Recent Nervous Return to 'Home' presentation experiences

[swallow]

Hi folks!

 

I'm still alive. Hope everyone is doing spiffing.

 

Recently returned from a trepidatious travel back "home" (To Asia).

 

Went to check in on my parents and surprise them, particularly my mother whom I had no been able to attend her 80th birthday in March, and both whom I have not seen for four years since before pandemic!

 

Was of course rather anxious since I did not want to be clocked in Asia. I'm slight enough but am still fairly tallish for an Asian girl at just shy of 5'9.

 

My sister of course counselled me to tone down (my dress)

 

So I went to shop at my local Marshalls/TJ Maxx etc to neutralize my clothing somewhat (well as much as I could bear)...

 

I failed.

 

Each time I went in in search of gender neutral clothing, I came back out with a dress.

 

Anyway I packed what I could that was 'less challenging'.

 

The trip kicked off fantastically as I was upgraded to Business by All Nippon Airways! Evidently my vocal incongruence to outward 'female' appearance was no issue to the man behind the counter who leaned toward me and whispered that he was giving me an upgrade but not to tell anyone. I love secrets and what a nice man!

 

I had decided not to push on my voice since I was returning to see family and friends most of whom I was not out with. I toyed with the idea of course of trying my 'female voice' (Those who have followed me somewhat will know my labours here), but felt I would just make it more awkward.

 

The service on the Japanese carrier was of course impeccable and the air hostesses were VERY polite. I don't recall if they used sir or mam. No matter. I was enjoying the luxury of a full stretch seat that turned completely flat into a bed with privacy screens to boot!

 

When I finally arrived at destination (at an ungodly 2am)...I was fearful going thru customs as my passport still had my as male and my presentation was likely suspect.

 

The (handsome) immigration officer signaled me over and called me "Miss" which made me feel even more nervous for what was to come. 

 

But he did not say much more than repeat my name to me for confirmation, looked me over once, took all my prints etc..then gave me the passport back, smile and bade me a pleasant 'welcome back , have a great stay'.

 

At the cab line up, some kid cut into me at the line but his parents told him to wait and 'let the lady go first'...of course I responded (in give away voice) that it was no matter since the line was rather long anyway. I notice of course the teenage daughter thereafter stealing glances at me.

 

My main concern thru the stay thereafter was how much I could get away with. Particularly in the crowded subway.

 

I took cues from the women. Felt if they looked me over or glanced toward me, I was failing big time.

 

To my surprise and relief, no one bothered to glance my way.

 

In fact the only people to seem to steal all too obvious peeks at me (as I related to my brother and friends later) seem to be old men.

 

Of course I did not tell my mom I was coming so I decided to spruce up before the surprise.

 

I got my hair cut and styled to a straight bob since somehow through Business class not withstanding and the change of weather, it had become a tangled fuzz (I have rather fine hair)

 

As my regular hairdresser was not responding, his boss was fully booked as were many of the salons in the mall, and my other girlfriend that does hair had moved to Bali... I found the only hairdresser who was not being employed in the only empty salon in the basement, took pity on him and had him have a go.

 

Of course this was rather a risk since I normally go to either gay or chatty hairstylist or both. This fella was the antithesis...he would only answer in monosyllable ... even a compliment on the green plants that adorned in his work space was greeted with one word response "nature'.

 

But he dotted on me for 2 hours and gave me a superb shoulder length bob (undeniably feminine and full of risk of course for the surprise the parents moments to follow)

 

Mission accomplish with the BIG surprise and she did not get a heart attack which of course I quibbed to my sister if it happened and she kicked it, at very least I would be the final enduring image she saw.

 

On the second day, still dressed in my mind fairly neutral but clearly looking very feminine with new hair do... my mom received me at her door and looking up, she was about to ask the question...she launched the "Are you..." part but then there was this massive 15 second pause as she stared up at me and seem to be biting her tongue before I broke the awkward silence with a 'what?" and she carried on with changing the topic to which meal I would like to have for lunch.

 

I'm sure she was rather dying to ask the question but I wasn't about to cross the bridge with her unless she was certain it was what she wanted confirmed.

 

And that went for my dad too. Since my parents are (thankfully) divorced and they clearly were combustible material not meant to be mixed with each other, I had consented to meet up with him for breakfast (him having been admonished for turning up the day before at my mom's 'unannounced' and I caught sitting sulking in a corner like a child on time out)

 

I was of course wearing a tank top and a sports (visibly) under since it was hot and humid.

 

I guess you see what you prefer to see (or perhaps it is the blessing of age) but my father (bless him) introduced me in the market as his 'son'.

 

As I mentioned of course to some friends, I was not in the business of forcing others to accept me on anything other than what they wish to interact with me as (so long as their interaction was respectful and non toxic of course). If my Dad wanted to go to his heaven thinking me as the son, I had personally no issue with that (Denial is a powerful thing)

 

The interactions with many friends I had not seen for some time was also interesting.

 

I notice generally two approaches, those that preferred not to ask or did not know how to and those who were direct.

 

Of the two naturally I preferred the latter as I am quite open myself.

 

However I was careful who I told and some that I felt were just digging for a (gossip) story when asking I preferred to skirt.

 

OTOH many whom were genuine (mostly women), I confirmed. One friend asked me directly "Are you transitioning" to which I responded to her "what gave it away?" to which she continued 'Because..." to which I completed for her "...because you're not blind"

 

Some of the straight male groups I met with of course were a bit more shy on the matter. The closest they would get to asking what was obviously eating at them was to open a conversation about Transgender filmmakers like the Wocjeski sisters...naturally the topic moved on somewhat awkwardly when they realised I had no reaction to their conversation.

 

Although I did not come out to my parents (yet). I did come out to my godparents and my ex-boss.

 

I felt they were always genuinely concern for my well being and both sets were getting on and have had some health scares recently. As time being so much more finite and palpable following my wife's passing now four years past, I felt I needed to grasp the opportunity to be honest with them.

 

But I was open to them bc I also felt they were going to be receptive and supportive even if maybe confused.

 

With my mom, I came close again with subject when I returned from an Art Exhibition I was invited to. I had fittingly forgotten that I had sneaked out of her house first in a tank top but then had a blouse in my  cavernous bag and switched to it for the opening.

 

Critically, an actress friend of mine who was only also recently out here in LA was in town to take me for lunch that day followed by an experimentation session with eyeliner.

 

I forgot I was also wearing make up (albeit we were experimenting with minimal make up for max effect)...

 

so when I got home, my mom and her housekeeper both started laughing that my 'shirt' was so feminine and it looked as if I had boobs under (which of course I did and not to mention a bra as well)

 

I managed to get away that time by switching discussion to (again) some forthcoming meal decisions they were pressing me on then quickly exited stage to the security of my room.

 

Thankfully, like men, the pair of them were more focused on the bulges on my chest than my eye area and face.

 

Anyway just thought I share some good recent experience with everyone, as much mixed as they are positive to me.

 

Hopefully it brings cheer and a good laugh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Heather Nicole]

Thanks for sharing this! I really enjoyed reading it, and I'm glad your trip went well

 

32 minutes ago, swallow said:

OTOH many whom were genuine (mostly women), I confirmed. One friend asked me directly "Are you transitioning" to which I responded to her "what gave it away?" to which she continued 'Because..." to which I completed for her "...because you're not blind"

 

I love this part! I always figured that if anyone asks me if I'm transitioning, I'll probably just say, very stoically:

 

"Isn't all of life a transition? "

 

 

But I'll have to remember to try your version, too!

 

41 minutes ago, swallow said:

I took cues from the women. Felt if they looked me over or glanced toward me, I was failing big time.

 

To my surprise and relief, no one bothered to glance my way.

 

In fact the only people to seem to steal all too obvious peeks at me (as I related to my brother and friends later) seem to be old men.

 

So apparently, it sounds like not only do you successfully pass, but you're also femininely attractive and teenage girls (like at the cabs) want to study you for fashion tips I see no reason to interpret the evidence any other way!

[swallow]

Hi Heather,

 

I have to admit most of my female friends do think I am on point with the fashion. I go mostly for neutral colours classic lines...although I am not unknown to indulge in floral blouses.

 

The make up/eye stuff is work in progress...they have assigned me homework.

 

I think the teenage girl was more curious when I actually open my mouth since I prob passed to be assumed female until I gave away the game for her... then she's prob thinking what manner of creature if this hello?

 

One hard pass was with my (precocious) 6 year old niece.

 

I think she's trying to work me out still. We had a great time together (I get along well with little kids that age...says something about my mental development maybe) but she initially said I was a boy (largely on account of my voice) then puzzled why my hair was so long and I look girlish.

 

No matter, she engaged me in her Ballet lessons and I showed her my moves which she deemed terribly awkward and funny, worthy of coming to see me more to work on my obvious dance deficiencies (and worthy of a good laugh)

 

Frankly I'm not sure why people don't take my dancing seriously...especially these young know it alls!

 

I tell you the other problem I faced out there was laundry.

 

As my mom for some bizarre reason prefers not to use her dryer and likes to sun dry her clothing on the line...I had a hard time with her asking me why I wasn't turning in any clothes to her for the wash. Particularly she was rather concern about my underwear situation...but could you imagine?

 

Once seen cannot be unseen.

 

I mean, I had to sneak out to my brother's across the street to use his washer dryer instead which was a two in one unit that took 6 to 8 hours per load!

 

And then concoct the excuse to my mom that I was using disposable underwear for convenience which of course she found even more strange.

 

The perils of stealth amidst one's familiars and loved ones who know your habits.

 

It was seriously challenging.

 

(PS ....glad to meet another who is 'prolific' in use of emojis)

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Ivy]

Thanks for sharing.

I'm glad to hear it went well for you.