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Ashley's Life from Start to Present


Ashley0616

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I figured if my electrolysis starts in March the earliest, I could have the surgery is late July or August or September which I might have to push it back further of course because Bentley would start school around that time. Unless maybe early August but I don't know might end up having to have to wait till May of next year. Well, I called Social Security yesterday because Medicare was still showing me as Scott. I got that corrected and was also told that my gender wasn't updated when I did the name change. I went to Social Security as soon as they opened. The line wasn't too long thank goodness. I was able to get in and out in 15 minutes. I wanted to get there early to beat the crowd. The only places to change still are my DD Form 214 (Military Discharge Paperwork) and birth certificate. I don't know if I want to get a passport, I don't plan on leaving the US anytime and just don't see a need for it. It would just be another thing to keep up with. I'll probably take care of birth certificate when I see my endocrinologist next month. She has to do up a letter to show that I am trans and receiving care. I'm looking forward to being done with that part. I can't wait to see how my hormone levels are. It's probably one of my favorite appointments. I did find out that my therapist will be leaving me in June so soon I will have had 17therapists in a matter of less than 10 years. I really liked this one because she advocated for me a good bit. They were able to show that I could get hair removal done through the VA. The has been there to tell me about the local LGBTQ groups. No other therapist has even done half of what they did. She did say that there are two other therapists that are LGBTQ supporters that were women which is exactly what I wanted. I didn't feel that a male could understand what and how women feel. I'm hoping one will be able to take me in. She did say she didn't know how busy their load was. I do have some good news for me. I'm starting to get a butt! I'm able to actually pinch it now. Hopefully it'll continue to grow. I still don't have hips, but I do think it's still too early. I will take what I have so far. It got a little warmer the past few days. The high has been in the 60's and 70's. This morning it got to 40 which honestly felt like 50 something. I did find out that my sister will not be able to watch the kids so I can get SRS. I only have one other person to ask and then I'll have to hire a private nanny which that won't be cheap at all! I hope I can find someone that is trustworthy and good enough. I'm only wanting to hire the nanny for like 10 days just so I can get the surgery and recover somewhat. I know I'm still going to be in pain, but I sure can't afford a nanny for the whole process. There aren't any family members who would be willing to help I already know. There are only three people in my family that support me in my journey. They all have jobs and obligations. I'm hoping to have the surgery done in Chicago because I do have one Aunt out of 8 that are up there that support me and are still friends. It would be nice if she could come visit me. Well, I guess this is it for now. 

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Well today has been rough with vertigo episodes so far. It doesn't matter how slow I get up. I still get them. The tension is back again at the back part of the head. I have tried all of the exercises to help alleviate the vertigo episodes and nothing has worked. I'm going to see the audiologist tomorrow. Hopefully I won't be there as long as I did last time I did tests. I was there for almost 2 hours doing all kinds of balancing tests. I have to drive in about 1.5 hours. I'm hoping it goes away so I can drive.

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Prayers for you Ashley,

 

I hope you feel better soon, and tomorrow goes well too.

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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3 hours ago, Mmindy said:

Prayers for you Ashley,

 

I hope you feel better soon, and tomorrow goes well too.

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

Thank you. The migraine is finally gone. Vertigo isn't as bad now as it was earlier. 

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Well, I almost forgot about my audiologist appointment thank goodness for reminders and alarms. I did a hearing test, pressure test, and got moved in different positions. Hearing test still showed that I can't hear high pitched sounds, but I can hear it when it got loud. I mostly guessed. She did say that it was probably related to my tinnitus. Vertigo was differently acting up. They said that the vertigo episodes, migraines and dizziness isn't related to ear problems. She looked at my balance tests back in 2017 and 2021 and both showed that it's related to my three traumatic brain injuries. I will be seen by my primary care physician to go into further investigation of the causes to have their approval about traumatic brain injuries which I already know I have just got to go through their game. 

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TBIs are no joke. I would think the VA would be pretty good about them. If not, they should; I'd think they have the biggest pool of TBI sufferers in any profession per capita outside combat sports.

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Well, I did get some things in the mail. I have a Therma brush which is supposed to help grow hair. I do love my thigh high socks. I wished I would have gotten them earlier. I had my coffee and apparently my stomach wasn't agreeing with the dinner I had last night. I feel great so far, no vertigo or migraines yet! I'm thrilled about that. I unfortunately gained 6 pounds and I don't know why. I'm eating healthy and walking. I wonder if it's the hormones. Good news is that I found a surgeon who would operate on me with the weight I'm at. I'm hoping that I'll get the one in Chicago because I do have someone there that will hopefully visit me. I have been trying to get my pictures off of my old iPod and so far, haven't had any luck. I have a lot of pictures of Iraq that are precious to me. Wish me luck. I will post the pictures when I can finally get them off the iPod. 

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4 minutes ago, Ashley0616 said:

I feel great so far, no vertigo or migraines yet!

Yay! Small victories!

 

5 minutes ago, Ashley0616 said:

I will post the pictures when I can finally get them off the iPod.

Can't wait!

 

💜Mae

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I think I found out the culprit on how I get episodes and vertigo. I was simply cleaning the hose from the dryer and when I bent over it hit me hard. I felt so much pressure in my head. I don't ever get when I'm doing things with the kids. 

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Today is so far so good. I don't feel vertigo, dizziness, no pressure in the head and migraines. I'm afraid to bend down in fear that I might get it all again. I think if it happens again, I'm going to the ER at the VA and see if they can find out what is going on. Gender dysphoria has been really difficult all I want to do is rip/cut it off. It's so annoying that I can't wear some of my dresses because there is a bulge down there. My hair I don't think could grow any slower. I have done everything I can. I take prenatal, two different hair vitamin supplements, I also use special shampoo and conditioner and I even have spray that contains amino acids for the hair to grow too. I also have ordered a serum, another vitamin that I add powder to a drink. I guess I can say I'm a little impatient about it. I have also considered rosemary oil also for hair strength. I'm so looking forward to when my hair is long enough for me to not wear a wig. Which unfortunately the hair is curly and is too short to use a straightener and not mention my split ends. My CPAP really makes my hair a mess. Hopefully after I lose weight, I'm no longer need the machine. I'm sorry if this seems to be a complaint session but just need to get things off my mind. This has pretty much become my journal. I have a full keyboard unlike my phone, and I do love the comments and suggestions. I'm so looking forward to the next board meeting. I was told that maybe next month that they would review my application and was told it would likely get approved. I was told that I had to be a member of another committee and I'm going to choose the outreach program. It will hopefully get me out of my comfort zone and meet new people and explain transgender to the local community. It will bring another purpose and something to look forward to every month. Well, I guess this is it for now. Take care and appreciate anyone who reads these.

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5 hours ago, Ashley0616 said:

. My CPAP really makes my hair a mess. Hopefully after I lose weight, I'm no longer need the machine.

Good afternoon Ashley, 

 

Have you tried a satin sleep bonnet for curly hair? I use one when I know I have an early appointment so I don’t have to detangle my hair. If I don’t use the bonnet, I put my hair up into a bun. Both of these hair tips keep me from getting tangled up in my CPAP when I use it. The other benefits of wearing a sleep bonnet is the retention of moisture and product retention in your hair. 
 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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4 minutes ago, Mmindy said:

Good afternoon Ashley, 

 

Have you tried a satin sleep bonnet for curly hair? I use one when I know I have an early appointment so I don’t have to detangle my hair. If I don’t use the bonnet, I put my hair up into a bun. Both of these hair tips keep me from getting tangled up in my CPAP when I use it. The other benefits of wearing a sleep bonnet is the retention of moisture and product retention in your hair. 
 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

I never heard of a sleep bonnet? Sounds like something I'm going to get next pay check. LOL

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My Baby M249 machine gun. I don't have pictures of my 50 cal and my M240. 

249 MG.jpg

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Abraham's house and I'm talking about from the Bible with what remains of it. 

Abraham's House.jpg

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Ah Nasariah this is how close we were to the local terrorist group. 

Ah Nasaria.jpg

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This is when Army was doing their end of tour. Over 40 M1 Abraham tanks.

Army Change Over.jpg

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This is how serious things were over there. There were also plenty of Humvees that were shot up and blown up too. 

Blown Up by IED.jpg

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Me in London in front of the Buckingham Palace

Buckingham Palace.jpg

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Building 1 was claimed to be a school by the Jash Almighty terrorist group which was heavily guarded. It is unknown what was actually in there. They flooded the bottom 3 floors with oil and water mix.

Building 1 A.jpg

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This is were an air to ground bomb went through Building 1.

Building 1 B.jpg

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This is where the bomb landed inside Building 1

Building 1 C.jpg

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This is one of the pictures to show that the bottom three floors were flooded inside of Building 1

Building 1 D.jpg

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This is another picture to show that it was flooded. This building had 2-foot-thick armor doors. 

Building 1 E.jpg

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Art work that was in support of Sadam Hussien. 

Building 1 Mural.jpg

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    • Ashley0616
      It's awesome that you have had such a great friend in your life! I could only imagine what losing felt like to you. It's neat that you worked for the airlines. Did you take advantage of the space availability fights? My dad worked for Northwest and always flew every single summer except one where we drove from north Mississippi to Phoenix, AZ. My parents agreed to never do that again lol. 
    • Ashley0616
      The trans community won't be good under Trump at all. Biden is the one who has done more for the trans community than any other presidents. Last time Trump was in office he was at an LGBTQ rally and his support went quickly away from us because the majority of the voters are anti trans. He is going to get rid of our rights and also come after the rest of LGBTQ.  I don't know where you heard we would be better under Trump.    Trump unveils sweeping attack on trans rights ahead of 2024 (axios.com)   Trump Promises to Go After Trans People if Re-Elected (vice.com)   Trump promises to ban transgender women from sports if re-elected (nbcnews.com)
    • Sally Stone
      Post 7 “The Pittsburgh Years” When I retired from the Army, we moved to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania because I had been hired by US Airways to work in their flight training department.  The transition to civilian life was a bit of an adjustment, but I never really looked back.  At the same time, I was excited at the prospect of having more Sally time. But with work and two teenage boys in the house, getting to be Sally was a challenge.    The biggest issue in this regard were my sons, as they didn’t know about my feminine side.  My wife and I discussed, in great detail, whether or not to tell them.  If they had known about Sally, it would have been much easier to actually be Sally when I wanted to.  But I still didn’t know exactly where my transgender journey was going to take me, and this uncertainty was the primary reason my wife and I decided it wasn’t the right time to tell them about Sally.  Except for the convenience it would afford me, we didn’t think it was fair to burdened them with such a sensitive family secret if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.  If at some point things changed and it looked like I might be heading towards transition, my wife and I agreed we would revisit our decision.   Despite having to tiptoe around the boys I was able, with my wife often running interference for me, to significantly increase my girl time.  The nature of my variable work schedule meant that often days off occurred during the week when the boys were in school, and on those days, I took full advantage of the time.  Additionally, I had discovered a new trans friend through a local support group, and my wife, ever and always accommodating, ensured I had time for outings with my new friend.    Willa, my new friend, quickly became my best friend, and after only a short time, she and my wife became quite close as well.  With Willa’s help, I would soon discover that Pittsburgh was a very trans friendly city.  Together, she and I made the town our own.  We attended the theater, the symphony, we went out to dinner regularly, and I think we visited every museum in the city.  With Willa’s support and friendship, I was actually becoming quite the girl about town.    Willa and I had a lot in common.  We loved to shop, we had similar feminine styles, and we had similar views and feelings about being trans.  In fact, our frequent and deep discussions about transgender issues helped me begin to understand my transgender nature.  Having Willa as a springboard for all topics transgender, was probably as effective as regularly visiting a therapist.  I would never discount anyone’s desire to seek professional help, but having an unbiased confidant, can also be an effective method for self-discovery.    Exploring the city as Sally and spending time with Willa was instrumental in helping me understand my transgender nature, and would begin shaping my transgender objective.  My feelings about the kind of girl I was and where I wanted to go began to solidify.  Being out and socializing as Sally in a big city like Pittsburgh, taught me I could express my femininity without issue.  I honestly felt confident I could live my life as a woman; however, remaining completely objective, I just couldn’t see giving up the life I’d built as a man.   At that time, I was being heavily influenced by the concept of the gender binary, which had me thinking I had to choose between being a man or being a woman.  It was Willa who reminded me there were no rules requiring gender identity to be binary.  During one of our deep discussions, she posited the idea of enjoying both genders, something she was doing, and a concept that made a lot of sense to me.  I was already living the life of a part-time woman, so I simply started paying more attention to how that was making me feel.    One characteristic that was dominating my feminine self-expression (and it continues to this day) was that when I was Sally, I was “all in.”  When I became Sally, it was such a complete transformation that I truly felt like a woman.  The feeling was powerful, and if I had to describe it another way, I’d say it was akin to an actor, so into the part, they actually become the character they are portraying.  That was me, and I discovered that this level of depth was extremely fulfilling, and that feeling tended to last long after transitioning back to my male persona.  Part-time womanhood it seemed, was actually working for me.    Eventually, a job change forced me to move away from Pittsburgh, but the enlightenment I experienced while living there has shaped the nature of my bi-gender personality to this day.  Even after leaving, Willa and I remained the best of friends.  We had many more adventures, some of which I will detail in later posts.  Sadly, Willa passed away two-years ago after contracting a prolonged illness.  Her loss was hard to take and I miss her dearly.  However, I have so many fond memories of our times together, and because her support helped shape me, she lives on in my heart.   Hugs,   Sally
    • missyjo
      thank you dear. I'm constantly working at adjusting n writing off other people's judgment or input.   thank you n good luck
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Them's fighting words, but I intend to discuss this respectfully, calmly and so forth, in accordance with the forum rules.   Considering the one issue below in isolation:   There is a political calculus that trans folk may be better off under Trump than under Biden.  The argument goes that Biden has created such a backlash by moving so far to the left that red states, in particular, are reacting with a swarm of laws that negatively impact trans folk.  Some of his actions strike many people as clumsily forcing unwanted regulation on people, and some of his appointments, such as the luggage stealing bigender individual, have not helped advance trans folk but rather the reverse.  In a second term Biden would make things worse for trans folk because of the backlash and resentment his policies would create.    Trump likely would have negative impacts to trans folk, as he did in his first term with respect to the military, so it is a set of tradeoffs as to which is worse.   Thoughts?
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Can you dress androgynously? 
    • Ashley0616
    • Abigail Genevieve
      There are trans folk who pass better than some cis people.  People usually aren't on the lookout for those who are cross dressed.  As long as there are no multiple screaming signals and you don't draw attention to yourself you can probably pass better than you think. For example, if you walk into a bank in heels, however, and you DON'T know how to walk in heels, you will attract the attention of a security guard, especially if you are acting nervous. If you wear flats and just go to the bank and do your business like anyone else, it is likely no one will notice, except that there was a customer who was taller than most women are, but then there are tall women, and tall, broad shouldered woman.  I made the mistake years ago of thinking I had outed such, and knew she was a he.  Later I learned she had five kids, and her husband was bigger than she was.  Ooops.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I don't know much about CNAs.  They report to an RN, right?  Can you somehow bring this up to the RN in a way that does not get your CNA mad at you? I'm not saying you should, but maybe that is a good course of action.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      This is the thing.  A month ago tomorrow is when I stopped wearing m clothing.  Today I feel great.  I do not have dysphoria when I am dressed as and I move as a woman.  I was just thinking about that because I was wondering if I would or will get hit with a wave of "you don't have dysphoria so you might as well dress like a guy. Less hassle with your wife."  Not that she is aware, to my knowledge, that these androgynous clothes are women's.  No desire to "flip", no feeling of need to, just happy identifying as female.  Speaking, in my deep guy voice, with female voice patterns, doing the feminine gestures that come naturally and without exaggeration and at peace.
    • Birdie
      Yes, my brother was born lactating due to absorbing hormones from my mum.    Of course she isn't a nurse, she is a CNA. She should however still have general medical knowledge.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I agree.  But sometimes unethical conduct must still be legal, because the cure would be worse than the disease.  One problem we have today with the internet is the trolls can gang up on someone and destroy them - we see the with school bullying as well.   He was in the Southern Baptist Convention, and maybe he should have moved his church over to say the American Baptists, who might have been able to help him. A Southern Baptist pastor is king in his church, peerless, which means he could not have gone for help in his church.  And he could not have gone for help from any other pastor in the SBC because they likely affirm the SBC statements on these matters.  I think he was stuck.    I read this when it came out in the news.  Very sad situation.  
    • Carolyn Marie
      One organization that I know of that is dedicated to assisting LGBT seniors is SAGE.  They advocate for, and have services for, all LGBT folks, not just trans folk.  You can find their website Here.  I am not sure what, if anything, they have in terms of financial assistance.  I'll let you know if I find anything else.   Carolyn Marie
    • Davie
    • VickySGV
      This was an angle that I was very suspicious of as well, and may be the hook on which the settlement was hung.      Not at all strange especially if they had former patients who moved there that still owed money on their bills or they were buying hospital supplies from a Texas corporation. They may have business licenses in other states as well.  Small loss, but saxeT shot itself in the foot there since the license was a source of income to the state. 
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