Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Did You Choose Your Gender?


Abigail Genevieve

Recommended Posts

  • Forum Moderator
2 hours ago, Abigail Genevieve said:

if you have a y chromosome, infallibly, you are a male.  And that whatever the doctor says when you are born is infallibly your sex. 

 

And even those two "standards" are at odds with each other.  A person with XY chromosomes can be assigned female at birth and a person with XX chromosomes can be assigned male.  The haters would do well to learn some actual biology instead of Facebook biology.

Link to comment
  • Replies 89
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Abigail Genevieve

    21

  • Betty K

    13

  • Vidanjali

    10

  • Ivy

    9

IF we truly cannot change out gender,  does not not imply that there can be a moral obligation to transition?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

To answer the original question. For myself, there was no chosing. It would be so much easier to have my gender match my assigned birth sex.  Given all the backlash we receive, the fear of ridicule and rejection, I can't imagine wanting to choose being trans. But not having physically transitioned, my body just doesn't feel right. It's not a choice, it's just who I am. Like so many, I've tried to be what others have expected, but that just became impossible. Deep inside, I've always been Carla, but I now except it. And I am very fortunate that my whole family excepts me, I am Carla with my family.😊

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf 🐾🐺

Link to comment
26 minutes ago, Dora said:

I am genderfluid so I did not.

So did you choose to be genderfluid?

Link to comment

Actually, my gender chose me.  I didn't get a say in it.  It's taken me a lifetime to finally come to grips with being who I am, but now, I wouldn't trade my gender for the world.  It has helped make me the person I am today.  I fear that if my gender was different, I would be a different person, and since I like who I am, I have no regrets.   

Link to comment
7 hours ago, Abigail Genevieve said:

People running around saying they choose their gender are doing a lot of damage.  "I think I will be a boy today" or "this afternoon I will be a girl". These are the people most of the heavy fire against TG folk is directed at, and the rest of us get caught in it.


Abigail, I would urge compassion when speaking about other members of the trans community. I am very active among my local community, I work with younger trans folks, I read a lot about trans folks in general, and I have never met or heard of anyone who claimed to have chosen their gender identity, or who treated it so lightly as you describe. Gender fluidity, like transness in general, remains largely mysterious. Who is to say that genderfluid folks are any less legitimate than the rest of us? I strongly believe that pointing fingers at each other only weakens us all. Not only that, but I think it’s delusional to think the transphobes would leave us alone if only it wasn’t for x members of our community. They hate us all! The only trans folk they are willing to accept are the ones who keep quiet and blend in, ie the ones that pass and are willing to live stealth. As to the rest of us, we’re all in the same boat I’m afraid. I think the best thing we can do therefore is try to get along. We will be much stronger united than fragmented into warring factions.

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Dora said:

I am genderfluid so I did not.


Just for the record, Dora, I totally support you in your gender and do not think you are part of the problem. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
2 hours ago, Dora said:

I am genderfluid so I did not

Welcome to Transgender Pulse Forums @Dora

 

Feel free to jump in on any of the threads sharing your views. Also it would be cool if you dropped into the Introduction thread and tell us a little bit about yourself.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Dora said:

I am genderfluid so I did not.

Hi Dora! It would be neat to learn your story that is if you want to share it.

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Betty K said:

I would urge compassion when speaking about other members of the trans community.

Betty, thanks so much for that little reminder.  I have personally been the target of some rather nasty vitriol from others in our community for being bigender.  

 

Hugs,

 

Sally

Link to comment
12 hours ago, Abigail Genevieve said:

People running around saying they choose their gender are doing a lot of damage.  "I think I will be a boy today" or "this afternoon I will be a girl". These are the people most of the heavy fire against TG folk is directed at, and the rest of us get caught in it.

 

4 hours ago, Betty K said:


Abigail, I would urge compassion when speaking about other members of the trans community. I am very active among my local community, I work with younger trans folks, I read a lot about trans folks in general, and I have never met or heard of anyone who claimed to have chosen their gender identity, or who treated it so lightly as you describe. Gender fluidity, like transness in general, remains largely mysterious. Who is to say that genderfluid folks are any less legitimate than the rest of us? I strongly believe that pointing fingers at each other only weakens us all. Not only that, but I think it’s delusional to think the transphobes would leave us alone if only it wasn’t for x members of our community. They hate us all! The only trans folk they are willing to accept are the ones who keep quiet and blend in, ie the ones that pass and are willing to live stealth. As to the rest of us, we’re all in the same boat I’m afraid. I think the best thing we can do therefore is try to get along. We will be much stronger united than fragmented into warring factions.

 

Before I figured out some things about myself, I said I was genderfluid.  I think it can be kind of a catch-all for "I'm not what I was supposed to be at birth, but IDK what I really am."  And I think that's OK.  Other folks may use the term differently, and that's OK too. 

 

I think there's some element of social imitation going on, largely among the under-18 crowd.  Maybe today somebody is a boy, tomorrow a girl.  Is that good or bad?  IDK, although I guess it can be confusing for those nearby.  I just see people who have a feeling that they don't fit with how they've been classified, but have no idea who they are or what they are supposed to express.  Sometimes that changes with time or information (like it did for me), but sometimes it may not. Society with its categories, identification, and roles, tends not to view that kindly....and I believe that's mostly a consequence of excessive government power.

 

However, I disagree with the idea that passing, blending in, and living in stealth is necessarily bad.  Of course, that isn't possible for everybody, since we come at this "trans" thing from different origins and different physical realities/limitations.  In my own (limited) experience, identifying as genderfluid vs. intersex/trans didn't change much in my daily life.  Your experience may be very different. 

 

I didn't choose my gender.  I just...am.   I'm certainly not a girl, but not really a boy either due to certain physical realities that cannot change.  I live mostly in my "boy form" these days, and I'm treated as such for the most part in my relationships, but without the social expectations that go along with maleness.  The experience for me is one of trying to find the best possible choice in a very complicated and flawed world.  Nothing will be a perfect fit, I do the best I can.  Two of my best friends are trans girls, and their experience is similar, albeit with a more definite sense of gender. 

 

Mostly, just be the best "whoever-you-are" that you can be, I guess.  :D

Link to comment
7 minutes ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

However, I disagree with the idea that passing, blending in, and living in stealth is necessarily bad.


Who said it was bad? It’s just out of reach for many of us.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Sally Stone said:

Betty, thanks so much for that little reminder.  I have personally been the target of some rather nasty vitriol from others in our community for being bigender.  


You’re welcome Sally. I think we have all struggled to have our gender identities taken seriously, so I would hope we can all have sympathy for each other in this regard.

Link to comment

For the first few months after my egg cracked, I would call myself non-binary.  After a bit I just moved on into female.  I do realize that I'm not cis - how can I not?  I know that I'm unlikely to ever "pass" other than at a distance.  

I dress and live as a woman now.  I'm not ashamed of being a trans woman.  But I don't go out of my way to make an issue of it.

Link to comment

As someone else mentioned above, I am just me ... Biologically, I have the male parts. I grew up a typical boy in a lot of stereotypical ways (sports, bikes, outdoors, played with Hot Wheels and Tonka trucks) but there is something distinctly feminine in me as well -- a "feminine dimension" is how I described it to my wife (which scared the h*** out of her)... that dimension has always been there in some form but has roared to life -- and practically knocked me over -- the past 18-24 months ... 

 

The biggest thing is this strong desire/need to present this feminine dimension outwardly. Through clothing and more recently, in the hopes of having a more feminine body, the beginnings of HRT... 

 

It is very complex and for those who have read my posts, very confusing. Because it runs so counter to everything else in my life and to all that is expected of me in my conservative Christian (and now Catholic) family/friends/community. Did I choose all this? Not all of it, but I am making choices today, and I think that is what has everyone all riled up around me. They think I am choosing a path of sin and disobedience to God, etc. etc. (you have read it all before if you follow me at all)... 

 

 

Link to comment
39 minutes ago, EasyE said:

They think I am choosing a path of sin and disobedience to God

I had a neighbour give me the disobedience lecture to me once. I just told her I have a uterus just like she does. 

 

My chromosomes might be XY, but I have PMDS so I have ambitious genitalia. She didn't know how to respond to that. How do you act your gender when you're both? 

 

The old chromosome classifications just can't fit everyone. Gender is much more dynamic. 

Link to comment
1 minute ago, Birdie said:

The old chromosome classifications just can't fit everyone. Gender is much more dynamic. 

Some folks just refuse to accept this.

Link to comment
14 hours ago, Betty K said:


Abigail, I would urge compassion when speaking about other members of the trans community. I am very active among my local community, I work with younger trans folks, I read a lot about trans folks in general, and I have never met or heard of anyone who claimed to have chosen their gender identity, or who treated it so lightly as you describe. Gender fluidity, like transness in general, remains largely mysterious. Who is to say that genderfluid folks are any less legitimate than the rest of us? I strongly believe that pointing fingers at each other only weakens us all. Not only that, but I think it’s delusional to think the transphobes would leave us alone if only it wasn’t for x members of our community. They hate us all! The only trans folk they are willing to accept are the ones who keep quiet and blend in, ie the ones that pass and are willing to live stealth. As to the rest of us, we’re all in the same boat I’m afraid. I think the best thing we can do therefore is try to get along. We will be much stronger united than fragmented into warring factions.

I wrote in a manner that made it sound like I am condemning gender fluidity.  I am not.  I was focused on those who give cause to the uninformed that transgender people are trivial and that changing gender is like choosing a pair of shoes.  I don't know what or if anyone is saying that gives rise to this, but you see it frequently, even in the latest Vatican document. 

 

I suspect some transgender people are giving all transgender a bad name, but I point no fingers.

 

I know nothing about gender fluidity, by the way, having been focused on mtf and intersex all these years.  For all I know I am actually that, switching back and forth as I do in cycles of being one for several months, then being the other for several months until I flip, which, as I have said I seem to have no control over.  I regret having caused harm with my post.

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Abigail Genevieve said:

I don't know what or if anyone is saying that gives rise to this, but you see it frequently, even in the latest Vatican document. 

Abigail, I think this line of thinking comes mostly from the cis community, specifically, those with an anti-trans agenda.  These are the self-proclaimed experts ( who have no idea what it's like to be trans) trying to tell us they have a better understanding of being trans than we do.    

Link to comment
24 minutes ago, Sally Stone said:

Abigail, I think this line of thinking comes mostly from the cis community, specifically, those with an anti-trans agenda.  These are the self-proclaimed experts ( who have no idea what it's like to be trans) trying to tell us they have a better understanding of being trans than we do.    

The mindset seems to be: they are not crazy, we are.

 

Surveys indicate the majority of people are in favor of trans rights.  There is a minority that is influenced by the inner minority, the hard core "transphobes".  I think a lot of people simply need information.  But then they get two streams of information from opposite directions. 

Link to comment
4 hours ago, Abigail Genevieve said:

I don't know what or if anyone is saying that gives rise to this, but you see it frequently, even in the latest Vatican document.

What @Sally Stone wrote is what I think as well.

 

The flippancy they ascribe to trans people is to validate their position that trans people are given to whim and swayed by the "trans ideology" that is "poisoning" humanity. Projecting this narrative on trans people "wins them points" in the game of their own making and being loud about it gets others to listen. They get those, who likely don't have a personal stake in transgender rights, to nod their heads up and down to increase the volume of their rhetoric. The passive transphobe does this because they have never needed to comprehend gender as anything as what they've always assumed; the "easy" answer the loud ones project just seems "logical" when there is no comprehension or compassion.

 

Once a person looks past their own ignorance they can come to understand this isn't about what they fear (insert crass statement about what transphobes are actually afraid of). It's just too easy to be ignorant and state "all I've ever known are two genders, boys and girls, who have sex together to make babies" (conflating gender and sex, as usual...) instead of taking just a little bit of time to understand the world is more complex than a simple bible verse.

 

For those people, I have a rib or two they can have for making more women--that's just how they're made--I really want a narrower waist for dress season. :P

Link to comment
41 minutes ago, MaeBe said:

For those people, I have a rib or two they can have for making more women--that's just how they're made--I really want a narrower waist for dress season. :P

Heck I would get rid of the left and right lower rib. I would love a narrower waist but I would still need to get rid of my gut. I guess I'll do liposuction and tummy tuck and while they are at they can remove those ribs. 

Link to comment
2 hours ago, MaeBe said:

What @Sally Stone wrote is what I think as well.

 

The flippancy they ascribe to trans people is to validate their position that trans people are given to whim and swayed by the "trans ideology" that is "poisoning" humanity. Projecting this narrative on trans people "wins them points" in the game of their own making and being loud about it gets others to listen. They get those, who likely don't have a personal stake in transgender rights, to nod their heads up and down to increase the volume of their rhetoric. The passive transphobe does this because they have never needed to comprehend gender as anything as what they've always assumed; the "easy" answer the loud ones project just seems "logical" when there is no comprehension or compassion.

 

Once a person looks past their own ignorance they can come to understand this isn't about what they fear (insert crass statement about what transphobes are actually afraid of). It's just too easy to be ignorant and state "all I've ever known are two genders, boys and girls, who have sex together to make babies" (conflating gender and sex, as usual...) instead of taking just a little bit of time to understand the world is more complex than a simple bible verse.

 

For those people, I have a rib or two they can have for making more women--that's just how they're made--I really want a narrower waist for dress season. :P

I looked through the Focus on the Family material and also the Southern Baptist Convention stuff, both highly influential, both rejecting transgenderism.  I found no hatred but an urge to treat people with love and compassion. I found some logical fallacies in both and nothing convinced me to change my position.  SBC assumes someone who is transgender is not saved and so is not allowed to join their congregations. 

 

I have a certain affection for both.  FotF helped us with some material that helped us raise our kids and on most issues they are fellow travelers.  SBC seeks to conscientiously fight the good fight but I would never join a SBC church for reasons that are irrelevant here.  Not that I could now in good conscience.  I look like a guy? SURPRISE!  Left boot of fellowship.

 

The Nashville Statement is worse.  CBMW.org wrote it and it has been criticized heavily by some trans folk. . https://cbmw.org/nashville-statement#articles  I am saddened at some of who signed the thing. Articles 10 and 13 are of particular interest.  Other things can be found here that trans folk would take exception to. But they do not treat TG as something flippant.

 

 I would not refer to any of these as transphobes.  I am not sure the term is useful in conceptualizing or interacting with those who object to the idea of transgender being something besides sin.  When all you have is a hammer, everything is a nail.

 

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 70 Guests (See full list)

    • Betty K
    • Charlize
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      81k
    • Total Posts
      772.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      8,259
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Edelweiss
    Newest Member
    Edelweiss
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. anonacalypse
      anonacalypse
    2. blujai831
      blujai831
    3. Howdidthishappen
      Howdidthishappen
      (25 years old)
    4. Kinnar
      Kinnar
    5. lunariaflower
      lunariaflower
      (36 years old)
  • Posts

    • Davie
      A lot of stuff. Exactly so: Accept. Learn. Move on. Create anew.
    • EasyE
      No better words to see written here... blessings to you!
    • MaeBe
      Mostly, I've been in the same boat. Work called me Mike, that's over now. I still have some friends out there that I haven't socialized my chosen name and they do the same. That said, last night I went to a small party at a friend's house fully in myself and when asked if I go by a new name I said yes and gave it to them. No one batted an eye and referred to me as such the whole time. It was such a lovely evening being me.
    • MaeBe
      I have two kiddos, both AFAB. My eldest has since come out as trans. When he had come out to us the first time, it was years ago via a letter he'd written and left out conspicuously. We probably didn't do the best, but I kept an open mind and told him to be who they are and do so without putting himself in a box. He'd not expressed any masculine tendencies, from dress to desires, then or after so we thought it may have been a "friend group thing" until much later.   It was harder to reconcile when I operated as a cis father, I didn't know anything and I didn't have the language or comprehension to understand what being trans or a parent of a trans kid even meant. Our gender journeys weren't exactly timed the same, but over the last year we've both come out officially in one way or another. I'd been coming to terms with me over the past few years quietly and over the past year it's been an explosion of learning, so I no longer struggle with the concept--even though my mouth will engage without the brain sometimes, misgendering/naming him. So, I still slip and I'm in the same boat as him! It's amazing how much we let the subprocesses in our brains get us through life and how often it causes grief.   As for @missyjo, keep going! Every day is a new one and another they come around. If not, it's day you get to be you and learn how to live the life you want and need to.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Hmmm.... maybe send her this one?      At least from what I've seen, it seems like the majority of women are somewhat "flexible" when it comes to relationships and sex, so "I'm not a lesbian" could be a convenient excuse rather than the whole truth. 
    • VickySGV
      The sharing of the offerings as actual food and sustenance for the immediate family and for all of the others impresses me and I feel admiration for the custom involved here.  To me the 2/3's for others concept shows a side of Islamic beliefs that we do not hear about often enough. 
    • Ashley0616
      Well so much to catch up on. I have met the woman I love a lot! We met at trans women that love transwomen n. We have been talking for almost 2 weeks and things have moved fast but I'm not scared. Last night we had a conversation on when she would be able to move in. We will be living together in September of this year. I just need to save up to start the official divorce process. The time has finally come to when I can apply. My girlfriend's name is Camilia. We have at times have talked three times a day. I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with her. We have hit off amazing. We have already been planning our life together. She is going to help me with the surgeries that I will get. I think about her all the time. She has accepted me for me and I have told her everything. Maybe she'll join us on the forum Well I'm not telling all the details but I wanted to talk about her.
    • Ashley0616
      Congrats! I know you feel amazing. I have just gotten used to being deadnamed. 
    • Lydia_R
      world sit tea zen   coffee doesn't grow on trees, but bananas do
    • MaeBe
      I hope it was a great time!   :HUGS:     It ended with a small non-holiday get together and started with me reffing and getting wicked tan lines. In between we were working toward our move and met with a realtor. It was a busy as heck Sunday. 
    • EasyE
      I know how much this hurts, missyjo ... and I am walking a similar tight-rope right now with my family (still keeping much a secret - how I dress, the fact I have started HRT) ... I am sitting here typing this on my back deck in a black skort, knowing that once my dad gets up and gets moving for the day, I'll trade out the skort for a pair of shorts (sigh ... This skort feels so comfortable and affirming!)   I am trying to look at things through their eyes, and trying to find as much positive as I can. Sometimes it is hard to find the positive, of course.   But this is a big shock to the system, even for well-grounded folks. Especially marriages. Our wives married who they thought were men. And now we are disclosing that there are deep feminine aspects about us. That is a big deal. Add the religious piece, and they likely feel a lot of shame. And the scorn of others, that maybe they failed in their roles...   And there is a sense, that while we are discovering and uncovering wonderful things about ourselves (many times things we didn't even know were there until, like, today!), folks around us are feeling betrayed. They feel we are purposefully misleading them and double-crossing them, maybe even taking delight in hurting them (though that is the last thing we are trying to do)...   With my wife, I misled her for a long time about a porn addiction I had. So to now tell her about this part of me, which I had never disclosed, feels like another betrayal in her eyes. This one seems to be the last straw for her (we have been separated for a year plus and she barely acknowledged me yesterday on Father's Day, which hurt a lot)...    As for parents, I imagine there is a sense of loss when we announce our transitions. For decades, they have taken pride in having a son or daughter. Now, we are switching things up on them. It likely feels like death to them (I am trying to see through their eyes -- maybe they picked out a special name, poured themselves into making us the best son/daughter we could be, and now we are rejecting that -- and, in their eyes, rejecting them! No wonder some have a hard time even facing us).   I have two daughters. I treasure that they are girls/women. If they were to transition to men, it would be tough, even for me, to be frank. Though for some reason I think it is easier if the transition was FTM than MTF. Society seems to value men more. Of course, I am delighted to be my daughters' dads. I am not their mom or sister or auntie. And no matter how things turn out for me, I am still their dad (who wears a black skort and loves it). So this is really weird on my end, lol...    All to say: Patience is required for all involved. Us with ourselves. Us with others. And by God's grace, others with us...If we can continue to love throughout the process and be lovable people towards others, never wavering in our commitment despite the negative/hurtful responses around us, time will heal many wounds. Probably not all. But hopefully many... 
    • Ivy
      There is a lot of stuff we learn to live with.  It's just our environment.
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,    I had a lot of catching up to do here today. I’ve been away from social media for nearly a week camping at a Bluegrass Festival at Bill Monroe Campgrounds in Beanblossom, IN. Father’s Day gift from my son was that he and my grandson broke camp and readied the camper for departure. My daughter shipped me a tablet or phone holder and a supply of French Lavender Sachets for my drawers and bathroom. She is my biggest supporter and understands my situation in transition.    Hugs for y’all  Monday after vacation sucks.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋    
    • missyjo
      delcina..thank you. i keep naively thinking the road to tolerance n acceptance goes by way of sharing experiences together n realizing the gender issues become smalle4 n smalle4 each time..but that doesn't work if they don't wish to see us. shrugs. oh well..it happens I guess. thank you   .indy..good for you. thank you. I'm trying to learn that.    hugs to all 5hat want them
    • Mmindy
      I’m so sorry for your rejection experience with your family. I’ve been away from social media taking care of life and the busy activities that come with summer.    Your post is the first thing I read and it reminds me of the rejection that my sister has for her own daughter and myself in the name of God. Just because we identify as part of the LGBTQ community.    Hugs, and know that you will always be loved us here. As said before; Found family can be more loving than blood family.    Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...