Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

As the crow flies


AsTheCrow

Recommended Posts

  • Forum Moderator

I'm surprised to hear your official documents like DL say "Jack" rather than your legal name.  You need to think this out to the point you are comfortable with a name that fits your personality.  If you are attached to your birth name, for good reason,  you might consider feminizing it.  Ex: Donald to Donna.  

 

Don't worry about writing too much!  We're here to support each other and this is a safe place to put down your thoughts.  Substituting "alternate, not real" names is a good idea.  

 

Jani

Link to comment
  • Replies 102
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • AsTheCrow

    47

  • Jani

    31

  • Kirsten

    8

  • jae bear

    4

Top Posters In This Topic

Thanks.

 

Honestly I have no idea how my driver's license has that nickname on it, but it has, ever since I got my learner's permit as a teenager. And then the bank accounts and everything else just followed the DL, I guess.

 

I have been hoping that since the license already has my old preferred name "Jack" rather than the name on my birth certificate, that putting my new preferred name, Jay, shouldn't be a problem. I doubt it will be as easy as all that, but it would be nice.

 

Since I'm dreaming, though, I might as well go all out! In my dream world, they would let me 1) keep my birth name, 2) add an official Preferred Name that goes on all my IDs, and 3) officially change my gender marker from M to X, N, or O.

 

But I live in Arkansas, and I'm pretty sure at the moment they won't even let me change my gender marker until I have had actual surgeries. Which I'm not planning on doing.

 

Oh well.

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

I went out in public dressed in full lady mode for the first time a few days ago. Just to run a couple of errands.

 

It was surprisingly natural and comfortable. I noticed a couple of second glances from people, but mostly it just felt normal.

 

Seems like progress.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

 That is fantastic news !  Just living our daily lives is the best way to be ourselves, giving no concern to others and going about our business while smiling and being content with ourselves is the most important thing we can achieve for ourselves. I encourage you to just continue onward, worry about nothing and have a good time, soon enough the second glances will stop, and even if they were there you wouldn’t bother to notice them, same result if you ask me. I’m really happy to hear that you’re enjoying yourself out in the world, and I bet it has you smiling from ear to ear?

 Hugs, 

 Jackie 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Yes great news Jay.  Continue getting out.  Be yourself.  The side glances are sometimes because we are taller than a lot of women.  I know I catch myself looking at tall women when I'm out shopping.  The world will open to you as you get out and get more comfortable.  Hugs! 

Jani

Link to comment

Thank you both!

 

I don't feel any great joy about this, to be honest. Intellectually I understand it is a milestone, but emotionally it seems like a nonevent. I got some coffee with a friend, went to the store, took my friend to work, and got some lunch. I just happened to be wearing heels, a skirt, and a sweater set.

 

I have been both ill and overworked lately, so I might just be too exhausted for a full emotional response.

Link to comment

It really is great once you get out into the world as yourself. Enjoy it. Like Jani says it isn’t necessarily that you’re trans when you get looks. It could just be the shirt you’re wearing looks cute to them! 

Jani I think of the tall girl thing like having a new car. You never see one until you buy one. I think I notice every girl over 5’ 10” now. ?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
8 hours ago, Kirsten said:

I think I notice every girl over 5’ 10” now. ?

Yes!  

8 hours ago, Robin said:

People may also look at you because they find you attractive.  

 

Robin.

And certainly YES! 

Jani

Link to comment

In two days, the CEO of my company is making a visit to this office for the first time EVER. We've all been cleaning and organizing and generally gussying up the place. Looks nice.

 

But also, on the day of his visit we are expected to dress about two notches fancier than our everyday dress code. Men who wear polo shirts are expected to wear shirts and ties.

 

My wardrobe as it currently exists simply doesn't include any clothes that fit that description that fit my body. The only nice clothes I own right now that fit? Is my only outfit of women's clothes.

 

I don't have the money to go out and buy new clothes between now and his visit.

 

SO I GUESS I'M GOING TO WORK IN MY SKIRT AND HEELS THIS THURSDAY!

 

This will be interesting.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I can't imagine the stress that this may be causing you if you weren't ready to go to work dressed.  But maybe this is a sign that you should embrace who you are now.  

 

Willow

Link to comment

It's definitely a surprise, and a milestone I wasn't expecting to hit quite this soon! But compared to the actual stressors in my life, this barely registers. Just a quirk of the timeline, I guess.

 

But I agree with you entirely. I accept these things as signs that I am meant to keep moving forward.

Link to comment

Never mind, it's not happening. They relaxed the dress code to just one notch fancier than usual, so I don't have to resort to extremes.

 

I'll be able to choose my moment on my own terms now. Still think it might be soon.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

OK take a deep breath and relax.  But know the time when you dress up for work is coming!  Big Hug!!

 

Jani

Link to comment

It could still be your moment! If you wanted it to be at least. ?

i thought you seemed pretty ready from your first post. Nervous sure, but ready. ??‍♀️?

Kirsten 

Link to comment

lol. I was feeling resigned to it, I think. Nervous but accepting.

 

But today is the day, and because I didn't have to dress quite as fancy as expected, I pulled something decent together from my menswear wardrobe.

 

It was definitely the path of least resistance, but I might feel a little disappointed in myself for not just going for it anyway -- and that's why I suspect it won't be long before I start incorporating more womenswear into my work clothes.

Link to comment

I can tell you it was difficult those first few days for me at least, but the sense of accomplishment satisfaction and eventual comfort and relief are well worth it.  I’m sure you’ll be there soon. ?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

 I certainly think that adding more womenswear into your work wardrobe is a great idea, I was quite nervous as well when I started presenting female at work, but the uncomfortable part of that came and went so quickly that I never really had time to think about having anxiety over it.  What I wear now is just accepted as normal, and honestly I can’t even think about presenting as male without it feeling weird. I think it’s good that the situation did not force you to do something that you didn’t want to do on your own, everything needs to be in your time, when you decide it’s time you will know and it will work just fine...  don’t forget that Halloween is coming up, always good opportunities with Halloween costumes ?

 Hugs, 

Jackie

Link to comment

I'll be on vacation with my chosen family from Oct 30 to Nov 5 -- which means during that time there's no reason or excuse needed for me to dress as I please. It's going to be a great time.

 

I can't recall if I've mentioned this, but the company I work for has an LGBTQ+ employee group at each of our locations, and I'm one of the leaders. I managed to convince my company to be a sponsor of Central Arkansas Pride this year, so I've spent a lot of time over the last few months organizing our sponsorship, festival booth, and presence at the parade.

 

Anyway, Pride was this past Saturday, and it went FANTASTIC. I'm really proud of my company and coworkers, and of myself!

 

On Sunday, there was a 'recovery brunch' for VIPs (I have never been a VIP before, so this was pretty cool), and after the brunch there was a private concert -- by JENNIFER HOLLIDAY. She sang to a group of maybe 50 people including myself and my best friend. It was one of the coolest experiences of my life. She is amazing. Phenomenal.

 

She made me cry twice -- once during "I Am Changing" from Dreamgirls which resonated with me as a trans person, and later on there were some technical difficulties so she sang "His Eye Is On The Sparrow" a capella while the sound people fixed the issue, which was seriously the highlight of the whole performance, and wasn't even planned.

 

Anyway, it was a heck of a weekend. I'm exhausted and am still hoarse from yelling and cheering all weekend. And I'm glad I don't have to do this again any time soon.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

A great update Jay!  Thanks for your involvement in the local Pride event as I'm sure it was a great event.  You are certainly a VIP!   I'm sure you deserve a good rest!   

 

Have a wonderful time on your vacation!   

 

Jani

Link to comment

I am particularly overwhelmed with emotion right now.

 

I'm terrified of what the current incarnation of my government might do to me, and to my trans brothers, sisters, and siblings. Of where my country might be headed. Of where the compassionless might drag us. I'm deeply sad that such a large percentage of the country hates us that a leader who doesn't care either way would do this just to please them. And I'm scared it might work.

 

There's hope there, too, and a confidence that, given time, we will get where we need to go. The wheels of justice are slow, but grind exceedingly fine. And I'm proud that my LGBTQ family is holding strong, fighting back, speaking up.

 

And I'm relieved that I work for a company that makes protecting its employees a real priority. The executives of my company released an internal statement that no matter what the government does, trans employees will be respected and medical benefits will continue to support us.

 

And of course I'm SO EXCITED that I get to spend a week with my chosen family. The hype is real!

 

Link to comment

all i can say is donald trump is a abhorrent fool blame your own people for voting in this fool all i can say stick with it or upsticks to another country where they have a better system of dealing with things i believe canada is a shining example of a wonderful lead country

 

Link to comment

I welcome advice and conversation, as long as it doesn’t involve placing blame on my loved ones for other people’s bigotry. 

Link to comment

Today I am FEELING GOOD! My vacation starts tomorrow, and in addition to having a week away from work, I'll be with my beloved chosen family! And you can be sure I will dress however I feel like dressing, with nothing but support from them, and hearing nothing but my real name and pronouns. I'm super blessed to have them in my life, regardless of how very seldom I get to see most of them.

 

Also I think I might get my nails done tomorrow morning. Some nice pretty acrylics with a French manicure. ELEGANT. Yes, I think I might do that.

 

Hope everyone's doing well!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 137 Guests (See full list)

    • itsJoey
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,025
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Anyatimenow
      Anyatimenow
      (23 years old)
    2. Aria00
      Aria00
    3. Ava B.
      Ava B.
      (24 years old)
    4. Claire Heshi
      Claire Heshi
    5. CrystalMatthews0426
      CrystalMatthews0426
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • violet r
      I firmly believe I drank entirely to much for about 25 years. Got drunk every day. This was my coping mechanism to keep hiding deep inside that I was a woman. I miss a lot of signs over the years. Now I drink mabye 1 or 2 beers a day don't even get a buzz anymore. totally accept myself and on regret is that I hide that part of my self which  truly makes me happy being violet 💜. I wasted a lot of time before  being self destructive and had no clue I was just hiding th real me
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Service manager at goes through that here.One was a belt change in a 2019 Kenworth.It was written on the work order including a service done and I seen it.Customer was a complete a-hole.I did it and said he did not want that done.Shown him the original work order and finally said the service manager was right.My boss had to get rid of two customers,always complained about their bill being a little high.Price of parts went up due to inflation and had to explain this to them
    • Tiffany 838
      Well it not morning and I haven’t been on her for a while but it’s nice to be back.  Did some catching up on everyone.  I do have a question, how is Toronto Canada for a get away? Is it a safe and friendly area for us to go.  The wife and I are looking for some where to go to allow me to be my true self.     thanks in advance
    • KymmieL
      Hey, everyone. my life is going down the tubes. at least I think. So, today. A customer called about his car, I told him that the oil change was done. The parts to fix the check engine light are ordered. He can come and get it. For the weekend if he wants. Customer says I didn't want an oil change. it was check the engine light and check for an oil leak. Checking the work order says oil change. The boss wrote the vehicle up. checking with the customer on services wanted.   Being that I wrote down the appointment in the book. and clearly states oil leak. She is complaining because she can't read my small ish writing. It seems she read oil and assumed it as an oil change. It seems like she is blaming me.  She wound up going home because she was too upset. She is stressing about an eye problem she has, she has to get eye surgery it seems she has a tear in her eye.    I feel that I am short for this job. because of the BS they are blaming me on. Plus I am still upset about the trust issue. If either one of the bosses start their Shite tomorrow. I am walking out.    
    • Davie
    • Abigail Genevieve
      "I love you so much,"  Lois said.  They met in the driveway. "I could not live without you." "Neither could I." "What are we going to do?" "Find another counselor?" "No. I think we need to solve this ourselves." "Do you think we can?" "I don't know.  But what I know is that I don't want to go through that again.  I think we have to hope we can find a solution." "Otherwise, despair." "Yeah.   Truce?" "Okay,  truce." And they hugged.   "When we know what we want we can figure out how to get there."   That began six years of angry battles, with Odie insisted he could dress as he pleased and Lois insisting it did not please her at all.  He told her she was not going to control him and she replied that she still had rights as a wife to a husband. Neither was willing to give in, neither was willing to quit, and their heated arguments ended in hugs and more.   They went to a Crossdressers' Club, where they hoped to meet other couples with the same problems, the same conflicts, and the same answers, if anyone had any.  It took them four tries before they settled on a group that they were both willing to participate in.  This was four couples their own age, each with a cross dressing husband and a wife who was dealing with it.  They met monthly.  It was led by a 'mediator' who wanted people to express how they felt about the situation.  Odie and Lois, as newcomers, got the floor, and the meeting was finally dismissed at 1:30 in the morning - it was supposed to be over at 10 - and everyone knew how they felt about the situation.   There was silence in the car on the way home.   "We aren't the only ones dealing with this." Odie finally said.   "Who would have thought that?  You are right."   "Somebody out there has a solution." "I hope you are right."   "I hope in hope, not in despair."   "That's my Odie."    
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The counseling session was heated, if you could call it a counseling session.  Sometimes Lois felt he was on Odie's side, and sometimes on hers.  When he was on her side, Odie got defensive. She found herself being defensive when it seemed they were ganging up on each other.   "This is not working," Lois said angrily, and walked out.  "Never again. I want my husband back. Dr. Smith you are complicit in this."   "What?" said Odie.   The counselor looked at him.  "You will have to learn some listening skills."   "That is it? Listening skills?  You just destroyed my marriage, and you told me I need to learn listening skills?"   Dr. Smith said calmly,"I think you both need to cool off."   Odie looked at him and walked out, saying "And you call yourself a counselor."   "Wait a minute."   "No."
    • Ashley0616
      Just a comfortable gray sweater dress and some sneakers. Nothing special today. 
    • VickySGV
      I do still carry a Swiss Army knife along with my car keys.  
    • Timi
      Jeans and a white sweater. And cute white sneakers. Delivering balloons to a bunch of restaurants supporting our LGBT Community Center fundraiser today!
    • April Marie
      Congratulations to you!!!This is so wonderful!!
    • missyjo
      I've no desire to present androgynous..nothing wrong with it but I am a girl n wish to present as a girl. shrugs, if androgynous works fir others good. always happy someone finds a solution or happiness    today black jeans  black wedges..purple camisole under white n black polka dot blouse half open   soft smile to all 
    • MaeBe
      I have read some of it, mostly in areas specifically targeted at the LGBTQ+ peoples.   You also have to take into account what and who is behind the words, not just the words themselves. Together that creates context, right? Let's take some examples, under the Department of Health & Human Services section:   "Radical actors inside and outside government are promoting harmful identity politics that replaces biological sex with subjective notions of “gender identity” and bases a person’s worth on his or her race, sex, or other identities. This destructive dogma, under the guise of “equity,” threatens American’s fundamental liberties as well as the health and well-being of children and adults alike."   or   "Families comprised of a married mother, father, and their children are the foundation of a well-ordered nation and healthy society. Unfortunately, family policies and programs under President Biden’s HHS are fraught with agenda items focusing on “LGBTQ+ equity,” subsidizing single-motherhood, disincentivizing work, and penalizing marriage. These policies should be repealed and replaced by policies that support the formation of stable, married, nuclear families."   From a wording perspective, who doesn't want to protect the health and well-being of Americans or think that families aren't good for America? But let's take a look at the author, Roger Severino. He's well-quoted to be against LGBTQ+ anything, has standard christian nationalist views, supports conversion therapy, etc.   So when he uses words like "threatens the health and well-being of children and adults alike" it's not about actual health, it's about enforcing cis-gendered ideology because he (and the rest of the Heritage Foundation) believe LGBTQ+ people and communities are harmful. Or when he invokes the family through the lens of, let's just say dog whistles including the "penalization of marriage" (how and where?!), he idealizes families involving marriage of a "biological male to a biological female" and associates LGBTQ+ family equity as something unhealthy.   Who are the radical actors? Who is telling people to be trans, gay, or queer in general? No one. The idea that there can be any sort of equity between LGBTQ+ people and "normal" cis people is abhorrent to the author, so the loaded language of radical/destructive/guise/threaten are used. Families that he believes are "good" are stable/well-ordered/healthy, specifically married/nuclear ones.   Start looking into intersectionality of oppression of non-privileged groups and how that affects the concept of the family and you will understand that these platitudes are thinly veiled wrappers for christian nationalist ideology.   What's wrong with equity for queer families, to allow them full rights as parents, who are bringing up smart and able children? Or single mothers who are working three jobs to get food on plates?
    • Ashley0616
      Well yesterday didn't work like I wanted to. I met a guy and started talking and he was wanting to be in a relationship. I asked my kids on how they thought of me dating a man and they said gross and said no. I guess it's time to look for women. I think that is going to be harder. Oh well I guess.  
    • Ashley0616
      I don't have anything in my dress pocket
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...