Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Tips on hinting that I'm trans?


gavin

Recommended Posts

Hi everyone! I was hoping I could get some tips, advice, a second opinion or a personal example from someone in a similar situation.

 

In short, I am currently living with my parents and probably will be for the next couple of years. My mother is openly conservative and hateful towards queer people, she expressed that to me on multiple occasions, especially when she suspected something was off about me (when I started shopping in mens section, binding, etc.). My dad is of slightly more progressive views but I'm sure he wouldn't be too happy about me being trans either. But the problem is not so much with me being scared to come out to them because I worry they might start hating me, kick me out of the house or anything of that sort. I know they love me unconditionally and they will see me being trans not as me being immoral in some way but rather as their poor innocent child being brainwashed by the gay agenda or something along these lines. I know they will be devastated. They will believe my life to be ruined if I start transitioning. I feel awfully guilty thinking about causing them so much pain. Is it really necessary for me to transition in order to be happy? I think it is. If a friend of mine was in such a situation, I'd tell them to go for it. In the end of the day they just want a chance at happiness and you can't blame them for it. But when it comes to myself I'm not so sure. I can't seem to bring myself to do it. My only options are not transitioning, moving out and ending contact with them or coming out. The first two are completely off the table, so I have to proceed with the third. 

 

I'm sorry about the long intro, it's not entirely relevant to the rest of the post but I really needed to get that off my chest. As for my main question: how can I very obviously hint at me being trans without openly starting that conversation? I know hinting isn't the most mature way to handle these things but I simply can't bring myself to talk about it with them unless they confront me with a direct question. Again, I know this is very immature but I've been putting it away for 5 years and knowing myself I may as well never get enough courage to do it. Now another problem is, my mother did understand my unintentional "hints" when I was 14 and first started dressing differently, binding cutting my hair in a specific way. But back then I wasn't looking to come out, I was just starting to figure things out and her questions scared me. I managed to explain it away with "mens clothes are more comfortable", "I just like it that way" and other similar things. The problem now is that she genuinely believes that I'm just a masculine woman and stuff like me wearing mens clothes and underwear, always having my hair short, never wearing make up, etc. don't make her suspicious at all. I would need something way more drastic for her to bring up that topic again and I'm completely out of ideas. Wear a tank top that exposes strips of trans tape on my chest? Leave my laptop with a trans related website open? Have someone send me a message using my chosen name and also leave my phone somewhere for her to see? I basically want something (or someone) to out me to her because I can't bring myself to make that first step. Maybe you have some ideas as to how to make that happen? Or maybe you have gone through something similar? I would be grateful for any relevant information. Thank you so much for reading all this, I hope it wasn't too much or off topic. I'm new to this place, so I'm still figuring things out. 

 

Thanks in advance,

Gavin

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome to Transgender Pulse Forums Gavin,

 

While a parent's love is unconditional, it doesn't mean the conservative viewpoint won't drive a wedge between you and them. Like you my mother would have never accept anyone from the LGBTQIA community and she would yell at the TV when something came on talking about the LGBTQIA community. In the 1980s my cousin Vicky came out to her mom, dad, siblings and cousins requesting that we no longer call her Vicky. She just wanted to be know as Vic. My mother referred to her as a tomboy, thick boned butch woman. Vic eventually married Nancy and my mother always referred to them as house mates sharing housing costs. My mother always loved on Vic and Nancy, but never admitted they were a couple. I think it was a generational thing she just didn't want to admit to.

 

So my advice to you is the same as what you would tell a friend. You know what you need to do, you just want confirmation or permission.

 

Best wishes, stay positive and motivated,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

Link to comment

Hi Gavin,

 

Welcome and I'm glad you could find us. I would recommend what makes you happy. Don't live your life for others. I spent plenty of years trying to please other people. I do understand though the nightmares that you might be facing also. You don't have to transition unless you want to. I will say this when I was able to get on hormones it took a couple of months for my body to overcome the changes and is still adjusting. My regret is I didn't do it sooner. I lived in denial for a while and worried about what others think. You can't put your happiness in someone else. You are responsible for that. I don't know how things are in Russia with transitioning but I would definitely love to listen how they do things over there. You are the first person that I spoke to that is Russian and would love to learn about it. You can message me if you want. I'm usually online. Tomorrow is going to be an exception because I'm celebrating my oldest son's birthday. Unfortunately I got to deal with the ex but another day to spend with my kid is lovely. Do you have plans in case things go south or should I say if they go bad? By that I mean if they throw you out? I'm not saying they will or they won't. I always try to expect the worst but hope for the best. I waited till I had my own house and I'm glad I did. My parents are divorced but after I came out I talked to my dad once and that was because he was forced to. Even during the conversation he didn't ask me any questions at all. My mom doesn't support me either but she has stated that she loves me. Well I guess that is it for now. I would love to hear more from you like hobbies, likes and dislikes or what you want to tell me. Take care and as y'all say dobryy meaning good day. I know that you know it but I have to add that other stuff for them to know. 

Link to comment

@Mmindy Thank you for your reply! Yes, I do think it's possible that they may never accept me as a man and, despite their unconditional love, still see me as their daughter. I think I'm prepared for that, as long as I get a chance to transition. There are a lot of things we don't agree on, so their approval isn't crucial to me. I think I do know what the right thing to do is, in the end of the day. I just need to build up enough courage. Thank you so much for you support! 

Link to comment

@Ashley0616 

Thank you! Yes, I understand that. I think I really do want to transition. Similarly to you, I think my only regret might be that I haven't done it sooner. It's been a constant back and forth for the last 5 years but now I'm pretty certain that would be the right choice. Transitioning in Russia is definitely becoming increasingly difficult, I'll message you with specific details if you are interested in learning about that. As for a back up plan, I know it sounds rather naive but I don't really have one. Of course you can never know for sure but I'm as certain as I can be that they won't kick me out. They may take away all my electronics, claiming the internet made me the way I am, or try to stop me from transitioning by all means possible for them but that's about it. None of those are great perspectives either, so I should still think about my course of actions just in case. 

Thank you so much for your reply and for the support! It really means a lot. Oh, and congrats on your son's birthday, I hope you have a great day today!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Good afternoon Gavin

 

i have a rather simple answer for you, it will happen when it happens and don’t try to force it.  It takes a long time for our loved ones to get used to the idea and trying to force it on them before they are ready to listen can lead to a bad situation.  
 

Your parents will get more and more used to your masculinity and will eventually be open to hearing you tell them.  But, you need family in your life, I don’t care where you live.

 

Willow

Link to comment
12 hours ago, gavin said:

@Ashley0616 

Thank you! Yes, I understand that. I think I really do want to transition. Similarly to you, I think my only regret might be that I haven't done it sooner. It's been a constant back and forth for the last 5 years but now I'm pretty certain that would be the right choice. Transitioning in Russia is definitely becoming increasingly difficult, I'll message you with specific details if you are interested in learning about that. As for a back up plan, I know it sounds rather naive but I don't really have one. Of course you can never know for sure but I'm as certain as I can be that they won't kick me out. They may take away all my electronics, claiming the internet made me the way I am, or try to stop me from transitioning by all means possible for them but that's about it. None of those are great perspectives either, so I should still think about my course of actions just in case. 

Thank you so much for your reply and for the support! It really means a lot. Oh, and congrats on your son's birthday, I hope you have a great day today!

Of course I would love to learn about your country. I'm glad that you found my post useful. If you want to you can also follow me on Facebook. My profile is in my transgender pulse profile. That's great to hear that they wouldn't do that. You're welcome and thank you for that. The party is over and now it's a little quieter since most of the people went away. Just my two kids and my nephew who is around my oldest son's age. Don't be a stranger you can tell me what you want and I can give you advice. I love helping people out. Hope you have a good night!

Link to comment

@Willow Thank you so much for your advice! I do agree that it's important not to force those things too much. I'll try to come up with a way to go about it that wouldn't rush anything. Once again, thank you for replying!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 305 Guests (See full list)

    • MaryEllen
    • ClaireBloom
    • Abigail Genevieve
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      770k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,090
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Layla Marie hay
    Newest Member
    Layla Marie hay
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Britton
      Britton
      (53 years old)
    2. chipped_teeth
      chipped_teeth
    3. james-m
      james-m
    4. jenny75
      jenny75
      (34 years old)
    5. KASS13
      KASS13
  • Posts

    • KatieSC
      I wish I could cope as well as others. I feel very defeated in that all of the consideration, and then treatment to transition, could all be wiped out by this time next year with the united effort by the R party to eradicate all that is transgender. I fear that the national election could turn out to our detriment, and we will face a national push to eradicate us. Tracking us down will not be that hard to do. Once they know who we are, forcing the legislation to reverse our name changes, gender marker changes, and other records, will not be that hard. We saw an example when the AG in Texas was data mining the driver licenses for those who had gender marker changes. Who will we appeal to? The Supreme R Court? We would have an easier time trying to convince a Russian court.    We need to get out and vote in November. There is not enough Ben & Jerry's to improve my outlook on all of this. In some ways it is a cruel thing in a way. In the early 1930s, Germany was working hard to hunt down the LGBTQ population and eradicate it. Now Germany has better protections there than we have in many of our own states. About 90 years ago, Germany was seeing the rise of their very own dictator...Now the US is on the verge...Oh never mind. What a difference 90 years makes...    History may repeat itself, but sometimes it shifts the focus a little...
    • Nonexistent
      I have the same problem as you, my face is the main reason why I get misgendered I'm pretty sure. I think it's mostly up to genetics how your face will look (T can help, but still genetics will determine how you end up). You can't change your facial structure really, you can get facial masculinization surgery but it's expensive so not an option for most unless you're rich lol.    Experimentally (I haven't done it but want to), you could see if any plastic surgeons around you will give you Kybella in your cheeks. It is an injection that removes fat, and is usually used underneath the chin/on the neck below the jawline, but some may use it off-label on the face. The only potential problem with this is that if your face would naturally thin out at an older age, it could thin out extra and make you look older (though I'm not certain on this). Another option is to get filler in your jaw/chin, which would make your jawline look more square and your face more masculine. I want jaw filler but I'm poor lol, it only lasts one year up to a few years depending on what kind you get, so it would have to be done every so often and can get expensive. I did get chin filler once, only 2 small vials so it didn't make that big of a difference. I would recommend going for the jaw if you can only choose 1, I wish I had done that.   Those are the only options I know of that will bring legitimate noticeable changes.
    • April Marie
      Welcome to the forums, Blake!! We are happy that you found us!!
    • Mmindy
      Good evening Blake.   Welcome to Transgender Pulse Forums.   Best wishes, stay positive and motivated.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Nonexistent
      Thank you.    Trans men and trans women each have their own struggles for sure, but I agree, it can be a hard time to be a non-passing trans guy. There is no specific "man clothes" that only men wear. People could just think I'm butch (which sucks to think about, if people think I'm a lesbian when I'm a dude!!). I mean I would feel better if I got gendered correctly even if I don't fully pass, it would maybe raise my confidence to think maybe I do pass well lol! Instead I'm just reminded I don't.   Though I may just focus on the times I don't pass and ignore the times that I do. Because I rarely remember getting gendered correctly, but I hone in on the times that I don't. 
    • Nonexistent
      Thank you, I'm glad to be here. :)   I have been in therapy for 9 years but still can't seem to accept myself. I think it has to do with growing up trans in a world that hates us, especially in the south. I mean I was discriminated against by adults and ostracized as a kid/teen due to being trans. My family is accepting, but the rest of the world is not. I realize now a lot of people are accepting (even unexpectedly, like my partner's conservative republican Trump-loving parents lol), but it feels like my brain is still in survival mode every time I exit the door. I am a very fearful person.   My body still may change over time, but it feels like I haven't met the same 'quota' (don't know the right word) that a majority of other trans guys have on far less time on T. Most trans guys pass easily 1-3yrs on T, I'm double that and still don't pass well except my voice.
    • Nonexistent
      Thank you. I am just used to seeing trans guys who pass at like... 6 months to 1 year, at the most 3 years. And I just don't meet the mark, all the way at 6 years. It is possible with time I will masculinize more, but it's frustrating when I'm "behind" and may never catch up. It threatens my mental health mostly, possibly my physical health if I'm visibly trans (though I don't ever go out alone). 
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boss is happy with everything with me and said I will be the only one that works on one customer's truck.This customer saw me clean a small grease spot in the inter of his Kenworh last week,on the steering wheel.A new customer too,saw me walk out with my tub o' towels wiping that grease stain off.This one,he cannot stand a grease spot in the interior.
    • Nonexistent
      Yeah, I am grieving the man I "should" have been. He will never exist, especially not in my youth. But I don't know how to healthily go about it instead of fixating on the life that could have been.
    • EasyE
    • VickySGV
      Going to the conventions has been one of my ways to deal with this stuff. 
    • Nonexistent
      Sorry it took me a while to respond!    I would like to get to know you. :) I only have mental disabilities. Schizoaffective disorder, depression, and anxiety. The last two are severe and very treatment-resistant. I did have physical problems for some time, but it was caused by an antipsychotic medication (Invega). It basically crippled me, muscle weakness/fatigue, basically could barely walk (used mobility devices) and doctors were useless since they didn't suspect the medication I was on! I've finally ditched antipsychotics (hopefully for good, unless my symptoms come back). I usually don't share like this, especially in person, but hey, I'm anonymous. :)   I'm not expecting reciprocation at all btw, these things are personal. There is more to us than disabilities, so tell me about yourself if you still wanna talk!
    • EasyE
      thanks for the insight ... good to know things are being well thought-out ... it is no easy topic for sure, as many of us on here have been wrestling with this stuff for years and decades...
    • Ashley0616
      @KymmieLWOW! He is absolutely horrible! Definitely one of the worst boss's. 
    • KymmieL
      Well the boss is at it again. They misplaced a work order thinking I was the last one who had it, yesterday morning. I know where it is. Last thing I did with it was put it back on the counter. He accused me a couple times of having it last and put it somewhere. Come to find out, the other boss (his wife) had taken it. she put the work order paper in the recycle box.   Has he apologized about the accusations. He!! no. I am waiting for hadies to get frost bit.   So that was my morning.  But it is finally warming up here. currently 63 and windy.   Hugs, Kymmie
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...