Coming out to my therapist, need advice

[EvenTheArtist]

So I just recently started counseling at a local clinic. It's not a gender clinic, but a general health clinic. And by recent I mean I've only seen her once, about four weeks ago. We mostly talked about my anxiety and OCD (which is what I got referred to her for) but I chickened out on telling her I was also trans and hoping to transition. One because the day I went I had only said it out loud irl once and wasn't ready to come out to a complete stranger yet. And two because I wasn't sure if I should tell a general therapist/counselor about it? Can they actually diagnose Gender Dysphoria or talk about that kinda stuff with you? Or do I need to see a gender therapist specifically, like they always say online? Any advice is welcome

[VickySGV]

Gender Therapists ALL started out as the garden variety Marriage and Family Therapist or MSW and had their first Gender client and it went from there.  Also, if your therapist is uncomfortable with the idea, and they are truly professional, they will find a colleague who is that way for you to see.  Let the therapist know what is coming by being honest and trusting about it. "I am having questions about my Gender Identity" will start the ball rolling.  Perhaps you will be told that the therapist would like to work a bit more on the anxiety and OCD a bit more to clear your mind up before you tackle the GD, or the therapist could want to investigate how all three go together and maybe resolving the GD will take out the anxiety issue for the two of you. The therapist may also ask you if she can discuss your problem with a Gender Therapist colleague and all three of you work on the issue which happened to me. 

[Carolyn Marie]

@VickySGVhas given you the straight-up correct advice.  Any therapist is only going to be as good as the information their client provides.  If you don't tell her what's up, she isn't going to be able to help you.  Yes, she is (or was) a stranger, but you hired her, she didn't come looking for you, so you have to give her at least a little trust so she can give you straight answers and you can evaluate whether she is right for you.

 

This post may also provide some guidance on how to evaluate your therapist: 

 

Good luck, hon.

 

Carolyn Marie

 

[KayC]

Hi Even -

9 hours ago, EvenTheArtist said:

One because the day I went I had only said it out loud irl once and wasn't ready to come out to a complete stranger yet.

One of the greatest benefits I have received in therapy is being in an a Safe environment where I can talk about absolutely ANYTHING and share my deepest thought and emotions.
My first therapist was not a Gender specialist - but she was a member of the Queer community.  I was her first Trans client.  We learned a LOT together but it was mostly my openness to tell her exactly how I felt that helped-her-help-me. 

 

So @VickySGV and @Carolyn Marie provided great advice and experience.  The only thing I can as add is that once you feel you are free to express yourself openly in therapy I am sure it will be like the shackles of a tremendous weight will have been lifted off your shoulders.

Wishing you all the best in your next therapy sessions and continuing your journey 🙏❤️

[Guest]

10 hours ago, EvenTheArtist said:

So I just recently started counseling at a local clinic. It's not a gender clinic, but a general health clinic. And by recent I mean I've only seen her once, about four weeks ago. We mostly talked about my anxiety and OCD (which is what I got referred to her for) but I chickened out on telling her I was also trans and hoping to transition. One because the day I went I had only said it out loud irl once and wasn't ready to come out to a complete stranger yet. And two because I wasn't sure if I should tell a general therapist/counselor about it? Can they actually diagnose Gender Dysphoria or talk about that kinda stuff with you? Or do I need to see a gender therapist specifically, like they always say online? Any advice is welcome

Even,

Are you seeing an NP, PA, or physician at the clinic? You already know who you are, and sometimes just telling another soul is therapeutic in and of itself. The clinic staff should be willing to hear you out and be supportive. Most clinics other than urgent care centers are usually staffed with folks who care about the people they see. While supporting and caring for transgender clients may not be their forté, it is a decent starting place. They may know of resources you do not. The good news is that many of the educational programs are waking up to the need for LGBTQ care, and there is more being taught along the lines of biological, psychological, and sociological support. This is true especially of the nurse practitioner programs. I am on faculty at an NP program and the Dean asked me to make a presentation to the entire student body. 

 

My own PCP is an NP with many years of experience, including psychiatric care, however, she does not have much experience with transgender care. Nonetheless, she was willing to learn as we go along, and we are sorting out my needs. I am lucky in that I already had a large amount of knowledge in taking care of transgender patients. 

 

Only you can decide whether your center is providing you with supportive care. Remember, you are in charge of you. If you have any doubts about the quality of support or therapy, you can change counselors. There are other resources to be found. Just do not get discouraged. You may want to check on the Psychology Today website. You can find counselors through their portal. That is how I actually found my primary mental health counselor who has been nothing short of fantastic. Another place to consider is the a website: https://www.lgbtcenters.org

 

You can search this website and it will take you to various centers around the country, and you may find a resource right in your own backyard that you did not know was there. The key thing is not to get down on yourself. We have all been in your shoes at one point with the fear of the unknown. As I have been rolling along in this journey, I have discovered that 95% of what I feared was what I conjured up in my mind, and not reality. Always do your activities with safety in mind, but the world is there, and it is more accepting than some news outlets would have you believe. Still, take precautions, and you will find a whole new world opens up to you as you evolve into your truest self.

 

Sincerely

Katie

[Mary]

Remember that everything you discuss with a therapist is strictly confidential. They are not going to discuss this with anyone, except for a colleague whose advice they might need, and who is also bound by professional secrecy. It is sometimes hard to say it for the first time to a therapist, and when they respond with directed questions it can shake one up a bit. But I have found that this kind of discussion actually "normalizes" the issue, and makes it easier for oneself to deal with internally, and, of course, also with others.

 

Once this happens, then you have taken a major step in the right direction. So hang in there - you'll get there!

Hugs.

[JustineM]

My therapist was not a gender specialist and I was able to get the “official” diagnosis and referral for HRT from her.