A Little Straight Talk

[Sally]

OK, it is time for a topic that we all would rather avoid but these are things that we need to keep in mind as we start to transition, continue to transition and even after transitioning.

The first plain and simple truth is: Transitioning is not a panacea it will not cure all ills, you will still be you and you will still have the same bills, family and surroundings - if all of that is good then things will be fine, if all of that is bad then life remains a struggle.

The second: Transitioning makes one dream come true but not all dreams they will still be your goals and you will still have to work for them.

The third: Transitioning is no guarantee that your love life will be any more successful than it was before, you will feel better about yourself but others may not.

Why is Momma Sally trying to bring us all down?

She isn't but as her appointment for her hormones is Monday she has been doing a lot of soul searching to be sure because her family is not behind her at all.

So through all of my soul searching I have decided that these are the important things that you need to consider when beginning to transition.

If you are transitioning because it will make your life perfect - Don't!

If you are transitioning because it will make your life better - Don't!

If you are transitioning because it will make you feel complete and no longer at war with yourself - Do!

I just want everyone to be aware that the world will not change because you do.

Transitioning is an outward correction of an internal conflict and others will not understand and not all will accept so be sure that you can handle all of what is involved.

After transition you will remain a transsexual, even if living stealth - you will wonder who is going to read you and if you think that it will go away in time - it won't you may be able to dismiss it easier but it will always be there.

As Lizzy says, "Being Transsexual ain't for sissies!"

I am still here to support, care for and love all of you but these are truths that we need to face.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Thank you Sally,

Very straight forward talk, and necessary.

I wish you well on your appointment on Monday.

Yes, transitioning does not mean that everything is now going to be rosey from now on.

Life's trials still remain.

Love you Sally,

--{---@

Flower for you

Brenda

[Guest Elizabeth K]

And the choir shouts "AMEN"

Addressing MTFs here - sorry.

Sally is at that special place where she is going to take the second most important step that she will have to face toward changing her body. Only SRS is more life changing. She is right to search her heart. Soul searching is what therapists want us to do. We need to be sure.

We make a decision to transition - we follow through. HRT can be stopped - actually early on the changes are reversable in theory. Afterwards changes become more permanent... BUT that is not the major danger, trying to reverse if it is a mistake. Psychologically, you probably WON"T be able to reverse.

The instant you take the first set of pills on HRT, you begin to look at yourself in a totally different way. You who have been there understand this well. Those who want to go there need to know HRT is real and it is potent!

And trying to use it to solve problems - WRONG. Trying to use it to become more feminine - WRONG.

You use it to become female. And that is the result. A female body - not perfect, but a female body just the same. This female body is to allow you to finally consolidate a female mind and soul, with the body. That's the only purpose of HRT.

BUT it's not the only result.

Psychologically, you will change - instantly actually, even though the hormones really take time to work, a month or two. Instantly you will realize you are soon to be 100% chemically female - for the rest of your life. Your moods will react to that as your female mindset suddenly gets fueled by the proper hormones. What you thought you knew about being a woman will suddenly seem so naive. You will BE a woman now - it's NOT what you thought it is like - maybe similar, but it is indescribable!

Women will suddenly know you are just like them, by the way you act and talk. You will have joined the other half of the world. Heady thoughts.

You will not go back.

So be careful what you ask for. HRT is extremely potent! Use it carefully and for the right reasons.

Seven months on HRT - and lost to the other side forever!

Elizabeth

[Guest (Lightsider)]

OK, it is time for a topic that we all would rather avoid but these are things that we need to keep in mind as we start to transition, continue to transition and even after transitioning.

The first plain and simple truth is: Transitioning is not a panacea it will not cure all ills, you will still be you and you will still have the same bills, family and surroundings - if all of that is good then things will be fine, if all of that is bad then life remains a struggle.

The second: Transitioning makes one dream come true but not all dreams they will still be your goals and you will still have to work for them.

The third: Transitioning is no guarantee that your love life will be any more successful than it was before, you will feel better about yourself but others may not.

Why is Momma Sally trying to bring us all down?

She isn't but as her appointment for her hormones is Monday she has been doing a lot of soul searching to be sure because her family is not behind her at all.

So through all of my soul searching I have decided that these are the important things that you need to consider when beginning to transition.

If you are transitioning because it will make your life perfect - Don't!

If you are transitioning because it will make your life better - Don't!

If you are transitioning because it will make you feel complete and no longer at war with yourself - Do!

I just want everyone to be aware that the world will not change because you do.

Transitioning is an outward correction of an internal conflict and others will not understand and not all will accept so be sure that you can handle all of what is involved.

After transition you will remain a transsexual, even if living stealth - you will wonder who is going to read you and if you think that it will go away in time - it won't you may be able to dismiss it easier but it will always be there.

As Lizzy says, "Being Transsexual ain't for sissies!"

I am still here to support, care for and love all of you but these are truths that we need to face.

Love ya,

Sally

As a person who is virtually done with transition....

name changed (done)

License with female marker (done)

Live full time HRT 3 plus years (done)

post-op Orchiectomy (done)

Judges decree of Sex Female (done)

Social Security Gender changed (done)

Birth Cert Correction (in process)

SRS (depends on several factors)

Those are all technical things that needed to be done. None of which brought me happiness other than a peace of mind. What brought me happiness was learning to let go of so much pain. The real change came from the inside out. I knew going into this that ...the bulk of the work would have to be done on a spiritual level.

I guess ulitmatly for me at least i don't see SRS as a must have. I will get it if I know it will make a sexual relationship easier...but I know I am a woman. I don't need SRS to show that to me.

If you can say you have peace of mind...you are on the right track.

Now I admit in recent weeks I have had a few trials regarding my ex wife and the love I have for her. But...It never made me doubt who I was.

Any way..i have heard some trans claim transitioning will solve all their problems....BZZZ wrong. Thank you Sally!!!

[Guest Donna Jean]

Women will suddenly know you are just like them, by the way you act and talk. You will have joined the other half of the world. Heady thoughts.

You will not go back.

So be careful what you ask for. HRT is extremely potent! Use it carefully and for the right reasons.

Seven months on HRT - and lost to the other side forever!

Elizabeth

I totally agree, Lizzy.....

5 months for me and I'm in for the duration...no turning back. I really don't know how that would be possible anymore...yes, VERY headdy stuff!

Lots of really good stuff there, Sally.....True...not for sissies! And lives don't change overnight!

Life doesn't become a bed of roses....(can become WAY harder!)....Please go into this with your eyes open and having done your research!

And it leaves you with a TON of other work to do!

Everyone should think about it long and hard before taking the plunge...besides social, mental, work reasons....there is also health reasons!

My worst nightmare is to have to stop HRT because of my health...so I take care of myself....and I have changed mentally....not all from the hormones...but, a lot of it is!

Please be careful!

Love

Donna Jean

[Guest Evan_J]

And the choir shouts "AMEN"

Addressing MTFs here - sorry.

Sally is at that special place where she is going to take the second most important step that she will have to face toward changing her body. Only SRS is more life changing. She is right to search her heart. Soul searching is what therapists want us to do. We need to be sure.

We make a decision to transition - we follow through. HRT can be stopped - actually early on the changes are reversable in theory. Afterwards changes become more permanent... BUT that is not the major danger, trying to reverse if it is a mistake. Psychologically, you probably WON"T be able to reverse.

The instant you take the first set of pills on HRT, you begin to look at yourself in a totally different way. You who have been there understand this well. Those who want to go there need to know HRT is real and it is potent!

And trying to use it to solve problems - WRONG. Trying to use it to become more feminine - WRONG.

You use it to become female. And that is the result. A female body - not perfect, but a female body just the same. This female body is to allow you to finally consolidate a female mind and soul, with the body. That's the only purpose of HRT.

BUT it's not the only result.

Psychologically, you will change - instantly actually, even though the hormones really take time to work, a month or two. Instantly you will realize you are soon to be 100% chemically female - for the rest of your life. Your moods will react to that as your female mindset suddenly gets fueled by the proper hormones. What you thought you knew about being a woman will suddenly seem so naive. You will BE a woman now - it's NOT what you thought it is like - maybe similar, but it is indescribable!

Women will suddenly know you are just like them, by the way you act and talk. You will have joined the other half of the world. Heady thoughts.

You will not go back.

So be careful what you ask for. HRT is extremely potent! Use it carefully and for the right reasons.

Seven months on HRT - and lost to the other side forever!

Elizabeth

Actually Elizabeth, I think your talk very easily applies to FtMs -if they choose to listen.

I've been talking to Sally a lot about this (and I don't think she minds me saying that) but actually "transitioning" can -and for a lot of people does begin waaaay before the hormones, way before the decision to transition medically even. I take a lot of my personal information and opinions on that straight out of the Stone and Stud communities where if you apply the definition of transgendered (which isn't the same thing as FtM) a very definate and defined social role and societal interaction by default is lived outside of the cisgender boundary. A good many of these individuals even do refer to themselves and prefer to be refered to in the male pronouns. Drop first names in favor of initials or nicknames. Are boyfriends, husbands, brothers. And move through tags like "Daddy" without any awkwardness. I'm sorry but at that point, even if you identify as female you are trans. And you are trans becaus of how the cis mainstream is not going to tell you "that is how you are supposed to be"; you have transitioned your societal role.

The difference then is two things: One, the FtM recognizes, identifies, and accepts (ultimately and if it is true) the original and intrinsic state of being a man regardless of a body.

Two, the deciding to alter the body and/or conscious public identity to that of one. And this last part has to be added because of the peeps who decide to be no op/no ho.

All of these things add up to one point, the hormones are not the transition. Neither are the surgeries. The transition actually is the "doing" it. The hormones and surgery just give you a body. The transition, the real transition , may have happened long before.

Know the difference between transitioning and altering the body or medical transitioning.

[Guest leo]

agrees with evan

i was a boyfriend to someone and like to be called male when i was around people i didnt know

that was a long time ago

i am not on hormones yet but i have started my transition

[Guest skyy]

very true. it isnt happy, but it needs to be said. straight talk is the way to go. i'm glad you get your hormones soon, they really do help you feel put together, but you are right, they dont make you happy, but they do give you the ability to find happiness like everyone else. but like everyone else, you still have to find happiness on your own. they help clear the mind so you can see what really matters, but you still have to be the one to make you feel complete. oh, and good luck with mood swings, they can get pretty bad.

[Guest Zabrak]

Transitioning saved my life, but its up to me to live it.

Simple.

[Paula ult]

Sally and Lizzy you are 100% correct in what you say. Why would someone choose this path if they didn't have to, that's why there are standards in place to try to prevent mistakes from happening.

And as Lizzy said "Being Transsexual ain't for sissies!" I'm sure those of us transitioning are doing it cause we want to loose family, friends, job, home etc, pay all medical expenses out of pocket and be afraid of our safety because we are different and don't fit into the binary.

I am transitioning to make my body match how i have felt inside for as long as i can remember, not to suddenly have my debts and other problems go away.

This is not a whim or phase i am going thru and finding a good woman is not going to fix me like this one friend recently told me, those not trans don't and never will understand what this feels like. It's not like having a missing limb, cleft palette or a cold, things people can see and understand.

A post op told me about the 80/10/10 rule 80% of people don't care, 10% will love you for no reason and 10% will hate you for no reason.

Congrats Sally on Monday getting your hormones, i know how long you been waiting, and yes this is a big decision for you, just like it was for the rest of us, I'm glad you are soul searching.

Paula

[Guest Clora]

even though its blunt and strong we need to hear it somtimes, a1nd im glad you were the one to do it cause i couldnt have said it any better!

[Guest S. Chrissie]

Amen!!

Trading one set of problems for another set of problems.

It's not all rainbow, sunshines and huggy bunnies in Transland. We not only have to deal with stuff that genetically born females have to deal with, but also our past and the fact that we are transgender.

Sherlyn

[Guest Leah1026]

OK, it is time for a topic that we all would rather avoid but these are things that we need to keep in mind as we start to transition, continue to transition and even after transitioning.

The first plain and simple truth is: Transitioning is not a panacea it will not cure all ills, you will still be you and you will still have the same bills, family and surroundings - if all of that is good then things will be fine, if all of that is bad then life remains a struggle. Agree

The second: Transitioning makes one dream come true but not all dreams they will still be your goals and you will still have to work for them.Agree

The third: Transitioning is no guarantee that your love life will be any more successful than it was before, you will feel better about yourself but others may not. Agree

Why is Momma Sally trying to bring us all down?

She isn't but as her appointment for her hormones is Monday she has been doing a lot of soul searching to be sure because her family is not behind her at all.

So through all of my soul searching I have decided that these are the important things that you need to consider when beginning to transition.

If you are transitioning because it will make your life perfect - Don't! Agree

If you are transitioning because it will make your life better - Don't! Agree

If you are transitioning because it will make you feel complete and no longer at war with yourself - Do! Agree

I just want everyone to be aware that the world will not change because you do.

Transitioning is an outward correction of an internal conflict and others will not understand and not all will accept so be sure that you can handle all of what is involved. Agree

<snip>

As Lizzy says, "Being Transsexual ain't for sissies!" Agree

I am still here to support, care for and love all of you but these are truths that we need to face.

Love ya,

Sally

So far so good.

BUT

After transition you will remain a transsexual, even if living stealth - you will wonder who is going to read you and if you think that it will go away in time - it won't you may be able to dismiss it easier but it will always be there.

I don't agree with this point, at least on this level:

Dysphoria: My dysphoria, both social and body, have more or less disappeared. The angst that ruled my life for decades is GONE.

A transsexual person is someone who was born with a brain-body mismatch. That no longer applies to me.

That takes care of the physical, but what about the mental side of things? Transition for me was an enormous time of personal growth. I did my research, I got my therapy, I did lots of deep thinking and I did what was right for me. And because of that I can truly say I am the person I should have been. Oh life circumstances would have been different, but I am finally the person I was meant to be. I had a condition that kept me from being the real me and that kept any personal development in stasis for a long time. But that road block has been removed and I'm moving on with life. I am happy, healthy and whole.

Sure I have some unique circumstances, but so does every other person on this planet.

And this is where I'd like to go back to Sally's 1st point:

Transitioning is not a panacea it will not cure all ills, you will still be you and you will still have the same bills, family and surroundings - if all of that is good then things will be fine, if all of that is bad then life remains a struggle.

The end of transition is not the end, but a new beginning. I have the same hassles everyone else I know has, but I have something a lot of them don't have:

An appreciation for those "hassles". I rejoice in having them because I have been to the fiery pits of hell and survived.

You know before transition I thought I was a negative person. Transition taught me many things and among those was that I am a positive person. It's just that my circumstances prevented me from seeing that; I had been in "survival mode".

My life isn't perfect, but I do have one now. One that's mine, that's me and not about what others/society want.

I may have been born transsexual, but I'm not a transsexual.

Your mileage may vary.

[Guest Leigh]

thanks sally.

i too have been soul searching after coming out to my sister didn't go as well as i originally thought....

and i have to consider the affects on my family very carefully. so, it's important to be sure that i'm doing it for the right reasons.

you're pretty much dead on what i feel.

peace&love

leigh

[Guest Evan_J]

I may have been born transsexual, but I'm not a transsexual.

I want to feel like Leah feels after I transition RIght on!!

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Actually Elizabeth, I think your talk very easily applies to FtMs -if they choose to listen.

I've been talking to Sally a lot about this (and I don't think she minds me saying that) but actually "transitioning" can -and for a lot of people does begin waaaay before the hormones, way before the decision to transition medically even. I take a lot of my personal information and opinions on that straight out of the Stone and Stud communities where if you apply the definition of transgendered (which isn't the same thing as FtM) a very definate and defined social role and societal interaction by default is lived outside of the cisgender boundary. A good many of these individuals even do refer to themselves and prefer to be refered to in the male pronouns. Drop first names in favor of initials or nicknames. Are boyfriends, husbands, brothers. And move through tags like "Daddy" without any awkwardness. I'm sorry but at that point, even if you identify as female you are trans. And you are trans becaus of how the cis mainstream is not going to tell you "that is how you are supposed to be"; you have transitioned your societal role.

The difference then is two things: One, the FtM recognizes, identifies, and accepts (ultimately and if it is true) the original and intrinsic state of being a man regardless of a body.

Two, the deciding to alter the body and/or conscious public identity to that of one. And this last part has to be added because of the peeps who decide to be no op/no ho.

All of these things add up to one point, the hormones are not the transition. Neither are the surgeries. The transition actually is the "doing" it. The hormones and surgery just give you a body. The transition, the real transition , may have happened long before.

Know the difference between transitioning and altering the body or medical transitioning.

I know my trasition started the day I got my diagnosis; it was then that I knew I was finaly on the path to completeness. That isnt to say that I havent had my share of blind alleys, wrong turns and unforseen issues; it is to say that I finally have a clear path to walk and one which I step out on knowing that there will be problems. I do this with both eyes open and having done as much research as I can cram into my brain. 

I know the risks, and the rewards; the biggest reward is the end of the confusion, and finally being complete.

[Guest angie]

People not understanding is a painful part of our journey.

As my ex sis inlaw said to me two years ago,"Acceptance

does not mean understanding." But not all will or do accept.

To have women I have known for so many years to still

refer to me as hehimman,hurts like a dagger in the heart.

But it wont,doesn't,and will not stop me from following my

heart and being who I must be.My ex,even six years later,

still doesn't understand the intense drive I have to correct this

incongruity.Then again,neither does anyone else I know or am

related to.I am on this journey for myself and only myself.

For when I have reached my journey's end,I will be the happy

complete woman I was born to be.No matter how long it takes.

Angelique

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

yep and along the way we get to live with mood swings, night sweats, hot flashes and other things which we used to chuckle and say "glad it aint me" well now it is you and the shoe is on the other foot.

Welcome to womanhood

the pain and itch as the breasts start to grow

welcome to womanhood

remember this wasnt a choice, we had to do this to keep sane and for many of us to stay alive. It has allowed many of us to live for the first time and to move forward out of the rut and darkness in which we spent the majority of our days.

The reward is much greater than the pain and darkness in which we lived. Yes the decision to finally transition costs us much but what price OUR lives and happiness?

[Guest Cj Marie]

I do not understand the lingo here... if transitioning only means being passable and functional in your life... then yes it will change things... but it will not solve anything!! It will not solve your identity problem.... it will not solve any daily life issues... transitioning will only solve your ability to pass as the opposite gender then you were determined to be when you were born, and depending on how you look maybe not even that. What it will force you to do is look at yourself and your world. You will probably doubt yourself more then you ever have in your life, you will probably be more fearful then ever.. I dont care MTF or FTM i have yet met, talked with any that have said it was a great thing... Christine Jorgensen in her book is used quite often to talk about how if she could have swallowed a pill that made her feel like a man she would have taken it in a sec.. the problem is the next line when she is asked if she regrets her decisions she said "NO".. The thing is, it is our choice, be sure the best you can because some of the lamest difficulties pop up everywhere...

Recently i had to pick up my son, and although i have updated the parent pick up card, and my dirver liscense she had to ask me who my son was to me... when i said he is my son, then she asked then who is laura? Are you laura? no you have my license i am not... well who is laura? there are some strange situations that will catch you off guard...

ps side note... did everyone know there is a gender assigned to your social security card? did you also know in a lifetime you can only print them 10 times in a life time?

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

I do not understand the lingo here... if transitioning only means being passable and functional in your life... then yes it will change things... but it will not solve anything!! It will not solve your identity problem.... it will not solve any daily life issues... transitioning will only solve your ability to pass as the opposite gender then you were determined to be when you were born, and depending on how you look maybe not even that. What it will force you to do is look at yourself and your world. You will probably doubt yourself more then you ever have in your life, you will probably be more fearful then ever.. I dont care MTF or FTM i have yet met, talked with any that have said it was a great thing... Christine Jorgensen in her book is used quite often to talk about how if she could have swallowed a pill that made her feel like a man she would have taken it in a sec.. the problem is the next line when she is asked if she regrets her decisions she said "NO".. The thing is, it is our choice, be sure the best you can because some of the lamest difficulties pop up everywhere...

Recently i had to pick up my son, and although i have updated the parent pick up card, and my dirver liscense she had to ask me who my son was to me... when i said he is my son, then she asked then who is laura? Are you laura? no you have my license i am not... well who is laura? there are some strange situations that will catch you off guard...

ps side note... did everyone know there is a gender assigned to your social security card? did you also know in a lifetime you can only print them 10 times in a life time?

Transitioning will likely end:

• the self hate,
  
• the years of being in the wrong body,
  
• the feelling that something is wrong but who knows what
  
• the anger (if your GID is the root cause)
  
• the depression (if your GID is the root cause)
  
• it may 'cure' several other problems (these were actually misdiagnoses)
  

It wont cure or fix

• your marriage
  
• relationships with friends, family, church groups
  
• employment problems
  
• psychoses left over from other traumatic events
  
• anything else for which GID IS NOT the root cause
  

For me, even early on, many changes are permanent for example the way I look at myself and at others has switched over the last 2.5 months, I am also happier and more content. I know that there is NO turning back from this road, I am on it to go as far as I can and any thing which attempts to make me detranstion will, in many ways, kill me. This death may not be physical but it will be a death in my soul, and psyche knowing that I was on the road to being who I should be but then not being able to explore just how far along that road I want to go.

[TassieTiff]

Gender reassignment Surgery does not make a MTF Female..... It makes you a Mutilated Male who is comfortable in their own skin.... AND with or without that surgery IF you like yourself.... You are a Mile in front..

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Gender reassignment Surgery does not make a MTF Female..... It makes you a Mutilated Male who is comfortable in their own skin.... AND with or without that surgery IF you like yourself.... You are a Mile in front..

Tassie I beg to differ, for me GRS/SRS is the final step on the road to completion. It takes me from being a woman with the wrong genitals to a woman who is complete

just my opinion

[Guest Donna Jean]

Gender reassignment Surgery does not make a MTF Female..... It makes you a Mutilated Male who is comfortable in their own skin.... AND with or without that surgery IF you like yourself.... You are a Mile in front..

OMG!

That may be clinically correct, but, I SURE don't want to think of myself in those terms...

And technically my gender therapist agrees that my gender is female...

Therefore SRS would be correcting a Female with genital deviations...

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Gender reassignment Surgery does not make a MTF Female..... It makes you a Mutilated Male who is comfortable in their own skin.... AND with or without that surgery IF you like yourself.... You are a Mile in front..

Well hon.... the whole point of SRS is to allow someone to express their true gender. SRS is not for everyone, nor is SRS necessary for every person to be able to express their gender. MTFs are not male and FTMs are not female. An MTF that undergoes SRS is never a mutilated male. She is a woman that has had corrective surgery.

I am enclosing a link that talks about being transgendered. There are some people (MTFs in particular) in this document that have not elected to have SRS. Take a look, and you will be amazed at what is possible without GRS

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/TS.html

Love

Brenda

[Sally]

Gender reassignment Surgery does not make a MTF Female..... It makes you a Mutilated Male who is comfortable in their own skin.... AND with or without that surgery IF you like yourself.... You are a Mile in front..

Hey Tiff,

I am going to support your statement here because it is in fact true in terms of biology, we still carry the Y chromosome which in technical terms makes our bodies remain male in spite of the new body chemistry from hormone treatment and the female mindset.

We are as we have been from birth decidedly female and your signature indicates that you truly get that.

I know that it does make us feel complete and that we can then be more comfortable in our own skins but absolutely nothing that we have in medicine now can remove that pesky Y chromosome - someday maybe but that is for smarter people than myself.

If that were possible then your statement could be proven incorrect but until then you are right and we need to learn to accept that, be happy about being comfortable with ourselves and move on with living our lives the way we were meant to - as females.

This is a topic about straight talk after all so thank you for being honest.

Love ya,

Sally