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Coming Out Letters


Guest KimberlyF

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Hiya!!! So I don't really know how good this letter is and compared to some others is very short but it's not about being long it's more about getting to the point with my letter/email thingy. i haven't come out to my parents yet so that's going to be fun...

 
Dear Mom and (Step Dad),
 
I have come out to you as bisexual then pansexual and genderfluid and i thought it would stop there and I'd be happy but i wasn't and then i realized something. and here it is, this letter is to tell you that I figured it out, I'm Transgender!!! I have felt this way for a long time but I've always suppressed it and tried to just not feel it at all and it made me so unhappy especially recently. I've been afraid to bring it up. but let's move on to the next part of the letter. Y'all already know what being trans means, so I'm going to talk about a little something called gender dysphoria which is "the condition of feeling one's emotional and psychological identity as male or female to be opposite to one's biological sex." Which is fancy talk for I don't feel like the body I have is mine. I feel like I was born into the body of a boy when really I'm a girl. I honestly know deep in my heart that I would be happier as a girl rather than a boy. I have told a couple of friends and when they call me by my preferred name or use she/her pronouns it makes me so happy i can't even begin to describe it. Ok, now that definitions and stuff is out of the way I want to get down to pronouns and my name. I will from henceforth be going be she/her. I do not want to go by he/him it's not who I am. And then there is my name I don't want to go by (Dead Name) anymore that's the name of the old me, I want to go by Miley. Changing my name from my dead name (name used before transitioning) to my new name is important as this would be a step into transitioning from male to female, and it would help me if y'all would accept this but i will give you the time you need. It is important to transition because it will stop the dysphoria I have and maybe even some of the anxiety and depression I have as well. I want you to know that I'm not doing this a). To rebel b). Because of anything y'all have done c). Because a lot of people are doing it/its cool. This is because I came to the realization that I'm trans. I didn't know what it was a while ago but then i looked farther into the LGBT community and here we are. I want you to know that I love y'all and I hope y'all will accept me even if it takes a while to get over the initial shock. 
 
-Love, your daughter Miley
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Ok, here is the new letter it's a bit different from the last one and is actually the fourth version.

 

 

Dear Mom and Drew,

 

I have come out to you as bisexual then pansexual and genderfluid and I thought it would stop there and I'd be happy but I wasn't and then I realized something, and here it is. This letter is to tell you that I figured it out, I'm Transgender!!! I have felt this way for a long time, years in fact, but I've always suppressed it and tried just not feeling it but it's always been there. I've always tried to be super masculine and honestly, it is exhausting and now it's a habit a very bad habit. It's made me so unhappy to always have to be guy-ish and to never be able to express the true me out of fear of being picked on. To be honest it's probably one of the reasons I have so much anxiety in general. I used to watch my little pony, as a matter of fact, I have seen every single episode and movie on Netflix, and it was an amazing release, a time for me to be myself and enjoy a show that is girly. Ok, let's move on to the next part of the letter. Y'all already know what being trans means, so I'm going to talk about a little something called gender dysphoria which is "the condition of feeling one's emotional and psychological identity as male or female to be opposite to one's biological sex." Which is fancy talk for I don't feel like the body I have is mine. I feel like I was born into the body of a boy when really I'm a girl. I honestly know deep in my heart that I would be happier presenting as a girl rather than a boy. I have told a couple of friends and when they call me by my preferred name or use she/her pronouns it makes me so happy I can't even begin to describe it. A little story real quick, once when I was with the GSA, at the mall at one of the older clothing stores and found a cool little butterfly ring and a bracelet, I couldn't fit the ring on my finger and the bracelet on my wrist and I had so much dysphoria just from that. I had a mental breakdown I was crying and everything because the dysphoria at that moment was so strong and because I just want to be myself and I am a girl. Ok, now that definitions and stuff are out of the way I want to get down to pronouns and my name. I want to use she/her pronouns, I don't want to go by he/him it's not who I am. And then there is my name I don't want to go by Mason in public anymore that's the name of the old me, I want to go by Miley. Changing my name from my dead name (a name used before transitioning) to my new name is important as this would be a step into transitioning from male to female, and it would help me if y' all would accept this but I will give you the time you need. It is important for me to transition because it will help with the dysphoria I have and maybe even some of the anxiety and depression I have as well. I want you to know that I'm doing this is because I came to the realization that I'm trans, and there is no other reason, I wasn't influenced by people, I’m not doing this cuz its cool, I’m doing this because I know in my heart that I’m trans. I didn't know what it was a while ago but then I looked farther into the LGBT, ( more so the T ), community and heard about all these other people and how they felt and realized that I felt the same way I wanted to do the same things that they want to do (stuff like HRT). I don’t know if you will ever completely understand, and I'm ok with that. I love you guys so much.

 

-Love, your daughter Miley

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  • 1 month later...

I spent over a year writing this letter for my parents. When I came out it wasn’t exactly the reaction I was hoping for, but I’m still happy with the letter itself, so here it is: 

 

Dear Mum and Dad

 

I’ve written this letter to tell you something I’ve wanted to say for a very long time. I’m too scared to say in person, and I’m scared of how you’ll react to it. There’s a lot I want to talk about, which is why I’ll try to keep this letter short, so we can discuss it together.

 

Over the last two years of my life I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m transgender, meaning the gender I was born as (male), does not match the gender I identify as (female). I know this will be a big shock to you, but I want you to know that I’m still the same person that I’ve always been and by coming out I’m just trying to be myself instead of who I was born into. 

 

I’ve never felt comfortable being labelled as a boy. In the future, I hope that I will be able to fully transition, but at the moment I’m still in the process of finding a new name and coming out to those around me that I trust. 

 

I know this will come as a big shock to you, which is why I would like it if we could sit down and talk about this face to face, where I can explain myself clearer. I don’t want anything more than your acceptance. If you do, or do not accept me, that is your choice, and yours alone. 

 

Lots of love 

 

Your daughter

 
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  • 2 months later...

I still have the coming out letter to my parents.I was tearful reading it to them.Did go well

 

Mom and dad,

              I love you with all of my heart.Have to come out about something.I feel inside I'm female born the wrong gender.Can not live with the pain anymore I'm going through.I am hurting inside so bad my quality of  life is not there anymore.Feel I need to become the woman I see myself as.Finally,I have a couple questions for you and hope you accept it.First,are you ready to let go of an unhappy son to become a daughter that will be finally happy?Finally,will you love and accept me as a daughter?

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  • 1 month later...

Hi there. Here is my attempt at a " close friends" letter to send out soon.  Please keep this within our group as this letter/email will be sent after I first tackle my brother/sister-in-law and then my daughters/son-in-laws; which may happen soon after T-day.

Cheers, AJ?

I might be AJ2.docx

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  • Forum Moderator

I would not include this part "I know this can be uncomfortable and if you would rather me dressing as Alan whenever you visit, please ask. 

 

While you might see it as a concession to ease your friends and loved ones discomfort with your news, it does nothing for you.  In fact it may even demonstrate that you are not serious as you can flip back and forth between genders.  Obviously this is not the case because you are transitioning.  Look out for yourself first.  Others will come along, if they so desire.   This is the time for you to be you.

 

Hugs, Jani

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2 hours ago, Jani said:

I would not include this part "I know this can be uncomfortable and if you would rather me dressing as Alan whenever you visit, please ask. 

 

While you might see it as a concession to ease your friends and loved ones discomfort with your news, it does nothing for you.  In fact it may even demonstrate that you are not serious as you can flip back and forth between genders.  Obviously this is not the case because you are transitioning.  Look out for yourself first.  Others will come along, if they so desire.   This is the time for you to be you.

 

Hugs, Jani

Thx Jani. Good point. 

Cheers, AJ

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  • 2 months later...

I just wrote my letter to my super-religious and conservative parents/brother and would love feedback! Thinking of giving it to them soon...

 

I know it feels like I've been secretive lately. I'd like to begin opening up more to you, but I'm not sure that what's going on in my life will be well-received. As a start, I'd like to let you in on one of my deepest secrets even though I greatly fear the consequences of being this open with you. I honestly am greatly concerned for my physical security, my emotional safety, and most of all, I fear how this information may affect our relationship. I am caught between living a lie and hurting you, and neither of these choices are acceptable anymore. This is why I'm taking the risk of opening up in this way.

 

My secret is: I am transgender. What this means is, my internal sense of gender identity does not match my body. This is nothing new, and I've struggled with it since I was very young, although I never knew that's what it was. I remember going to bed when I was 4 or 5, praying to God that I'd wake up with the boy-parts I KNEW I was supposed to have, then being crushed when it didn't happen. The life-long depression this has caused has been debilitating recently, and I've begun taking the steps necessary to treat this life-threatening physiological condition. The testosterone has been a God-send; I feel like my brain is finally running on the right hormones, and my body is beginning to shift more into what I always felt like it should be. There will be other changes farther down the road, but I'm hoping I don't have to hide my life from you anymore.

 

This information is most likely quite a shock to you. I don't expect you to understand, and quite frankly, I doubt you can accept it, at least not right now. Processing this will take time, and I understand it will involve some grieving for you. Know that I am here if you want to ask questions, seek understanding, or even vent. My fervent hope is that we can work together to build our relationship into a stronger bond now that there are no secrets. To that end, if at any time either of us feel like a discussion needs a facilitator, I will make arrangements for that to happen so that no one leaves the conversation with misunderstandings. I'd like us all to grow our bonds instead of letting this destroy what we've all worked so hard to build. I love you, and even though I'm changing gender expression, this does not make me a different person in any way. I'm still the person you've been with for the last 30+ years, and this process will not change my personality, hopes/dreams, desires, or life-goals. I'm still me. I just hope you can continue to be in my corner.

 

With all my love,

 

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8 hours ago, Ronin82 said:

I just wrote my letter to my super-religious and conservative parents/brother and would love feedback! Thinking of giving it to them soon...

 

I know it feels like I've been secretive lately. I'd like to begin opening up more to you, but I'm not sure that what's going on in my life will be well-received. As a start, I'd like to let you in on one of my deepest secrets even though I greatly fear the consequences of being this open with you. I honestly am greatly concerned for my physical security, my emotional safety, and most of all, I fear how this information may affect our relationship. I am caught between living a lie and hurting you, and neither of these choices are acceptable anymore. This is why I'm taking the risk of opening up in this way.

 

My secret is: I am transgender. What this means is, my internal sense of gender identity does not match my body. This is nothing new, and I've struggled with it since I was very young, although I never knew that's what it was. I remember going to bed when I was 4 or 5, praying to God that I'd wake up with the boy-parts I KNEW I was supposed to have, then being crushed when it didn't happen. The life-long depression this has caused has been debilitating recently, and I've begun taking the steps necessary to treat this life-threatening physiological condition. The testosterone has been a God-send; I feel like my brain is finally running on the right hormones, and my body is beginning to shift more into what I always felt like it should be. There will be other changes farther down the road, but I'm hoping I don't have to hide my life from you anymore.

 

This information is most likely quite a shock to you. I don't expect you to understand, and quite frankly, I doubt you can accept it, at least not right now. Processing this will take time, and I understand it will involve some grieving for you. Know that I am here if you want to ask questions, seek understanding, or even vent. My fervent hope is that we can work together to build our relationship into a stronger bond now that there are no secrets. To that end, if at any time either of us feel like a discussion needs a facilitator, I will make arrangements for that to happen so that no one leaves the conversation with misunderstandings. I'd like us all to grow our bonds instead of letting this destroy what we've all worked so hard to build. I love you, and even though I'm changing gender expression, this does not make me a different person in any way. I'm still the person you've been with for the last 30+ years, and this process will not change my personality, hopes/dreams, desires, or life-goals. I'm still me. I just hope you can continue to be in my corner.

 

With all my love,

 

I found this well done.  It gets your points across and opens to door for further conversation and relationships.   I am trying to write letters too to my kids then my 3 best friends and last my employer.  Mine always turn out to be novels though.  I feel like I have to explain everything up front which I guess I do not.  

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I need some help with a letter to my employer.

I have written a few letters now to come out to family members, all but one were tremendously successful.  I am struggling to find the right words for a professional setting.  I work for a major University in a very technical capacity and my specific department is a lesser partner of the University but is under all the same directives.  I have little fears with all of the Universities policies they have in place for tolerance of LBGT community.  I feel very safe for my job in other words and they would back me 1000% if I ever had an issue. 

However I want it to sound as professional as I can. 

I don't feel the need to give them every last detail from childhood.  I just want to emit a comfortable feeling that I am still me and will continue my work ethics and professionalism in my work. 

There is one snag. 

This part that is tough for me is that our big boss is someone I went to High School with and he was an underclassman.  He made direct mention of "fully remembering me" from school during my interviews, however I don't remember him at all from that time.  LOL 

Even after looking him up in my year book I could not recall him by memory. 

I was a very popular jock in high school.  Captain of the teams I played on and that came with all the stereotypical things like dating the best looking girls and cheerleaders and having a huge click of "friends", ect.   He mentioned this to all my now coworkers during the interviewing process.  Another supervisor there was an upperclassmen of mine too who I do remember well and he too "knows" me from back then as a ladies man jock, if anything else. 

I can only imagine what their internal feelings will be with this news about me.

I do fear my next annual company meeting..

 

 

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10 hours ago, Ronin82 said:

The life-long depression this has caused has been debilitating recently, and I've begun taking the steps necessary to treat this life-threatening physiological condition.

 

Hey @Ronin82 --

 

This sentence is a little awkward. I had to read it twice before it parsed. Try "The dysphoria raises my depression to debilitating levels. I've begun taking the steps necessary to treat this life-threatening physiological condition."

 

The rest of it worked pretty well. It could probably use a polish re-write, but I'm incredibly anal about my written communication. Seriously, I'd murder someone for the ability to edit forum posts sometimes.

 

Yikes @ShawnaLeigh, yeah it sounds like your next company event is going to be ... interesting. Though really, do we EVER notice underclassmen unless they happen to be friends? As for the letter, just short, professional and to the point.

 

"Dear HR department, I've come out as a trans woman. I'm taking these steps medically to transition and will be taking these steps to socially transition at work in accordance with company policy. My preferred pronouns are. I would like to be referred to as. Thank you for your time."

 

Hugs!

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1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

"Dear HR department, I've come out as a trans woman. I'm taking these steps medically to transition and will be taking these steps to socially transition at work in accordance with company policy. My preferred pronouns are. I would like to be referred to as. Thank you for your time."

 

Unfortunately it can not be that cut and dry.  My employment is a layered confusing thing. 

I work for a contracted non profit technical service provider that is associated with the University.  I am then contracted out to area hospitals and clinics around New England and New York.   I work in 4 hospitals in my area at any given day.  Some more days then others.

So the only HR for me is at the University level, but I do not report to anyone in the University itself.  I then need to inform my main office leadership (where my high school buddy's are) and then down a level to each hospital directors of whom I work directly under as a BioMed. 

Then it needs to filter down to a series of managers in each hospital who use my services.  Eventually employees in each level.  Its a strange set up.  

I intend to send a letter that copies both the University HR department as well as the head leadership in my main office.  Then I need to see how this sort of things is handled for informing the hospitals I am contracted to.  I may be moved to another facility for all I know due to "issues" since these hospitals are not restricted to the University HR rules and regs.   I do not feel that the hospitals will have very different policies as they all seem very tolerant as it is. 

But it is an unknown how my company deals with this as far as officially informing the directors or if its just left up to me.  

I was told a while ago we had another employee come out trans years before my time but I do not know what came of her or how it all went down.  I hope well.

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I'd ask HR for their recommendations then. They're supposed to have a handle on this sort of thing. I'm surprised there's no HR at the main office though. That seems weird to me. I've always had HR. They were frequently useless, and usually just one person for the whole company, but they were always present. You have workplace protections in Vermont, so I wouldn't stress too much. It's not like anybody cares what the tech is wearing anyway (except skirts/dresses. Those are both incomparable with crawling around on hands and knees). Thinking about it, I'd avoid drapery in general around anything with moving parts. Then again, a million years ago I worked in insurance and we covered industrial accidents. I've seen some things. Terrible things.

 

So yeah, talk to your HR department. There's probably a form or some standardized procedure in accordance with Vermont workplace laws.

 

Hugs!

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  • 2 months later...

Thanks Kim. I find this thread immensely helpful. I'm a big believer in letters in circumstances like this. They keep things focused and more or less sort of force the recipient to sit with, and process the contents before any further discussions. That keeps things on point. Reading this thread gives me some perspective on how I might write mine, assuming that's the way I do it. The day is coming.....

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Here is the letter I sent to my company. After talking with a trans advocate for the University I work for.  PLease feel free to use this if it will help you!  Good Luck!!!

 

To all my friends, managers, and staff members,

I am writing this letter to tell you about a matter that is essentially very personal, but may result in some changes for me going forward in my employment. Those who work closely with me will start to notice some changes in my appearance and personality over the next several months. I am now openly identifying as transgender and have been undergoing the transition process for a few months now. I have had feelings that question my gender identity since I was young, but I kept those feelings hidden for over 40 years and did my best to make my life work within my male body. Alas, over the years, my discomfort only increased which has now prompted me to start changing myself and my life to find a healthy balance. 

The transition process is very slow and it is my intention to let things happen organically.  This process includes psychotherapy, hormonal treatments, and/or various surgeries. Accordingly, I have been working with my therapist, and doctors following the WPATH-Standards of Care that has set out treatment guidelines for transgender individuals. 

I’m very grateful to be able to take this step toward personal wholeness while staying at a job that I truly love and find very rewarding. Please rest assured these changes will not affect my ability to do my job. I still intend to put forth the professionalism and respect towards others, and dedication to my work as I have shown over my first year working in your facility. 

Some of you may not understand or accept the life changes I am undertaking.  I completely understand this and I would be happy to answer your questions as best as I can with how I understand things.  This is a journey of discovery in many ways for me and I continue to learn new aspects of what it all is and means to me.  Please be patient with me.

As an employee of (company), I am guided by clear policies concerning diversity, tolerance and prejudices in the work place like those of (company's) “Our Common Ground”. It is my hope and I am confident that your facility has similar policies in place to accommodate members of the LBGTQ community.  It’s my hope that we continue to maintain a professional atmosphere here at this facility when I am in your presence during work related functions, events or office visits.  I mention this because I know some of you may not approve of what I am doing, and that is your right. However, I ask that everyone will still at least treat me with basic human respect. As I will for you.

I ask that you call me by my new name, Shawna, and use female pronouns “she/her” when referring to me or about me in the near future. I still have been presenting as male in public but as a female in the privacy of my home and this is slowing evolving to presenting full time as my true self both in public and soon here at work.  So I am accustomed to hearing my birth name and pronouns for the time being.  I will not take offence to hearing either.  Soon, I will be changing my legal name to Shawna Leigh (last name) and my sex designation from male to female sometime during 2020.  At that time, I will take the appropriate action to get all my contact information, documents, and security badges updated within (university) and then in your facility to reflect my new legal name and status. There is no time line placed on me to accomplish the many facets of a transition especially official and legal documentation which appears to take a long time to accomplish, so I hate to place times and dates on any one thing.

I would like to state again that I know this will take a lot of time to get used to, and I do expect and understand that people will make mistakes at first.  I am not going to make a big deal when people forget, so please don’t feel like anyone needs to walk on egg shells.  I most likely will say nothing or mention it politely and leave it at that.  As I have said, I will be going through this process very slowly, so I do expect that it will take a lot of time to respectfully acknowledge me as such.  I will do the same to be understanding for how you react and feel as well.  All I can ask is that you try.  Thank you for your time and understanding in this extremely personal and sensitive matter.

Respectfully,

Shawna Leigh (Last Name)

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  • 1 month later...

I was up late last night (couldn't sleep for some reason) and I randomly decided it was a good time to start writing a short coming out letter... Here is the finished note:

 

So.. There's been something very important on my mind that I've been holding off from telling others, or even admitting to myself for that matter, for fear of how people would react. I'm not sure if writing is the best way to get it out but I'm trying to be more open and honest with myself and the ones I'm closest to. I feel I was brought here in the wrong body. I have made a decision to ask family and friends to refer to me as Cas and at least try their best to use gender-neutral terms (they/them) when refering to me in any given discussion. I am still in a stage of finding who I am and who I may see myself as in the future so I can, some day, feel more comfortable and confident in myself. I know that the information I'm providing you here and now may be difficult to process and will push towards future discussion face-to-face. I'll be completely honest and say I'm not totally prepared for that but I will happily do my best in answering any and all questions you will most likely have as well as give resources for you to go through if thats something you would want in order to get an idea of what I'm going through as a young member of the LGBT+ community. I am hopeful that you can eventually grow to an even greater acceptance and continue to love me as the person I've always been.

 

Hugs

                         Cas

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  • Admin

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Cas.  That is a really fine letter.  It covers a lot of important bases, welcomes questions and offers resources.  Very nice!  I hope that you post something in our introductions forum soon.  I'd love to hear more of your story.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

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51 minutes ago, Carolyn Marie said:

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Cas.  That is a really fine letter.  It covers a lot of important bases, welcomes questions and offers resources.  Very nice!  I hope that you post something in our introductions forum soon.  I'd love to hear more of your story.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Thanks for the welcome! I appreciate your kindness. I actually had posted an intro on the 18th but it was just a hello and stated my name, pronouns, and a short mention of why I'm here. ?

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Those letters are so well written. Reading them, you can sense the fear, apprehension and uncertainty in each letter. But most of all, I can feel the courage that it must have taken to write each one and be willing to live with the consequences whatever they might be. Shawna, in the short time I've known you (although it seems like forever, LOL) you've been a constant source of support, encouragement and information for me. Kind of like a big/little sister. And to see how your situation has improved after coming out at work and that you had such a positive experience, it gives me hope for my own coming out however and whenever it happens.

 

So far, my plan is to have no plan at all. I live alone and see my kids a few times a year, the last time being Christmas. Since then, I've lost 40lbs, started hrt, and already, I'm seeing fat redistribution, breast growth and other changes you might expect with hrt. So when I see them in the summer, I'll have to answer some questions I'm sureBut I think that after reading these letters, I'm going to write my own. Even if I don't send it, it will be cathartic

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2 hours ago, Patti Anne said:

Those letters are so well written. Reading them, you can sense the fear, apprehension and uncertainty in each letter. But most of all, I can feel the courage that it must have taken to write each one and be willing to live with the consequences whatever they might be. Shawna, in the short time I've known you (although it seems like forever, LOL) you've been a constant source of support, encouragement and information for me. Kind of like a big/little sister. And to see how your situation has improved after coming out at work and that you had such a positive experience, it gives me hope for my own coming out however and whenever it happens.

 

So far, my plan is to have no plan at all. I live alone and see my kids a few times a year, the last time being Christmas. Since then, I've lost 40lbs, started hrt, and already, I'm seeing fat redistribution, breast growth and other changes you might expect with hrt. So when I see them in the summer, I'll have to answer some questions I'm sureBut I think that after reading these letters, I'm going to write my own. Even if I don't send it, it will be cathartic

Thank you Patti. It means a lot to me that you see me this way.  ❤️

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Here is a copy of the email I sent to my best friend. Who still hasn't acknowledged it.

 

My dad always asked me why I joined the military. I told him that I honestly didn't really know, Why. That was until recently, I have finally figured out that haunting question of why. Other things along with joining the service and my military career choice.

 

I realized that I was trying to hide something from myself. Something that took me 53 years to finally realize. I am transgender, I am a woman inside. Yeah, I know it may come as a shock. By me joining the military and being a SP. Seems as a masculine thing to compensate for my deep sub conscious being female.

 

Believe me this is the hardest thing I have done so far in my transition. Yes, I am transitioning to become a woman. Very few people know. I am out to my medical providers at the VA, Who are totally supportive. wife  and youngest son know. oldest and middle do not know. However wife is another story. She is totally against my transitioning. I am looking at the big “D” If I continue transitioning.

 

I have discussed having to stop or go back to being my birth sex with my therapist. At first I thought that I could stop. However, we came to the conclusion that stopping or returning to my birth sex would be seriously detrimental to my well being. I have to become who I really am.

 

I believe that wife thinks that being transgender has something to do with sex. It doesn't. It has to do with gender. I am still attracted to woman, So I guess I am a lesbian.

I am still the same person inside, that has not changed. Nor will ever change.

 

I hope this information about who I am doesn't affect our friendship. As I have said I am still the same person. If it does. Please keep our friendship going on Facebook. As wife doesn't know I have came out to you.

 

 

I always will be your friend, no matter what you decide.

 

 

Kymmbrill

 

This before my middle son found out and is totally cool about it.

 

Kymmie

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  • 1 month later...

how does this look/sound? its actually formatted in word tho lol. Links to local stuff removed, but its general info, tips for allies, support and education, trans rights in Alberta, and general LGBTQ+ info and resources.

 

"Dear Family and Friends, 

 

If anybody hasn’t noticed yet, I have changed my name and gender on Facebook. I am transgender, specifically male to female, and my chosen name and pronouns are Elle, (pronounced as el, but Ellie is fine as well), she/her. I have been questioning my gender identity since I was around 10 years old, probably earlier, and have recently come to terms with myself as a person and am now living as a woman. If you knew me when I was younger, think back and you can probably remember things I have done in the past when I was questioning, sometimes without even knowing it myself at the time. I may not currently look or sound the part, but I am working towards that and will be linking with LGBTQ+ groups in Edmonton, as well as other trans people for extra help. I will also be seeing a Psychologist/Psychiatrist as soon as I can to discuss going forwards. 

While it may be difficult at first to use my new name and pronouns, continuous use over time will make your brain use them automatically. It's okay to get it wrong as long as you correct yourself and understand that I no longer identify with my old name and gender pronouns. 

If anyone has any questions feel free to message me and I will try to explain as best I can, but I'm not a doctor and don’t know everything. 

Here are some links to extra reading for family and allies: 

 

Thank you for your support and acceptance, 

 

Elle"

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  • 1 month later...

So I wanted to see what the "experts" here can help me with on my coming out template. I want the same message for everybody, but each of the initial round would get this same message in the form of an email, and then we can talk about it afterwards. Here it goes:

 

There has been something that I haven’t known how to tell you for some time now. It is something deeply personal and private, but I think it is something that I need to bring out to more people. In doing a lot of self-reflecting, and deep thinking I feel like it is time that I share it with you. I have found that I do not identify as a male on the inside, and actually identify more as a transgender woman or bigender. This means that I do not see myself as a male. I know that I was born with male parts, but inside I don’t align with social constructs, and in general do not have the mindset of a male. One thing to understand is that gender is on a spectrum, and I just end up more on the female side of the spectrum.

 

In working through this with my therapist, this is something I was most likely born this way. This has been deep rooted in a lot of turmoil growing up as well. I never fit in with the boys, and since I wasn’t a girl, I wasn’t allowed or accepted by the girls either. This is something that followed me through into High School. I found I was closer to the girls than I was with other boys. I wanted to be one of the girls to be honest.

 

I know this will come to be kind of a shock, and might be a lot to take in. That is why I setup this Zoom call, so if you have questions you can ask them. We can talk about it. I don’t know if I have all the answers right now, as I am exploring what being transgender means, and it is something I am still adjusting to. I am just hoping that you will be there with me on this journey as I discover the authentic me and all the joy that can bring.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I wrote this letter primarily as therapy for myself but I also thought it would be good to have available should I be outed unexpectedly. I thought it best to be able to write this during a period of calm and not having to do it while upset.

 

It's a little unusual since it really is just telling people I am transgender but also telling them there are not expected to be any significant changes in my appearance. 

 

I'd welcome any thoughts you may have on the letter. I tried to be succinct but to also touch on the major questions I think people would have.

 

Becky

 

Dear Friends,

 

I’d like to share something with you. Let me say upfront that there are no changes planned in my life. What is new is that I’m sharing this with you. I hope you’ll read this in its entirety. 

 

I am transgender.

 

While this is new information to you it is something I’ve known from my earliest memories. From four or five years old and going through my college years I would have verbalized this as “I wish I was a girl.” As I learned more about myself and what is known about what I was experiencing, I would rephrase that to say that mentally I’ve always been female but to the rest of the world I appeared to be male.

 

As a young child I thought there was something wrong. I had no idea there were others like me. Of course, I asked myself and God why I felt this way. There is no definitive answer.

 

I believe, and there is scientific theory that supports this, that I was born this way. Whether it’s genetic or something that took place in utero doesn’t especially matter but it is something I did not choose to be and no one made me transgender.

 

You may be asking why I choose to share this with you now. There are a few reasons. First, as I said, you are my friends and I felt it was important for you to know one of the most important parts of who I am. Second, I hope that in some small way this will make being transgender a bit less abstract. Knowing someone who is transgender might increase your knowledge and, dare I say, your acceptance of those who are transgender. The views of being transgender you may have from the media are not always accurate. We’re only about 1% of the population and many of us, like myself until now, are hidden from view. 

 

There is no transgender narrative we all follow. Some learn about this aspect of themselves later in life, others know it for all of their lives. Some chose to transition and live a life that matches how they feel about themselves. Others keep it a closely guarded secret.

 

As some of you are aware, I’m a Christian. The struggle this presented to my faith was significant. Since I believe this is the way I was born I don’t see this as a sin.

 

As I said, I plan no major changes in my life. I expect to continue looking as I do now and living my life as a husband, father and grandfather. If I were younger I suspect there would be changes but I don’t see that as a viable option at this time in my life.

 

You may ask how my wife feels about this. While she can best speak for herself and considers this a private matter, let me say I did share this part of me with her before we were engaged and I promised her I would not transition to being a woman for the rest of our lives together. I have also shared this with my daughters and their husbands. I am very happy to say I had acceptance from them all.

 

One of the best analogies I’ve heard about being transgender that could have some resonance with those of you who aren’t is about being right or left handed. For most of you, it was the way you were born. You didn’t decide to be left or right handed and if you were forced at this point in your life to switch to the opposite hand it would be a struggle that would most likely feel unnatural for the rest of your life. 

 

As I said, I welcome your thoughts and questions. 

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I value your friendship and I hope you still consider me a friend.

 
 

 

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