No one should ever feel that they do not belong here

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dear All,

Being Transgendered does not mean exclusively being transsexual. Let's make this very clear...OK? Being Transgendered means that somehow one does not feel completely comfortable with the limited notion of identifying as cis-gendered. I, myself have gone through periods of cycles of accepting my biological gender to completely rejecting it.

I have found a way for myself that allows me to be at peace. Participating here at Laura's helped significantly to find my true self. Never, ever think that if you are not a committed MTF or FTM that you have no voice here and that you do not belong.... you DO belong here.... OK?

Being transgendered is immensely complex.

Never underestimate how complex being transgendered really is.

All my Love

Brenda

[Sally]

You are so right Brenda!

I have always taken exception with those who feel that there is a hierarchy in the transgendered world placing some above others.

I am a transsexual - that is the diagnosis and the term - does that make me more or less transgendered than say a cross dresser, no just a different spot on the gender scale.

Think of the scale as running from left to right or actually in a circle but a horizontal circle - no one is above anyone else.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Juniper Blue]

Dear Brenda and All,

I really needed to hear that .. sometimes I just don't know where I fit in ... thanks for the reminder me that I am a part of this community.

Yes ... everyone is welcome here ... everyone is important and needed .. we are all in this together ... we are a family. A beautiful, and very diverse family.

Hugs,

JB

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Love

[Guest Dianam]

Dear Brenda and All

Thanks!!!

x0x0

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Dear Brenda and All,

I really needed to hear that .. sometimes I just don't know where I fit in ... thanks for the reminder me that I am a part of this community.

Yes ... everyone is welcome here ... everyone is important and needed .. we are all in this together ... we are a family. A beautiful, and very diverse family.

Hugs,

JB

Very, very cool thread, Brenda!

Yeah, there IS an unspoken hierarchy (sadly) with postop T-girls being the rock stars amongst us, as I see it.

No worries. Personally, I don't buy into hierachies anywhere at any time for any reason. Never did. Still don't. Never will. They're not me, so I ignore them.

Finally, I truly feel I neither fit in nor belong here; however, it's no biggie! I'm here! As long as I can offer help and encouragement (and I can!), I'm here!

Mavericks, unite!

Peace & Joy Lacey Lynne

Juniper Blue, I think you are MAJORLY cool! Fellow gender surfers RECOGNIZE each other! Well, I recognize YOU!

Kawabunga, Babes/Bro Lacey Lynne

Catch the wave and rock it on The Transgendered Banzai Pipeline and ride it for all it's worth ... whoowee !!!!!!!

[~Nova~]

Wait a second... You mean I'm no better than the other trans person because my surgery is upcoming? Well, you're absolutely right.

I'm on a different spectral line, no better, no worse, just different.

[Guest angels wings]

Thank you Brenda Brenda I too have those thoughts but not because I'm transgendered but because I feel so differnt to most . That's what I love about Laura's does not matter what gender what colour ur hair or eyes is what language you speak or how big ur behind is we are accepted and build beautiful friendships by supporting each other.

Juniper Blue u are loved here and definitely a part of our community (((hugs))))

Lacey we love you and u do belong lovey here with us

Keep shining ladies although I'm not traveling this same path as you all but I am traveling the path of life and we all need each other

(((((group hugs)))))

[Charlize]

Thanks Brenda, We are all on separate journeys. None better or worse just journeys. It's always hard not to compare when we should relate instead. Where are we similar so we can offer help. Our experiences are different but the same. Its in that sameness that we come together to share our experiences, weaknesses, strengths and hopes for an understanding of ourselves and others. We can better help each other if we see where we are the same.

Hugs, Charlie

[Guest Mia J]

Thank you for the reminder Brenda. Laura's is for all people with transgender issues and all should be made to feel welcome here.

Yeah, there IS an unspoken hierarchy (sadly) with postop T-girls being the rock stars amongst us, as I see it.

Lacey I don't know what your personal experience has been outside of Laura's but I disagree with this.

Yes, there have been a few that I have met personally and on this forum in the past who think they are the only true trangendered folks around. In my opinion they are a very small minority of the post ops. Most post ops that I know personally and here on Laura's are wonderful women who have got to the point that they can now just live their life as the gender they really are.

We have some wonderful post ops right here on Laura's who have stayed after surgery to continue to help others. Others have gone on after SRS because there is no longer a need for them to be here.

Mia

[Cyndee]

We are all individuals, each with our own challenges and triumphs. Labels or categories while convenient never tell the whole story. This site is I N C L U S I V E. I am just grateful for a forum like this to be able to express these feelings with like minds. This place has and continues to mean a lot to me, it's a very personal feeling, yet so far reaching as the public Internet goes. I have met some of the most wonderful people here online and in real life from this site.

Thanks Brenda, Laura, and all

Cindy -

[Guest]

Last night's support group meeting was quite interesting. Of the group that regularly comes, many put themselves someplace in gender-fluid categories. At last night's meeting, I think that they were in the majority. And, we were blessed by a new attendant, a transperson from California who had transitioned to full male at one time, and is now androgyne. It was a lively discussion and I think we all learned more about ourselves by seeing through the eyes of others who are on different paths.

Some bizillions of years back, there was a primordial soup. A bunch of odd chemicals were in the right spot, at the right time and a living organism was created. Nowadays, we make soup on the stove - same concept - it's just right when a wide variety of ingredients are added. See where I'm going? Yes - I can't do it without all of you! It's a good soup we have going here, each ingredient is just as important as the other. Enjoy the soup, everyone!

Love, Megan

[Guest KimberlyF]

Many often have the best of intentions, but I think it's a normal human reaction to speak to what we know. We tend to advise people on how *WE* would deal with the issue instead of what may be the best for them.

You can have two boards with very nice people, one mostly CDs and a few TSs the other mostly TSs and a few CDs. They will have a different feel. With zero negative intent, one board is more welcoming than the other for each group though they are both welcomed and accepted at each.

[gennee]

• Well said, Brenda. We are all on our own journeys. Each journey is unique and invaluble to others who may read of our travels.
  

[Carolyn Marie]

Thank you so much for this thread, Brenda. It means a lot, and is so very true.

I have a deeply personal familiarity with the issue of someone who feels that, because they are not transitioning, they are something "less." I have done all I can to make this person know that she is an equal, and that just because she walks a different path than me, her feelings, her desires, and her decisions are as valid as mine. The divide is real, and all we can do is our best to show, through word and deed, that all of us share a common bond, and no one is above anyone else.

There are, IMHO, no such things as "true" transgenders or "true" transsexuals. There are only people who walk the path that is right for them.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest KimberlyF]

We don't really have deeds to fall back on over the net. Our words really stand out.

To expand on my earlier point, sometimes totally supportive posts among one group can be confusing to another or even depressing or hostile.

For example, sometimes MtFs make posts that come close to or cross the line into male bashing. How does that make the FtMs feel? And Vice versa?

When someone is welcomed aboard the womanhood express starting HRT, how does that make someone feel who can't take hormones? Or someone who has decided to not take them? We're all accepting, but they must be on the man shuttle?

Or how about someone who's never felt like they've belonged in any group before in their life, then start to feel accepted. Maybe they're not sure about HRT, but they want to belong and sometimes there aren't many people telling them to question things.

Nobody needs to try to hurt anyone for an environment to be created that makes some feel on the fringe.

[MaryEllen]

That's why Laura is so adamant that this is to be an umbrella community. Everyone here is EQUAL and is to be treated as such. From the occasional crossdresser to the post-ops. No one group is more important than another. Holier than thou attitudes are not welcome here. We all need to make the effort to see that that doesn't happen.

MaryEllen

[Carolyn Marie]

So, Kimberly, what is your solution? Not congratulate or recognize someone for starting HRT, for starting therapy, for scheduling SRS? We have forums for each group at LP, to encourage discourse specific to that group, and at the same time, we allow anyone to comment in any other forum. We cannot design a perfect site, or figure out a way to guarantee no one will ever feel slighted or overlooked, but we will keep striving for that goal.

It may not be perfect, but I'll take this place over the others I've seen. If someone desires to be a part of a CD only site, they can avail themselves of that, and still be a member here. We do our best, but we can always do better. We gain something from every member. Offer your solutions, and they will get due consideration.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest KimberlyF]

So, Kimberly, what is your solution? Not congratulate or recognize someone for starting HRT, for starting therapy, for scheduling SRS? We have forums for each group at LP, to encourage discourse specific to that group, and at the same time, we allow anyone to comment in any other forum. We cannot design a perfect site, or figure out a way to guarantee no one will ever feel slighted or overlooked, but we will keep striving for that goal.

It may not be perfect, but I'll take this place over the others I've seen. If someone desires to be a part of a CD only site, they can avail themselves of that, and still be a member here. We do our best, but we can always do better. We gain something from every member. Offer your solutions, and they will get due consideration.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

Well just the way my mind works, if I were seriously concerned that people didn't feel a part of the group, instead of telling them they are part of the group, I'd ask them why they DON'T feel part of the group and what can be changed to make them feel more welcomed?

[Guest angels wings]

The beauty about Laura's is we celebrate the joys people share . We reach out and comfort and uplift those who are down . We are humans all looking for somewhere to belong . The journey is to be traveled not to stop and look at the negatives but to go forth and with support we can do this .

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

Thank you for this thread Brenda, I couldn't agree more.

Gabe

[Guest Juniper Blue]

I would like to see a no surgery or no hormones forum so that there will be a specific place to discuss options. If there was a separate forum, when these topis come up it will be clear that the discussion is not directed at those who are pursuing HRT or SRS. The discussions could be geared toward folks who can not take hormones (some reasons why may include: they have tried HRT but could not tolerate it, they have a contraindicated medical condition or can not get approval, or cannot afford HRT or SRS . There are many people who are in trans gender who are not ready for HRT or SRS, are concerned about potential health risks or want to live as the gender that suits them but want to live without hormones and/or surgery ( some people may not need HRT or SRS to meet their ideal appearance and gender expression.)

I would feel more comfortable talking about options to HRT and SRS on a forum for people who very clearly are seeking alternatives.

In support of All ... people transitioning with SRS, HRT, T, and also No/Ho, No/So

JB

[Guest ~Brenda~]

I agree JB

A forum specific to no HRT and no SRS would be a good addition to Laura's.

Love.

Brenda

[Guest angels wings]

Brilliant idea JB

[Carolyn Marie]

Brilliant idea JB

Ditto.

Carolyn Marie