Devastated

[Guest NatalieRene]

My boy friend Greg was over again tonight. However before he left he was telling me that he was sorry he has been distant lately. It turns out his ex whom he isn’t over is still talking with him and wants to be friends. He’s not over her. I asked him what about us and he said I know this is completely unfair to you but if she called me I would go running back to her right now. I am so heart broken right now.

[Guest RadioheadRachael]

I'm sorry. That's a terrible thing to go through. Just know that it gets better and there are other boys. Just one down before you meet someone else, someone fully committed to you, who you can form a lifelong relationship with. Every relationship fails until one doesn't.

[JJ]

Natalie

I'm so sorry this happened. Relationships can be so very painful. At least he is being honest with you. It's cold comfort but the pain of betrayal is even worse.

All I can do is send you a big hug and tell you not to despair because life has a way of coming up with good surprises too. This could change or you may find a better relationship when you least expect it.

Hugs

John

[Guest MonikaC]

Natalie,

You deserve better. You deserve someone who cherishes you. If he is on the fence about being with you, help him make up his mind and find someone else. I'm so sorry you are going through this. You WILL find someone better.

Monika

[Guest Jo-Ann]

im sry that really sucks you'll find someone better

love Jo-Ann

[JenniferB]

I am sorry this happened Natalie. However you don't want to have a relationship with someone who has an out clause and will leave at the drop of a hat. You need to find someone who cares about you enough to develop a relationship with no strings attached.

Jenny

[Guest NatalieRene]

I still really like him a lot. I don't understand why he would go running back to a woman who has already rejected him. He hasn't stopped seeing me. He just called me and asked me if I wanted to do something Tuesday or Wednesday night after he gets back from Pennsylvania and I told him yes. We've been seeing each other since Halloween and this is the closest I've ever been with someone.

[Milly]

Wow um nat can I be honest? You can do alot better. She will want him back if she sees he's taken. You are only setting yourself up for massive disappointment if he bails and from what it sounds like he will :x don't settle girl, find someone better girl >_< just my two cents, take it with a grain of salt. :x sorry if this sounded a bit too personal, just from experience it hurts

[Guest RadioheadRachael]

I don't say this to be mean, but if she rejected him and now wants him back, he will go back to her based on what he said. Hope for the best, just be prepared.

[Guest KimberlyF]

Natalie,

You deserve to be with someone who will leave anyone to be with you not someone who is settling on you because they can't get who they really want.

Kim

[Guest Tiaria]

Natalie,

I'm so terribly sorry, for you..., and you don't deserve what just happened.

I never really recovered from my own heart break, until a short while ago... (which I told on one of your other threads). You told me not to stay cooped up... And just when I really let go of that pain, I read this...

I'm so sorry...

Tiaria

[Guest audrey michelle]

Honestly, you're being a girl about this. Which is a good thing but then also bad. Why is it bad? You're following your emotions rather than being logical. Okay, so some guy can't make up his mind. His loss! Be logical about it. Be strong and learn from this. Learn to take your time with a guy and not to fall too fast. And be strong and better off...show him that you're better off. Don't let him be like "see ya!" to you and then accept his offer to hang out when you want more than what he's offering to you [unless you're okay to go out as just friends]. If you make yourself easy and vulnerable, he may abuse and take advantage of that. Besides...he's one guy out of how many? You've just started, natalie! Waaaay more positive things to come your way

How to get over a heartbreak? Surround yourself with good, positive people...keep yourself busy...remind yourself that there's better out there and that you deserve it. You have bigger priorities than this kid anyways. Psh on him. You're a sweet, intelligent, beautiful girl...and what he couldn't recognize then someone else will and act on it

You're going to be fine. It may look like its impossible but be logical about this

[Guest miss kindheart]

Dear NatalieRene,

<<< hug >>>>

I am sorry to hear that

I think it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all

You will be ok sweet heart

You are beautiful

vanna

[Guest KimberlyF]

Natalie,

I just figured I would throw this in here...never really mentioned this on this board I don't think, but I'm discussing this with my therapist currently so it's current in my life too.

In my late teens early twenties, I did a lot of stuff I wasn't too proud of on the internet with guys trying to figure myself out and they said they accepted me as who I was and obviously it turned out they were predator like and using me. This whole trans thing throws us off of so much of our lives. My wife was the only person I've ever slept with and that was in my very late 20's and very early in our relationship. She could have been using me too. But I felt connected to her pretty quickly also.

There's a Taylor Swift song that kinda reminds me of about my first 30 years of my life. Just take out the 15 and double it cause we're on a bit of a bigger curve. But here's a little bit of it that I have seen again and again in my life:

and Abigail gave everything she had to a boy

who changed his mind and we both cried

Cause when youre fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

youre gonna believe them

and when youre fifteen, dont forget to look before you fall

Kim

[Guest sarah f]

I am so sorry Natalie. That is horrible of him and something he could have said up front when you found out about her. That way you could have left then and not spent more time with him.

You are a beautiful woman and will find someone else that will be faithful to you only.

[Guest Cris]

Hi Natalie,

I am so sorry. Sounded like things were going great for you at first. Just be careful and dont keep getting hurt over the same guy.

Hugs,

Cris

[Guest Dakota.P]

I am so sorry that this is happening for you. I would say that you could do better. You are a far to nice, beautiful, and intelligent girl to give yourself to someone who would not do the same for you. If you think that there is a chance for you two, then go for it. Have you talked to him about how you are feeling? Some guys are just really insensitive and blind to what is happening in front of them. Just please be careful.

~D

[Guest Opal]

Natalie, I am so sorry that your relationship with your BF has taken this turn. He was at least honest about things, which can be somewhat rare, but very painful to say the least.

Keep your guard up, and your eyes open. Someone else is bound to come along at some point who will truly appreciate you, and treat you properly.

Big Huggs,

Opal

[Guest MonikaC]

I still really like him a lot. I don't understand why he would go running back to a woman who has already rejected him. He hasn't stopped seeing me. He just called me and asked me if I wanted to do something Tuesday or Wednesday night after he gets back from Pennsylvania and I told him yes. We've been seeing each other since Halloween and this is the closest I've ever been with someone.

He would go back to her BECAUSE she rejected him. Men need their ego stroked. I agree that it is good he is being honest. But you need to take a step back and see if you really like hom or if it is being in a relationship that you like.

Isn't this the same guy who made plans with you and then never showed up or called? Now, he says that he would leave you for an ex in a heartbeat and left without apologizing? Is that how you want to be treated? The way I see it you have a couple options. 1: Do nothing. You are allowing him to treat you with disrespect, and if you do nothing, he will continue to treat you this way. 2: Call things off with him. This will ensure he can't hurt you emotionally anymore, but you obviously have feelings for the boy so I'm not sure how you would do with this one. The last option I see is for you to talk with him. Let him know that if he wqnts to be with you, there are things you expect from him. Here is where you can lay out the ground rules of how you need to be treated. If he is not willing to treat you well, then he doesn't deserve such a wonderful woman as you are.

Whatever you decide, you need to make sure you are jot getting walked on. You are too great of a girl to have to put up with that.

Monika

[Drea]

I am sorry to hear about the situation Natalie. Getting dumped, or in effect being told your someone's second choice doesn't feel good

As far as continuing to see him, your choices are your own

If I were in your situation, if it's just dating, okay it can be fun, just hanging out with someone you like and nothing serious, then I just might. If it was a relationship that had progressed to the physical I would be very hesitant to continue. If he were wanting to continue with that physical intimacy under such circumstances I would feel I was getting taken advantage of.

Whatever you do, be sure its for you, what it gets you and that its more than just the implied validation of being a woman you may be getting out of having a boyfriend. As Kimberly suggested, there are guys who use this to their advantage when it comes to MTF.

[Guest NatalieRene]

Thank you all so much. It has gotten somewhat physical but not sexual, mostly cuddling and one night that I had stayed over and slept with him. Yes actual sleeping well after talking half the night away in bed. I like him a lot, dumping him or being dumped would be very difficult for me.

I know what you all mean about wanting to be with a guy just because they treat you like a woman but really don't have feelings for the person. I had a date with a guy a few weeks before meeting Greg and his name was Dean. He was a really nice, sweet and smart guy but I just didn't feel the chemistry and he was clingy. Then there was the coworker that asked me to go out last weekend in what I thought was asking me out as a friend but tried to take advantage of me. Both treated me like a woman, highly desirable, but in each case I rejected them.

I still really like Greg. I just hope he can forget about her and focus on what he has.

[Guest Emily Ray]

I wish you the best. I had my dating experience for the year and I learned a lot about myself. I would still go back to him if it was an option, but for now it isn't and I am really OK with that. I won't be anyones victim anymore and that includes me. Don't settle for second fiddle when you can be the whole show. I know exactly how hard that can be for you to do. But, in the end it will help you more than hurt you. If you say no to him now he will have more respect for you and when he gets dumped by her again you will be in a better place than you are now. If that never happens you will still have the respect for yourself for not giving in to you emotions that you know are leading you astray.

Huggs,

Emily

[Guest Jessie M]

Natalie,

I was hopeing that when I saw the Title on post that my quess was wrong, they were right. Very sorry to hear this has happened you sounded so happy and he sounded so nice and caring. Hopefully he figures himself out before anymore damage can be done and hope what has been done can be repaired

Luv

Jessie

P.S

this teaches me to go out of town and loose touch for a few days. When I get back this has happened to you and one of the girls in my support group has been in the hospital all weekend.

[Guest Orva26]

I still really like Greg. I just hope he can forget about her and focus on what he has.

I think he will. From the little exposure I've had, you're a good person. Why should he crawl away from you to someone who rejected him? I hope everything turns out well for you.

-Orva

[Guest KimberlyF]

Natalie,

You're an adult and you're going to make your own decision. And in your position given my history, I'd maybe make the same choice you seem to be making...well if I swung that way I have been around lots of women in my life and have yet to see one leave a guy just cause her friends or family or whatever told her he's prob not the best thing for her. And sometimes they were right and sometimes they were wrong. He might figure out what he has with you. It's totally possible given a little time that he'll pull his head out of his butt and see you for the wonderful woman that you are and cherish you more than anyone on the planet. Either way, I'm hoping for the best for you and there will be people here for you whatever happens.

Kim