Hocked * Numbers *

[Guest Angel21]

i havent posted here for a while ... things are hard at the moment mainly with my eating

am at the point were am only eating 1000 cals a day

some time not even that

i have lost weight witch am happy about as i do need to lose weight but am not doing it so safe

and at the moment i really dont care what it is doing to me

am on pro ed sites getting support from others who have eds and who dont really care whate happens to themselves

i feel that am beyond help that nothing anyone will say can change how i feel and want am doing

i cant look more bigendered at this weight i cant bind my breast when there this big

its got to the point were i feel suicidal about it so it either eat under 1000 cals or do something bad to myself

am unsure why am even writing about this .... just trying to get it out there so some one cares enough to even care

Angel

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Care? Care? CARE?

Are you kidding???

What do you think we do here? Of COURSE we care...

And I know about losing weight - I did it when I started HRT - I refused to be a 236 pound woman! I got down to 194... fasting!

BUT I got into trouble. The side-effects COULD have ruined my chance to transition. My therapist was starting to treat me as if I had an Eating Disorder (I really did) and forget about my transitioning! YIKES

HEY - go on a diet if you want - there are a thousand of them - if you want, cut back on food intake ...

BUT

NEVER LOSE MORE THAN ONE POUND A WEEK! Keep watch on that... some weeks may creep into two pounds, and if so - eat more. One pound a week is usually safe... but check with a physician.

DON'T suicide if that is what you mean - its really gonna cramp your style. You can never transition if you are dead. With charma - you might just have to come back just like you are and start again - or worse? Poof - you are gone forever.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take care of yourself! I realllllly mean it!

Elizabeth Anne

[Sally]

Hey Angel,

We all care and that is the truth!

Listen to Lizzy, eat more and more protein for strength.

We want you around, we do love you, never forget that.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Angel21]

i have tryed diets before they just dont seem to work and i do exercise as well with it and am not loseing the weight

it not just i want to lose the weight it also how i feel about food as well

my mother use to force me to eat while she would beat me if i ate or not

am looking for perfection in my self that i have to be perfect including weight

if i have to get it this way so be it

but am worried at what cost it will come from doing this

today so far i have ate under 500 cals am going to have something to eat after i post this but it will be low in cals

i have problems with eating for a long time and this is a better option than me not eating at all or me purgeing everything i eat

my date to see my psych has been put back again as he cant make that time i need to wait until the 31st of july

might say something but he will just look at how fat i am and wont believe me they dont do anything for anyone with a bmi of 40 and mine is over that

only help that i know of is the other side of the city a group i have been to before but i find it a trigger as there are thinner people there and i will conpare my self to them and i know i will be fatest there

so am unsure what to do if was easy as just eat i would do that but its not it is so hard to eat over the 1000 cals a day

i have to be perfect its just they way it is

[Guest ~Nikki~]

i have tryed diets before they just dont seem to work and i do exercise as well with it and am not loseing the weight

it not just i want to lose the weight it also how i feel about food as well

my mother use to force me to eat while she would beat me if i ate or not

am looking for perfection in my self that i have to be perfect including weight

if i have to get it this way so be it

but am worried at what cost it will come from doing this

today so far i have ate under 500 cals am going to have something to eat after i post this but it will be low in cals

i have problems with eating for a long time and this is a better option than me not eating at all or me purgeing everything i eat

my date to see my psych has been put back again as he cant make that time i need to wait until the 31st of july

might say something but he will just look at how fat i am and wont believe me they dont do anything for anyone with a bmi of 40 and mine is over that

only help that i know of is the other side of the city a group i have been to before but i find it a trigger as there are thinner people there and i will conpare my self to them and i know i will be fatest there

so am unsure what to do if was easy as just eat i would do that but its not it is so hard to eat over the 1000 cals a day

i have to be perfect its just they way it is

Okay, sweetie, if you haven't realized it, you are perfect. I am not overly religious, but God made us all the way we are.

I am a 300 pound mtf trans. I want so badly to lose the weight. My issue isnt so much not eating right now, I am a serious

junk food junkie. I find it hard to stay away, I so want to be a size 12/14, i would happy being a 16. right now i am a 24.

I want to be thinner. with the help of my therapist and my wife i know i will make it.

My dream weight is 130 pounds, my actual goal weight is 180. I am 43 years old. I gorge all the time. I wish i didnt.

I am here for help as well.

I will be your friend Angel.

Plz be mine.

Maybe together we can help each other.

Your new friend,

Nikki

[Guest leo]

how much do you actually weight out of curiosity?

because if u diet and exercise and your not losing weight thats worryin

[Guest Angel21]

thank you for your replies Nikki thank you for your friendship and understanding what it is like to be this weight and struggle with these issues they are hard to deal with some times some times i push myself into an ideal of what perfection is and being a side 8 to me is perfection i do believe in God but i also believe that you can change things to make things better for yourself and for me it is being my dream size of size 8 am size 20 at the moment and am 106 kg ( sorry not sure what that is in lbs )

Leo i have tryed every diet there is the only thing that works is this and am losing weight this way

i am limited to what kind of excercise i can do due to back and hip problems and cronic pain

i do go out for long walks everyday and that is my excercise for the day i guess i could try and push my self more but i dont want to make my injurys worse or the pain the get worse either

for me 1000 cals a day is making a differance it making me lose the weight that i have to lose to be perfect

Angel

[Guest 1charlotte1]

I care, I eat almost nothing... Sometimes maybe an apple a day...

Don't hurt yourself! No good comes from it!! I hate my scars and there is nothing u can do once they r there. So please don't!

Love, *big hug* Charlotte

[Guest Angel21]

i wouldnt hurt myself i already have scars dont want to make any more of them

[Guest ~Nikki~]

thank you for your replies Nikki thank you for your friendship and understanding what it is like to be this weight and struggle with these issues they are hard to deal with some times some times i push myself into an ideal of what perfection is and being a side 8 to me is perfection i do believe in God but i also believe that you can change things to make things better for yourself and for me it is being my dream size of size 8 am size 20 at the moment and am 106 kg ( sorry not sure what that is in lbs )

Leo i have tryed every diet there is the only thing that works is this and am losing weight this way

i am limited to what kind of excercise i can do due to back and hip problems and cronic pain

i do go out for long walks everyday and that is my excercise for the day i guess i could try and push my self more but i dont want to make my injurys worse or the pain the get worse either

for me 1000 cals a day is making a differance it making me lose the weight that i have to lose to be perfect

Angel

Babygirl, I am here for you. I promise I will be a true friend. I do care about you myself. I want you to be happy. I think we can work together and reach our goals. I would so love to be a size 8 myself, but my body type says I will always be a husky girl. So I am willing to settle for a size 16, but i am pushing for a size 12. You are truely an angel sweetie. know this, please do as I do, when I wake up in the morning, I wash my face, I look in the mirror and I say, I am beautiful 5 times. Please for me try this, when you tell yourself something enough times, you will believe it. I hope someday I can believe it for myself, but like losing the weight, you have to plug away at this everyday.

Angel, you are truely an amazing girl. I woould love to talk to you sometime. Please pm me. I will give you my email if you want. I am going to start a 15 calorie a day diet myself.

Love and hugs

Nikki