How's it going fellas

[Roach]

Hey everyone! Honestly I've been inspired reading this, I wanna sew something now. I'm sure a good place to start is looking up how to reduce length and hemming.

 

Also, thank you for all the support @Vidanjali, @DonkeySocks, @KnowMe.

 

On 11/8/2022 at 9:31 AM, Vidanjali said:

May I ask, why must you work with the nonaffirming family member you mentioned? 

As someone who is still under my family's insurance, it's something I have to talk about.

[Vidanjali]

A very transmasc moment. 

 

On Saturday, I had breakfast at a cafe in a strip mall with my husband, my female friend and her bf. After breakfast, my friend and I wandered down the strip to get some coffees to go from a bakery while our partners waited elsewhere. Leaving my friend at the bakery for a moment, I stepped out by myself to pop into another shop. I watched a guy outside the barber shop on the strip give coupons to my husband and my friend's male partner. As I approached, solo, the guy offered me a coupon, but I told him I was with him (pointing to my husband) and that I'd share his. The vendor, insisting I take my own coupon, said "we have a couple girls who do women's haircuts too". I pointed at my meticulously barbered hair, which on that day was also shorter than both my husband's and my friend's partner's, and laughing said, "does this look like a women's haircut? I'd rather have a barber any day!" 

[awkward-yet-sweet]

@Vidanjali Amusing moment... what was Coupon Guy's reaction?  Curious what your favorite hairstyle is like. 

 

Usually my husband or my sister takes care of my hair.  In a brave moment, I'll do it myself with a clipper and a pair of mirrors.  I keep it in kind of an androgynous pixie cut.  My husband's hair is similar, but just a bit shorter.  He does it himself, and hasn't been to a barber in 15 years.  "They raised the price to $12 and that was too high!"  😂    

[Roach]

Obviously guys can have any hair length they want, but I prefer shorter. So I have definitely put my appearance in the hands of my neighbors and some hair clippers. (It went surprisingly well!) @awkward-yet-sweetYour husband must be a real pro by now if he's been doing it for 15 years.

 

Sounds like a nice day otherwise @Vidanjali.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

@Roach My husband definitely has some hair skills.  He often cuts GF's hair, as well as doing it for all of his kids.  He even does more complicated stuff, like layering, dye, and the occasional weave.  I haven't even calculated the money he's saved the family by doing all of that here. 

[Vidanjali]

@awkward-yet-sweet lately I've been rocking a high fade a bit like this fellow, but I don't spike up the fringe. 

 

But, recently I've been inspired to grow it out a bit and go for a glam rock kind of look, like a younger Noel Fielding except shorter overall & I'm thinking baby bangs. 

 

@Roach was a great day in total - it felt good to assert myself in a lighthearted manner with the guy. 

 

I've been cutting my husband's hair since we got together in 2012. He says if I don't do it, he'll just shave his head. My Christmas wish is he'll open up to going to a barber shop. If I say so myself, I'm quite good at haircuts, but with my disability it's become more difficult. He's a lucky guy in that he HAS hair, 1st off, and that it is a lovely texture. 

[awkward-yet-sweet]

@Vidanjali Interesting haircuts... one of my husband's sons has that spiky high fade going on.  Over the years, my hair has gotten shorter and shorter.  As a teenager, I had it medium length in a ponytail, identical to my sister.  I've been doing the "fluffy androgynous" look for a few years now. 

 

I wonder why men lose their hair?  I've heard it is something about testosterone, which is why I'm not wild about doing any more T than just a little bit.  My husband's father lost a lot of hair in his 20's and 30's, but my husband has not.  Any idea why? 

 

 

[Ivy]

41 minutes ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

My husband's father lost a lot of hair in his 20's and 30's, but my husband has not.  Any idea why? 

Not an expert, but from what I've heard it's "male pattern baldness" and you inherit it from your mother's side.  Yeah, a result of a hormone imbalance ("testosterone poisoning") in trans-girls). 

[Davie]

5 hours ago, Ivy said:

Not an expert, but from what I've heard it's "male pattern baldness" and you inherit it from your mother's side.  Yeah, a result of a hormone imbalance ("testosterone poisoning") in trans-girls). 

Not true for me. Mom's dad had no hair. I have lots, like my dad. Genetics are complicated. I have better hair than my stylist—I style my own!

[Ivy]

3 hours ago, Davie said:

Mom's dad had no hair. I have lots, like my dad.

 My mother's dad died very young (she was 6 months) so I never knew him.  But her brothers mostly lost theirs.  My father never lost his though.  I only have a bit of fringe myself.   Guess it is complicated.

 

I could wear it in braids back in my "hippy days", but alas…

[Vidanjali]

While my husband has nice hair, his brother is a cue ball, and all their maternal uncles all have hair. On the other hand, while all my mother's brothers have hair, my brother's hair is beginning to thin in his 40s much like his and my father. Indeed, genetics is complex. 

[awkward-yet-sweet]

Anybody done a twin hairstyle with a partner?  Had the weird idea today of doing my hair exactly like my husband... although mine is black and his is brown.  

[Vidanjali]

10 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

Anybody done a twin hairstyle with a partner?  Had the weird idea today of doing my hair exactly like my husband... although mine is black and his is brown.  

 

That sounds cute! I actually do cut my husband's hair similar to how I like mine, but because his hair is wavy and mine is stick straight, you'd never notice. Not to mention he has a beard and is much bigger than me, so I doubt anyone would call us twinsies, lol. 

[awkward-yet-sweet]

11 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

Not to mention he has a beard and is much bigger than me, so I doubt anyone would call us twinsies, lol. 

 

Yeah, the beard thing  definitely keeps us from looking alike.  Although since I look like a teenager, he's been asked once or twice if I'm his son. 🙄 

 

My husband's hair and beard are kind of a throwback to an earlier time.  There's a statue in the square of the little town near us...of one of his ancestors who was a locally notable Confederate officer.  My husband's face and his ancestor's face bear quite a resemblance, which has been politically useful.  This is one of those areas where ancestry and being from a "good" family are important.  I sometimes wonder if that helps me or hurts me in being accepted.  I'm not closeted, but I think people don't readily assume that I'm *with* my husband in the way my GF

[Vidanjali]

@Xidrok meet the fellas. Fellas, please meet Xidrok. 

[Xidrok]

Heya nice to meet you all 

I'm Xirok 

Looking forward to talking to other fellas in here

[DonkeySocks]

On 12/13/2022 at 3:08 PM, Xidrok said:

Heya nice to meet you all

Welcome, Xidrock! Sometimes us guys are quiet for a while but there's always someone to listen if you want to post about anything, serious or fun.

[Roach]

Hey! How's this week going for everyone? I know holiday season can be stressful for some people.

[Vidanjali]

Hope you guys are well. You know what it is about the holidays? I mean besides all the family trauma? The normality. I'm just musing, but I've really been trying to wrap my head around it more lately because I've gotten to the point where I absolutely cannot push myself into stressful situations due to the state of my health (physical and mental). So, the normality. The yearly tradition, routine, expectations, "family". But, also how all that holiday normality can hit one like an affront - as in 'guess what? YOU'RE not normal.' <--- To be clear, that's the message I'm struggling with in my mind. It's not a statement I'm aiming at anyone reading this. And that brings up the core of the matter - self-acceptance can be massively more challenging than acceptance of others.

 

It's clear to me that self-acceptance must be my priority. I had an appt a couple days ago with my connective tissue disease specialist. I came out to her & she was lovely. She was even emphasizing that happiness and acceptance must be my goals. So many layers to accept - gender, asexuality, disability & everything that comes with that. 

 

I spilled my guts on another thread earlier this week. In a nut shell, I experienced massive gender envy at a holiday party I attended last week. So many beautiful gay men in attendance and I felt desperately that I wanted to be acknowledged as one of them, and to be loved and love like them. I was holding down sobs throughout the evening. 

 

Sorry to sound all doom and gloom. I appreciate the opportunity to vent. To wit, a friend gave me a journal a few weeks ago, and I've begun to use it. I used to journal back when handwriting was more the thing, lol. I've been finding the practice quite illuminating and helpful, and I recommend it. 

[Davie]

9 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

To wit, a friend gave me a journal a few weeks ago, and I've begun to use it. I used to journal back when handwriting was more the thing, lol. I've been finding the practice quite illuminating and helpful, and I recommend it. 

Thanks.  @Vidanjali Yes, I'm now converted to digital typing and art, but miss a pencil and pen and piles of messy, beautiful scribbles in notebooks. I'm typing a novel about using chapters as hand-written in real notebooks. So I miss those. Thinking of getting an iPad with an Apple Pencil to try to have both worlds, but paper and pen may be the best way back.  Simple, cheap-- better subconscious access that way too.  What's your idea?        -- Davie

[Vidanjali]

@Davie due to arthritis and hypermobile joints, handwriting isn't so easy for me. I have learned in hand therapy some ways to compensate. Since my friend gave me a paper journal, I thought I'd give it a go. I do find the process of handwriting in the journal to be deeper somehow than typing. For one, you can pick up the materials and get right into it, as opposed to waiting for a device to power up, then opening and saving a document, etc. As handwriting is more of a raw experience, with the hand-mind coordination being perhaps more primitive than typing, I find it easier to let more out - also considering that while typing produces a constant looking output (unless you deliberately change the font, size, etc.), handwriting allows one more freedom of expression. Plus, with handwriting, one is faced with whatever was spontaneously expressed whereas with typing there is easy access (and therefore easy temptation) to editing. 

 

So far, while journaling, I've come up with some questions and insights which had not previously occurred to me by just thinking about them. 

[Ivy]

2 minutes ago, Vidanjali said:

Plus, with handwriting, one is faced with whatever was spontaneously expressed whereas with typing there is easy access (and therefore easy temptation) to editing. 

True.  With the computer I find myself constantly editing.  Perhaps that is not such a good thing.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

@Vidanjali If handwriting is painful for you, are you using a ballpoint pen?  Modern pens require more hand strength and pressure, compare to 19th century pens that were more like painting.  I use a metal dip pen if I need to write a letter.  It takes a bit more time and you have to make sure the ink dries, but it is more friendly.  After my assault and injuries, I found it was difficult to handle a ballpoint pen for the first couple of months. 

[Vidanjali]

40 minutes ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

@Vidanjali If handwriting is painful for you, are you using a ballpoint pen?  Modern pens require more hand strength and pressure, compare to 19th century pens that were more like painting.  I use a metal dip pen if I need to write a letter.  It takes a bit more time and you have to make sure the ink dries, but it is more friendly.  After my assault and injuries, I found it was difficult to handle a ballpoint pen for the first couple of months. 

 

Thanks for the the suggestion. I wear metal or plastic splints on several of my knuckles to stabilize them, I insert my pencil into a thick foam tube to decrease the grip tension, and my hand therapist taught me to hold the writing implement in an alternative position. (I also use the foam grips with eating utensils and with my toothbrush.) 

 

[Davie]

Ohh, thanks. You folks are turning me back on to paper. I'll try that. My pen does seem to have some difficulty signing in to TGP, tho. I'll use my compression gloves for a pen--they help, too.

-- Davie