Binge eating as a coping mechanism

[Raini]

I'm familiar with eating disorders. My sister was diagnosed since early age with anorexia. She have been near to a critical weight and in a bad state. Now it's better. She still has bones showing, but it's not as extreme. She used to throw up and fainted. She threw up involuntarily though, so I never agreed with this diagnosis. We were told it's in her head and everything. She even was at psychiatric hospital. I got so worried over her that I got white hair strings and prayed to God.

 

Now I seem to have an issue with binging. I really do not wish to develope or having developed an eating disorder on top of everything. I think I've suffered enough. 

 

I usually eat, when someone in the house has made food. My eating habits are unhealthy and I don't take supplements other than Vitamin D.

 

I have been diagnosed with depression and have been medicated for 3 years 2021-2023. 2021 I came out of closet to myself about being transgender.

 

Then I also started seeing myself as a monster. I realized I had body dysmorphia on top of gender dysphoria, what I feel physically.

 

I started to avoid mirrors, because I didn't see myself in it. I only saw a monstrous being an empty shell.

 

I have never been the skinny type. I've always been chubby and with a round face and tiny eyes, whis is why I was bullied a lot and called names like fatface, chinese and got asked why I have tiny ears. I was never picked first to teams in gym classes. I hated gym, because I could never throw ball or run as fast as others could. I was sick a lot, because my family has a genetic defect, where a whole part is missing, so I was born with an heart defect. It won't bother me though and been properly checking it time to time. I was in the hospital a lot though, thanks to my weak immune system.

 

I was very shy and with very low self esteem. I never talked to strangers and avoided strangers by choosing different routes, so I wouldn't have to pass anyone. I'm so much better with it now though. 

 

I used to enjoy food much more, than I do now. I don't eat it now, because I enjoy it. I eat it for fuel. It's almost as if I can't taste it anymore, like I used to, but I know taste buds change. 

 

I just simply inhale it to the point of getting sick and then I wonder why I got sick. I have digestive problems and kidney issues (kidney issues are currently under control). I do get reflux too.

 

My eating habits aren't the best. I skip meals often. I or my family simply don't have the energy for it to cook 3 warm meals every day. I often just make a sandwitch with white bread, that don't fill me up. I do eat porridge every morning though. I get hungry then late in the evenings, because my last mealtime was in the morning.

 

At when we do cook properly I overeat and get sick. I did try to hide my late evening snackings, because I told my parents I was 95 kg's and then I got a lecture.

 

I figured it wasn't good I hid it, because it may led to me developing an eating disorder.

 

I just ate, because I felt like there was a hole inside and I tried to fill it.

 

It's hard to get in the habit of eating properly and exercising thanks to depression and health issues.

 

[miastory]

anti depression meds often increase appetite. i am trying  to help my neighbor and friend with acid reflux and being overweight. i am not overweight and in fact have gotten my weight so that my waist is 37 inches which is optimal for me. even though i am on the edge  of a good weight i still have to  deal with over eating. my friend has a long way to go. food is definitely a coping mech for her. and she has a myriad of other problems and meds. anyway what got both our acid reflux under control was bragg's vinegar diluted. for me i don't take bragg's very often now. i find that any reflux is an opportunity to drink water. also i like to hybernate in winter and laying down worsens reflux so sitting up and meditating helps too. mediation and yogic breathing are a blessing. but one has to be regular. my friend now has her depression under control and her reflux also. her doctor took her off her depression meds and immediately she experience reflux again and high blood pressure. her doctor did not stay in contact with her and the pharmacist freaked out and sent my friend to the ER. my friend thought maybe her pressure reader was faulty. nope. i think we are living in the stone age still with diagnosis. i have experienced huge problems with small town doctors. i use a teaching university nearby now and do mostly video conferencing. my doctor there orders tests and vaccines through our local clinic but she make the decisions. that works well. i am an EMT and learned early on that if a patient had life threatening problems then the teaching hospital was the  one you took that patient to and disregarded the rest. i had a friend who followed that advise as an EMT and the local hospital tried to get him fired for diverting business away from them. yikes! anyway it is a struggle sometimes here in Iowa. my friend with depression insists on having a local doctor. i have tried and tried to get her to use the teaching hospital but to no avail. this last bout with death may have convinced her a bit. by the way my doctor is actually a physician's assistant. over the years i have found PAs to be more reliable than actual doctors. the really good thing about my PA is she has a team and backup. so every time i give her a problem she responds with a consensus.