirement by going part-time where I work, but again, the math doesn't make that financially feasible.  So, it's westward ho and I'll hope to find an accepting community somewhere.