Wearing a dress for the first time

[Avra]

Not quite sure where to put this so I put it here.

 

Today I went to get my hair done again and I decided to do the "unthinkable" and wear one of my cute dresses. My hair salon is very LGBT friendly and my hairdresser is super sweet, so I knew in my heart that I had nothing to worry about but my mind was racing up to the point I walked in the door. All in all, it was the best day of my life (so far) and I can say to anyone struggling with this, just do it, specifically if you know you're going to be safe where you're going. Now if only I could get my friends and family on board.

[AllieJ]

I know how you felt! My first time was a real dive into the deep end! I had come out to my work colleagues, and a couple of weeks later my boss told me she had arranged for me to travel to another city to attend a seminar on transitioning at work, then the next day I found out the 6 people I worked with were coming as well. My boss and the other ladies were insisting I wore a dress for the trip, but I had never worn a dress outside my house.

 

The trip involved a 30 minute car trip to a railway station, and 80 minute train journey, and walking 3 city blocks from the station to the venue. I not only had to face my colleagues, but general public on the train trip and walk through a crowded city. To make it worse, there was a protest near the venue, and I had to explain my reason to be there to a police security line and there were network TV cameras everywhere! I survived the journey, and attended the seminar, then we went to a crowded riverside restaurant, where I had to visit the ladies toilet!

 

I must admit, after compliments from my colleagues, and nobody on the train trip posting at me, I started to feel comfortable. The toilet visit was scary, but nothing happened, and I felt elated. The trip home was far less stressful. I was dreading my first public outing, and was still in the mindset that I would never pass in public, so this experience was life changing. I realised that it would be possible for me to get by unnoticed in public, and, for the first time ever, that social transition might be possible!

 

I was committed to transition, so I had to jump this hurdle at some time, but I know I would have kept putting it off without the support of my colleagues, and I will be forever grateful to them. It also changed the relationship with my wife as she also realised my transition was certain now...

 

The image below is from that day with my colleagues.

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[Keera]

Wow Avra what a brave soul you are.Don't all beginners dream of making that move,I certainly do.You have just lifted my spirits no end.I have invited my siblings to my house this Thur and I've had 'cold feet' coming on just thinking about it.I was full of confidence when I made the invite and now I can't seem to feel the buzz when I need it.There is still time.I only came out to them five weeks ago and they were very supportive.When I don't feel that buzz I think the wole thing must have gone away and that I've made a terrible mistake.That has happened a few times but it seems to pass and when It does I can't wait to put on a dress and do some makeup again.Have you found that your not always buzzing with excitement and that it comes an goes.?I'm 67 and living in Ireland.It's the up and down of feelings I'm trying to deal with at the moment.If you were here I would give you a big hug for your bravery.I'm so happy for you.Love Keera

[April Marie]

This is so awesome!!! Congratulations!!!

[VickySGV]

Other than one Halloween short trip, my first time out in public was with a group of girls from a CD Boutique two days after my 58th Birthday present to myself of a complete makeover at the boutique. (I am 75 now)  It was a Saturday, and the routine at the place was for a bunch of the girls and the shop owners to go out to dinner, and then some would go to a Trans friendly night club.  The dinner was at a restaurant that featured Drag and Gay performers portraits on the wall, but which had great food.  I am still friends with a few of the remaining ones that went there that night.  My only problem that night was that I had on shoes that were too small and blistered my feet up pretty badly.  In the Fall of 2011 I went to a convention and was full time for 5 days, went home in male mode because the convention was a 6 hour flight from my home area. I shucked that off and went full time three days after.

 

You did wonderfully well there @Avra,  each and every time you go out as YOU it becomes easier and more natural to be that way.  Keep going girl.

[Ivy]

Going out in public for the first time was hard.  I did finally do it, but I had to do it alone, and it was terrifying.  But it gets easier. 

 

This is a poem I wrote about one of the times it was too hard and I chickened out.

 

 

Mask

 

 

In the parking lot now

I turn off the engine

And sit

 

Smoothing the skirt over my legs

I look down

 

Toenails a lovely coral shade

Setting off the subdued greens and browns

Of this skirt

 

Hand on the door now

I cannot open it

I stay in the car seat

Trembling…

 

I did not wear my mask

 

How strange…

 

I come here nearly every day

But always in my mask

 

I had hoped

Today

Things might change…

 

But drive home again

 

My mask and I go way back

It helps me feel like one of the boys

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[KymmieL]

I remember my first time. it was great until I walked in the door at home. but that was along time ago. My wife is still against it. Yet, in early Aug she let me wear a sundress all day on a drive to Red Lodge MT. Even going out for dinner. So, I don't know.

 

Kymmie

[AllieJ]

26 minutes ago, KymmieL said:

I remember my first time. it was great until I walked in the door at home. but that was along time ago. My wife is still against it. Yet, in early Aug she let me wear a sundress all day on a drive to Red Lodge MT. Even going out for dinner. So, I don't know.

 

Kymmie

 

Kymmie, in November 1999 my wife accepted I was trans and agreed to marry me. She gave me a satin nightie set for Christmas, and within a couple of years, agreed to me being myself full time at home. We had a wonderful marriage for 20 years until I had to socially transition. She even drove me to and from the hospital for my op, but all that time she was in silent agony about me being trans. She tried so hard to get through this with me, but, as dysphoria was killing me, my being trans was ruining her life. It almost killed me to lose her, but I love her enough to want her to be happy.

 

 I hope this works out for you both.

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[Betty K]

The first time I ever went outside in a dress was alone, on a whim, on Mardi Gras in Sydney in 2012. Every single person I met was nice to me that night, and I went out every weekend for about the next six months, but only after dark. At the end of that six months I spent three days seriously considering whether I should transition. (Somehow I forgot this until I read about it in my journal nine years later.) But I was too scared and purged my wardrobe and met my future wife two weeks later.

 

On the morning of New Years Day 2022, I finally wore a dress (actually a skirt) in daylight. I’d been up all night at two clubs in Hobart, Tasmania, and a man had asked me out for coffee when the second club closed. The sun was up and we had coffee and… nothing bad happened. I caught a cab back to my friend’s house where I was staying, had breakfast and went straight out again, spending several hours at MONA art gallery, where — you guessed it — nothing bad happened. It was such a relief.
 

What cuts me to the bone is the memory — I’ll never forget it — of the first time I ever had the urge to go outside in a dress. It was 1984-85, I think; I was about 11 years old. I had been dressing in secret since I was 6 or 7, but this time something clicked: I… liked myself. Immediately I wanted to go out in the street (we lived in a small town in the Adelaide Hills) and show myself off. But just as quickly I realised I could never do that, and resolved to never tell anyone my secret. I kept that promise to myself for almost 30 years.

 

Congratulations, @Avra. You just took a huge step in the right direction.

[Avra]

17 hours ago, AllieJ said:

I know how you felt! My first time was a real dive into the deep end! I had come out to my work colleagues, and a couple of weeks later my boss told me she had arranged for me to travel to another city to attend a seminar on transitioning at work, then the next day I found out the 6 people I worked with were coming as well. My boss and the other ladies were insisting I wore a dress for the trip, but I had never worn a dress outside my house.

 

The trip involved a 30 minute car trip to a railway station, and 80 minute train journey, and walking 3 city blocks from the station to the venue. I not only had to face my colleagues, but general public on the train trip and walk through a crowded city. To make it worse, there was a protest near the venue, and I had to explain my reason to be there to a police security line and there were network TV cameras everywhere! I survived the journey, and attended the seminar, then we went to a crowded riverside restaurant, where I had to visit the ladies toilet!

 

I must admit, after compliments from my colleagues, and nobody on the train trip posting at me, I started to feel comfortable. The toilet visit was scary, but nothing happened, and I felt elated. The trip home was far less stressful. I was dreading my first public outing, and was still in the mindset that I would never pass in public, so this experience was life changing. I realised that it would be possible for me to get by unnoticed in public, and, for the first time ever, that social transition might be possible!

 

I was committed to transition, so I had to jump this hurdle at some time, but I know I would have kept putting it off without the support of my colleagues, and I will be forever grateful to them. It also changed the relationship with my wife as she also realised my transition was certain now...

 

The image below is from that day with my colleagues.

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

Oh wow, that's really cool to have supportive colleagues! The bathroom thing would be a concern for me, since outside of my hair salon I'm not really out and still use the men's washrooms. Segregated washrooms in my opinion should go the way of black segregation - that is, get rid of it. It's equally as stupid. But we're not quite there yet.

[Avra]

16 hours ago, Keera said:

Wow Avra what a brave soul you are.Don't all beginners dream of making that move,I certainly do.You have just lifted my spirits no end.I have invited my siblings to my house this Thur and I've had 'cold feet' coming on just thinking about it.I was full of confidence when I made the invite and now I can't seem to feel the buzz when I need it.There is still time.I only came out to them five weeks ago and they were very supportive.When I don't feel that buzz I think the wole thing must have gone away and that I've made a terrible mistake.That has happened a few times but it seems to pass and when It does I can't wait to put on a dress and do some makeup again.Have you found that your not always buzzing with excitement and that it comes an goes.?I'm 67 and living in Ireland.It's the up and down of feelings I'm trying to deal with at the moment.If you were here I would give you a big hug for your bravery.I'm so happy for you.Love Keera

Thanks, this makes me feel less crazy, that I'm not the only one who has these fears. You got this! As for the excitement, I think it might fade somewhat once you begin to feel comfortable and realize that this is really you, but the peace of being yourself will never truly go away. I personally love cute dresses - they always excite me so I haven't reached that point myself yet. Hope that answers your question? Thanks for the virtual hug. 😊🤗

[Avra]

14 hours ago, Ivy said:

Going out in public for the first time was hard.  I did finally do it, but I had to do it alone, and it was terrifying.  But it gets easier. 

 

This is a poem I wrote about one of the times it was too hard and I chickened out.

 

 

Mask

 

 

In the parking lot now

I turn off the engine

And sit

 

Smoothing the skirt over my legs

I look down

 

Toenails a lovely coral shade

Setting off the subdued greens and browns

Of this skirt

 

Hand on the door now

I cannot open it

I stay in the car seat

Trembling…

 

I did not wear my mask

 

How strange…

 

I come here nearly every day

But always in my mask

 

I had hoped

Today

Things might change…

 

But drive home again

 

My mask and I go way back

It helps me feel like one of the boys

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beautifully sad poem. I get that - feeling alone is hard. I usually feel that way too but not in this case. I long for a day everyone can be as loving and accepting as at my salon. I just felt like one of the girls and my hairdresser always makes me feel so pretty even when I don't always feel so myself.

[Avra]

10 hours ago, KymmieL said:

I remember my first time. it was great until I walked in the door at home. but that was along time ago. My wife is still against it. Yet, in early Aug she let me wear a sundress all day on a drive to Red Lodge MT. Even going out for dinner. So, I don't know.

 

Kymmie

I love sundresses and camis but alas I have way too much body hair to actually look good in them. 🥺

[Avra]

Thanks for all the love and support guys! 😊🥰

[Ashley0616]

Congratulations on your big step. Heck I practically only wear dresses. I have over a hundred of them. I do wear jeans and occasional yoga pants. 

[Ivy]

34 minutes ago, Ashley0616 said:

Heck I practically only wear dresses.

This is me also.  I can't actually remember the last time I had pants on.  It might have been some bibs I put on to snake out a clogged drain line.  I didn't like it.

[Avra]

6 hours ago, Ashley0616 said:

Congratulations on your big step. Heck I practically only wear dresses. I have over a hundred of them. I do wear jeans and occasional yoga pants. 

Thanks! Same, but never in public before. Maybe not over 100 but significantly more than my "going out" "fake me" clothes.

[Avra]

6 hours ago, Ivy said:

This is me also.  I can't actually remember the last time I had pants on.  It might have been some bibs I put on to snake out a clogged drain line.  I didn't like it.

Pants have a place I suppose, but yeah, I don't like them at all. Shirts are fine but I haven't worn a men's shirt in years, even in public. Those aren't as obvious as a full blown dress though.

[Ashley0616]

This is my wardrobe so far and I’m getting more of course. 

[Keera]

Wow Ashley I have 4 dresses but I'm just a beginner.Like you though I'm getting more!

[Avra]

20 hours ago, Ashley0616 said:

This is my wardrobe so far and I’m getting more of course. 

Wow. I would get lost in there haha. I also would probably not want to leave until I tried on every one. 😁

 

I love your signature quote btw!

[Keera]

Hi all well I've bitten the bullet and gone out in public in a favourite maxi dress for the first time.That was just four days ago.Now to make it as easy as possible for myself I went out after midnight in stormy weather and wore a hooded jacket with the hood up! I felt very comfortable and excited as I strolled along feeling the dress blowing against my legs.I did a ten minute walk in my local area which felt just right for my first time.

The only people I 'saw' were two women chatting at a house door.I looked at them and they looked at me but I never got closer to them then about twenty yards.I never saw anyone after that but it didn't diminish my delight at my 'little' achievement.

I wanted more of the same so I strode out the following night at the same time in the same way taking the same route and I never saw a single person on that occasion but I was happy.

Last night I went again but at an earlier time of 7.30 wanting some people to see me in my dress.I had to stop to allow a car to pass and they had a good look and I was so pleased.I didn't meet anyone else after that which surprised me given the early hour though it was still stormy.

All in all a very exciting if daunting experience........baby steps confidence grows.

Love Keera

[April Marie]

1 hour ago, Keera said:

Hi all well I've bitten the bullet and gone out in public in a favourite maxi dress for the first time.That was just four days ago.Now to make it as easy as possible for myself I went out after midnight in stormy weather and wore a hooded jacket with the hood up! I felt very comfortable and excited as I strolled along feeling the dress blowing against my legs.I did a ten minute walk in my local area which felt just right for my first time.

The only people I 'saw' were two women chatting at a house door.I looked at them and they looked at me but I never got closer to them then about twenty yards.I never saw anyone after that but it didn't diminish my delight at my 'little' achievement.

I wanted more of the same so I strode out the following night at the same time in the same way taking the same route and I never saw a single person on that occasion but I was happy.

Last night I went again but at an earlier time of 7.30 wanting some people to see me in my dress.I had to stop to allow a car to pass and they had a good look and I was so pleased.I didn't meet anyone else after that which surprised me given the early hour though it was still stormy.

All in all a very exciting if daunting experience........baby steps confidence grows.

Love Keera

I'm so excited for you, Keera!! That must have felt so good. So empowering. Congratulations!!!

[Keera]

It was all of those things April Marie thank you

[Ivy]

Yes,  Congratulations!