The Stoic Transexual

[Lydia_R]

Delayed gratification is important.  Instead of starting HRT this week, I bought a dress and made a huge payment on my debt.  If we could just snap our fingers and make anything happen, would we really appreciate it?  There is a sweet victory to hard earned successes.

 

My dress is a long charcoal tight fitting long sleeve dress with a neck line that draws attention to my breasts.  With my larger than normal male breasts and a padded bra, my breasts look pretty good.  I've never been into large breasts.  The lump in my pants certainly sticks out like a sore...  And I do have some balding on the back of my head, but I can't see it without a mirror.  Other than that, I have a pretty good figure and I like how I look in this dress.  I wear it with nylons and 2.5" heels.

 

It does feel good that I'm prioritizing paying my debt down.  I've decided that I'm going to pay 100% out of pocket for my transition.  I realize that a lot of people who are transitioning can't afford that, and I'm fully supportive of people getting insurance assistance for that.  For me, I am in a position where I can pay for everything out of pocket and I feel that if I don't pay for it, then that means that someone else is and I just can't get behind that idea.

 

It does/will put a significant strain on my finances.  I should be able to retire in 8 years at age 60 and have everything I could want, including having transitioned on my own dime.  I certainly won't be rich.  I won't be traveling the world.  But I will have the life I want.  I think that delaying my transition by a couple years will bring a sweeter victory.  And the delay will add a much needed feeling of financial security.  Delaying will lower the amount of interest I pay in my lifetime and that is pretty important to me right now.  I want to be out of the business of paying interest.

 

Of the four medical procedures I want in transition, bottom surgery, electrolysis, tracheal shave and HRT, HRT is the least important.  I was prescribed an estrogen patch and the idea of that is undesirable.  I tried to have an open mind about it, but because HRT is a lower priority for me, it's a hard sell.  And the last few years I've been developing spider veins and varicose veins.  The warning of deep vein thrombosis is a little scary.

 

I like the idea of blocking testosterone and I would be taking a pill for that.  I do like the idea of having bigger breasts and a more feminine curve, as long as I'm still thin.  I always say that I'm not at war with my body.  Anyway.  HRT is a hard sell for me.

 

I think that the financial hardship of transitioning will pass in a few years.  I've been reading financial books and blogs for several years and don't want to jump into lifestyle inflation right now.  After I pay off most of my debt, the money I'm spending now on interest will easily pay for my transition.  Susan's idea of it being worth it to pay a little more to do it a little sooner is valid.  For me, there is a balance here.  I need a little more security before I'm ready to ramp up paying for my transition.

 

With the stoic ideas I have from reading The Daily Stoic, I do have the idea of "can't I just be happy with what I have?"  But I don't buy into all these stoic ideas.  I like having desires and not just living a minimalist lifestyle.  There is more to life than simply surviving!

[Vidanjali]

On 6/4/2022 at 2:44 PM, Lydia_R said:

I like having desires and not just living a minimalist lifestyle.  There is more to life than simply surviving!

 

Having desires is a normal human experience. Have desires, but desire above all else that unattached state of mind which allows true happiness to flourish. If giving up certain desires feels stifling, then it will breed negative thoughts and feelings which is inimical to the goal of life. If abandoning desires is experienced as desirable itself - naturally as a process of surrender, then that is as it should be. It cannot be forced, nor should it be. Indeed, there should be balance so that we don't experience the pursuit of freedom of mind as a strain. That is where discernment and self-effort comes in. If the underlying desire to ultimately be free is there, that is enough - things will unfold as they will in their own time. 

[StephieGurl]

I am not a stoic. But I am a hard determinist. Every thing has a cause. Quantum mechanics puts a few twist to it, but does not remove the deterministic of the universe. But, I see no reason why there isn't choice (albeit determined), but from are own perspective we live in a world where we feel we act freely, and when we act it we who act and no one else do the responsibility lies with the individual. 

 

Lydia your transition choices and actions are determined. All that stoicism requires is it was so order and for obtaining the most peace from any situation. So the way I see it they aren't at odds with each other they meet each other in the space that stoicism allows.

 

anchored by our brains is: https://aquestionersjourney.wordpress.com/2016/11/26/why-are-people-afraid-of-their-brain/