Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Has attraction changed?


Billy

Recommended Posts

Hi everyone, 

Until my coming out as trans this summer I was living as a woman with a woman. Now that I do not identify as a woman anymore and feel myself more as male (not sure if non binary or trans man) I have, unfortunately, discovered that I feel more attracted by men. I would like to touch their beard, their flat chest and am also emotionally attracted. Now this is not only confusing but very frightening as I am married to a woman. She is a very kind and loving person and is quite supportive of me. I did not sleep at all last night because I feel so bad that I cannot give back to her. And if things concerning my sexuality continue that way we would have to break up which would be horrible for our two young kids. I feel so terrible. I am still pre everything. Sometimes I am wondering if I would like women again if I went on HRT. But my gut feeling is that I am most likely going to cause a break up sooner or later. 

Has anyone else experienced this? 

If so, how did you handle your internal struggle and shame? And ultimately, how and when did you tell you partner? 

Thanks a lot! 

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.

It's shifted a little on HRT. I'm not sure if it's because of the HRT or because as a woman, it's more socially acceptable to like men. I can admit that there are some men that I would consider as a romantic partner. They have to be pretty special though, I'm still pretty gay. My wife and I talked about it. I have no plans to act on any of these feelings, I love my wife and that's the end of it. However, it's not a bad thing that I can admit that I'm a little bi. I guess it means that I'm choosing her over an even larger pool of people.

 

Good on you for being into beards though. I personally find them repulsive. I like smooth, muscular (and apparently black) men. I have no idea why.

 

Hugs!

Link to post

First, I should say that I am not in a relationship at this time.  I was married to a woman for over 40 years and enjoyed that aspect of our relationship at the time.  Prior to that I had had some questions about myself.  But I was never attracted to guys as such.  I have been on HRT for a couple of years now, and E for almost a year and a half.  Between my age and E my "equipment" doesn't really function like it did anyway.

 

Of course this doesn't stop my imagination. (heh heh)  And in that world I feel myself in the place of a woman.

 

Oddly enough, I don't really feel attracted to men in the way I was attracted to women when I was living as a man.  And I don't feel attracted to women in that way any more either.  (Although I much prefer the company of women.)

 

I think if there was a guy that was into me, I would certainly go for it.  Maybe a woman also - although I believe that would have to be as two women.

 

Of course with this Covid stuff I have no social life anyway.

 

Guess this is complicated stuff.

Link to post
Sally Stone

If I can offer a slightly different perspective, it might shed some more light on how our feelings can change.  I am not on HRT but when I began expressing my feminine persona in earnest, I noticed an increase in my interest towards men.  I can’t say it is strong enough that I would seek out a man, but previously, I never had any attraction and now when I see a cute guy something stirs.  My take is that I have always had this affinity, it’s just that when I allowed my feminine persona unbridled freedom, these feelings blossomed.  When I think of my situation, I can’t help but think that what attracts us to others is way more complex than we might think.

Link to post
1 hour ago, Sally Stone said:

My take is that I have always had this affinity, it’s just that when I allowed my feminine persona unbridled freedom, these feelings blossomed.  When I think of my situation, I can’t help but think that what attracts us to others is way more complex than we might think.

I think there is certainly something to this

Link to post
  • 2 weeks later...

Hey @Billy!

 

I wouldn't stress too much about having a concrete definition of your sexuality right away. When I came out as trans it took me a while to figure out my sexuality, and I'm still surprising myself when it comes to attraction. I had already come out as a bi man before I transitioned, but I would have probably said I was attracted more to men than women if I was giving an honest answer. After transitioning I messed around with guys and girls, and found it was easier for me to be intimate with guys so for a little bit I was reevaluating my sexuality and maybe coming to terms that I was a straight woman even though I'd been used to defining myself as gay/bi for so long and still having a complicated relationship with my attraction to men. Just recently though I started messing around with one of my friends, and things are getting a little more serious with her so at this point idk what to call myself. And that's ok! If you think you need the space to explore these feelings you have for men, that may be a conversation you want to have with your wife, but you shouldn't beat yourself up for having these feelings at all. 

 

Good luck and hope things work out for you!

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 71 Guests (See full list)

    • VickySGV
    • rainbowsharl
    • Susan R
    • Sydneyblue
    • Katharina
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      72,247
    • Total Posts
      660,219
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      7,542
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Bit
    Newest Member
    Bit
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bethany G
      Bethany G
      (39 years old)
  • Posts

    • rainbowsharl
      I generally go for the romantic and edgy styles, leather and lace, of clothes. The 50s style dress with a leather jacket. The make-up with the hair all done. I love all of that. But, you know it is? Ultra feminine. I love it, but its not all of me.    I want that, but adding in the more masculine parts. Unfortunately, I don't know how to add that part.   Most tutorials on dressing more androgynous talk about wearing a binder (cant hide that under the dresses I like) or cutting your hair short (just not me).   I have been underthinking this for years. Knowing I'm not really looking how I want cause I don't know how to. It is nice to hear that one day I'll look back and see the obvious solution, but hindsight is 20/20.
    • Susan R
      I feel for you @Sydneyblue. That hurts and I can empathize with the situation. My oldest daughter said the exact same thing about me to the second oldest daughter. It got back to me and it really stung for awhile. She is  s l o w l y  coming around though. She came over and spent the day with my wife and I and we all had a wonderful time. Things can change if you can stay positive and continue to love her as you do. I think initially some of those who accept me now had a similar initial reaction as my oldest (I know of at least one other for sure) but they now understand what life was like before transitioning and now today and they can see the improvement and happiness in my life. Stick by your g/f in her doubt and indifference...it takes time and good communication. I hope things will get better for you in your relationship soon.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • gina-nicole-t
      I wonder if the same thing will happen to me? Scratches head!
    • Sydneyblue
      The Trans group that was suppose to happen today didn't happen.  I'm not sure what happen i tried email the contact person. I think its because it my only outlet other then here. Why do i need so much support ?   I went over my resume today and fixed some errors i had on it and reposted it. I have alot of time on my hands and i want to get back to work. I think that might give me some goals to start saving for more surgeries. I took a more current pic of me for me Profile pic. I finally felt like i could do that post ffs surgery.    I dont know what to do about my girlfriend. She doesnt like me as a girl/women. She says its weird. It really hurts me. She is all i have right now and with this pandemic you cant really go anywhere and there is nothing to do. Im glad i dont live with her.  We have sex anymore more me. She gets mad at me because we dont anymore.   I just need to reach out today. Hopefully i get feedback 
    • Susan R
      I just got my ballots the other day. Yes. Ballots...plural. Despite talking to several people in Everett headquarters for our county, they still keep sending me one ballot with my birth name and one with my correct name. This nonsense has continued since June 2019 when I officially changed it with the county headquarters. Susan R🌷
    • Sydneyblue
      What do you like to wear ? I like Computer games and such so i have gaming shirts that i like. I think you are over thinking it. i use to hate hearing this from people when they told me to be myself. I didnt know who i was but honestly i did and didnt know it. How do you want to feel ? 
    • HollyNoel
      @RhondaS I loved going topless around the house but now that I'm out as a trans woman  I'm forbidden from not wearing a top. I keep getting told women don't go around topless. I keep insisting that it's 2020 and we woman are at the point where we should be able to go around top and braless now days if a man can. Still no go. I also try the if women can dance topless for tips that I can too. But nope.. Lol
    • rainbowsharl
      So I have always been so confused with how to look androgynous the way that I want to. I'm non-binary/gender fluid. While I'd say that my gender identity has a more male leaning, I also know that my gender expression is more feminine. As such I am constantly trying to figure out how to make that into a look, I can't figure it out. I need something that makes the more feminine side happy at the same time as the more masculine side.    If I could ask a genie to make me look exactly how I want, I'd say long hair with a full beard and romantic edgy clothes. However, I have not been able to find a genie yet and have to look at what is actually possible 🙃. Due to chronic migraines I can't do heavy long hair. I was AFAB and even if I did go on hormone therapy, none of the cis-males in my family can even grow a beard in the first place so its unlikely I would. At least I have my clothes.   With a beard and a flat chest out of reach, still needing to find a masculine element to balance my look, I have tried cutting my hair to a more typical 'man' haircut. However, with no beard and little hair I was almost the exact opposite of how I want to look and I hated it.    I've tried to go the obvious route of looking at how people typically do androgynous looks, but I can only find ones that lean so heavily masculine.    Have any of you had similar experiences? Any chance you've found helpful solutions?    -Rae
    • Shay
      @Jackie C. Thank you... I don't get much response when I open it up to general?topics but?as you say rules am rules.
    • Emily michelle
      Thank you everyone for the kind words. Just bored in this motel room. My wife said she is doing alright. Except word spread like wildfire.
    • KendraML
      Last night was great,met some new girlfriends last night.They are like me,have lived their lives as happy males that enjoy living and dressing as women fulltime.Did get to know me more and went very well.Meet up every Monday night.They are also married with supportive wives.Wife is coming next week with me to meet them and they want to meet her
    • QuestioningAmber
      @Shay I am sure you will find outfits that you will look cute in, it will take time and finding what fits your style
    • Dana Michelle
      I had my first session of genital electrolysis today. Today I had the hair around the base of the penis treated and on Thursday I will have the perineum treated. I actually found the pain much milder than on my face. My electrologist said most clients find genitals more painful. It was difficult to apply the numbing cream (today I put it on both the perineum and penis because I didn't know how much the electrologist could get done during the appointment). On the perineum I can't see where I'm applying it while I'm applying it. I have to go back and forth between applying and looking in a mirror. Also, walking and sitting cause the cream and plastic wrap to move around so I had to reapply it. In another thread I talked about the possibility of getting erect https://www.transgenderpulse.com/forums/topic/81268-electrolysis-while-erect/ . Unfortunately, I did get fully erect at the beginning of my appointment. However, the electrologist didn't react to it or seem offended. Around the beginning, she told me not to get embarrassed and that she's done this many times before. She probably said this before noticing that I was erect. It was while I was on the table without pants but while she was preparing. The erection was the part I found embarrassing. Hopefully being noticeably embarrassed made my electrologist realize that I didn't want the erection. She also found the diagram unclear. It said to clear a strip 2.5 inches wide starting 1 inch above the anus but didn't say how long of an area to clear. I e-mailed my surgeon and hopefully will get a response in time. It's 3 1/2 hours after the end of the appointment and I still feel numb in part of my genitals. It doesn't last nearly that long on my face. I hope it's not a problem. I have the least feeling in the glans of the penis but didn't put any numbing cream on that area. Strange.  
    • Shay
      @QuestioningAmber glad you look cute in the outfit.   Sadly that's a feeling I will never experience but I sure am glad for you. 👍 thank you for your kind words about my brother. I wasn't that close but mortality is something that hits closer when one losses a sibling.
    • MomTGDaughter
      Hello Margie, how are things going with your daughter. has she started to transition?  As a mother in the same position as you. I am here to support you.  
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...