I AM A GIRL!!....Are you?

[Mirrabooka]

4 hours ago, Timi said:

...I had the opportunity to attend my first in-person Transfemme support group. I've never in my life felt such a strong sense of belonging. I do feel that here as well - but it was so much more apparent when I was actually sharing space with other Trans girls. 

 

-Timi

I totally get the sense of belonging and can understand the fact that it would be stronger in real life, compared to here.

 

The way I think of forums is if they are real clubhouses or drop-in centers, and everyone who is online is actually there. Weird, huh, but it works for me. I just wish such a place actually existed!

[Mmindy]

40 minutes ago, Mirrabooka said:

The way I think of forums is if they are real clubhouses or drop-in centers, and everyone who is online is actually there. Weird, huh, but it works for me. I just wish such a place actually existed!

I agree, and visualize the members who are actively on line as being at the same table checking messages.

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Ivy]

2 minutes ago, Mmindy said:

being at the same table checking messages

And this across international boundaries and on all continents.   Pretty cool, huh?

[Mmindy]

6 minutes ago, Ivy said:

Pretty cool, huh?

Yes it is. I feel like if we all met somewhere, we would pick up conversation like a new visit.

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Charleigh Dakota]

5 hours ago, MaeBe said:

It's an interesting conversation I've had with myself over the past couple of years, from where or how has this identity come forth after so many years as male?

I certainly relate to this but mine was far quicker than a few years....my conversation only took about two months of daily conversations with myself and my wife.....and what I figured out was that I did not suddenly have a new identity but rather I was finally free to embrace my true identity that never had a name/label until recently....so after a lifetime of desperately scratching to get out....I finally broke the seal and grabbed my womanhood by the horns and hit it full speed ahead....And I have never been happier and I have never regretted a single decision about my "blossoming" from my "treasure chest"....I didnt "come out"....I just blossomed!! 

[Charleigh Dakota]

2 hours ago, Timi said:

@MaeBeWhat you wrote is so well expressed and I can relate so well! Thank you. I honestly don't know how Trans people managed to come out and transition before the internet and the ability to connect with others. 

 

There are some male "skills" I would just as soon loose. I was explaining to a lesbian friend that I have spent my whole life passing as a straight cis white male. Now I'm just learning how to live as the authentic me. If people know of the Marvel superhero Ironman, I say that it is as though I am taking off my Iron "Man" suit and leaving that behind. 

 

-Timi

Yes....I feel you....same here...but Im sure to adorn my gorgeous sequined evening dress and heels every chance I get now!!

[violet r]

I'm new to this. I'm 45 and Just recently coming to terms with the idea of being trans. Noni see yo have a new sense of peace and feel a wild kinds of happiness. It all stated when I gave up drinking for a while. I realized that I just covering up who i really was. Did some research on the gender identity and watched a lot of videos. And wow I related to so much. I never liked myself or my body. But there were signs over the years that I refused to see. But home life has made it impossible for me to do anything at this time. I'm glad I found this safe space. 

 

[April Marie]

Welcome @violet r to the forums. You’ll find many of us here who came to understand and accept our realities later (even late for some) in life. Each of us is unique but we also share much in common.

 

You’ll find lots of information and resources here and many people willing to talk and share thoughts with you.

 

Jump in where you feel comfortable. Ask questions. Or just relax among people who will never judge you.

[EasyE]

3 hours ago, violet r said:

But home life has made it impossible for me to do anything at this time. I'm glad I found this safe space. 

Welcome @violet r. I can relate to this, as do many on this forum. All of this has roared to life for me over the past 18-24 months (I am 53yo), though it was always in the background in some fashion since I was a kid.

 

What I have told my family about this side of me has not been received well at all. So I understand the hardship there... 

 

Blessings to you!

[Ivy]

Welcome Violet.

Nice name, I have a daughter named Violet.

[Abigail Genevieve]

I thought I would try my version of this. Changes in bold.

 

I am Transgender.  Sometimes it is remote, sometimes close. Sometimes I am euphoric, sometimes depressed. It is something I cannot get away from and cannot welcome enough. I see some things both ways that neither men as men see or women as women see.  I can be gentle and compassionate and hard as nails.

I was born with male genitals but a female heart   I have my heart.  Whatever it is.

When I look at a female, I wish I looked like her  Depends on the woman. 

When I look at a male, I wish I did not look like him   Ditto.

I envy female movements, softness, behaviors, appearances, fashion...EVERYTHING Female Depends. Sometimes I get angry at them because women spend time and energy in ways men don't.  It is not necessarily bad.  I could do without the gossip. Not all women gossip.  Excessive focus on fashion is something I find annoying. And expensive.

I tolerate all things male out of social obligation...not because I feel like a man or because it makes me happy....but because that's what I was forced to believe was my only choice....beginning in early childhood. Sometimes it is helpful to put on the Iron Man suit and act accordingly.  But I have seen some tough women.

When I look at myself in the mirror in only bra and panties...I can see my nude female body...and it makes me smile and feel amazing and warm inside....yet sad because that is not my reality. I could go either way, mostly. Really.  In tests in the last two years technicians have gone really quiet when they see how little body and leg hair I have.  I looked at myself this morning.  Remove a few clues and a girl is standing there.

When I look at myself in the mirror in only boxers...I can see my nude male body and it saddens me deeply and makes me feel sick and depressed...and at times...even ashamed....Because this IS my reality. At this point I am not going to do that. In the mood I am in I might break the mirror.

My true gender does not influence my sexual interests or preferences...or change who I am....in any form or fashion.

Gender identity is in no way connected to anything sexually related on any level.  Not sure I want to make that statement so categorically.

Life as a male leaves me with a feeling that something is off...that something is missing...that something is not as it should have been.   Well put.

The idea of having to continue living as a male...as someone I am not...for the rest of my life...even if its only part time...causes great sadness and anxiety within myself. I've got priorities beyond this that this must fit into.

The idea of living as the girl I am and always have been on a full time basis...regardless of where I am, what I am doing or who I am around...brings me great joy, happiness and a sense of peace within myself.  Would be neat.

Looking like and living as a girl makes me smile.   Would be neat.  There are downsides. 

Looking like and living as a guy makes me sad.   I have had lots of practice accepting this.

I am Transgender....I am a girl

[violet r]

4 hours ago, Abigail Genevieve said:

I thought I would try my version of this. Changes in bold.

 

I am Transgender.  Sometimes it is remote, sometimes close. Sometimes I am euphoric, sometimes depressed. It is something I cannot get away from and cannot welcome enough. I see some things both ways that neither men as men see or women as women see.  I can be gentle and compassionate and hard as nails.

I was born with male genitals but a female heart   I have my heart.  Whatever it is.

When I look at a female, I wish I looked like her  Depends on the woman. 

When I look at a male, I wish I did not look like him   Ditto.

I envy female movements, softness, behaviors, appearances, fashion...EVERYTHING Female Depends. Sometimes I get angry at them because women spend time and energy in ways men don't.  It is not necessarily bad.  I could do without the gossip. Not all women gossip.  Excessive focus on fashion is something I find annoying. And expensive.

I tolerate all things male out of social obligation...not because I feel like a man or because it makes me happy....but because that's what I was forced to believe was my only choice....beginning in early childhood. Sometimes it is helpful to put on the Iron Man suit and act accordingly.  But I have seen some tough women.

When I look at myself in the mirror in only bra and panties...I can see my nude female body...and it makes me smile and feel amazing and warm inside....yet sad because that is not my reality. I could go either way, mostly. Really.  In tests in the last two years technicians have gone really quiet when they see how little body and leg hair I have.  I looked at myself this morning.  Remove a few clues and a girl is standing there.

When I look at myself in the mirror in only boxers...I can see my nude male body and it saddens me deeply and makes me feel sick and depressed...and at times...even ashamed....Because this IS my reality. At this point I am not going to do that. In the mood I am in I might break the mirror.

My true gender does not influence my sexual interests or preferences...or change who I am....in any form or fashion.

Gender identity is in no way connected to anything sexually related on any level.  Not sure I want to make that statement so categorically.

Life as a male leaves me with a feeling that something is off...that something is missing...that something is not as it should have been.   Well put.

The idea of having to continue living as a male...as someone I am not...for the rest of my life...even if its only part time...causes great sadness and anxiety within myself. I've got priorities beyond this that this must fit into.

The idea of living as the girl I am and always have been on a full time basis...regardless of where I am, what I am doing or who I am around...brings me great joy, happiness and a sense of peace within myself.  Would be neat.

Looking like and living as a girl makes me smile.   Would be neat.  There are downsides. 

Looking like and living as a guy makes me sad.   I have had lots of practice accepting this.

I am Transgender....I am a girl

I totally understand what you just said. I can relate to this very well. I have a lot.of similar feelings.

[Abigail Genevieve]

1 hour ago, violet r said:

I totally understand what you just said. I can relate to this very well. I have a lot.of similar feelings.

Thanks.  What I do as a man is what a woman would do if she were a man.  There is just something feminine about the way I act as a man.  It's not that being a woman is actually better, or something to aspire to, but it is just that I am one, while not being one.

 

If beating my head bloody to get rid off this stupid dysphoria would fix it I would find the nearest wall, but I know that if I did that, when I woke up, it would still be there.

 

If I did not have this struggle I would be someone else and I would be less of a person than I am.  They say an oak tree growing in an open field is far stronger than one in a forest.  The storms come and go and I stand.

 

This forum is the first time I have interacted with other people struggling with the same struggle and parallel struggles. It helps.

[Ivy]

13 minutes ago, Abigail Genevieve said:

This forum is the first time I have interacted with other people struggling with the same struggle and parallel struggles. It helps.

It is a lifesaver for a lot of us.

[April Marie]

1 hour ago, Ivy said:

It is a lifesaver for a lot of us.

Literally. 

[Mirrabooka]

10 hours ago, April Marie said:

Literally. 

 Hugs. ❤️

[Mmindy]

14 hours ago, Abigail Genevieve said:

They say an oak tree growing in an open field is far stronger than one in a forest.  The storms come and go and I stand.

This is a great analogy. The statement is true as it relates to the tree. The analogy fits because we as a LGBTQIA community are stronger when we stand together. It also work here on Transgender Pulse Forums. The support I feel from so many others has made me comfortable with my stance, because I'm in a beautiful forest of friends. So when I'm out alone and confronted. I can respond and act like the single tree in the field, surviving whatever comes my way. My roots reach back and communicate with others like me. 

 

Standing Strong,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋