How's it going fellas

[Spencer Phoenix]

Things have been going alright. Personally, I'm just glad that my finals are over for the semester (just submitted my last one yesterday!) Now I have to wait a while for all my grades to actually get posted. 

 

End of the semester also means that I've been out w my college for a whole semester, so it has definitely been an interesting semester to say the least. Lots of misgendering, but also some decent people. One professor even corrected a student on my pronouns in front of the whole class, which was... an experience. Not that I didn't appreciate it, but that usually just doesn't happen. On the bright side, I've done a lot of advocating for myself to get my deadname off of my student ID and other random programs & systems that the school uses. Also convinced residence life to stop deadnaming me on check-out slips for when we have to leave the dorms for vacation, so that's a huge win. 

 

Now I'm just glad to be relaxing away from school for a bit. I'll probably hate it again in no time, but hey, that's usually just how it goes anyways.

[Davie]

So my pronoun choices today are Invalid and Non-Invalid.

I choose Non-Invalid because I put on shoes for the first time in three months, hiked the stairs, and cruised the streets (library books and food). So great to be out. Where did Fall go btw? Yahoo! I can walk free.

—Davie

[Russ Fenrisson]

It is nicer that the weather got cooler; I can actually sleep comfortably in the night without the warm air waking me up.

 

With the cooler air, I've been treating myself to some nice warm drinks. The occasional matcha tea or hot chocolate. I've experimented with the hot chocolate enough to fit my tastes since a little too much coacoa powder can make it unpleasantly bitter or not chocolately enough for the opposite.

 

I've been trying to push myself more to engage in the real world but there are several things pushing me back. The biggest one might be fear, possibly the fear of the unknown and uncertainty. I want to get an adequate job and find a doctor for regular health check-ups and the like but it's that one thing that keeps pushing me back. Does anyone know how to get through that fear? I've been wanting to live as normal a life as possible lately but I've been finding it difficult to get past certain things. Any response is appreciated.

[Russ Fenrisson]

@DavieI've been enjoying the cooler air too. Just walking outside for a moment to see how the weather is has been enticing enough to make me want to go outside more. I've been finding jogging outside to be a little easier too. With the cooler air, I don't overheat as quickly when I go jogging or take a casual walk.

[DonkeySocks]

1 hour ago, Russ Fenrisson said:

I want to get an adequate job and find a doctor for regular health check-ups and the like but it's that one thing that keeps pushing me back. Does anyone know how to get through that fear?

For the job, get a notebook and list the exact traits of a job you consider good for your needs. Look it over frequently and adjust as needed, and know that it is available to you. Don't worry about it, just be aware of it.

 

For the doctor, well, you don't have a general practitioner that you see regularly now, right? So literally any general practitioner taking new patients in your area might be the right one--or they might not, but you won't know until you meet them for a check-up. You can change doctors afterward if it's not the right fit. I technically have a GP listed on my insurance, but I never see him, it just so happens that I see his nurse practitioner/NP. She is the right fit for me.

[Vidanjali]

@Spencer Phoenix congratulations on a semester in the bag. It's challenging enough to accomplish your higher education without the burden of near-constant self-advocacy and having very often to do the educating yourself. I wish you a peaceful break & I hope you'll take time for yourself. You deserve it. 

 

@Russ Fenrisson  sometimes, my friend, one must take the plunge. That fear of the unknown can certainly be paralyzing. But when you dwell on what might happen, it can make a deeper negative impression thus facilitating a vicious cycle of fear. I know from my own experience that self-acceptance is key. Peace of mind is another. There is some degree of faking it until you make it, as it were, which can be helpful. It's not so much "faking", but trying on being social, being a person people want to have on their team, being a person who is confident about participating in their own healthcare. It helps to have role models or a buddy. Do you currently have anyone in your life whom you consider supportive? One can also engage in the practice of positive affirmation with mindfulness or meditation to cultivate deep impressions of peace and the expectation that things will be alright (or even beautiful). For instance, for several years I regularly practiced a yogic self-hypnosis technique called yoga nidra, planting the mental seed "goodness, beauty & grace flow into my life". And they did, in time as I began to internalize the truth of that statement. Consider taking some baby steps to practice socializing. Think of some places where you might be able to just practice interacting, even if it's just small talk. I used to abhor small talk, but I learned that it can be comforting and affirming - sometimes just a little friendly exchange can uplift your entire outlook. Then you realize you helped to give the other person a little boost too, and it takes on deeper significance - you have a light in you that has the potential to shine beautifully. As you practice getting that feedback from others, it becomes more natural to shine. 

[awkward-yet-sweet]

8 hours ago, Russ Fenrisson said:

I've been trying to push myself more to engage in the real world but there are several things pushing me back. The biggest one might be fear, possibly the fear of the unknown and uncertainty. I want to get an adequate job and find a doctor for regular health check-ups and the like but it's that one thing that keeps pushing me back. Does anyone know how to get through that fear?

 

I avoid check-ups.  I only go see the folks in white coats if I think something is wrong or I need something specific.  Part of dealing with the world for me is to reduce contact with discomfort to absolute minimums.  I also prefer to exist "outside the system."  So, for basic medical stuff, I'm more likely to ask someone I know in the profession to advise me outside of the office/hospital.

 

As for getting a job, make a list of skills and any work you've done already.  Then get looking on GlassDoor, Indeed, and similar sites.  Some places will hire even without an in-person interview.  If you've got skills you can use to work from home, look into that.  I've worked from home for almost a decade now....the caveat is that you have to be a self-starter and able to get things done in spite of distractions.  Also, not every work-from-home job pays decently.  I make good money, but if I was supporting myself the vast majority of that would get eaten up with rent/food/etc. 

[Russ Fenrisson]

@DonkeySocksI think that's been happening more, I'm not very sure. Sometimes one will only see the nurse tied with the doctor and that's it for the visit. I don't think there's ever been a time I visited a doctor regularly. Only for the occasional eye exam and when something needs to be looked into if I fall ill. I'm presumably healthy right now so I don't exactly need a doctor. I was just trying to look for one for a sense of security in case I do happen to need one. I guess I'll take the chance and try it out; after all, I can change doctors if I don't like certain things about the service.

 

I'll try that. I'm not very sure of what kind of job I can get, so doing that will definitely even my abilities and thoughts out.

 

@VidanjaliI think I'll try that. When I'm put in an otherwise uncomfortable situation, I practice changing my cognition or just forcing myself to do it. And with wanting to get a job to make money, I'll have to do that often. And really, just plunging into the matter may only be the way of quelling fear. It's just this uncomfortable feeling of being misgendered or getting embarassed that bothers me. I'm still working through that.

 

I have one of my parents for the support aspect. I don't have any friends where I live, moreorless anyone who knows of my status, but I do have at least one parent who is supportive of me. The other one is fine doing things for me, but I want to try doing more for yourself.

 

@awkward-yet-sweet I can understand the desire to avoid. More and more doctors are starting to become questionable of whether they can take care of others or not. I was brought up with the idea of only going to the doctor when you really need it; everything else can be done at home. That ability to work at home sounds pretty cool but it can be tough in the beginning, especially when you're trying to get yourself out there and get your work/abilities known to others. I've never heard of GlassDoor, but Indeed I've seen endlessly. I'll check out those places and see if anything piques my interest.

 

My idea is to get a job that has decent pay so I can use that money towards my hobbies and to help others if they're ever in need. With some of that money, I thought of also starting up a webcomic I can use for additional income. I've thought about it for a while and I think I have at least three comic ideas I can use toward that goal. Something both entertaining for me and enjoyable for others to read. I know that venture is definitely not easy, but first and foremost, I enjoy drawing and creating works with living breathing characters.

[Russ Fenrisson]

I can already feel spring coming around the corner. I really do miss the winter weather, but this winter has been very mild. It's been unpredictable from too hot to barely even cold. The world is definitely getting weirder.

[Ivy]

3 hours ago, Russ Fenrisson said:

this winter has been very mild.

At lesast it has where I am.  

But it's not over yet.  Although…  

The groundhogs in my area definitely did not see that shadow.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

It was warm here today...almost 80 and sunny.  Too early for planting the garden, but I spent time preparing the soil with a tiller.  So tired of the cold.  The fresh turned soil smelled so good and felt so warm that I actually laid on the ground and rolled in it.  Pure ecstasy.

[Davie]

1 hour ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

It was warm here today...almost 80 and sunny.  Too early for planting the garden, but I spent time preparing the soil with a tiller.  So tired of the cold.  The fresh turned soil smelled so good and felt so warm that I actually laid on the ground and rolled in it.  Pure ecstasy.

I'm a city person now, but I once tilled fresh soil that smelled so good it smelled almost like a farm stand full of produce. Good hard work, that. God bless the growers—every one.   — Davie  

[Russ Fenrisson]

@IvyI didn't see the report this year, so I assume the local groundhogs didn't see a shadow either, what with the increasing sunshine and warmer weather. I was sort of looking forward to a longer winter. Just a bit longer until I got tired of it.

[Russ Fenrisson]

@awkward-yet-sweetThat sounds like a bit of fun. I don't garden, but I like looking at all the greenery that pops up when spring comes around. There's a lot of wonderful purple flowers and dandelions where I live. One yard was so full of tiny purple flowers, it was like looking at a firefly show during the day time.

[Alexis MR]

Hello all! I'm glad to see some activity! I was really hoping to ask a lot of questions but this part of the forum seemed a desert hahaha
My weekend was all right, I went to a friend's place and we played some board games (we love that stuff) and drank some beer and, well, chill out. I'm studing to become a librarian and it's going to be a marathon, so it's good to take rests. 

In the same way I hope to get some info from the forum, I encourage anyone in the middle of their change to reach out to me if they have any questions, I've been living as a man for... 14 years now. Anyway, happy to see some movement, I'll stay as active as possible around here. 

[Davie]

4 hours ago, Russ Fenrisson said:

@awkward-yet-sweetThat sounds like a bit of fun. I don't garden, but I like looking at all the greenery that pops up when spring comes around. There's a lot of wonderful purple flowers and dandelions where I live. One yard was so full of tiny purple flowers, it was like looking at a firefly show during the day time.

Sounds great. We've got snow drops anyway. Which will be covered by an all-day snow storm tomorrow. Yuck. I've had enough winter myself. Wish I was in San Juan Viaje or San Francisco.

[Russ Fenrisson]

@Alexis MRHey! I'm pretty much on and off, depending on my mood. Becoming a librarian is a lot of work but can be rewarding in the end. I hope everything goes well with your studies.

 

14 years? Wow, that's awesome. I'm still in the preliminary steps and taking each step carefully. It took a long time to get where I needed to and I'm glad I'm getting on track. It's been hard being patient, waiting for things to change, but I keep a level head. As long as I keep busy, the time seems to fly.

[Russ Fenrisson]

@DavieWhen you've seen snow for so long and nothing else, I don't blame you. A bit of sun, beach, and sea gulls for a change of pace is nice once and a while.

[Davie]

@Russ FenrissonYes. It's a dream, but life happens. Medical problems, pandemics happen. Next plan is California in April. Hope so. Fingers crossed, sun block packed. 

-- Davie

 

[Russ Fenrisson]

I hope it works out, Davie. The trip will definitely be worth it.

[Roach]

Hey @Alexis MR! Feel free to start a conversation if you have anything to add, even if it's a bit quiet, new people do check here on occasion. I hope someone more knowledgeable than me can help you out with anything. I do appreciate you being open to talk to those of us "earlier on" in the process. It gives me hope to read about other guys just living their lives on here.

[Spencer Phoenix]

Not sure whether I want to grow my hair out a bit or shave it all off. I'm considering growing out what I currently have into a short mullet kind of thing, but I have a feeling that'll look real weird on me considering how long the top is compared to the back and sides, and I don't like how I look with the top much shorter. However, I really am hesitant about growing out my hair much further because 1) sensory issues and 2) it'll make me read more female than I already do considering the fact that I have boobs and *gasp* don't bind often! At the same time, keeping it short also reads 'butch lesbian' on me, which is not my goal. IDK, I'll hopefully figure something out. Maybe I'll just cover my hair with a baseball cap or beanie for a while.

 

On the bright side, I am in the process of starting hormones! Only... like 2 months to go for appointment number 2! Appointment number 1 was a few weeks back, and things went well, so hopefully this one goes well too! Yeah, the wait sucks, which may be contributing to how much I'm thinking of gender and my own presentation, but I'm excited, just a bit impatient. 

[Roach]

1 hour ago, Spencer Phoenix said:

Maybe I'll just cover my hair with a baseball cap or beanie for a while

I have no way to predict whether or not I will pass in any situation... Except when wearing a baseball cap, somehow that improves my chances like 50% lol. Exciting stuff, hope the wait to the next appointment doesn't feel too long!

[Dillon]

Just popping in to say hi! No plans for my day, except a meditation class in the evening. Last week was the first class, and when we went around and did introductions, I added that my pronouns are he/him. The instructor suggested that we all share our pronouns, and most people did. Everyone else had cis pronouns, which is too bad. I could use some company in group settings. But most of them know me there, and they are warm and inclusive, so that's good.

[Davie]

4 minutes ago, Dillon said:

Just popping in to say hi! No plans for my day, except a meditation class in the evening. Last week was the first class, and when we went around and did introductions, I added that my pronouns are he/him. The instructor suggested that we all share our pronouns, and most people did. Everyone else had cis pronouns, which is too bad. I could use some company in group settings. But most of them know me there, and they are warm and inclusive, so that's good.

Yes. But you never know. There might be a trans non-binary person there who nevertheless uses he/him pronouns like me who would be completely supportive and friendly. Face value is worth only face value. It might be nice if a group all wore badges of identity but a badge still might not say too much more either. Personal statements are best, I think, so I try not to be afraid to ask questions. All good friends take time to find. 💜 Davie