How do I accept I can't change my sex?

[Penrose-Pauling]

I'm early into transitioning(FTM). I don't really want to be transgender at all. Its hard and it isn't fair. I don't think I'll ever be satisfied even if I get all the surgeries and change e everything about myself. 

I just want to be a biological male so bad it hurts. Its driving me insane. I don't know how to get over this 

[VickySGV]

Welcome to The Forums. 

 

Do you have a therapist who can deal with Gender Counseling??  That is the first step in working with what the cards have dealt you.  Gender and sex are two different things and facing that is a beginning which the therapist can help you get under control. 

 

Biological <male> <female> are terms being badly abused and as they are abused in the general population they badly distort what a Trans person is up against.  A paper I was reading recently pointed out that every body is such a small percentage of their body weight as one procreative source of the other. (Thus only male or female)  There are the testes, the ova, and a few ounces of brain tissue that are specific to one sex or the other for procreation.  The brain tissue may or may not match the testes or the ova which is where Trans comes into all of this. The Xy chromosome distinction is a misconception that has been proven, generally true, but far from 100% definitive of what the body is as regards to female or male.  When areas don't teach up-to-date science to their citizens people keep some funny ideas circulating.  There are also intersex variations which are not typical of either sex.  Your gender is how you wish to be seen and function in society and how you want others accept you .  Not always easy but a therapist is the one to put you on that road. 

 

 

[Vidanjali]

Hi @Penrose-Pauling & welcome to this community. You've come to the right place if you're looking for folks who feel or have felt the same way. Striving for peace and acceptance can feel very isolating. Above all, please keep in mind that you are not alone.

 

15 hours ago, Penrose-Pauling said:

I'm early into transitioning(FTM). I don't really want to be transgender at all. Its hard and it isn't fair.

 

I mentioned striving for peace and acceptance above - self-acceptance, that is. In my view, there's a huge first step in even coming to terms with whether that is actually what you want. I say this with compassion, so please try not to take it personally - please consider reflecting on your concept of "fair". I say that because a specific belief in what is meant by "fair" can often be a major obstacle to one's progress. The serenity prayer comes to mind. Whether you believe in divinity or not, it can be applied. May I have the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Do your utmost to cultivate a mindset in which you do not see yourself as wrong or having been wronged by being transgender. There is a way for you to work with what you have. And there is potential in you that you cannot as yet see. I am saying this from experience because I am very different than I ever dared to imagine - my life at present would have been unfathomable to me in the past. I am not a special case. I have been through hell working towards self-acceptance, even when I could not even name that goal or believe it was possible for the likes of me. Yes, it's hard. It will challenge you perhaps to your limits. But, you have a beautiful life ahead of you which you cannot see right now. Please believe that.

 

15 hours ago, Penrose-Pauling said:

I don't think I'll ever be satisfied even if I get all the surgeries and change e everything about myself. 

 

In my experience the things I changed about myself which had the greatest effect in my realizing any measure of satisfaction were not physical things. As Vicky suggested, a trusted therapist can help guide you along a journey of self-acceptance. Be well, dear.

 

P.S. A question about your name. It makes me think of the mathematician Sir Roger Penrose and the all-around Renaissance fellow, Linus Pauling. They are both people whom I find intriguing and inspiring. I had the opportunity to see Sir Penrose speak on Twistor Theory when I was a grad student. It was unforgettable.  

[Ashley0616]

I know it's frustrating I was in that position not that long ago and I was living in denial but I was half wanting to transition and in denial. Take it day by day and just focus on other things to get your mind off of it.

[Penrose-Pauling]

4 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

 

 

P.S. A question about your name. It makes me think of the mathematician Sir Roger Penrose and the all-around Renaissance fellow, Linus Pauling. They are both people whom I find intriguing and inspiring. I had the opportunity to see Sir Penrose speak on Twistor Theory when I was a grad student. It was unforgettable.  

Thanks for the welcome, and yes, I chose the name based off of those two. I've always looked up to them. 

[Vidanjali]

2 hours ago, Penrose-Pauling said:

Thanks for the welcome, and yes, I chose the name based off of those two. I've always looked up to them. 

 

Oh, that's awesome. They are certainly ones to look up to. 

[AllieJ]

I guess many, or most of us struggle with not being able to change sex. Accepting came hard for me as I started my 20's as it meant I could never carry my own baby. But I realised it isn't really about changing my sex or gender, but managing the dysphoria which comes from the incongruence between sex and gender. Dysphoria is what screws with our lives, and makes us frustrated and depressed. 

 

We are all different, and so we need to start trial and error studies on ourselves to see what works to reduce dysphoria to bearable levels. Actions which affirm our Gender Identity work best, and this can include simply daydreaming, writing stories, dressing, and sometimes transition. Which actions work will change over time, so trying different things will be ongoing. You should be able to find solutions to make your life liveable, and maybe even find happiness.

 

Hugs,

 

Allie