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So I finally told someone


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I was at my psychiatrist and mentioned I think I have gender dysphoria. It was the first time I said it out loud to someone in person. I wish I could say it made me feel better though.

Some context. I found out five years ago I have low T. So, I was started on testosterone. The problem being is that I began to feel awful. I had assumed at the time, it was my meds not working. (I have bipolar disorder.) If I had fatigue issues before, it became much worse after. Amusingly, no matter what they used on me my levels never really made it to therapeutic levels. They even had me do slow release injections at an infusion center and it actually went down. I’ve been doing self-injections over the last year.

It was only very recently I made the connection to this horrific fatigue and depression with the testosterone. So, my doctor asked “Can’t you stop taking it?”. The problem with that is my levels are so low that I’d put my health at risk. Sex hormones it turns out control more than just gender characteristics and function. It’s far too early for me to even think of starting estrogen. So, I was kind of down all day. 

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Well done @Jamie73! The first person I told was my wife. While not thrilled to hear it, she did say it explained some things. I think vocalizing it to someone is healthy & important. This journey can be scary, especially in the beginning. Telling someone helped me break it open to explore & feel it. I don't know what my hormone levels are yet, but curious. I see an endo in a few months. I'm sure it will work out for you. On the bright side, if you get to where you decide to start HRT maybe you won't need T blockers.




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I also have bipolar disorder (bipolar 1 rapid cycling) so I kind of know what you mean with dealing with meds. When I first came out it was very nerve racking for me and the first year that I was on hormones was though. At the time I was also dealing with the social issues of having to tell my family that I am trans. after my family knew what I am and the dust settled I found that I was a lot happier and calmer person on estrogen.

the hard part for me at first was the internal struggle of if I an trans because of having Bipolar. when a person has a few issues to deal with at the same time it can be difficult to separate what symptom is linked to which issue. 

I am not trying to sway you one way or another just sharing a little of what I went through to try to help. Take all the time you need to figure out who you are and what you want to do because in the end it is all up to you.

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So, an update. I told my therapist today. I promised myself I would. So, that makes two. Admittedly two rather safe confidants. Progress is progress though. I told him I thought I might be trans. I also mentioned that the five years on testosterone has made me miserable. He said I need to say this to my endocrinologist. I will when I see her in a month. Anyway, I thought I’d give an update. 

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Way to go, Jamie!  Every coming out is a victory.

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That was an important step to take! Estrogen is wonderful and you won't regret it, if you do decide to go on it.

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