Why Can't I Stop. What's Wrong With Me?

[Guest ~Nikki~]

Okay, so I came out to my psychologist and then my wife of 12 years. My wife is accepting me. I am feeling pretty good about myself. So why can't I stop indulging. I still way over eat. I am so tired of being 300 pounds. I know I will never be a 98 pound runway beauty, nor do I want to be. I would be so happy to be a size 16, I would be happy to be a size 18, but 16 would make me feel so much better. So, why can't I stop the gorging. Last night I had 4 slices of pizza. Luckily I drink a lot of water, but at the same time, I am just so tired of carrying the weight.

My wife says, I am holding the weight because I am not on HRT and I dont dont want to lose my breasts. I can actually wear a bra and feel good about whats in it. Maybe she is right. I want real breasts so badly. It is more important to me than SRS. I can live with out the SRS, I am very happy with my wife. But, I do want to be able pass off as a woman without people thinking about it. I want to look natural, feel natural and be natural.

As I said, I just want to lose the weight, but I am still holding myself back. I so want out of the 4X and into clothes off the rack at JC Penney or Yonkers. I feel I will complete this part of who I am.

Any words of encouragement I am sure will help.

Thank you for reading this,

Nikki

[Sally]

Well, I would have answered this sooner, but I was getting ready for breakfast - I haven't done the dishes until I had a full load - but I just left them on the counter so it took a while and now, I'm off to fix breakfast!

You may have point about not wanting to lose your breasts, but I believe if you start on the hormones before you lose the weight they don'y have to go away first.

There is one way to find out - I'm scheduled to begin my treatment on July 20th.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest ~Nikki~]

Well, I would have answered this sooner, but I was getting ready for breakfast - I haven't done the dishes until I had a full load - but I just left them on the counter so it took a while and now, I'm off to fix breakfast!

You may have point about not wanting to lose your breasts, but I believe if you start on the hormones before you lose the weight they don'y have to go away first.

There is one way to find out - I'm scheduled to begin my treatment on July 20th.

Love ya,

Sally

Thank you Sally, I am sure you are right.

This is too new for my wife right now. So Hormones are out for now. I hope maybe by fall or maybe winter. But that will have a be a decision between my wife and me. I hope she will let me. She knows how I feel. She knows what I want.

This is going to be a long journey. I just hope both my wife and I can truely make this work. I can't live without her. She is my everything.

But I can't always hide who I am truely am to myself either. I have been hiding for many years. I can live the way I am now, but if if I continue to carry this weight, I will die young. If I lose the weight and cannot go on hormones, I lose me. I can live happily without SRS, but I need and I want my breasts. It is the only thing female I may ever have.

I am here quite often. I appreciate your responding to my post.

I love it here and I truely love the people here.

Love you too Sally,

Nikki

[Sally]

We full figured ladies need to all work together, I have gotten down to 336 - that's right down to!

I am 6'4: but that is still fat!

I am watching what I eat and I need to exercise more - maybe a treadmill with a laptop so I could walk, jog and run while staying in the playground?

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest ~Nikki~]

We full figured ladies need to all work together, I have gotten down to 336 - that's right down to!

I am 6'4: but that is still fat!

I am watching what I eat and I need to exercise more - maybe a treadmill with a laptop so I could walk, jog and run while staying in the playground?

Love ya,

Sally

Sally,

Awesome idea. I love it. My biggest problem besides myself (LOL) is my entire situation. I have made choices I have to stand behind. She knows I am

If I can just be a little happy with who I am, I will go far.

I want one ot hose tread mills though. You have a marketing idea there girl.

And yes, we full figured ladies do need to work together.. My scale right now wont weigh me. It only goes to 299. I refuse to buy a new one that goes higher. But I am trying. I have so many issues at the moment.I am fighting so much in my head. I actually don' like me right now, but, please don't tell my wife this. She knows I am transgender, or something. But I don't know exactly what I am. I am trying to figure it out now with my psychologist.

Nikki