Coming Out On Campus

[Guest Michael J.]

It's been a few days since I posted after having that bit of a spazz, so I figure I should first say: I'm fine and things are looking up, and I feel completely happy at best, at least complacent! I'd ended up calling a friend of mine, Ru, and talking to her about everything in school, she having been the only person I'd really ever managed to talk to about things in my year and a half of enrollment.

Either way, I'd ended up setting a date to tell another friend of mine today. Gaming day and all, so I see most of the people I know, or I usually do, with the exception of this being finals week. It was like knots in the stomach the whole morning throughout finals time until it was over and rounds of Soul Caliber were popping up left and right. Ru'd actually pulled me aside to ask if I was still going through with it, and had offered to go with me to talk to this other friend of mine. I'm actually really grateful to her for the pressure, because too often I feel like I'm letting fear get the better of me at the last second after weeks of confidence and pep talking, and it's disappointing afterwards. It took some time to sort it all out and some help to find words that weren't stutter-y to explain, but it happened, and it was great. This other friend of mine, Cheeta, hadn't even really blinked, and I was actually surprised to hear that it wasn't the first time and that she'd had a teacher who had come out and started transitioning on the job when she was in high school. Over-all, really fantastic, it went well, and it doesn't feel so confining or really that daunting anymore. I couldn't have even cared about the suspected eavesdropping in the hallway outside of the lounge as we discussed the whole thing. I say suspected because I'd actually gotten a curious hug from some I vaguely know and they'd made a comment that had made me go 'what?'. Right after I'd finished talking to Cheeta, I'd gotten into a fight with some guy who really doesn't like me for whatever reason. He'd just wanted political chat and I feel headfirst into it just because I get riled up the minute anyone says the government has a right to discriminate or starts mixing up their historical and cultural facts. I finally walked away from the whole thing, and right after I'd gone back to gaming that person I vaguely know and suspected of eavesdropping had done some random hug before saying something along the weird lines of finding me that much more attractive knowing who I really was and hearing me talk like a political nut.

It was a huge step, though it seemed so small, and it definitely boosted my morale and confidence in my campus not being all that frightening or dangerous. I'm planning on coming out when the summer session starts late next month, so I'll be sure to post an update then on how that goes, as well as about the stuff I'd mentioned before about my classes this session and handling that issue (which I am really thankful for all the advice I received here; really, thank you - I wouldn't have known what to do otherwise). I'd just wanted to share a little good news and check on in here.

[Guest joe0117]

Hi Michael!

It's good to hear from you again! I am glad that you are in better spirits and that things are going well with your friends. I hope finals went well! Definitely keep us posted.

Joe

[Guest Michael J.]

Finals went fantastically last session - or better than I thought they would. I failed a few less classes than I'd expected to, so I'm under the impression I either had extremely lenient professors, or I was just flat out lucky in the long run.

Summer break is over and school started up again last week with a whole new class load. I'd managed to actually go through with a plan this time, and I'd sent an e-mail to one of my instructors. It was my intention to do it for all of them, but they kept catching me off guard with 'stand up and introduce yourself!' sessions for the first day back in an all new classroom. Name, major, why you're in the class if it's not on your audit. It was that kind of a get to know you event over and over again, so I'd ended up having to switch gears midway in and specify my name and the correct terms right off in the middle of these 'who are yous?'.

All of my instructors, with the exception of one, were really generous about it, gave a smile, and just said to talk to them if I needed anything, or to correct them if they messed up. The one exception had just kind of raised her eyebrows at me weird, but that was the extent of it other than a few exchanges of 'she', 'no, it's he ma'am'. No raging flames or fire dragon breath like I was semi-fearful was going to happen from someone - be it a teacher or a classmate. My classmates actually took it really well. No funny comments in the middle of the break, even from those who've known me for the past year.

It's done, though, and I'm completely out on campus. Best feeling in the world; it's like I can finally breathe a little bit, and I'm all the more excited for possibly transferring to dorms soon. Was amazing it went so well!

[Paula ult]

Congrats Michael, if you are like me it seems to get easier each time, I'm in the process of coming out to people in my bowling leagues.

Paula