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My wife has known something's going on with me but I told her I wasn't ready to talk about it next week, though between Christmas and New years, my folks are taking your kids away and I've been planning to take the privacy opportunity to come out to her.


I'm less anxious than I would have thought, I actually more resolved too. I'm hoping that means my support system and trauma work are working.


I am less anxious, but I'm so very scared. I've not exactly written a script, but I have the points I want to make pretty well thought out. I think these are the things she needs to hear.. there will be more I will may to say but for this I really need to focus on her in a way.


I guess I'm hoping by sharing here that the words of encouragement and virtual vibes will give me the strength to carry through.

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  • Forum Moderator

Coming out to my wife was the most painful and difficult part of my transition.  I was afraid it might have ended the relationship. My mind was building all kinds of doomsday results.  i was fortunate and despite many tears we managed to continue.  I was prepared to live alone and get a job bagging groceries.  We celebrated 50 years of marriage this past spring.  Life continued.

Breath deep, be as kind and understanding as you can.  Patience goes a long way as well.   We are here to support you as we can.

Take a deep breath and relax.





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@Amber76 I'm proud of your progress and I know you will be relieved and although scared now - it will go a long way towards becoming who you truly are. Hiding once you definitely know is a lot of strain. I know. My wife knows and that helps as she is now coming to accept me and I am grateful but still hiding from my step-kids and my wife's other family and it really takes a lot. One step forward in your case will make a big difference. 



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I wish that your story with her is a success story.


I think a woman who has been in a relationship for a long time has a much better chance of being accepting, than a woman who is just beginning a relationship.

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What @Charlize said. Coming out to my spouse was, hands down, the hardest part of my transition. My advice is to have a general idea of how you're going to progress if she takes the news poorly. I didn't have a plan for, "What if she throws me out?" so I am very fortunate that she took the news well. I'm also going to warn you about opening with a joke. "Guess what? You're a lesbian!" Is NOT an appropriate way to start that conversation. Trust me.


Best of luck sweetie! I hope it all works out for you!



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Good luck Amber, we are all rooting for you. Your posts here have been thoughtful, sincere and open since you have been here and I am sure if you follow your heart and have faith it will be okay. 

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Thank you all so much. Seeing your experiences, and feeling your support now, helps give me confidence.




@Jackie C. yes I've read your story 🙄 although I am one who is given to humor to lighten a tense situation, I know that particular joke would not help me with my spouse. But I have thought through all the likely scenarios and hopefully am ready to deal calmly 🤞 Thank you for your support 🤗


@Heather Shay @stveee thank you guys for the kind words. You're always so very supportive 🤗🤗🤗


@Artpetal thank you I hope so 🤗 We just passed 20 years and I really believe she wants me to be happy. I hope it's enough 🤞

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