Ashley's Life from Start to Present

[MaeBe]

5 minutes ago, Ashley0616 said:

I'm no longer expecting a relationship because I tell them what is wrong with me because I don't want them to be surprised about anything and they always ghost me. Oh well.

That's the hard part of online relationships, they really never get to see the whole you. You either have to create a persona that will carry the day until they get to see you for who you are, or be open and take the risk because it's really easy for them to disconnect because there is little to no bond.

 

You have to share pictures of your puppy! I am not a dog person, but I can appreciate them in jpg format! My kiddos would love to have a pet, but we're all allergic in some shape or form and my wife and I are like, "no." :D

[Ashley0616]

17 minutes ago, MaeBe said:

That's the hard part of online relationships, they really never get to see the whole you. You either have to create a persona that will carry the day until they get to see you for who you are, or be open and take the risk because it's really easy for them to disconnect because there is little to no bond.

 

You have to share pictures of your puppy! I am not a dog person, but I can appreciate them in jpg format! My kiddos would love to have a pet, but we're all allergic in some shape or form and my wife and I are like, "no." :D

 

[MaeBe]

Love the look! "What are you doing with that shiny thing!?"

[Ashley0616]

15 minutes ago, MaeBe said:

Love the look! "What are you doing with that shiny thing!?"

I think that is the camera on the floor. Of course the kids aren't picking up after themselves oh well. He sure is big for only being 6 months old. 

[MaeBe]

35 minutes ago, Ashley0616 said:

He sure is big for only being 6 months old. 

Sure is! Is he good with the kiddos?

[Ashley0616]

14 minutes ago, MaeBe said:

Sure is! Is he good with the kiddos?

Yes he is. Sorry it has taken so long. One sick kid and the other has needed my attention more than usually. 

[Mirrabooka]

We had a German Shepheard/Lab cross! It was actually our son's dog but when he moved out, Axel stayed here. ❤️ He was soooo awesome! Totally goofy, but really smart, and a million percent lovable. Unfortunately, he didn't even get to see his fifth birthday. 😢 He did both hind knees in quick succession, which were repaired, but he re-injured one and it wasn't repairable. The grief we went through after we made that horrible decision was far worse than anything we have ever experienced before or after. 

 

@Ashley0616, please be gentle with his joints until he is all grown up!

 

This pic is when he was still a puppy. 

 

 

 

 

[Ashley0616]

Oh I will. He loves to just sleep on the couch and sleep. Not very active at all which I'm mixed about. Less to do but also want him to do more too. 

[Ashley0616]

Well just been doing a lot of self reflection and a lot of gender dysphoria that has caused me to break down. The realization has been that I'm a trial period for men and women don't even consider me. It's getting dim. I have put myself out there by force even when I didn't want to. I have one friend but still haven't seen her IRL yet. We talk on Sundays and it's always me that starts it. Another person only talks to me when they want something. It's never been hey how are you doing. It's almost a month to my birthday and it's all just my mom, sister, nephew that are coming. So much for a 40th birthday party. I hate these posts. I want to be optimistic, positive and cheerful but I haven't seen anything go my way. I'm making it by the skin of my teeth. I wished I could just go into a coma for a year or just not wake up. 

[Mirrabooka]

Nup. Not an option. You need to keep going and keep us all in the loop, and we need to keep seeing your beautiful smile!

 

Party, schmarty. I'm 61 and haven't had a birthday party since I was 30. Even that was just a crummy meal at the pub with a few friends who we have since lost contact with. Don't sweat it.

[Ashley0616]

1 hour ago, Mirrabooka said:

Nup. Not an option. You need to keep going and keep us all in the loop, and we need to keep seeing your beautiful smile!

 

Party, schmarty. I'm 61 and haven't had a birthday party since I was 30. Even that was just a crummy meal at the pub with a few friends who we have since lost contact with. Don't sweat it.

Thank you!

[Ashley0616]

Well, I told my best and only friend that I liked her and asked if I ever came across her mind, I would make her not regret it. She didn't say no or yes yet. She believes that romance is dead to her, and I understand that due to her knowing her husband for over 20 years. I deleted my dating profile on Facebook and took a screen shot to show her. She is so right for me, and I hope I can be her best decision. I have left her be so she can think about it.  

[Ashley0616]

Well that didn't go well. She said she is intentionally single. When will I just stop thinking about putting myself out there. It really hurt but rejection and getting ghosted is just my second language apparently. The one person I have told all my dark secrets and didn't run off. At least we are friends. I'm happy only when I'm sleeping and that is it because things actually go my way from time to time. Just another wonderful day of me. SMDH!

[Abigail Genevieve]

Just now, Ashley0616 said:

Well that didn't go well. She said she is intentionally single. When will I just stop thinking about putting myself out there. It really hurt but rejection and getting ghosted is just my second language apparently. The one person I have told all my dark secrets and didn't run off. At least we are friends. I'm happy only when I'm sleeping and that is it because things actually go my way from time to time. Just another wonderful day of me. SMDH!

There's the old thing of getting out and getting involved in things in the community and meeting people that way. Does your church have a food pantry? Does it have service opportunities you could plug into otherwise? You might run into someone that way. 

[Ashley0616]

Just now, Abigail Genevieve said:

There's the old thing of getting out and getting involved in things in the community and meeting people that way. Does your church have a food pantry? Does it have service opportunities you could plug into otherwise? You might run into someone that way. 

I already tried that. Either too old like 60's and 70's or married. Not many people who would want to date a trans woman in dead red Mississippi. Maybe once things calm down just get a Mustang GT and just give up on it. Both are going to bring joy and pain. At least I could learn and share my love of cars with my kids when they get that old. I wouldn't even know what to do if someone said they wanted me. I would've already been thinking in my mind they are just going to ghost me so what's the point. I just don't know what to do anymore. I tried putting myself out there online and out in person. I haven't tried a bar yet although that's probably a bad idea. Maybe just to experience it again. I haven't been to one since 2013. The only problem I see is I'm not a night owl for sure. I go to bed at 8-830. My expectations were just that I wouldn't get rejected last. I have been able to handle a good bit of it but this one really hurt. I guess that's what happens when you have some hopes and expectations. It's not like I have another friend IRL to talk about this. She is my only one. I wished I didn't put myself out there.

[MaeBe]

On 5/13/2024 at 1:37 AM, Ashley0616 said:

She is my only one. I wished I didn't put myself out there.

First off, you can't regret being honest. You may not be changing the relationship, but it sounds like it still exists!

 

As for meeting people, what about through the volunteering you're doing? Maybe you can do more of that and meet people. Let some relationships grow and if they blossom into something more than friendship, great! If not, you've got more friends!

[Sally Stone]

Ashley, I think searching for relationships are a lot like searching for jobs, they tend to come along when you aren't actually looking.  Perhaps you could step back from actively searching, at least for a little while, and instead, concentrate on just being out and about as yourself.  Like Mae and Abby have already mentioned, just keep up your volunteering, but don't focus on a need to find someone.  Maybe, just maybe, changing your tactics will result in someone finding you. 

 

I do wish only the best for you, and I hope someone comes along who connects with you.

[Ashley0616]

Just now, MaeBe said:

First off, you can't regret being honest. You may not be changing the relationship, but it sounds like it still exists!

 

As for meeting people, what about through the volunteering you're doing? Maybe you can do more of that and meet people. Let some relationships grow and if they blossom into something more than friendship, great! If not, you've got more friends!

The sad part is I'm the third oldest member. One is in their 60's and the other is past 70's. I'm even older than the president lol. It's a younger crowd that's for sure. I like to come here to feel young again lol. 

[Ashley0616]

Just now, Sally Stone said:

Ashley, I think searching for relationships are a lot like searching for jobs, they tend to come along when you aren't actually looking.  Perhaps you could step back from actively searching, at least for a little while, and instead, concentrate on just being out and about as yourself.  Like Mae and Abby have already mentioned, just keep up your volunteering, but don't focus on a need to find someone.  Maybe, just maybe, changing your tactics will result in someone finding you. 

 

I do wish only the best for you, and I hope someone comes along who connects with you.

thank you!

[Abigail Genevieve]

Just now, Ashley0616 said:

The sad part is I'm the third oldest member. One is in their 60's and the other is past 70's. I'm even older than the president lol. It's a younger crowd that's for sure. I like to come here to feel young again lol. 

It's also networking.  Sometimes jobs come along because someone knows someone else - these older people might know someone.  "Hey, Ashley," someone might say,"My nephew is looking for love. He likes tall women. Whatcha think? Can he call you?"   Don't discount their ability to match make.  It is about networking.