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Guest Leigh T

What Is Crossdressing, Really?

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Guest Arinda   
Guest Arinda

Hey Everyone! As a spouse of a CD I am wondering a million things. I am very supportive of my husband and I am wondering if he would not like to transition. We have not spoke about this directly but I get the feeling by some comments he has made. Really, when I started typing I had a question but now I am just rambling. One thing I certainly can't understand is when my husband comes home from work he puts a bra on. When I come home its the first thing I take off! ;-) Seriously though, I am wondering how this has played out in your relationships. I want to be supportive but I am really scared of the social stigma and issues associated with dressing and transitioning. Have you always been open to discussing these subjects with your s/o? I don't want to bring up questions and create problems. I want to know everything thing about my husband and this is one area that is still mysterious.

Arinda

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Guest Arinda   
Guest Arinda

One more of a million questions! Is there a time and location and CD & spouses are on Laura's? I would love to talk in a more private setting.

Thanks,

Arinda

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Guest Lynnette Rae   
Guest Lynnette Rae

Hi Arinda,

I am a cd and I have no desire to become a full fledged woman and while I cannot speak for your husband it is my understanding that most CD men are completely heterosexual. I know that my wife is completely supportive of me and she has wondered about the bra thing as well. for me it is a feeling of security it helps me to calm down I can't really explain why. I am a stay at home spouse and she works so I get to wear my bra all day, so I am ready to take it off get in the shower and put on a comfortable nightie at the end of the day. I do know I have liked to CD since I was 12 or 13 and I am now 48, I recently told my wife and she told me to be me. we enjoy shopping together we dress up together and soon we will be going out for a girls night out. My wife does not get on the forum but you can feel free to add me as a friend and any questions you may have for her I will ask and get you the answer if she has one.

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Guest Jocelyn1975   
Guest Jocelyn1975

I've been asking myself this question for the last couple of days and I have read the responses on this topic and the only conclusion I can come to us we are all individual in how far we go and where we are comfortable. Me I'm comfortable in feminine jeans and panties. I dress in feminine male clothing that looks and feels similar to women's. Thank God for fashion catching up. I enjoy dressing to the nines with makeup and all once in a while. Not everyday my wife knows and has helped me dress up on those days. So I guess xdressing is different for everyone. I just want to feel more feminine in my everyday life and xdressing helps me do that. Something about clothes am I right? Oh yeah one last bit of info if you look at an old photograph of a baby boy from before 1940 you will notice that wearing a frilly dress was all the rage back then. :)

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MarcieMarie12   
MarcieMarie12

Hi, first post here. But when you started crossdressing, did you instantly feel the need to do it constantly? Or was it like a nicotine fix, you got your hit and were ok for a while, but the more you cross dressed the more you wanted to?

I actually bought a lace nighty to wear on a business trip. It was the first time I've ever felt the need to actually cross dress since getting married a few years ago. I enjoyed it and felt pretty. Up until that point I was satisfied with just imagining the stuff on me, I don't think I can put that genie back in the bottle. And no, my wife doesn't know anything about this~another worry I have to contend with.

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Guest Razilee   
Guest Razilee

Leigh

Crossdressing is very important to me. When I dress as myself, I feel relaxed and wonderful. I am not satisfied that I am biologically male, but I express my true self everyday in everyway that I can depending upon context. At work, I present mostly as male due to the dynamics of the workplace saw me asmale when I joined. Even there, I am very femme and everyone picks up on that. They all think that I am the gay guy. At his point in time, I let them think what they want to think because it allows me to continue to be employed without any hassle, and yet, I can express myself smile.gif

When I am home, I dress completely smile.gif

Love

Brenda

Thank you, Brenda.

The thought that I originally had was that a male crossdresser (one who is happy being a heterosexual male) has at least a small element of transsexualism to them to give them that drive to 'dress.' If I've read you correctly, you feel that you are at least part 'female' in soul/gender rather than just not happy being male (being a choice). My inquiry was directed toward those men (women falling under this category are different in my mind) who don't feel they are, in any way, at least a little cross-gendered. Those men who don't crossdress for erotic reasons and are in no way cross-gendered are the mystery to me. Finding that 'sweet spot' as explained earlier makes sense but isn't that a result rather than a reason? Maybe this is one of those issues that you don't really have an answer to but just accept it.

Leigh

Crossdressing is very important to me. When I dress as myself, I feel relaxed and wonderful. I am not satisfied that I am biologically male, but I express my true self everyday in everyway that I can depending upon context. At work, I present mostly as male due to the dynamics of the workplace saw me asmale when I joined. Even there, I am very femme and everyone picks up on that. They all think that I am the gay guy. At his point in time, I let them think what they want to think because it allows me to continue to be employed without any hassle, and yet, I can express myself smile.gif

When I am home, I dress completely smile.gif

Love

Brenda

Thank you, Brenda,

"Maybe this is one of those issues that you don't really have an answer to but just accept it." There are many answers. I'm going out dressed more and more lately, even dressed down in pants and sweatshirt like many GGs. I've also tried on many of the other labels mentioned. "Finding the sweet spot" and "the pink fog" are new and very useful terms I hadn't heard before. Thanks, Laura!

Love,

Raz

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Guest Raya   
Guest Raya

Hi, first post here. But when you started crossdressing, did you instantly feel the need to do it constantly? Or was it like a nicotine fix, you got your hit and were ok for a while

Well, it sure wasn't like smoking, I was able to quit that. And I never had recurrent purges of tobacco, where I tossed it all out in shame.

Personally, I feel my crossdressing was just a way to express as femme without having to wrap my head around the whole gender transition- it was all I could handle at the time.

BUT that was just me. Many people like to crossdress occasionally, and that's fine. No need to get all guilted out like I did.

And I would encourage you to think about opening up to your wife, there's a lot to learn about that here on the playground.

And maybe post an intro so more people will say hi

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MarcieMarie12   
MarcieMarie12

I have question/thought---Is crossdressing for some a part of being gender-fluid (ie some one who goes from male to female depending on mood)?

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Guest   
Guest

Yes, it is for me. When younger I primarily dressed for erotic stimulation as a male dressing in female intimates. Now I find pleasure in feeling myself as a woman when dressed although I don't feel "trapped" in a man's body. I can choose who, or which part of me, I wish to be at any given moment. Often I choose a mix of modes of awareness. It can all be very confusing.

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Guest Carla_Davis   
Guest Carla_Davis

Here is a good description of What is Cross Dressing.

What is Cross-Dressing

http://www.tri-ess.org/docs/cd01.html

TriESS is probably the number one website for cross dressers and their spouses.

Please check out the other tabs.

i hope this is helpful for all those asking the question :)

Hugs,

Carla

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Guest   
Guest

Yes, it is for me. When younger I primarily dressed for erotic stimulation as a male dressing in female intimates. Now I find pleasure in feeling myself as a woman when dressed although I don't feel "trapped" in a man's body. I can choose who, or which part of me, I wish to be at any given moment. Often I choose a mix of modes of awareness. It can all be very confusing.

I hated myself so much over my feelings, almost all my life. And when I did dress because I couldn't help myself, it always turned very sexual and then afterwards the extreme hate hit me. Once I began dressing more regularly, underdressing at all times and then finally dressing at all times while at home, those 'sexual' feelings disappeared.

For years I thought I was a crossdresser or fetishest, but over the last year or so I have discovered that it's not sexual at all for me and that my feminine side goes much deeper than crossdressing. Only through embracing your feelings can other feelings be allowed to percolate up.

Based on your above description, at this point, it sounds more like gender-fluid.

*hugs*

-Fiona

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Guest   
Guest

.......For years I thought I was a crossdresser or fetishest, but over the last year or so I have discovered that it's not sexual at all for me and that my feminine side goes much deeper than crossdressing. Only through embracing your feelings can other feelings be allowed to percolate up.

Based on your above description, at this point, it sounds more like gender-fluid.

*hugs*

-Fiona

Fiona,

I can't say that I never experience sexual feelings when dressing but that is only some of the time and never all I am feeling. Since I underdress all the time now it would be very awkward to always feel it sexually. Although I am new to fully cross dressing ( still working on the stagecraft aspects ) I feel feminine but not sexual in female outer clothes.

I find myself studying GG, not in the way I have as a male, but as examples from which to learn what I do and do not relate to in myself. I wish I had a friend or mentor who would help me along the way. My wife is accepting but does not want to participate. I respect her boundaries and appreciate her acceptance and support but it is too bad she doesn't want to play with me as she is my best friend in all other aspects of life. She represents a lot of the feminine which I most love but wants to be the only girl actively in our relationship.

Gender-fluid sounds likely, scarey and exciting all at the same time. Really don't know where, if anywhere, this is going for me.

Always love the kind thoughts and hugs,

Hugs,

Erica

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Guest AshleighP   
Guest AshleighP

I just re-read the information on the tri-ess website. It seems quite accurate and helpful in understanding (as much as one can) the reasons for cross dressing. Of course, everybody's different, but similar at the same time. If only I could express my desires in a clear concise manner to my wife. Perhaps then she might better understand who I really am, and that Ashleigh is not a threat to her in any way.

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MarcieMarie12   
MarcieMarie12

Wow! I found my first post here, and looking back at it I guess I am the cliche "What's the difference between cross dresser and and a transexual?--Two years. Or in my case less than 1, + the 40+ years of confusion. I thought it was interesting, even then I noticed the more I dressed the more I wanted to. To the point now that I am

I am not saying that is the case for everyone, but identifying it as cross dressing first helped me come to terms with being trans later.

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Guest sandra6sandy9sand   
Guest sandra6sandy9sand

Hi Ladies, I have read through this entire thread from beginning to end, including my own from two years ago and I'm still looking for an answer for why I and so many others need to wear woman's cloths.

I feel normal and very comfortable in panties and bra all the time and what ever I put on over the top; be it a dress for at home; jeans and girly top for being out or a mix of male and female to work in my studio. 

I told my wife this past May (for the second time) that I enjoy wearing woman's cloths. She is not supportive and purchased two pair of men's underwater, which I will not wear and men's jeans for Christmas. I don't feel free to be me in this environment. I love my wife and do not want a divorce. I know that there is no way to put Sandra back in the closet, nor do I want to.

I need to dress every day. I feel complete dressed but I still don't understand why.

Love and hugs to all. 

Sandra

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Guest   
Guest

Sounds like counseling is in order. My wife supported me all the way, until this 'got real'. When it went from crossdressing to transitioning, she changed, no longer supports it like she used to, but we're working on it. She's pretty depressed because the old me is virtually all gone, and she never intended on living or being with another woman. :/

It's difficult, and a lot of work.....

-Fiona

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Guest sandra6sandy9sand   
Guest sandra6sandy9sand

Thank you for the reply Fiona.  It is very delicate work and takes balance and give and take. 

Katie Couric has put together a two hour documentary on the Gender Revolution to be aired on the National Geographic channel February 6th at 9 pm eastern time. I plan on watching. 

Take care and hugs. 

Sandra

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Guest   
Guest
On 1/24/2017 at 9:36 AM, sandra6sandy9sand said:

Thank you for the reply Fiona.  It is very delicate work and takes balance and give and take. 

Katie Couric has put together a two hour documentary on the Gender Revolution to be aired on the National Geographic channel February 6th at 9 pm eastern time. I plan on watching. 

Take care and hugs. 

Sandra

Yes, a friend of mine told me of this on Monday, I have it set in my schedule to find it to record. :) 

HUGS

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Marti   
Marti

That is a good question. I don't have a direct answer. I just know that I have always liked women's clothes. I also like makeup. I'm not gay. I just like the feminine nature of such things. Why should girls have all the fun? Those of us who are into crossdressing can't always explain why we dress like we do. Give me a skirt over pants any day. Unfortunately society dictates to veto our decisions.women can dress like men. They always have.why can't I dress like a woman???

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