Need advice... and soon

[Kelly199822]

Hey all, My name is Kelly, from the UK. I am transgender (MTF) and I came out to most of my family almost 2 years ago... However certain things have happened in my life since that have kept me from going from just being myself when I'm alone in my bedroom to being myself full time. Currently nothing seems to being going wrong (touch wood) and I'm going to be starting a new job soon and they don't know that I identify this way. So, I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to approach this situation, with family, friends and new colleagues, because frankly I'm scared to hell and back across the board. 

Thank you all in advance, Hope you all are doing well. 

 

[Jackie C.]

I would straight-up let HR know. The company most likely has policies in place and you'd rather know now, then when you're firmly entrenched. It's always best policy to let people know who you are. No secrets unless you plan on spending the rest of your life hiding.

 

Hugs!

[KathyLauren]

Welcome, Kelly!  I agree with Jackie.  Let HR know as soon as possible, preferably before you start work.  That way, it gives you the option of starting the job in your new identity, which will involve fewer questions and less explaining than doing it later.  It will save the hassle of having to change all your paperwork, your work email address, etc., later.  If it will be a while before you come out at work, at least HR will have a heads-up that it is coming, and can start planning.  If they are aware of what's up, they can help you plan a workplace transition if that is how you choose to do it.

 

Have you changed your name legally yet?  That has workplace implications.  If you haven't changed it yet, they are probably obligated to use your old name on official documents like tax filings.  But that shouldn't affect how your co-workers address you.

[DeeDee]

Hi Kelly, pleased to meet you. You've already come out once, so it shouldn't be big news to family, just a reminder that Kelly hasn't gone away, she's simply been dealing with other things.

Most folks online (including me) seem come out to friends first, and transition socially around them until they feel comfortable being out and about, and then consider full time.

Once you intend to go full time, then as the others have said you definitely need to chat to someone in HR, your training should let you know about their inclusive and diversity policies, and badges and uniforms can be changed if needed, they should also be able to help you know whether or not something needs to be said to work colleagues, as not everyone needs to be told firsthand if it's none of their business, but the big thing is the requirement of having your payroll match your bank details until you have legally changed your name and ID. Deep breaths and good luck!

[Kelly2509]

I got comfortable with family and friends and then approached work about it.  I do have a big thread in here about how I went about it, not sure if that will help or not (hopefully it might)

[Kelly199822]

I don't think they have a HR. It's an independent restaurant so it could be a case of speaking to the bosses directly and hoping for the best. 

[Heather Shay]

@Kelly199822 I see someone of the most amazing people I have met over the years have responded and I believe covered your need very well. Take good care of yourself and know we are with you.