Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Telling my mom once my dad moves out


Jazz-per

Recommended Posts

My parents are fairly transphobic (more my dad than mom) which always makes the prospect of coming out riddled with intense dread; however, my parents are getting divorced and my dad will be moving out once he gets a second job. So I wrote up my coming out to my mom and wanted to run it by you all before the day comes when I actually have to go for it.

 

Dear mom,

 

     There’s something important I need to tell you that I’ve known for over a year now and just wasn’t really sure how to tell you. I’d prefer if dad doesn’t know this yet hence I’m telling you first. I have done research, prayed, and soul searched before coming to this conclusion and making a decision I feel is best for me and my mental safety. To stop beating around the bush I’m trans. I would appreciate it if you would use he/him pronouns for me (they/them is cool too, but he/him is preferred) and I’m trying out the name Jasper (Jazz) at the moment.

 

I imagine you’ll need a moment to process that and encourage you to take it before reading the next part which will mostly be my feelings, research, and what this means for my future. Please take time to process anything. I’m out so as to give you the time and space you may need for this and should you need a few days I have some friends who I can stay with should that be what you need.

 

For as far back as I can remember I‘ve had a persistent brain track that went something along the lines of: I should’ve been born a boy. Maybe I was born a boy and my parents magically had me turned into a girl. To be completely honest I thought everyone had them and felt weird about asking about it so I kind of just ignored it.

 

I didn’t even know the word transgender until 8th grade when Phoenix came out. Before that I remember wanting to bind down my chest with a scarf to look more masculine. Feeling extremely happy (euphoria) when I was referenced to in a masculine way and an intense desire to be perceived in a masculine way which came across in my „tomboy“ phase of life. This then led into a hyper feminine one after I learned what trans was and wasn’t prepared to face that part of me. This led to me getting into the retro dresses and makeup which, while I still love, they caused me distress to wear and know how I was being perceived.

 

I remember having to watch Nikki go through puberty and being objectively horrified that my body would do that too... that my body would betray me by becoming so feminine and curving... boobs in particular caused me abject terror and I remember the distress that came when mine did grow in.

 

What this all entails for my future is simply that I would like to go and see a gender therapist and then (with their recommendation) go to an endocrinologist and receive a T prescription in a gel format. I have researched this out in detail and the main changes that usually happen are: muscle/fat redistribution, voice deepening, facial hair, and hair loss. All of these are only potential though and not all guaranteed. Hair loss happens at the normal age it would happen for a cisgender male.

 

After that I would like to look into getting top surgery. This surgery is incredibly safe and done in a host of ways. It’s purpose is simply to give a flat chest. It’s a much safer alternative to binding my whole life since binding can cause about the same damage as wearing a corset your whole life.

 

Binding (as mentioned in the previous paragraph) is also something I would like to do. Binding is done through compression tank tops that give the wearer a flat chest. They are safe so long as you follow the guidelines fully. They are to be worn no longer than 8-10 hours, not to be slept in, not for exercise, etc. I am fully aware of these things and will bind safely.

 

Please be aware this is something I have prayed about and continue to pray about. It’s been very difficult for me... it wasn’t an easy realization and I know I have to do what’s best for my mental health and safety which is transitioning. Staying as a girl would put me in danger and I can’t live like that. I hope you can understand and respect my decision even though you may not accept it. This is something I’ve deliberated for a very long time so at least know it wasn’t something that was rushed into.

 

I still love you and am the same crazy kid I’ve always been.

 

With love, your son,

 

Jasper

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Jasper i wish i had read this before replying to your post about Self Doubt.  I looks like a good letter to me.  I don't understand the second sentence in the third paragraph.

3 hours ago, Jazz-per said:

To be completely honest I thought everyone had them and felt weird about asking about it so I kind of just ignored it.

 

You might want to be more specific about "them" .  Male organs, doubts?

Otherwise the letter and you plan look good to me but again younknow your situation and parents better than i do.  Please don't put yourself in a dangerous position.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Hi @Jazz-per. This is a well thought out and sensitive letter. Here's my feedback. Please note none of this is meant to be critical. I am proud of you and honored you'd share this with us, and I can tell it's important to you and that you want honest feedback. 

 

Regarding Charlize's comment above, by "them" did you mean "these thoughts"? In the 1st paragraph, I suggest you use "transgender" instead of "trans" as your mother may not be familiar with the abbreviated term. In the 6th paragraph, I suggest you say "testosterone" instead of "T" for the same reason. Also in the 6th paragraph, consider striking the word "simply" because what you endeavor to undertake is not simple. As for the 6th, 7th & 8th paragraphs in which you elaborate on your medical transition goals (the 8th not actually medical, but related), you may consider condensing the details to just the first steps you'd like to take (therapy & endo) and waiting to share surgery goals with your mom. This is of course up to you and you must trust your own instincts. I only suggest this because since you stated your mom has transphobic tendencies, it may be easier for her to process a bit less information initially. 

 

Good luck!!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   8 Members, 0 Anonymous, 91 Guests (See full list)

    • Marcie Jensen
    • MaryEllen
    • Jackie C.
    • Gianna_P
    • Colleen Henderson
    • Cyndee
    • Mmindy
    • Charlize
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      77.7k
    • Total Posts
      731.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      10,438
    • Most Online
      8,356

    MiraF
    Newest Member
    MiraF
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Benji C
      Benji C
      (16 years old)
    2. Christastrophic Kaos
      Christastrophic Kaos
      (33 years old)
    3. ChristianCorridon
      ChristianCorridon
      (26 years old)
    4. Elizabeth-pen
      Elizabeth-pen
      (15 years old)
    5. Paige Turner
      Paige Turner
      (73 years old)
  • Posts

    • Marcie Jensen
      @Mmindy I love the cartoon! It's the perfect meme foe a cold winter day.
    • Mmindy
      Coffee has brewed. Come get a cup. 
    • Gianna_P
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,   It's 11°F clear, and the sun is just rising. The coffee is brewing, and I've started a fire in the shop wood stove. It's going to take a lot longer to be comfortable out there. My business partner is up from The Villages in Florida, he's under dressed for this weather. Fortunately for him he'll be spending the day with our CPA doing the business taxes. Yesterday he sat and watched me weld pipe hangers together, then assemble pipe sections for one of our training props. He was supersized when I passed him a hand held welding shield. He had never watched the welding process, and said it was like using a glue gun with sparks and molten metal. We discussed the future direction, and activity of the company as we're both getting older.   Hugs for you all,   Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Marcie Jensen
      @Willow even if it doesn't work, how cool to have an antique clock that belonged to your grandfather!!!!!! And, the memories it must evoke. How awesome!
    • MomTGDaughter
      I don't hear many taking about messaging the scalp which is what I have been doing for my m2f daughter who is 15 now.  Along with her taking biotin, blockers and  now estrogen, her hair is among the fullest of any girl is her class adn she has been able to grow it to her lower back.  Best of luck to all of you, you can only try your best and make sure you can do all you can. 
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I identify with a lot of what you say.  My parents just weren't affectionate with me.  They were affectionate with my older brothers, and to some extent with my sister because she is the youngest, but I was mostly left out.  My sister and I are very close, and we were each other's sources of physical contact and warmth.     I didn't really have an idea of what normal parental affection looks like until joining my forever family and watching my husband and my female partners with their kids.     As an adult (sort of....as I dislike adulting), I'm probably needy and codependent.  When nervous, I immediately seek a partner to cling to and a lap to curl up on.  I can't imagine the pain of a breakup...that kind of loss would not be something I could survive.  
    • KymmieL
      That got me thinking. I don't believe I had my parents tell me I Love you. When my mom started about 3 years ago. It seemed strange but nice. It seems that the love was there, just not open.  My grandfather was the smartest man I have ever known. Showed me a lot. Being I was the only grandson. (I was back then, I guess.)   I guess that my life has been screwed up for a while now. I just want to know where the rewind button is?? Anyone?     Hugs to my friends,   Kymmie
    • Carolyn Marie
      First off, good on you to speak up and speak out, especially to folks who may or may not be allies or supportive of those under the trans umbrella.  Doing so takes courage.   I've spoken before audiences of primarily Gay & Lesbian folks, sometimes in a training setting, but sometimes in more casual situations.  It really has depended on the setting and the kinds of questions I and other trans speakers receive.  I try to explain about that "umbrella" business, and how that's much different than being either Gay or Lesbian; more amorphous, more controversial in some ways, and much less easier to define.  Even trans folk can't agree on definitions.   The important thing, for me, is stressing what we all have in common, and what our common goals are, and have always been; educating the general public, creating understanding, creating allies, reducing the hate.  That's common ground, and that we should all be able to agree on.   Carolyn Marie
    • Chanelta L.
      There were always examples, but not like you see them today. Things were kept quiet and people lived their lives out of the public eye. That went for all alternative lifestyles. At the machine shop my dad worked for, and I later worked at, there was a Lesbian couple who ultimately retired from there. I knew of them since I was very young, and somewhat understood what was going on, but nothing was really ever made of it, or really talked about it. They quietly lived their lives.     I mean the term Gay was rarely spoken. I remember my mother referring to Gay Males as a "Man's Man". I wonder how many here has heard that term. I have not heard it myself in at least 40 years. Chanelta
    • Davie
      I was kind of called out to speak for non-binary people today. It was a mixed LGBT group, but few were trans or non-binary like me. My friend who would have had a great answer, couldn't be there. I kept it brief so I wouldn't misspeak too much, but it was hard to speak to folks with 50 years experience as gay, but none with non-binary people. What should I have said? What would you do?  Thanks, Davie
    • Davie
      Barrett Strong, Motown stalwart who sang ‘Money,' for Motown, dies at 81.
    • Andrea Nicole
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...