Explaining Sexual Orientation

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

But that is only part of the story, the thought process might go "ok that explains your gender status, but it still doesnt explain your orientation." The problem, has has been said before, is one of perspective. How I feel and who, as a woman, I am attracted to is purely from my perspective and even with the more definative explanation of being a woman trapped in a man's body wont ease the shock or confusion that telling them our preference is going to create.

From My perspective, as a woman, if I prefer women that makes me a lesbian; however in the early days the world still sees me somewhat as a male therefore a preference for women would in their eyes make me straight. It gets more confusing because if I prefer men, then in my mind im am straight but the world sees me as gay. In their eyes there is no way I could be a lesbian becase they dont see me as female (yet).

Right now I'm settling into the mentality that I maybe a nonop, simply because of finances, so a lot of how I see myself and how the world sees me is in dress, deportment and attitude. Ive not been on hormones long enough for them to have done much good except settle my mind down. Until we do a good enough job of passing and having the world see us for what we truly are, then the confusion is going to exist in the minds of those who dont know us.

[Guest SaraNetherlands]

I feel sexually attracted to women, even if I'm MtF so I cannot give a lot of imput here. However, to my experience when someone acts self-confident and stays in the female role as MtF, they tend to get accepted as a straight woman, uncondition of how passable their appearance is and if they're open about a trans history or hide that fact.

[Guest Stacie46]

Yes, I see your point. I am a Mtf trans and been having the same problem. People still see me as male and not as the woman I should be. Thereby, they to think of me as being a confused gay male. I hate it !!!!!! To a certain point I do see because I am still very early in transitioning. But it still aggravates me anyway. I have a hard time explaining the differance between identity and oreintation too.

Stacie

[Guest Isabella]

This is a long thread & I haven't read all the posts yet so I appologize if mine is redundant. I'm bi pre op mtf & get frustrated becuase guys usually want to be with me as a pre op which means involving my male part. I'm not into using my male part for anything & women again usually want my male part to be invovled as well, so I really am just laying low until I can afford srs.

[Guest Stacey Nicole]

This is a long thread & I haven't read all the posts yet so I appologize if mine is redundant. I'm bi pre op mtf & get frustrated becuase guys usually want to be with me as a pre op which means involving my male part. I'm not into using my male part for anything & women again usually want my male part to be invovled as well, so I really am just laying low until I can afford srs.

I'm in your shoes as well, Isabella. I'm bi, but when I'm with a man, he wants me to use my male part and I just can't do that. I am a female, so I perform with a man only as a female could. It doesn't make me gay just because I'm stuck with this ridiculous thing between my legs, yet have relations with men that a biological female would have.

[Guest My_Genesis]

But that is only part of the story, the thought process might go "ok that explains your gender status, but it still doesnt explain your orientation." The problem, has has been said before, is one of perspective. How I feel and who, as a woman, I am attracted to is purely from my perspective and even with the more definative explanation of being a woman trapped in a man's body wont ease the shock or confusion that telling them our preference is going to create.

From My perspective, as a woman, if I prefer women that makes me a lesbian; however in the early days the world still sees me somewhat as a male therefore a preference for women would in their eyes make me straight. It gets more confusing because if I prefer men, then in my mind im am straight but the world sees me as gay. In their eyes there is no way I could be a lesbian becase they dont see me as female (yet).

Right now I'm settling into the mentality that I maybe a nonop, simply because of finances, so a lot of how I see myself and how the world sees me is in dress, deportment and attitude. Ive not been on hormones long enough for them to have done much good except settle my mind down. Until we do a good enough job of passing and having the world see us for what we truly are, then the confusion is going to exist in the minds of those who dont know us.

I remember another way I explained it once, to try to make it as comprehensible as possible: I said that sexual orientation is rooted in your brain, so if your same brain with a certain gender identity has a certain orientation....

Because people often get confused with physical attributes, so if for instance you said " i have a female brain, so if that female brain also is attracted to women, that makes me a lesbian." leave the physical out at the beginning, if people can wrap their heads around that, then add in the physical aspect, maybe it will make more sense. Our physical and mental selves are at a disconnect anyway, why not explain it in such a detached way?

Then again some people still may not get it...sometimes it's just seeing is believing. If you appear as whatever gender and express whatever sexual orientation, that is probably the only way to truly convince people. that's why i am wary about who i bring any of this up with, since haven't begun transition.

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

@My_Genesis, this is an interesting discussion but like I have said elsewhere: in the long run does it really matter to anyone except me, and who ever my partner is at the time, whether or not I prefer women, men, both or neither? I see it as my perogative and not really anyone elses business.

my 0.10 worth

[Guest My_Genesis]

@My_Genesis, this is an interesting discussion but like I have said elsewhere: in the long run does it really matter to anyone except me, and who ever my partner is at the time, whether or not I prefer women, men, both or neither? I see it as my perogative and not really anyone elses business.

my 0.10 worth

No it doesn't matter, but I figure it's worth a shot anyway.

[Guest Vicky]

I am a Male to female person. However I am attracted only to women. Is there anything wrong with me?

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

I am a Male to female person. However I am attracted only to women. Is there anything wrong with me?

not at all

[Guest Jeannine Bean]

I thought it was so funny, when I was telling some friends about being trans, they all wanted to know who I wanted to sleep with.

I told them I'd always been bisexual, and they all sort of said, "oh" and looked funny for a second, then moved on.

It's all kind of tricky, but I'll jump on the bandwagon and say that people need to be able to put something into a category and be done with it. In Neurolinguistic programming this is called "match." We tend to mismatch everything in people's minds and make folks uneasy...

-Jeannine

[Guest angie]

We tend to mismatch everything in people's minds and make folks uneasy...

-Jeannine

Transsexuals make others question the concreteness of gender.

Especially when they see one of us so completely and happily take on the role of

the opposite gender of which we were born in.

Angie

[Guest angie]

I would imagine that there is a good amount that just won't want to listen. People fear change and what they don't understand, so it is kind of to be expected, but not to be stood for.

Trans seem like aliens to those not transsexual.

One of the biggest things I have learned in my years being an out woman is to NOT kill your

listeners with too much information.You loose them even if they are interested and or sympathetic.

Learn how to say who you are,why you are,and how long you have known you are, by keeping it as simple as you can.Those that are interested,mostly the ladies,will want to know about you,why you are taking such a huge risk,and what made you decide to change sexes.Most men are shocked that

one of their own will so willingly giveup their male privilege,and want nothing to do with one of us.Straights think we're gay,lesbians think we're men,and gays think we are gay men afraid to admit we are gay.Educating the masses,one person at a time,will win us our battles.Don't be angry or vendictive,forgive when misgendered,be a calm smiling woman and let the world see the truth of who we are.People just like they are,only having to walk a difficult path to make ourselves whole.

Angie

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Trans seem like aliens to those not transsexual.

One of the biggest things I have learned in my years being an out woman is to NOT kill your

listeners with too much information.You loose them even if they are interested and or sympathetic.

Learn how to say who you are,why you are,and how long you have known you are, by keeping it as simple as you can.Those that are interested,mostly the ladies,will want to know about you,why you are taking such a huge risk,and what made you decide to change sexes.Most men are shocked that

one of their own will so willingly giveup their male privilege,and want nothing to do with one of us.Straights think we're gay,lesbians think we're men,and gays think we are gay men afraid to admit we are gay.Educating the masses,one person at a time,will win us our battles.Don't be angry or vendictive,forgive when misgendered,be a calm smiling woman and let the world see the truth of who we are.People just like they are,only having to walk a difficult path to make ourselves whole.

Angie

If i know the person who mis genders me then I have some form of gentle reminder comment that I make if I dont know the person I just smile and go about my business. there is no point in wasting the energy fightin a battle that I am likely not to win.

[Guest Kathrin]

wasnt quite sure where to put this but this seems alright lol.

so who here is a staright t-girl and has trouble trying to explain that even though you like males, you're not just gay? i always have this problem and it really bugs me. my friends dont undertsand that i can be attracted to boys but want to find a straight one. so how do you, any of those that have the same problem, explain the difference between gender dysphoria and sexual orientation?

When I came out to my mother, the first words out of my mouth were "mom, I'm not gay". I didn't quite know how to explain that, but I knew about gay relationships, and knew that wasn't me.

I am Female. I am attracted to men, to masculinity. I want a relationship where I am the feminine one in the relationship, and where I am appreciated because of it, not despite it.

A relationship with a gay male would not be emotionally fulfilling - any more than a relationship with a lesbian would be fulfilling to a straight male. Sure, it may be anatomically compatable, but there are different values, goals, etc.

For straight people who are willing to think, one can lead them down a simple path: "Are you attracted to women? Would you enjoy a long-term relationship with a lesbian?" (reverse as appropriate).