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jae bear

Stopped binge eating and compulsive eating!

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jae bear

 I do believe I can successfully say that I have stopped these terrible habits since my last post admitting to myself that I was out of control. I do get a little Nibley at night but I try to grab something not too terrible for me, but unfortunately I keep grabbing things with high sodium content which really isn’t good for my Bad right leg, it makes it hurt and swell up a little. I’ve developed this craving for pickled things, and my wife has been very kind to find all sorts of pickled things that I like, unfortunately I’m having a little trouble moderating myself with them, but I think I can work on it. A couple days ago  she bought me pickled beets, as I simply could not find them in the store, I don’t know why I crave pickled beets but they are the most delicious thing in the world!  I know it sounds disgusting but I even try to sip at the brine in the jar once I’ve eaten all the beats, I know I shouldn’t do that it’s probably terrible for me but there’s something about it I just can’t control myself. I really need to just put a cut off time on my food, I was thinking 7 o’clock but now I think eight is probably more realistic, I typically have a glass of milk after working out if I can remember to do that. I drink a lot of water during my workout so I’m not exactly feeling like I need anything when I get back home, I’d be doing much better if I’d simply cut out anything from 8 o’clock till bedtime except water. I guess the good news is I weighed in at the doctor Yesterday 18 pounds lower than my last weigh in, my doctor said she was shocked, that I look so different that she could really tell things are happening even though she knows HRT takes a long time. I think it was mostly just because I had a really clean shaved face and my hair is starting to get a little long around the ears and neck, I suppose 18 pounds of weight loss Makes my face and shape look a little different too. I really need to break this bad habit of eating late at night and specifically of turning to these high sodium content pickled items, although sometimes I really want tomato juice with hot sauce and celery, which is also super high in sodium, while I’ve backed off the calorie count and fat content I am replacing it with an off a lot of salt which just isn’t good for me. Do any of you have some suggestions that might get me past this hurdle? Or should I just go buy a girdle and call it a night?

Hugs,

Jae

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ChickenLittle

Hi there! I don't have advice re: salt, unfortunately, but the pickle cravings made me think of a comic I saw the other day! It sounds like you're doing a great job with things. I've found that when I'm trying to make dietary changes, doing one change at a time and sticking with it until it becomes habit before starting the next change has helped. It's less overwhelming than changing lots of things at once and makes goals feel more attainable (for me). 

pickles.jpg

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jae bear

HA!!!!!  I guess I’m not alone, this must be a serious issue for all of us trans girls...  That comic is hilarious I have to send it to my wife right now !!!!  There’s always the possibility that it will be more trouble than it’s worth but I can’t stand it it’s too funny !!!

Hugs,

Jae

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Kirsten

That’s so weird. I’ve loved pickles like forever. I go through a big, and I mean big jar like every 2-3 weeks. If it gets worse imma turn into a pickle. Lmao. 

Glad you’re doing well with your dieting. It’s hard at first but it does get easier. And once you get to your goal size you can cheat a little at least. Keep it up Jae!! 

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Alicia

OMG! That's hilarious! I've been randomly saying I like pickles and other things involving pickles. So now I'm curious, why I say that! Hahah xD

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BrandiBri

Lmao, great cartoon! I could eat a whole jar of pickles at one sitting, that or olives. (or both!!!)

 

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JBfox

 I think dietary habits just take time to foster and iron will not to follow your taste buds. Though it is funny to see; I've always preferred salty/savory foods over sweets, but since about my 8th month on HRT this almost doubles. I can barely stand anything that's sweet now and I feel like I constantly need things with more sodium. Specifically dill pickles or v8 tomato juice. I literally feel like I can't get enough.

-Valyn

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jae bear

OMG! V8 juice with Tapitio hot sauce! Yum yum yum yum yum.... where’s my celery?

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jae bear
14 hours ago, ChickenLittle said:

Hi there! I don't have advice re: salt, unfortunately, but the pickle cravings made me think of a comic I saw the other day! It sounds like you're doing a great job with things. I've found that when I'm trying to make dietary changes, doing one change at a time and sticking with it until it becomes habit before starting the next change has helped. It's less overwhelming than changing lots of things at once and makes goals feel more attainable (for me). 

pickles.jpg

OMG...  i’ve come back to this cartoon at least five times now and every time it makes me laugh, and every time I noticed a little something different. Now I’m starting to realize what I’m seeing, and it’s freaking me out just a little bit. So OK, I love purple, but who here doesn’t think purples awesome? I’m a brunette, and I will have a cute little haircut that looks exactly like the girl in the cartoon, wait that’s weird OK maybe I should explore this more. All right so the girl in the cartoon has my haircolor and my hairstyle, loves to wear purple  and is a big freak about pickles, yeah that kind of sums it up, the only thing that’s missing from this cartoon is the Knee brace on her right knee and a cane laying in the grass near her. Of course in my cartoon the partner would also be a girl, but then again it’s kind of hard to tell, that could be a girl, yeah that’s what I see I think, that’s definitely a girl she’s partnered with... I get it now!

HA!

Hugs,

Jae

PS.  I summarily reject universal reality and substitute my own...

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BrandiBri

Maybe the pickle craving is part of puberty??!!😋

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Daisy Mae

I have a huge sweet tooth and it certainly doesn't help that I am a Pastry Chef during the day. I am a huge chocolate chip cookie freak who can cut the dough each night and bake a dozen for a nights consumption. I need to stop this. I have always been tall since male youth and younger days as a male. Maybe I just need that tooth that is the sweet one pulled. 😉

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jae bear

Well... I am still chugging along, the scale said 209 this morning, but I think today is an 'up' day and the scale will soon drop a bit. I've been feeling really down lately, and it makes it hard to push through the self care things that I usually enjoy so much. I wish there was a way I could help my wife feel better, but I think she is going to have to travel some of this painful journey on her own. I find it so hard to fall back and let her have space, it seems so foreign to me. Last night we went to the ascension service at church to see our daughter sing with her class, and so many people came up to me to tell me how much I have changed it made me super self conscious and it made my wife visibly upset. Nobody knows what is really happening, but they all see something and feel the need to come tell me and my wife and stare at me. Everyone is saying the same thing, that I look 10 years younger, and that I look so much different. Even our Pastor was shocked by the changes, I can't image how shocked he will be when he learns the truth. How am I possibly going to maintain and hide all this in boy mode for another year?

Hugs,

Jae

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SugarMagnolia

I understand, Jae. It's really hard to feel as though you need to explain, but not being able/willing to share the true reasons for things. People worry that you're sick, etc. 

The story that's been easiest for people to understand is diet/exercise..."oh, thank you! I've really been working on getting in shape and eating well. yada yada yada." Seems like people just want some sort of explanation and they don't really care too much about what it is as long as it sort of makes sense. 🙂

I don't remember, though. What's the reason for needing to maintain/hide in boy mode? Just a choice you and your wife have made or is there some other reason?

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Kirsten

well as far as the diet, you need to be okay with up weeks. They happen. It doesn’t mean anything bad, just that your body is starting to figure your new diet/exercise routine out. Try changing it up. I jump from keto diet to a more normal diet every other month now. And it seems to work for my body. I’ve gained 5 pounds in the last 2 weeks too. But that’s from exercise. Maybe some from not being on e at the moment too. But I’m still losing inches. Basically all I’m saying is take care of your body with a healthy diet, change up your habits regularly, and you’ll get where you want to. 208 used to be my number I couldn’t get below. But I hit 171 a couple months ago. 

The wife things harder though. I am in the same boat. But I keep trying as hard as I can to give her space. It works some days. Not so much others. But whether it works or not it has to happen. I am convinced that out of everyone that’s affected our spouses get it the worst. Way worse than us. My wife cries to me that she’s being selfish all the time. She sees how happy I am. And because I have no real plan on when to actually transition she feels like she’s holding me back. It’s not true but it’s still in her head so it’s something that has to be dealt with. 

I read a lot of your posts. And you are doing a great job imho. You always try to help her. That’s all we can do. Ultimately everyone is an individual. They get to decide what’s right for them. Whether it’s true or not. I think you’re going to be happy at the end of this. And that’s what we are all here for. 😁

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jae bear

I do appreciate the nice words, but I think I blew it bad tonight. I made a horrible mistake that cannot be corrected And it affects my family... My wife is furious and no longer believes a word I say, and honestly why would she? She wants a divorce and it’s rather final this time, I have no idea if she’ll change her mind but right now she means it.  I know I’ve Hurt her, I have lied to her, and I’ve never been really very honest with her until I came out. And all those years of lies are paying me back right now. I didn’t mean to make the mistake that Caused her to want a divorce, but I have absolutely no defense and to everyone including myself it really does look like I did this on purpose. It’s just the worst possible timing in the worst possible event, I don’t even think she loves me anymore. This sucks.

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BrandiBri

Jae, I'm so sorry that this happened. I know that you love your wife and that you would do anything to save your marriage. I wish I had words to encourage you, but the only thing I can do is to keep you and your wife in my prayers. Hopefully, things will work out for you.

 

BIG hugs,

Brandi

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jae bear

Well, today was better... and the scale read 204 so that was nice, I guess that makes it 29 pounds now?

Hugs,

Jae

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Jani

Thats good. 😀

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jae bear

 My wife got us matching Apple watches as an early 15th anniversary gift, seems a little coincidental now that I realize we may never make it to the end of the month to reach that 15 year marriage goal. I still don’t know what to do with the gift I bought her, I gave one of the items to my daughter to give to her for Mother’s Day and that was a big hit, the bracelet with the happy anniversary charm on it might not go over so well but I guess we’ll see. I guess if it doesn’t work out I’ll save it for myself so maybe a year from now or so when I’m ready I can change that one charm to something meaningful for myself and enjoy that expensive Pandora bracelet with the heart clasp. Anyway I guess back to the topic I was trying to get to, the Apple Watch has a great exercise and movement tracker that I use daily, it counts all your calories and steps plus distance, all the important things for someone interested in fitness. It even has a stationary bicycle work out setting that I use every day when I do my work out. Currently I have it set to an 1100 calories per day threshold and I usually shoot it over by 100 or so calories, I just wish it had some way to record the intake of calories daily so you could see a Chart of progress and carefully monitor your calorie intake and expenditure so you know you’re in a healthy weight loss zone and not something that would strip protein and muscle from yourself.

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ChickenLittle

I've used www.cronometer.com to track food intake and nutrients and liked it! I know you can sync it up with a fitbit  so maybe it could sync with an apple watch too?

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jae bear

@ChickenLittle   I was looking around for apps and my wife recommended something called SparkPeople, that she found in the App Store and it seems to have a good following and a reasonable reputation. I haven’t played with it yet but it seems like it has an easy calorie counter and something that would balance protein carbs and other nutrients to give you a fairly decent meal planning and work out balance. And I guess it’s official, even though the scale still says 204, I think I went up and then went back down but that’s kind of normal, people are starting to actually Call me skinny, although I disagree with them. My wife was squeezing my arm and shoulder this morning and said you’re getting shinny! I don’t think you’ve ever felt this skinny our whole marriage! I suppose she might be right, I remember weighing 197 pounds when I met her, except I was much more muscly and had an inch or maybe even 2 inches more height that I don’t have now, it’s weird what two huge titanium deck screws will do when they screw your butt back onto your spine with them.

So, it looks like my days of providing squishy hugs are officially over, but I have just been ending most of my posts with the salute, hugs, so that seems like it was a change that was bound to come anyway. Other than that I’m staying on my routine very well, I’m fully invested and have just simply changed the way that I eat, I came home from my workout about 30 minutes ago, had my small box of chocolate milk, (by the way that’s a great way to end your routine, chocolate milk has some stuff in it that’s really good for you right after work out), I looked at the fridge and thought, do I want something? and I said to myself, nope, I just want to go read my Jenny Boylan book.

Hugs,

Jae

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jae bear

Well, two things to report, I finished reading Jenny Boylan’s book she’s not there, fantastic by the way if you haven’t read it pick up a copy. And I am just now tickling the 200 pound mark, I should dip down into the 199.9 or sub category any day now, I’m glad I only bought two pairs of pants because they’re going to be too big faster than I realized, I just put together two garbage bags full of clothes I can’t wear anymore that I have to take down to the donation center.

Hugs,

Jae

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SugarMagnolia

Great, Jae! One benefit of getting smaller is having a justification for shopping. 🙂

What are you reading next?

Hugs,
Julie

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jae bear

Hey Julie,

yes that is a great idea! I do you love shopping, but I’m continuing to shrink so it wouldn’t make sense to kit out a full wardrobe at this time, it would not be prudent at this juncture. I have to see which of the two books that I have left I’m going to read next, after I get home from the trans woman support group at the BDF center tonight I’ll pick one and report back.

Hugs,

Jae

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jae bear

 Hey Julie, sorry it took me so long to respond, seems like I’ve been moving forever, then unpacking forever, then assembling furniture forever, but I’ve decided to read ‘she is not the man I married’, Even though it’s from the point of view of a spouse or of a person in transition, it’s always good to see two sides of the same perspective if ever possible... I finally feel like I can settle in and start back to my routine, I wanted to go work out tonight but I couldn’t figure out where my workout gear was and it got too late to consider doing it with a realistic bedtime. I’m Going to try to start working out again tomorrow, I really need the endorphins and I haven’t been able to lose a single pound during the whole process of moving even though I’ve eaten carefully!

Hugs,

Jae

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