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After having mostly a positive week, something silly has brought me down again. I was in a clothing shop with my partner and two kids. I went to pay and the cashier offered me a reward card to start earning points. I agreed to sign up. The cashier asked me my title, is it miss,ms or Mrs. With a sinking feeling, I said "oh, actually it's Mx, (I pronounced it mix) spelt MX." The cashier typed away and I saw her type miss into the keyboard. I get how saying Mx can sound very similar to miss or ms, but I actually spelt it out to her! I couldn't correct without having to say that I saw her type in miss and show her up in front of her colleagues. Plus she seemed new as she was asking questions to her colleagues and was unsure about how to work the card. I probably threw her because she had gendered me as a she and it's more rare for someone to be MX. I'm just downhearted because I did correct and it was useless. I get it, I gendered her as a she because she was dressed very fem, we all naturally do it in our society. However I'm dressed very masc, don't look like a typical "female," because I'm not one. I just want to be seen and heard. I wonder what she would have typed if I said I'm Mr. It makes me feel like I should go as Mr because I'd rather that than miss. However I am a Mx, it says so on my ID docs. I had a blood test today to get ready for an endo appointment to hopefully start T soon, so I've had a victory too, I just wish little instances like this wouldn't get to me so much!

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  • Forum Moderator

Good evening @LittleSam


I'm sorry you had this negative interaction with the store clerk. Did you notice if her choices while signing you up had an Mx option? If so, I would go back and have customer service change it. I'm sure once you're on T for a while then they will automatically select Mr. 


Hugs from central Indiana, USA



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I feel you @LittleSam. I was just saying to myself yesterday, the world just isn't ready for nonbinary. (That is, with the understanding that your goal is masculinization. World you consider nonbinary as more like a stepping stone on the way to greater expression of masc?) But the only way it could ever become closer to normalized is if we persist in insisting. I get tired of it tho. I generally do feel more empowered to correct or assert. Of course I read the room too, for safety's sake. That cashier

 probably never heard of Mx and instead of taking the time to be curious and to learn, decided she must have heard you wrong and that you actually said miss, ms. It is depersonalizing, tho, to act so indifferently and to make a decision about your form of address for you. 


There's a young fellow who works at the front desk of one of my doctor's offices - a doctor I see frequently and am in contact with a lot as I'm in the process of seeking disability benefits. He ma'am's me excessively. The first time he did it, I told him politely, btw I don't care to be called ma'am. He said, okay no problem miss V. Oy vey. He obviously didn't make the connection. I just didn't have the energy to address the miss after having already addressed the ma'am. Next time I spoke with him he ma'am'ed me and I said, hey it's me, V, who doesn't like to be called ma'am. He is very sweet and agreeable, said okay, then ma'am'ed me a couple more times during the conversation. He is very well mannered and I'm sure he's just being polite. But conventionally so.


Nonbinary is just not something most people think about. On one hand it's a privilege. Privilege is such that one is often unaware of being privileged. Such is its nature. On the other hand, one misses out on beholding the wonder of diversity in the world by strictly thinking in terms of this or that. 



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I'm surprised that Mx is even an option on documents.  In the USA, we don't really have documents with titles like that, just a name.  Is this something more common in the UK?  Actually, where I live, most of the businesses and such address you by your first name, rather than "Miss so-and-so."  Which I guess is OK for me.  Ultimately, I think it comes down to respect.  If it says "Mx" on your documents or is somehow clearly visible, I think you ought to be able to be addressed by that title. 


Here, it seems like the "titles" issue gets icky in a hurry.  My GF was once addressed as "Mx" and she got pretty mad.  I guess some folks have been trying to use it as a universal form of courtesy address, rather than nonbinary.    Since she married our husband, she's been pretty insistent about her "Mrs" degree even if folks want to call her "Miss."  She's prefer first name if anybody is in doubt.  My husband is the opposite - he feels that being addressed by first name by somebody he doesn't really know is too informal....it really irritates him at the bank. 


Unfortunately its like the old Aesop's fable of the old man, the boy, and the donkey... no matter what, somebody won't be happy. 



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4 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

I'm surprised that Mx is even an option on documents.  In the USA, we don't really have documents with titles like that, just a name.  Is this something more common in the UK?  



Mx is becoming more accepting in the UK, but not everywhere recognises it on their IT system. We can have it on official documents like passport, driving licence. If it's not on a system, there's usually an opportunity for other and you can type what you want. 

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