Post Op Sexuality

[Guest BeckyTG]

This thread is prompted by my completion of the fourth TS autobiography I've read. Some were written long ago, others more recently.

One thing they all share is a description of post operative behavior that I euphemistically describe as "risk-taking," but could also be

described as jumping the bones of anyone within reach.

Yeah, so anyway, what I'm trying to figure out, is if these Transwomen ... are aberrations, or if you have found in your discussions with others, or in your own experiences, that this kind of behavior is typical.

...

I don't expect anyone to talk openly about their own experiences. But if you can couch it in ways that protect the innocent, I would really

like to know what the real world is like. Please remember, this is PG 13. Thanks

Carolyn Marie

Carolyn,

I can tell you, as one who lived through the late 60s and early 70s, that it was a time of "free love" and promiscuity was common then. Whatever you read that was set in that time frame would likely reflect that.

Regarding other books you've read, I don't know that you can really draw a parallel between the accounts of encounters in those books and the behavior of the general population. I know a number of post-ops and I don't see anything about them that would mark them as any different than the rest of the people, from a standpoint of sex.

I would expect that the experience of sex would itself be a powerful attraction to a new woman. I have not considered sex as a woman much and my therapist is leading me in that direction, to prepare me for the future. I was surprised when she suggested that, but I count on her for guidance and learning.

Sex as a female is something that a pre-op trans woman may not know much about, since our medical regimen pretty much puts a damper on what we knew and often removes any further desires. I can readily see where changing the workings and removing the obstacles to desires now set up some interesting new dilemmas. OK, now we experience desires again, how do we go about satisfying them? Our formerly known method is no longer operational, what do we do now? Being ill prepared strikes me as a little risky and might even lead to a depression of sorts.

One thing that I must warn all of us to guard against and that is our total preoccupation with the transition itself. The events and changes that lead up to SRS are only part of our lives. We still have all the rest of the things that trouble most people, we just sometimes too easily overlook them or stuff them in the closet where we used to be ourselves.

If you really want to know if this behavior in the first few years post-op is normal, I suggest you study young post-pubescent adolescent girls and see how soon they become sexually active themselves. I'd bet you may find the actions to be similar as I can make a case for the situation being similar.

I'll further wager that you'll find their behavior to be all over the map, just as I believe you'll find the behavior of post-ops. If you further break down this behavior as to socio-economic and educational status, I think you'll find some parallels there, as well.

Interesting study in Sociology, eh?

Becky

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

I just want to interject something here....

I'm 60 now and I'll be getting my SRS in my 60's.....

At this point in time, I'm not really interested in "taking it out for a spin" when the time comes...

I once owned a Porsche and the speedometer went to 200....but I never felt that I had to take it up that fast...

My number one goal is to be as physically complete as possible...

Casual sex? Sleeping around?...lol...I'm way past that...

I can't really say how I'll act post surgery and I appreciate all of the input from the post-op girls here..

I belong to another group that is specifically for elder TG's.. (dang, that would include me, I guess...) and many there have gotten their SRS in their 40's through 70...A number of them are long time married to their original spouse (ie...2 women together) and none have ever said that the wanted to go out and find a man after SRS...they just wanted that phase of their transition done...(the SRS).

So, I guess that I'm saying that we all have different goals and expectations out of this journey...

One size does not fit all...YMMV...we all want different things out of life....

There are no owners manuals....

Good luck....

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest ChloëC]

Drea,

I read both books I mentioned near when they came out back in the 70's and I was searching for something in writing, other than Benjamin's book which was far too technical, for something to hang on to. For the large part of both books, I felt very positive, because the two women seemed to be writing about their pre and post op and transitioning experiences and feelings and what it all meant, like in a larger sense and a personal sense.

Then the whole tone and tenor (ie the drift of something spoken or written) changed and it was very unsettling and a little off putting. I also read Jan Morris 'Conundrum' at about the same time, and it was consistent throughout.

I am not saying that anyone can't do what they want. I'm certainly no prude here. I say, go for it, if that's what you want, and considering the situation, at one time, I thought of that as a very distinct possibility. That's fine, but when the focus changes abruptly like it did in both books, considering these weren't moment by moment writings, but totally from a post-op perspective,like somehow that's a conclusion to a life changing experience, that was never mentioned or intimated, or in the case of Nancy Hunt, practically denied, just made it less than uplifting.

As I have written before here, it took seeing one of the final shows of the old 'Lou Gordon' show after he died unexpectedly and his wife tried to take over, where she had a number of post-op mtf's on who were trying to live normal lives and seemed very uncomfortable to be in any spotlight, that I found role-models that I could appreciate and imagine myself as.

Canary and Nancy came close, but they weren't quite there. Remember you have to put yourself into 1975, when there was no internet, no support groups, no Laura's, no real concept of gender therapists, and being tg was very much considered being a freak. I needed to know that there might be some kind of normalacy and stories they told just missed.

Hugs

Chloë

[Guest Cynthia Of Creation]

I will say, Carolyn, that those sections of Canary and Mirror Images put me off a little when I read them. I mean, I'm no prude, and in my imagination, if I went through transition, I knew I would want to find out, but, the way these two women wrote about it, I just wonder how absolutely true it was, and how much was added (or enhanced) for 'shock' value to try to make the book a seller.

They say sex sells, and I would guess in the 1970's when morals were supposedly a little looser, that the publishers may have thought there might be a sort of voyeur sub-market for these stories, since they may have felt the mainstream might not be there (yet).

I think it was Mirror Images where the author spent two or three chapters talking quite strongly about protecting her virginity, then the next chapter, she 'happily' (and way too quickly) lost it to almost some stranger.

And isn't it in Canary where she wound up having to work at a mail-order adult toy place and the owner or manager put some moves on her and she succombed? It just made the story a little less, oh, liberating, I guess.

I mean in 1970's USA, for a teen/early 20's potential mtf, the choices were drag queen, female impersonator, odd media star, or jumping into bed with almost the first male that showed interest. Not exactly ideal choices. Maybe that's why I chose the road I did.

Hugs

Chloë

I think it lost some realism when in that biography the owner pulled of his mask and revealed he was really a marshan, im suprised that really happened.

But to awnswer the question, curiosity ya, i know ill be curious but i will not go out and have sex. nope im waiten till im maried

[guest]

But to awnswer the question, curiosity ya, i know ill be curious but i will not go out and have sex. nope im waiten till im maried

Really? o.O why? Sex is fun...

Don't force yourself to get married because you are sexually arroused lol.

[Guest Cynthia Of Creation]

Really? o.O why? Sex is fun...

Don't force yourself to get married because you are sexually arroused lol.

Hugh NO!

Im getting married because I love the person. if that plan works out i can not say but i doubt i will have trouble sticking to it.

well if its fun it will be worth the wait.