Finally did it

[Guest Jade T]

Well, after so much thought and debate, I finally wrote an email to my father. He was the only one in my life that I cared about and wanted to know about me that I haven't told yet. I can say it was one of the hardest things I have done in my life. I still don't know his reaction to it, as I sent him an email and called him telling him to check his email. All he told me was give him a few days to think about it and that he will try to work/sort things out.

I decided to come out to him because it was getting obvious to him that something was up with me. My hair has progressively been getting longer. I started wearing a scrunchie (pink one too!) to keep my hair back when he was around, and I was paper thin compared to what I use to be. He probably thought I was gay as I haven't talked about a girl for years. Plus my boobs were starting to really poke out and I am guessing in two months he would of had to been blind not to notice it. Wearing a loose black shirt when he was around can only hide so much. In the end, I was also getting tired of dressing and acting as a male whenever he was around... I hate hate hate my male clothes and persona I have to take.

But, after coming out to him, I feel relieved, and at the same time so anxious to see what his reaction will be when he contacts me. But I cannot live in hiding from those I love forever. I didn't have the courage to tell him in person, and I don't think I could of told him without breaking down crying either.

This is my coming out letter. I didn't say as much as I wanted but I didn't want to have him read so much when he is in a emotional state:

I know the name of this email may surprise you. But this is my new email I have been using for a little now. Do you remember when I told you I had something to tell you one day when I am ready? Well I decided to go ahead and come clean and tell you. This will probably come as a major shock to you, but I am transgender and have been that way my whole life. It is a condition known as Gender Identity Disorder, or GID.

Even when I was young, I knew there was something wrong with me. Do you remember when I was in preschool about 3-4 years old? I use to hang out with the girls and play with their toys. I remember one older girl named Sue that I really wanted to be like. I remember you and Mom actually having to tell me to stop playing with them and Sue and telling me to play with the other boys. I also remember when I use to think I was Paul's little sister. I don't know if Mom actually ever told you, there were times she caught me sleeping in her clothes at night. I also say this is one of the reasons she ruined my childhood besides the way she raised us. When she caught me all those times, she just ignored it. She didn't talk to me about it, she just pretended like it never happened. It made me think I was a freak and I hated myself even more.

I just felt more comfortable and natural in women's clothes. The thing is, my whole life I have thought of myself as a woman. I just didn't know how to tell anyone and I tried as hard as I could to make the feelings stop and go away. From what I have read, even the therapists will not and do not recommend trying to ignore those feelings. People who do usually end up committing suicide. It seems that once you are born with GID, it is for the rest of your life. I tried to join the Army in hopes that doing this will make me forget my feelings and I can become a regular guy. It didn't and made me feel even worse. When I left the Army, I was so angry with the world and everyone. I now know that this is because I was mad with myself because I couldn't make the feelings stop.

When I left to the Beaches, I met with two people that I mentioned to you before. Staying with them pretty much saved my life because it was there that I can fully come to face myself and my Gender Identity Disorder. I was so close to killing myself before I met them. At the beaches, I was living my life full time as a woman. But I will say one thing, I am happier and more at peace than I have ever been in my life. I know you may have noticed I do not work out and have gotten a lot smaller now. You may have also noticed that I have been growing my hair out. Well, I have been taking hormones for about 4 months now and plan to continue to take them. I intend to live as a woman from now on. I will go back to school and work as a woman, and continue on living this way. I know you may be concerned about me fitting in and finding a job and facing discrimination. I assure you people don't think anything when they see me out in the world as a woman. I can pass okay and I will be fine. I went to the VA on Monday to start seeing a therapist so I can get a letter to change my ID and name so when I go for a job interview, my name will not shock them. I also went to the VA to claim the disabilities I was talking to you about on Sunday when we went fishing. I should be getting a letter in the mail soon about that.

I know this comes as a large shock to you and you may not know how to respond. Please, take your time and think about it before you do. I had my whole life to think about this, and you just now found out about this. I am still the same person you always knew. My thoughts, feelings, and joys are the same. I still love you and still want the best for you as well.

Love you,

Tong

[Guest Mia J]

Congratulations Jade that was a very good letter. You have passed one of the hardest steps in becoming who you really are.

Mia

[Guest Jade T]

Thank you Mia, it was definitely very hard for me to hit that send button. I felt my heart leap into my throat so to say. Regardless of the outcome, I feel better for doing so. It bothered me so much that I had to hide this from someone I love. I can only hope that he understands and that I can dispel any fears or concerns he has if he chooses to continue our relationship as father and daughter.

Jade

[Charlize]

What a hard thing to do but you did it and the results are up to a higher power. Hopefully it will make a stronger relationship but at least you are free.

Hugs, Charlie

[Guest amanda_s]

Wow Jade hope it goes well for you. what you wrote is so powerful and to the point i wrote someting like that for my Mom . I m coming out to her on saturday and i don't expect it will be good shes in denial about me right now ,shes seen me dressed.

Amanda

[Guest Jade T]

What a hard thing to do but you did it and the results are up to a higher power. Hopefully it will make a stronger relationship but at least you are free.

Hugs, Charlie

I definitely hope so Charlie. His response asking me to give him a few days to get back to me is pretty encouraging. It tells me that he doesn't want to say anything rash or make any hasty decisions. I just hope that soon we can all be a happy family again.

Wow Jade hope it goes well for you. what you wrote is so powerful and to the point i wrote someting like that for my Mom . I m coming out to her on saturday and i don't expect it will be good shes in denial about me right now ,shes seen me dressed.

Amanda

You have courage to come clean to your mother after she caught you. I was content to let my mother live in denial... I should of done what you are doing now. I hope everything goes well for you and wish for the best.

I definitely feel better now that I have come out, regardless of the outcome. It will be icing on the cake if he suddenly says "Oh that is wonderful! I always have wanted a daughter!" Hehe I am dreaming but I will take anything other than outright hate, condemnation, and denial as a good thing. But even if that happens, I am prepared it and would not take it back the actions if I could.

[Guest otter-girl]

A thoughtful and considrate email. All the best with the future.

Hugs

Rachel

[Guest ~DeeDee~]

Wow Jade, that's a lot to digest and I wish you the best with your father. Also, thank you for sharing that, I for one found it very insightful as to what I face someday.

[Guest Luuceee]

What a perfect letter, i really hope he accepts it and you can finally live as you should be with your fathers blessing.

Lucy

[KathrynJulia]

Jade

I was crying beofore I reached the end of your letter to your dad. My dad is gone now and I never took the opportunity to tell him the truth as you have. I owed that to him as I firmly believe in telling the truth, but it took me many years to put my life together. I know how hard that letter was to write and to send. My heart goes out to you. That was a very brave thing to do. Hugs Jade and my prayers go to you. Kathryn

[Guest Jade T]

Thank you all for your best wishes and support. I am basically sitting here glued to my laptop waiting for an email or call from him. I think I probably will not hear back from him until the weekend though. I just hope I can later post a happy result in this thread. Even if it doesn't turn out well, I will be sure to keep you updated.

The only thing I wish I included in that e-mail was a line saying it was not his fault and it was out of his control that I have GID. Hopefully I will be able to tell him that in the future.

Kathryn, I am sorry to hear about your father. I hope I didn't upset you with this letter. But on a positive note, you did put your life together. I still think I have years to go before I can say that. I am still picking up the pieces and dealing with the fallout from my mental breakdown not too long ago.

Thanks everyone

Jade

[Guest shadowghost21]

I wish you the best of luck, I love coming out in text or email as I did most recently with my previous group of coworkers. My mother however I have to tell face to face. I loved that you told some stories of when you were younger, I have been trying to dredge up whatever I can remember but I doubt my mom will remember anything.

Give us updates okay?

[Guest Jade T]

Update!! I am so elated and feel like I am walking on air! I just got a phone call from my father, and he fully supported me. He was even kind enough not to call me by my male name. He started saying it a few times in the conversation, but caught himself. He hasn't called "Jade" yet, but I can understand his reluctance. 27 years of habit is hard to undo all at once. Smalls steps before big ones! I am so happy to see that he understands and supports me. He understood that I will have a hard time with certain parts in my life, but said "Hey, if you ever feel unsafe or uncomfortable, just leave the situation." He even said those two people I met and stayed with at the beaches were godsends for me because it allowed me to explore who I was and finally made me happy. He told me he was very worried with me as of late because I was so angry and unhappy all the time. So he is very thankful for them =). My father also said he wished I had told him sooner so he could of supported me

So on Tuesday, he and I will be spending the day together. And on Wednesday, he and I will be going to the airport to pick a friend or relative up that came to visit him. It will feel funny at first being around him looking the way I do, but I have no doubt that we will forget that over time as well!

Sorry if my post if rambling or jumps from subject to subject... I am just so happy right now I can hardly think straight!

Ecstatically exuberant!

Jade

[Guest angels wings]

Wow Wow Wow ((((((happy hugs ))))) for you yeah we're jumping upon the air with u . Great news

[Guest CallMeKatie]

Yay, congrats girl, I am so happy for you, it gives me hope my father will be the same. Even though it might be strange at first to be with him like that I'm sure it will feel great to be yourself with him once both of you get used to it.

[Guest Lani]

Gratz!!

[Guest Jade T]

Angels Wings, Katie, and Lani, thank you .

Katie, I sincerely and wholeheartedly wish and hope your father accepts you the same way he accepted me. It is so hard how I felt. When he called me today, he was speaking to me as if he never read my email for the first 10 minutes or so. I at that point was afraid that he was in denial and just wanted to pretend like nothing happened. It was only in wrapping up the conversation that he finally broached the subject and told me his viewpoint and showed his support. Words couldn't adequately describe how I felt

Thank you all,

Jade

[KathrynJulia]

Thank God Jade, what an amazing revelation from your dad. He really loves you and wants to stand by you and soon he will welcome his new daughter with pride. I glad Jade, that is outstanding news. Kathryn

[Guest carolynn2fem]

Coanradulations Jade. You deserve the right to ramble Glad it worked out for You

Love Carolynn

[Guest otter-girl]

Jade thats wonderful! Absolutely wonderful!

Hugs

Rachel

[Guest Luuceee]

That such great news im so happy for you. I hope my father is the same when i come out, i suspect he will be ok with it.

Lucy

[Guest Jade T]

Kathryn, Caroynn, Rachel, and Lucy, thank you for your words, this community is so caring and I love it =)

Lucy, I hope your father is understanding and completely accepts you. It will be tough to come out, but I believe you can do it

Hugs all,

Jade

[Guest *Brooke*]

I remember reading this shortly after you sent your email to your father, and had to search the forums to see how it went.. and I am sooooo happy to hear that it went so well for you! Congratulations!! You have a wonderful father, and I hope your relationship with him grows stronger and stronger! Love the news!

[Guest LizMarie]

Congratulations, Jade! It's wonderful when someone accepts and it helps offset those cases where someone does not.

[Guest shadowghost21]

Ahhh been so busy this week I haven't been able to give you the happy support! I'm so glad your dad loves you :3