Did You Choose Your Gender?

[Betty K]

1 hour ago, Ivy said:

Perhaps I still struggle with accepting myself?

 

Maybe. In my case I think it's two things: (1) I don't always feel like a woman, but seem to drift in and out of perceiving myself that way, no doubt the result of decades of conditioning; and (2) I don't want to get into any, to me, pointless and unwinnable arguments about "what is a woman". But also I'm proud to be trans. I'm quite happy to own that aspect of my identity.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

27 minutes ago, Vidanjali said:

 

Introduce free will? Free will is considered sinful by some religions?

 

What is free will? And what does it have to do with transgender?

 

Free will is seen very differently, even among branches of Christianity.  To what extent we possess it, to what extent it is usable, and to what extent it is beneficial are sources of endless debate.  In my own faith, I believe we have a certain amount of free will, and whether it is good or bad depends on what we do with it. 

 

And what part of who we are is God's plan, and what part is just stuff that happened basically at random?  For me, I don't believe God made me the way I am, or even that God necessarily gives us life.  He created life, but we have a part in the process so now babies just happen.  God gives the soul, but I don't think much else about us is created or planned.  I don't believe He is responsible for me ending up intersex/trans.  Its essentially a system error, and we do the best we can to cope with it.

[MaeBe]

44 minutes ago, Vidanjali said:

The experience of happiness, joy, and freedom impresses the mind and opens the heart.
...
As happiness increases, one's heart turns towards goals beyond the gross physical body which ultimately will pass away.

 

Seeing you had written this as I was writing my post where I invoke the joy I've come to experience, my eyes are welling up. This is truly what has happened to me, simply by embracing this part of myself. I am better for it. I have never felt the need to serve before, without being forced by guilt or expectation. I am excited to be giving myself to the community through volunteering, by acknowledging this trans part of me I am becoming a better person. How can this be "wrong"?

[EasyE]

This topic is getting deep!! 

 

I do wish that the "outside world" could see posts like this and how much each of is wrestling with what is inside of us. That all of us are genuinely trying to figure out who we are, who we are called to be -- and that each of us is trying to do the right thing, find the right path, be the best person that we can be, do the most good in the world... 

 

I think a lot of the vitriol would quiet if folks on all sides of the aisle would speak a lot less and listen a lot more (truly listen for understanding and empathy, not to just to formulate a response to put someone in their place)...

 

Anyways, carry on friends!

[Abigail Genevieve]

Sometime in the last three weeks it occurred to me that God does assign gender to people, and so He made me trans. I don't want to get too deep into theology on this right now but to say He knows what He is doing, He knows the best thing for me and everyone else, He is good and I can trust Him with this. 

 

He made some people with their gender aligning with their bodies.  Well and good.  And then there are the rest of us, and we have to work out the right way to deal with whatever He has given us.

[Vidanjali]

2 hours ago, MaeBe said:

Seeing you had written this as I was writing my post where I invoke the joy I've come to experience, my eyes are welling up. This is truly what has happened to me, simply by embracing this part of myself. I am better for it. I have never felt the need to serve before, without being forced by guilt or expectation. I am excited to be giving myself to the community through volunteering, by acknowledging this trans part of me I am becoming a better person. How can this be "wrong"?

 

That is beautiful. Indeed, in my opinion the best thing you can do with your life is to serve. And to be most effective you must endeavor to learn what is love. That entails learning what is self-love for which inquiry into yourself and self-acceptance are essential.

 

6 minutes ago, EasyE said:

I do wish that the "outside world" could see posts like this and how much each of is wrestling with what is inside of us. That all of us are genuinely trying to figure out who we are, who we are called to be -- and that each of us is trying to do the right thing, find the right path, be the best person that we can be, do the most good in the world... 

 

I have often had the same thought. I would venture to guess that almost all people who have negative thoughts about trans people have never actually (knowingly) engaged with a trans person.

 

1 minute ago, Abigail Genevieve said:

He knows what He is doing, He knows the best thing for me and everyone else, He is good and I can trust Him with this. ...we have to work out the right way to deal with whatever He has given us.

 

Amen to that.

[Mirrabooka]

I have decided to reply to this thread without reading through it, but I have briefly paid attention to the last few posts and have made the observation that it has gone off on a tangent. 

 

OK, back to basics.

 

No-one chooses their gender, just as no-one chooses their sexuality or skin color or parents or siblings or birth date!

[emeraldmountain2]

I'll answer this a little differently. I didn't choose to have gender dysphoria, but I did choose to deal with it by transitioning into the gender expression in which I feel most comfortable and am leaving behind the expression that made me miserable.

[Mirrabooka]

11 minutes ago, emeraldmountain2 said:

I'll answer this a little differently. I didn't choose to have gender dysphoria, but I did choose to deal with it by transitioning into the gender expression in which I feel most comfortable and am leaving behind the expression that made me miserable.

I totally accept that too.

 

To me, what that means is that you didn't choose the gender which you are now, you just accepted it. Maybe you were told that you were a different gender to what you actually are now, but that was a lie.

[Birdie]

1 hour ago, Mirrabooka said:

I have decided to reply to this thread without reading through it, but I have briefly paid attention to the last few posts and have made the observation that it has gone off on a tangent. 

 

OK, back to basics.

 

No-one chooses their gender, just as no-one chooses their sexuality or skin color or parents or siblings or birth date!

Exactly! I just had a similar conversation with a CNA this morning helping to transfer in and out of the shower. 

She made the comment, "you know you are sinning for what you did to your body."

I quickly informed her that I'm not on HRT, nor have I had surgery. I was born this way, If she has a problem with it she needs to take it up with God. 

 

And it's none of her business anyways. We are all born different, and we all need to just be comfortable in our own skins. 

[Ivy]

36 minutes ago, Birdie said:

And it's none of her business anyways.

People too readily make (often wrong) assumptions about us.

And it's presumptuous to claim to speak for "God". I think they can speak for themselves.

[Vidanjali]

1 hour ago, Mirrabooka said:

I have decided to reply to this thread without reading through it, but I have briefly paid attention to the last few posts and have made the observation that it has gone off on a tangent.

 

Just fyi, the reason for the seeming tangent is due to the prevalence of encounters like the one Birdie describes. It was revealed in the discussion that the thread question was posed in the context of trying to discern the veracity of such claims equating transgender with sin.

 

30 minutes ago, Birdie said:

Exactly! I just had a similar conversation with a CNA this morning helping to transfer in and out of the shower. 

She made the comment, "you know you are sinning for what you did to your body."

I quickly informed her that I'm not on HRT, nor have I had surgery. I was born this way, If she has a problem with it she needs to take it up with God. 

 

And it's none of her business anyways. We are all born different, and we all need to just be comfortable in our own skins. 

 

@Birdie I recall you've shared similar encounters with the staff there. And you do so in an unembellished and matter of fact manner. Are you able to let such comments roll off you and if so, how? I am truly sorry you have to deal with such ignorance on what seems like a fairly regular basis. And for sure your body is none of her business apart from what she's there to assist you with! Honestly, telling her to take it up with God is good advice because what she really should be working on is how to control her tongue, let alone her thoughts. 

[Mirrabooka]

42 minutes ago, Birdie said:

Exactly! I just had a similar conversation with a CNA this morning helping to transfer in and out of the shower. 

She made the comment, "you know you are sinning for what you did to your body."

I quickly informed her that I'm not on HRT, nor have I had surgery. I was born this way, If she has a problem with it she needs to take it up with God. 

 

And it's none of her business anyways. We are all born different, and we all need to just be comfortable in our own skins. 

Yeahhh, babe! :) 

 

it's easy to say from behind a keyboard, but I would have reinforced to her that it was HER God who made you that way! She'd have absolutely no room to move then!

 

 

[Birdie]

15 minutes ago, Vidanjali said:

And you do so in an unembellished and matter of fact manner. Are you able to let such comments roll off you and if so, how?

I've been dealing with this since puberty when I really developed, I'm quite used to the comments. I'm just glad that times are changing and everyone's gender situation is slowly becoming more accepted. 

[MaeBe]

I guess my hang up about choosing gender is that there is major entanglement with the binary “standard” and Christian morality. They see the choice to choose to align the inside with the outside as the choice, one that goes against God.

 

I am choosing to express myself in this manner, unlike when I presented masculine; I just did it, followed what I was told I was and didn’t ever think about it. So there is a choice, it’s just not the one that people assume it is: willfully choosing to go against themselves. The problem with that mentality is that we aren’t going against what we are, we’re simply not conforming to what the world demands we must be.

 

The world demands much of us without consent: comply with social roles, maintain the principles of aggression as a means to order, have babies, smile more, rub dirt on it, don’t cry, don’t be hysterical, be in charge, don’t be bossy, be a man, be pretty, don’t question why…