How Much Is Transgender A Part Of Your Identity?

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

A few of the transgender people I know consider being transgender something that somehow separates them from the majority of the population. Personally I don't consider being a transsexual a part of my identity. I just consider myself a guy who, from some fluke of nature, ended up in a female body. What do you guys think?

[Guest Rachel Collins]

I always considered myself a girl, ever since i can remember. Since im like 13, ill be transitioned before the end of high school, so really, transgender will not be a big part of me. Ill just be a girl

[Guest Katherine_P]

A few of the transgender people I know consider being transgender something that somehow separates them from the majority of the population. Personally I don't consider being a transsexual a part of my identity. I just consider myself a guy who, from some fluke of nature, ended up in a female body. What do you guys think?

Personaly I feel the same as you(well MTF), but i do belief that because allot of people are not accepting of transgender we start separating ourselves from the majority of the population?

Katherine

[Guest Leigh]

but i do belief that because allot of people are not accepting of transgender we start separating ourselves from the majority of the population?

right on. it's kind of the same way that people separate themselves because of cultural heritage, or religious beliefs or sexual orientation...

it's not like our definition is that we are "trans" but it gives us a default group...and since other people think we're crazy or disgusting....well, we group together.

but, yeah. i'm defiantly just a guy (weird guy, granted) in a chicks body....

peace&love

leigh

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Hey - well said - all of you!

So I have always been a girl, am now, and alway will be. I guess that makes me gender dysphoric because I have a male body - but i am gonna change that as far as I can - that part makes me transsexual I guess. I never liked the word 'transgender' because I am not changing my gender at all - I already like being female in soul and mindset. It's the body that needs some work.

Elizabeth Anne

[Guest interalia]

Identity is multi faceted. I mean, what we identify with we tend to defend, and validate. I identify as a gamer, as a child of my parents, as a spouse, etc. These all I would consider part of my identity, but none of them are my total identity. As such, I identify as a transsexual, but it is not ALL that I am.

[Guest CharlieRose]

I dunno, I disagree with the general consensus. I would have been a normal guy, if I had been born cisgender. But I wasn't. My transsexuality is a fact. I have never been a cisgender man, nor can I ever become one. I acknowledge that; it's part of who I am. I don't think my transgenderednes is anything to be ashamed of, and I cannot deny the affects it has had on my life and personal experience.

That being said, it does not define me, just as no one else's gender should rule their lives. It is a significant part of my life, but only a part of it.

[Guest DMan]

I don't want to be a transman. I'm a guy, who unfortunately came with the wrong set of genitals. I have never seen myself as trans anything. To me it's a term that the medical profession came up with so that they could have a shorthand for describing people who's mind, body's and gender don't match, but it certainly isn't who I am, or ever wish to be. Because society has a label to describe something doesn't make me be it. But I do value the ability to share my thoughts and feelings with other people who have had an experience similar to mine, so in that sense if we didn't somehow have the label how would we ever find each other?

[Guest Tess-Leigh]

The question is in the Transsexual forums, but the "transgender" of the title lends some degree of ambiguity about th audience.

Speaking for myself, I discovered less than 5 years ago that I was a cross-dresser; for logistics reasons, I ended up "gender-bending" much more than complete Dressing. And I discovered that although I had started out with the intent to be as "perceived to be female" as I could, that in fact I did nothing about deportment lessons, voice, and so on. Laziness in part maybe, but I also discovered that being as "artificial female" (remember, I was starting from pure CD) as possible just wasn't any kind of priority to me -- but that I had no objection at all as being perceived as mixed gender and was quite willing to go out grocery shopping in a skirt and so on. At the same time, breast forms somehow completed me, filled a missing gap, as if my "body map" included breasts and had been missing them. By examining what was and was not important to me, and talking to people, I came to internalize what others had advised: don't worry about the label, go with what you "know" in your heart to be true. And for me, that's tuned out to be transgender in the mixed-gender sense: I know that I have female aspects that have been part of me fo a long time, influencing my actions and decisions and treatment of people. It is, in short, part of my identity, even if it was only recently that I had a label for it. But wha tI'm going to do ith it from here on... I don't know. Maybe as far as experiments in 24/7, and I don't rule out hormones (though they also scare me with their potential side effects.) But I also am nearly sure that I'm not TS -- that my gender is not polarized and that it would likey hurt me to polarize it towards either of the two most common sides.

[Guest AllisonD]

Wow. I guess I am way out then. Cause I do think it separates me from the general population. Always has. Not the only thing that does, either.

Gender, and questions about gender, have been a daily topic in my life since I was 4. Or maybe 5. I didn't always have words for it, but I always felt it, and it didn't take all that long to understand that that was unusual and set me apart. I came across my chosen name soon after. It didn't take even a week before I was forced to understand that giving up your given name and wanting people to refer to you with the name of your own choice also sets a person apart. Presentation came next, as I struggled, and lost, in my grade school attempts to present as I felt. Nooo, that didn't go over very well either and I felt separated and apart. Sexual orientation has been a daily topic in my life since I was maybe 14 or 15. I'm a femme that attracted butches at a very young age. And I was attracted back. Not something that makes you feel included in the general population. Transitioning is not something that makes you feel like the general population even wants to see you, except maybe to stare and wonder. And I've done that 3 times. No, not an accepted member of the general population.

These issues are not the only things that made me feel separate. My identities also include Engineer, geek, DINK, childless woman, virgin, spinster (the way the general population would consider it), among others. You guessed it, any one of these makes me feel not part of the general population.

So I do feel separate. OK, special. Very special. 'Course, I think everyone else is special too. So I am not the only special person, just one of them. Maybe that alone DOES make me one of the general population. But at the root, me being trans is the most special part of all, to me. I used to struggle with it. Even hated it at one point, early on, before I got it. Before I realized it was a gift. Before I realized how fun it was. Before I realized just how ALIVE I feel because of it. I tried to pull this bit out of my identity once (OK, twice), for awhile, as an adult. Had long since already transitioned to F, and went back to M to gain some specific male advantage, career leverage. Try denying this core bit of your being after you have realized the dream from childhood and you understand very quickly just how essential this bit of your identity is to your sanity. I think I could give up geek, or Engineer, or maybe even sexual orientation easier. Well, maybe not that last one. I'm wired the way I'm wired.

So I have to disagree. Being trans IS my identity. Not the whole thing, but the single most important bit, to me. And I've been thinking about this very topic more or less daily for about 50 years. So yeah, for me, I have to disagree.

Allison

[Guest rachael1]

18 Months ago, I would have said that being TG plays a very insignificant role in the makeup of my identity.

Since then I have polarised 180 degrees and my whole identity is in turmoil. Am I male, female, both, none of the above.

I have come to the conclusion that I really am female and am bitterly disappointed that it has taken me so long to realise, however I have a beautiful wife and daughter to compensate.

A lot of my thoughts and desires in my waking moments, and sometimes my dreams revolve around my gender identity.

So yes being Transgender is very very much a part of my identity.

Hugs and Kisses

Rachael

[Sally]

While my gender issues do occupy a lot of my time and a great deal of my thoughts they do not define me, I refuse to let them just as I am not defined by my job.

People who allow one small part of themselves to become what defines them are doomed to be only that forever.

If you are 'defined' by your job then when you retire basically you die, I am watching my father go through this process, he retired at 80 and for the past eight years has done virtually noting and complains about everything, he is a very unhappy person because he was defined by his job, its gone and so is he.

I am made up of so many parts, when I was working (as a male) in record stores everyone else was givin one section to supervise and I was given five, when someone else asked why it was explained that I was the most knowledgeable in all five of those because I didn't confine my listening to one feild.

Don't let yourseld be defined as transgender, be you and transgender becomes a footnote.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Mr.Yoav]

It really isn't who I am.

I hardly think of myself as transgender because I have always seem myself as a boy. Never a girl. I don't think there has ever been a moment in my life were I said "Gee, I really want to be a girl."

[Guest interalia]

I've found a good litmus test to determine if something is or is not a part of your identity and the strength to which it is, is to do the following:

Pretend like someone has accused you of not being x. If you don't agree with that statement, most likely x is part of your identity. Then consider the level of intensity with which you would disagree with the person, and that is a good indicator of how MUCH it is part of your identity.

So, if someone were to say to you, "You are not really transgendered." Ask yourself, do I disagree with this? Then ask yourself, how vehemently do I disagree with this? A more vehement reaction would be a good indication that it is a very important part of your identity.

[Guest AllisonD]

Mr. Yoav, there have been moments when I wished I was a boy (or man). It would have been easier. Now I realize not as much fun, and certainly not as satisfying to me, but I did wish it. I even tried it, twice, when I had economic motivation. But it didn't work.

Which leads me to respond to Sally. I get something of what your father might be going through: no longer being what he identified so strongly as. Like I admit, I tried to be a man twice. I knew at the time I was masquerading. Did it on purpose, to a specific end. But I still was trying.

If you are 'defined' by your job then when you retire basically you die

Yup. I basically died. Well, obviously not completely. But I was dying. I was shredding my heart and my psyche trying to be a man. Was the immediate source of one of those black dog suicidal episodes we were talking about on another thread earlier this morning. So I guess I fell into that trap, huh? Identifying too strongly with one of my attributes? But you sure are correct, if I was to give up being a femme I would die. Dead. I am that absolutely certain of it.

It is just so essential to the essential me. Can't help it, it just is.

Peace,

Allison

[Guest AllisonD]

I've found a good litmus test to determine if something is or is not a part of your identity and the strength to which it is, is to do the following:

Pretend like someone has accused you of not being x. If you don't agree with that statement, most likely x is part of your identity. Then consider the level of intensity with which you would disagree with the person, and that is a good indicator of how MUCH it is part of your identity.

So, if someone were to say to you, "You are not really transgendered." Ask yourself, do I disagree with this? Then ask yourself, how vehemently do I disagree with this? A more vehement reaction would be a good indication that it is a very important part of your identity.

I tried this. I walked through the twenty or so attributes I consider at least somewhat key to my identity. You are correct, at least it worked for me too. The strength of my reaction did correspond well to my preconceptions of how important each bit was to the essential me. Then again, I may have been prejudiced. Wasn't exactly a double-blind test, you know ?

Allison

[Guest Christy.dancer]

For the first few months after my diagnosis, I was totally into being transgendered. Today, I'm simply a girl. Admittedly, I've got some plumbing issues which are a bit hard to ignore, but for the most part, I ignore them. I'm not sitting here right now, fixated on my incorrect genitalia. In fact, to the extent I'm thinking about gender stuff (things that I wouldn't be thinking about if I was a non-transgendered boy), then it's just things like how I need to do something different with my hair, and how I'm wondering if my skirt's the right length (too short for the office?) and how I just finished re-doing my nails (yes, here at my desk -- we're THAT busy today).

[Guest interalia]

I tried this. I walked through the twenty or so attributes I consider at least somewhat key to my identity. You are correct, at least it worked for me too. The strength of my reaction did correspond well to my preconceptions of how important each bit was to the essential me. Then again, I may have been prejudiced. Wasn't exactly a double-blind test, you know ?

Allison

It's fairly consistent in my experience. Interesting tidbit. You can also identify strong with NOT being something. So if someone were to accuse a MTF of being a male, and they vehemently resist it, it means the MTF identifies strongly with being "not male".

We tend to fight for things and defend things we believe we are (or in other words, identify with). We tend to fight or defend them proportionately to how much we identify them with ourselves. After all, an attack on something you identify with is perceived as an attack on you. This of course has all sorts of implications that are beyond the scope of this thread.

With regard to testing to see if it works, I wouldn't suggest doing this to your friends.

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

I tried this. I walked through the twenty or so attributes I consider at least somewhat key to my identity. You are correct, at least it worked for me too. The strength of my reaction did correspond well to my preconceptions of how important each bit was to the essential me. Then again, I may have been prejudiced. Wasn't exactly a double-blind test, you know ?

Allison

My response to that or you are not female would be "and you know this because?" Tell me how you know what your GENDER is... if the answer is, and it probably will be, because I have (insert some secondary sex characteristic). I didnt say sex, I said gender they are necessarily the same.

yes it would get me hostile, I am woman, just cause the baby factory stufffed up and put me in the wrong body aint my fault. Heck it irks me not to be called Joanna and to have the wrong pronouns used.

[Guest Martin]

Transgender isn't at all part of my identity. I don't think I am transgendered. But since this is in the transsexual forum, I thought I'd reply anyway.

When I talk about my gender, I don't use say I'm transgendered (because I'm not). I'm a guy or a man. When I talk about my sex, I do say I'm FTM or transsexual. While my body is mostly male, there are differences between it and a cissexual male's body. These differences are relevant for my doctors to know. Being transsexual has also made a huge impact on my life. It changed the way I grew up, and will always impact my sex life. It's changed my views on gender and the medical establishment. Because of this, "transsexual" is a part of my identity.

However, it's only one part of my identity. In no particular order, I'm also a guy, a student, a musician, a German citizen, a Swabian, an American resident, a Coloradoan, a son, a brother, Drifter's human, a wearer of black, a person with tiny hands, a short person, a person with mental illness, a sexual assault survivor, a writer, a fan of cute animals, a friend, a Quinti practitioner, someone who likes to read, someone who likes movies, a recovering cutter, an intellectual, a procrastinator, a writing center tutor, someone who has no idea about what he's going to do or where he's going to live after graduation (hopefully next May), someone who had tendinitis and still has to live with some remaining damage, and so on. So while "transsexual" is part of my identity, it does not solely define me. I cannot be reduced to this one aspect of myself. And it does NOT define my gender.

[Guest Jennifer1]

A few of the transgender people I know consider being transgender something that somehow separates them from the majority of the population. Personally I don't consider being a transsexual a part of my identity. I just consider myself a guy who, from some fluke of nature, ended up in a female body. What do you guys think?

I am a weirdo among transgender people i guess. I consider myself Female but i dont want to invalidate my experiances as a man. Im not ashamed that I was one and I learned and experianced many wonderful things as one. I am Transgender I dont think i will ever stealth because i see it as more harmful then benificial for the next generation.

I guess im just not ready to invalidate that male part of me. Its silenced enough as it is.

[Guest (Lightsider)]

A few of the transgender people I know consider being transgender something that somehow separates them from the majority of the population. Personally I don't consider being a transsexual a part of my identity. I just consider myself a guy who, from some fluke of nature, ended up in a female body. What do you guys think?

I do not identify myself as a transsexual. I am a woman with a physical defect which has the label transsexual because it required a TRANSITION physically.

Hope that made sense.

[Guest Emily Violet]

i consider my self a girl always have always will be

[Guest julia_d]

I'm a goth.. I'm a musician.. I'm an IT professional .. I'm engaged to be married.. and I'm a woman.. being trans is a very distant 10th to everything else in my life.. but sometimes it's a millstone or a slap back to reality when people fail to grasp the reality of the situation and try to force me into a skin I don't have..

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

I do not identify myself as a transsexual. I am a woman with a physical defect which has the label transsexual because it required a TRANSITION physically.

Hope that made sense.

I am a woman, and like you lightsider, I have a birth defect... they put me in the wrong body. There is no way to make the brain fit the body (thankfully) so I am in the process of doing the reverse. Yes I am trans but so what, when push comes to shove all I want to do is fit in with the rest of the women in society and do what I need to do in the line, of work, play, shopping (hmmmm retail therapy any one) and the other million things we all do just to live and thrive.