Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Coming out at work.


Beth Susan

Recommended Posts

Hi everyone,

Not sure if this is a good idea. I have come out to family, all is great. I want to come out at work. It is really getting to me being called by my given name, and gender incorrectness. 

I have done little to change my physical body, not started HRT/GAHT and still have the five o'clock shadow. And yes I do fully dress female and make-up when at home. Just really feel I need to at work. Happily, I get away with alot already, even some make up. Thanks to COVID-19 we all wear masks all the time. Hides the major issue. Oh, also working on my voice, still unsure. But these people have known me as male, and will see most of the changes happening. Not sure why I need to wait. Importantly, the company I work for has a fully accepting policy for all types of people. Or so the website says. Will plan to talk to HR first and go from there.

Please feel free to give thoughts. I need the guidance. Thank you.

Hugs,

Beth

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Certainly, it will get easier after you have started HRT and facial hair removal.  But I totally get why the dysphoria is starting to get to you.  If you can coordinate coming out with the changes from HRT, it might be less awkward.

 

I was retired already when I started my transition, so I didn't have quite the same situation.  But I was a member of the local volunteer fire department.  I phased in changes gradually.  First, I shaved of my beard.  Lots of guys lose their beards in summer.  Then I got my ears pierced.  I noticed that the chief wore an earring, so no one was going to say anything about that.  Then I started HRT.  The changes were gradual, so no one commented.  Then, about the time my boobs were getting awkward to hide, I came out, before anyone started to ask what was going on.  And the changes were far enough along that I looked semi-convincing.

 

It was all very smooth, and I had no grief from anyone.  Similar to your company's policy, our department was covered by legislation, so I knew in advance that there ought not to be a problem.

 

I hope it works out well for you, however you choose to handle it.

Link to comment
  • Admin

I transitioned at work, but waited to tell everyone until I had my legal name & gender changed, and had finished my laser hair removal process.  I worked for a local government, so getting my legal ducks in a row was important.  Management knew ahead of time, and I had a team to help plan.

 

But everyone is different, and everyone's priorities and work situation are different, so please do what you need and want to do.  I wish you all the best of luck!

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment

Thank you KathyLauren and Carolyn, it helps. I been thinking the lines of during HRT is happening and can not hide it anymore. Wish I could retire, that would lower the stress alot. And you are right Carolyn everyones situation is different. I will keep it all in mind.

Hugs,

Beth

Link to comment

Yeah this is been on my mind but I think people are just not going to "get it" until months into HRT and I start obviously feminizing. I am a little anxious about it, but I also feel like I should not rush the process.

But I understand the weirdness of people using your old gender, it's like we're not having a convo, they're talking to an image etc. 

I think I will know when the time is right, when I get a sense whispers and rumors circulate, getting strange looks and will have to get control of the narrative. 

My job is not gender-affirming at all lol. I work by myself most of the day. We wear uniforms, face masks, etc. And I typically keep to myself. But I am already considering a person or two I may confide in who I suspect is queer-friendly. 

I mean, if I was CEO or an executive of a company and one day out of the blue I show up in a dress, sure the impact of that, knowing I have team members under that depend on me and I make decisions in consideration of shareholders- that's an entirely different transition scenario than being a line worker in which many don't even know your name. 

20211110_130947-1.thumb.jpg.1660cbe34015203bc6335e0e2e7e855b.jpg

I recently replaced my shoes that I wear to work with laces of glittery silver ones to girly them until I find women's shoes for winter. So transition at work is a process, too like everywhere else as I gradually detox from testosterone.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Whelp, this is anecdotal but a friend of mine won't be transitioning medically at all. Her wife said, "I don't care what you call yourself, I don't care what you wear, but if HRT or surgeries become involved, we're getting divorced." She's completely out at work. She dresses in feminine clothing, everybody calls her by her name and she's living the best life she can. She still has 5 o'clock shadow (though she shaves a lot and tried laser). She still has a bald spot. She's still living her best life and everyone at her company gives her their full support.

 

Make of that what you will.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

I have been on HRT for 3 months now and right after I started HRT I came out to HR just to make them aware. The HR person was very understanding and so supportive telling me that they will move forward at my pace. I feel I really cant come out until I can get FFS and change my voice, uggg. Some days my impatient nature really gets to as I just want to be at work as myself not the made up person I am now. 

Link to comment

Wow, some real good food for thought. Thank you everyone. Probably best to wait till I look more girly physically. Hardest part is finding the electrologist. My little city is a black whole for this sort of situation. Nothing helpful here.?

Hugs,

Beth

Link to comment

Well,

I just had a talk with the benefits coordinator where I work. She chairs the diversity, inclusion, and equity committee where I teach. I wonder if I just jumped off the cliff or not. Sometimes you get that sick feeling after doing something. Time will tell. I asked for her discretion until I am ready to evolve at work. It will be interesting to see how this unfolds. 

Sincerely

Katie

Link to comment

Katie,

I truly hope it all works out as you want. Also, that those answers do not take to long happen. We all have to wait to much as it is.

Beth

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
2 hours ago, Beth Susan said:

Katie,

I truly hope it all works out as you want. Also, that those answers do not take to long happen. We all have to wait to much as it is.

Beth

Good evening Beth,

 

As you've seen the advice here is very caring and sound. If you're the employee, then you should take your time, and hopefully there is an HR person you can talk with before you just jump in with both feet. Slow and steady is always better when it comes to your work environment.

 

Best wishes, stay positive and safe,

 

Mindy??️‍⚧️?

Link to comment
4 hours ago, Mmindy said:

Good evening Beth,

 

As you've seen the advice here is very caring and sound. If you're the employee, then you should take your time, and hopefully there is an HR person you can talk with before you just jump in with both feet. Slow and steady is always better when it comes to your work environment.

 

Best wishes, stay positive and safe,

 

Mindy??️‍⚧️?

Mindy,

I agree. That is how I planned it. Just want to be moving forward. Gladly I can say my therapist thinks I am ready for HRT. Looking at going to an informed consent clinic in the near by city. I will call in the next week or two. And find an electrolysis too. So work will wait. More important things to get to. Plus if all goes well, I will be more myself when I go to deal with work.

Again thank you all for your thoughts on my situation. It truly warms my heart that people who care are close and easy to talk to.

Lovingly,

Beth

Link to comment

My work in high school is my only truly safe space right now. Faculty and students are both great! It's more comfortable for me to be known as my true self there than at home or anywhere else...so far. I do hope home is safe someday ?

 

Link to comment
On 11/18/2021 at 1:26 PM, Jamey said:

My work in high school is my only truly safe space right now. Faculty and students are both great! It's more comfortable for me to be known as my true self there than at home or anywhere else...so far. I do hope home is safe someday ?

 

Big hug Jamey. I hope the same for you. Home should be the safest place. I am glad you at least have school. Best wishes for better days soon.

Beth

Link to comment

Thank you, Beth. Fully agree! But it least I have somewhere. Some of us don't even have that one place. I know some of my students are in the same boat as I am, and they're KIDS. Some of them are literally on the streets because of it (insert angry emoji). I will never understand how parents can reject their kids to that point....

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
9 hours ago, Jamey said:

Thank you, Beth. Fully agree! But it least I have somewhere. Some of us don't even have that one place. I know some of my students are in the same boat as I am, and they're KIDS. Some of them are literally on the streets because of it (insert angry emoji). I will never understand how parents can reject their kids to that point....

 

No idea and it infuriates me. Some parents though are toxic enough to have a, "My way or get out," mindset. One of my friends got thrown out of the house in High School for not being what her parents expected. I have no idea how you could do that to someone who's so dependent on you.

 

It's surprisingly common though. We had a work meeting where we were shown a poem about the "heartbreak" of having a kid with autism. I absolutely went off on that thing. I found it incredibly anger inducing. None of the other techs saw anything wrong with it. That's stuck with me. The point being that a lot of people with children are willing to throw their kids away if they're not what they expected.

 

There's one damn rule for having children and that's, "Love your kids." A lot of people though? Apparently that's too much.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

There's one damn rule for having children and that's, "Love your kids." A lot of people though? Apparently that's too much.

 

 

This! So this!! ❤❤❤

Link to comment

Well said Jackie. I totally agree and would be right beside you at that meeting. My son, and maybe me never been tested, has Asperger's. Not the end of the world just have to change the way we understand it and interact.

Beth

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 134 Guests (See full list)

    • MaryEllen
    • Carolyn Marie
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • Ashley0616
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,029
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Selkimur
    Newest Member
    Selkimur
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Anyatimenow
      Anyatimenow
      (23 years old)
    2. Aria00
      Aria00
    3. Ava B.
      Ava B.
      (24 years old)
    4. Claire Heshi
      Claire Heshi
    5. CrystalMatthews0426
      CrystalMatthews0426
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      Just some exerts regarding subjects of interest to me.
    • Ivy
      Yeah.  In my early teens I trained myself out of a few things that I now wish I hadn't.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I was thinking in particular of BLM, who years ago had a 'What We Believe' section that sounded like they were at war with the nuclear family.   I tried to find it. Nope.  Of interest https://www.politifact.com/article/2020/aug/28/ask-politifact-does-black-lives-matter-aim-destroy/   My time is limited and I will try to answer as I can.
    • Ivy
      Well, I suppose it is possible that they don't actually plan on doing what they say.  I'm not too sure I want to take that chance.  But I kinda expect to find out.  Yet, perhaps you're right and it's all just talk.  And anyway, my state GOP is giving me enough to worry about anyway. I remember a time when being "woke" just meant you were paying attention.  Now it means you are the antichrist. I just don't want the government "protecting" me from my personal "delusions."
    • MaeBe
      1.  I think there are some legitimate concern.   2. Thoroughly discussing this will consume many threads.   3. I disagree partially with @MaeBe but there is partial agreement.   4. The context includes what is happening in society that the authors are observing.  It is not an isolated document.   The observation is through a certain lens, because people do things differently doesn't mean they're doing it wrong. Honestly, a lot of the conservative rhetoric is morphing desires of people to be treated with respect and social equity to be tantamount to the absolution of the family, heterosexuality, etc. Also, being quiet and trying to blend in doesn't change anything. Show me a social change that benefits a minority or marginalized group that didn't need to be loud.   5. Trump, if elected, is as likely to spend his energies going after political opponents as he is to implementing something like this.   Trump will appoint people to do this, like Roger Severino (who was appointed before, who has a record of anti-LGBTQ+ actions), he need not do anything beyond this. His people are ready to push this agenda forward. While the conservative right rails about bureaucracy, they intend to weaponize it. There is no question. They don't want to simplify government, they simply want to fire everyone and bring in conservative "warriors" (their rhetoric). Does America survive 4 year cycles of purge/cronyism?   6. I reject critical theory, which is based on Marxism.  Marxism has never worked and never will.  Critical theory has problems which would need time to go into, which I do not have.   OK, but this seems like every other time CRT comes up with conservatives...completely out of the blue. I think it's reference is mostly just to spark outrage from the base. Definitely food thought for a different thread, though.   7. There are groups who have declared war on the nuclear family as problematically patriarchal, and a lot of other terms. They are easy to find on the internet.  This document is reacting to that (see #4 above).   What is the war on the nuclear family? I searched online and couldn't find much other than reasons why people aren't getting married as much or having kids (that wasn't a propaganda from Heritage or opinions pieces from the right that paint with really broad strokes). Easy things to see: the upward mobility and agency of women, the massive cost of rearing children, general negative attitudes about the future, male insecurity, etc. None of this equates to a war on the nuclear family, but I guess if you look at it as "men should be breadwinners and women must get married for financial support and extend the male family line (and to promote "National Greatness") I could see the decline of marriage as a sign of the collapse of a titled system and, if I was a beneficiary of that system or believe that to NOT be tilted, be aggrieved.   8.  Much of this would have to be legislated, and this is a policy documented.  Implementation would  be most likely different, but that does not mean criticism is unwarranted.   "It might be different if you just give it a chance", unlike all the other legislation that's out there targeting LGBTQ+ from the right, these are going to be different? First it will be trans rights, then it will be gay marriage, and then what? Women's suffrage?   I get it, we may have different compasses, but it's not hard to see that there's no place for queer people in the conservative worldview. There seems to be a consistent insistence that "America was and is no longer Great", as if the 1950s were the pinnacle of society, completely ignoring how great America still is and can continue to be--without having to regress society to the low standards of its patriarchal yesteryears.    
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Cadillac parts are pretty expensive, so repairing them costs more.  But they don't seem to break down more than other makes.  Lots of Lincoln models use Ford cars as a base, so you can get parts that aren't much more expensive.    My family has had good luck with "Panther platform" cars.  Ford Crown Victoria, Mercury Marquis, Lincoln Towncar or Continental.  4.6 V8 and 5.0 V8.  Reasonable fuel economy, and fairly durable.  Our county sheriff's office was running Chargers and SUV's for a while, but has gone back to older Crown Victorias for ease of maintenance.  GF rebuilds them here.  But they are getting more scarce, since the newest ones were made in 2011.    1992-1997 years were different than the later years.  1998-2001 they did some changes, and apparently the best years are 2003 to 2011.  Check Craigslist, and also government auctions.  GF has gotten a lot of them at auction, and they can be had in rough-but-running shape for around $1,000.  Ones in great shape can be found in the $5,000+ range.  Good for 200,000 miles without significant rebuilding.  Go through engine and transmission and electrical systems, and they go half a million.    Some Chrysler models are OK.  The 300 mostly has the same engines as the Charger and Challenger, so parts availability is pretty good.  But they tend to get timing issues.  The older Chrysler Sebring convertibles were pretty reliable, sometimes going 200,000 miles without tons of problems, although after that they were pretty much worn out. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I think I have read everything the Southern Baptists have to say on transgender, and it helped convince me they are dead wrong on these issues.  They can be nice people.  I would never join an SBC church.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You come across as a thoughtful, sweet, interesting and pleasant person.    There are parts of this country, and more so the world, where evangelicals experience a great deal of finger wagging.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      It has been an interesting experience being in a marriage in a Christian faith community, yet being intersex/trans.  I stay pretty quiet, and most have kind of accepted that I'm just the strange, harmless exception.  "Oh, that's just Jen.  Jen is...different."  I define success as being a person most folks just overlook. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, I live in an area with a lot of Southern Baptists, Evangelicals, etc...  We've experienced our share of finger-wagging, as the "standard interpretation" of Scripture in the USA is that the Bible only approves of "one man, one woman" marriage.  My faith community is mostly accepted here, but that has taken time and effort.  It can be tough at times to continue to engage with culture and the broader population, and avoid the temptation to huddle up behind walls like a cult.    Tolerance only goes so far.  At one point, my husband was asked to run for sheriff.  He declined, partly because an elected official with four wives would have a REALLY tough time.  (Of course, making way less than his current salary wasn't an option either). 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      My bone structure is far more female than male.  I can't throw like a guy, which has been observed by guys numerous times, and moving like a woman is more natural.  It just is.  I'm not going out of my way to act in a fem. way, as you say, but I am letting go of some of the 'I am not going to move like that because I am a guy' stuff I have defensively developed.  The other breaks through anyway - there were numerous looks from people at work when I would use gestures that are forbidden to men, or say something spontaneously no guy would ever say.   At one point, maybe a year or more ago, I said it was unfair for people to think they were dealing with a man when they were actually dealing with a woman.    Girl here.  'What is a woman' is a topic for another day.
    • Willow
      Mom, I’m home!  What’s for lunch?   Leftover pizza .   ok.    Not exactly our conversation but there is truth in the answer.     @KymmieLsorry you are sick. Feel better soon.   Girl mode, boy mode no mode, not us. Nothing functional for either of us.   anyone here have or had a 10 year old (plus or minus) Caddy, Lincoln or Chrysler?  How was it?  Lots of repairs?  Comfortable seats? Anything positive or negative about it?  I need to replace my 2004 Ford Explorer Eddie Bauer, it’s eating $100 dollar bills and needs a couple of thousand dollars worth of work and that doesn’t even fix the check engine code.  Obviously, it isn’t worth putting that kind of money into a 20 year old car with a 174 thousand miles.   Willow
    • Ashley0616
      Oversized pink shirt, pink and black sports bra
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I think you mean the worst possible interpretation of 2025 situation.  Keep in mind that there are those who will distort and downright lie about anything coming from conservatives - I have seen it time and time again.  It's one of the reasons I want to read the thing slowly and carefully.  They want you to be very, very afraid. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Here is where the expectation is that the stereotypical evangelical comes in finger wagging, disapproving and condemning.    Not gonna do that.   You have to work these things out.  Transgender issues put a whole different spin on everything and God understands what we are going through. I have enough trouble over here.  :)
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...