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Guest Rekka

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Guest MissErika

Yea I know that the va pays for it, I'm just impatient and want to start now....

Oh well, I guess ill just wait till I. Get out.

Thanks girls,

Erika

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Guest .Christine Elizabeth.

Eech, your being forced? That's to bad, I would hate to be forced. Though my rents have resigned themselves to the fact I'd rather read math books. But I doubt yours would let up for anything short of actually coming to terms with your gender identity. You could alway try to get kicked off, or show such a talent at something else that the school pressures them to let you switch. I have to say, high school was hard enough before I realized my identity, I cant imagine what it will he like knowing, and being forced to play football. Here's to hoping you can figure some way.

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Guest .Christine Elizabeth.

While I am a pacifist, and I disagree with killing, the moment some one gives me cause to need such force, they have made their choice. As for just harming people, what about hunting? Not for sport mind you, but actually using the meat for food. As for your statement about needing, what do you base this fact on? I honestly would like the information so as to analyze it for my own opinion. As far as I'm aware, it's not so much that they feel they need it, it's the fact that they believe they WILL be able to use it so well they can take on anything. It's an ego trip that quite honestly, the mind is strongly favored to make. And prevention is great, but crime isn't something we can make disappear, it's to strongly favored in an evolutionary viewpoint. I can site an example of a simple genetic based artificial intelence evolving "crime" of a sort. Quite frankly, there are to many factors for the often narrow minded policies to do much good for. A gun should be a last resort, and if you treat it as such, then you have done your part, if others do not, that is something you won't be able to change about the wag they think, for the most part. Gun policy is often taken from confirmation biased results and leaders that don't look into both sides.

But I have rambled, I apologies, my thoughts tend to wander when I'm tired.

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Guest .Christine Elizabeth.

I know how you feel ashrynn, my dad claims to be supportive, and my mom flat out said she thinks it unnatural and then I see them making fun of a CDer/TGed in front of me and ask why I wasn't laughing. I plan on going to college, going public, and never coming back home. But the never coming back part is due to a multitude of things. As for your mom krisina, it's hard for people to understand what they're not forced to. If you come out and she see's the trouble it causes you, she may lighten up, but my cynicism tells me to doubt it. Most people are engrossed by their own little world, few show true empathy for others. Add to that it's hard to change anothers beliefs, she would have to be forcibly pushed from ignorance.

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Guest .Christine Elizabeth.

I know how you feel ashrynn, my dad claims to be supportive, and my mom flat out said she thinks it unnatural and then I see them making fun of a CDer/TGed in front of me and ask why I wasn't laughing. I plan on going to college, going public, and never coming back home. But the never coming back part is due to a multitude of things. As for your mom krisina, it's hard for people to understand what they're not forced to. If you come out and she see's the trouble it causes you, she may lighten up, but my cynicism tells me to doubt it. Most people are engrossed by their own little world, few show true empathy for others. Add to that it's hard to change anothers beliefs, she would have to be forcibly pushed from ignorance.

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Guest Ceren

Sometimes I really hate of being a doctor, physician. My job takes the first place before my being but I am a person too.

Unfortunately I cannot pursuade my colleagues to comment here. I have to be in the closet all alone. You are my only true friends who know the real me. But you may ask them by email. Although I didn't have good or any relationship with Dr. Marci Bowers, I think you may ask her.

Ceren

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Guest Ceren

Sometimes I really hate of being a doctor, physician. My job takes the first place before my being but I am a person too.

Unfortunately I cannot pursuade my colleagues to comment here. I have to be in the closet all alone. You are my only true friends who know the real me. But you may ask them by email. Although I didn't have good or any relationship with Dr. Marci Bowers, I think you may ask her.

Ceren

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Guest Ceren

Sometimes I really hate of being a doctor, physician. My job takes the first place before my being but I am a person too.

Unfortunately I cannot pursuade my colleagues to comment here. I have to be in the closet all alone. You are my only true friends who know the real me. But you may ask them by email. Although I didn't have good or any relationship with Dr. Marci Bowers, I think you may ask her.

Ceren

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Guest Ceren

Sometimes I really hate of being a doctor, physician. My job takes the first place before my being but I am a person too.

Unfortunately I cannot pursuade my colleagues to comment here. I have to be in the closet all alone. You are my only true friends who know the real me. But you may ask them by email. Although I didn't have good or any relationship with Dr. Marci Bowers, I think you may ask her.

Ceren

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Guest miss kindheart

Can't you see whats inside thee

Look inside and you'll find glee

Look below look above

Look inside you'll fine the love

:wub: vanna

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Krisina,

*Hugs*

Those of us who live in transgender bodies can only do the best we can with what we are given to work with. Just because we have brains that don't match our bodies does not mean we can resist the sex drive or desires we are born with. Only extreme cases of gender dysphoria, before you know you are trans that is, would mess with the natural inclinations of the body we are born in. I think for many of us when we find out why we feel the way we do, its like a light goes off in our head and suddenly things change. Perhaps many of us feel ashamed of our opposite physical sex and having indulged in it previously. I know that for a time I did, but I couldn't help it. I didn't know any different, it was the body I was given.

When I lived as a guy I felt exactly as you did. I couldn't accept the idea of myself being gay. I didn't want to be in a gay relationship... but I didn't really want to be the guy in the relationship either, whether straight or gay. So I tried very hard to do the straight thing until I found out I was trans. Before HRT I was more able to accept my attractions to men and considered myself Bisexual. Post HRT my views began to change with my body and I considered myself pretty much completely straight. Given a choice as my female self I would take a relationship with a man over one with a woman any day.

Our feelings change a bit with our bodies and minds once we start changing our hormones. There is no shame in all the feelings you've had until now, and no shame in all the experiences you've shared. We can only do the best we can in the body we are given and no one can hold your past relationships against you. Being transgender is complicated and confusing. Its extremely hard. As such there is no right or wrong way to live. Even for someone who is not trans that holds true. Perhaps things would have been different if you had known sooner or acted sooner, but things happened the way they happened. Its too late to have regrets, you can't go back now. The best you can do is to make the most of your future as yourself.

Transition is a journey of self discovery. Don't let all the new feelings, or the old ones make you feel bad.

*Hugs*

~Risu

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Guest miss kindheart

<< vanna thinks it a nice poem >>

Gosh

<<< hug >>>

I don't know what to say

I don't want to compliment you, if if troubles you Sally

sooooooo :Crylol::thumbsup::harhar:

:wub: vanna

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Guest NatashaJade

it sound like right now your mom's just trying to find some way to entice you to remain as you are. Remember, it's going to take some people a lot of getting used to and some will never really be able to let go of who you were. I really recommend bringing your mom along to a counseling session, or to many of them. Have her speak to your therapist and help her to understand how much this means to your well being. Look for support groups in your area such as PFLAG that can help her adjust to your reality. Make her a part of your transition and hopefully she will come around.

xoxo

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Guest I-Am-Aiden

thanks for the fast replies.

rabse i've just checked the indro forums and there are some great things there.

And ColinFaber what you said is relly helpfull. I'm going to try them all and see what sounds the best. Thanks.

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Guest ramoneskid

Hello! I am an FTM, already on T, and I might be relocating into the Harrisburg area of Pennsylvania at some point in the future. Does anyone know of any resources around there? I am having no luck thus far. It would be a big help if anybody could drop me some info. Thanks much!

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Victory through surrender... Who Knew, huh? I used to idly wonder what it would take to "break" me...I found out and was lucky enough to fall into recovery rather than into the Abyss... I suppose under different circumstances I could have could have made the choice your sister did.

My condolences to you and your loved ones.

In your story what stands out to me was coming to understand that weakness wasn't the issue in spite of what your family tried to tell you. Its ok to be weak, if we have healthy responses to life's challenges. Only by becoming weak and needy did I come to understand that I could trust people and rely on them. When I was a mighty oak tree my relationships were superficial and kept at arms length because if they got too close they might discover that the mighty Oak was hollow and a facade. Underneath the manly Oak was a scare confused Two Spirit human who could not afford to let people get too close. Only by getting uprooted because of my stubbornness and oaklike inflexibility did I have a chance to change. Today I understand that its ok to bend rather than break. I also understand that its ok to be me rather than who people say I should be.

Two hours ago I was talking to a relapsed friend who is ashamed to go back to AA because of what people will think. I tried to help him understand that the problem isn't what people think, its what he thinks they think. Our own egos' kill as surely as alcohol does... Too proud to ask for help...too proud to go back to AA...As you know, either one can take you out.

I wish you and your loved ones healing

Michelle

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Sabrina Esmeralda

Yes, especially before I faced myself and realised that it's just who I am and that I wasn't doing something wrong or deliberetly hurting anyone. Except for myself, for trying to deny it.

I'm okay with me now, but kind of like Jaded said; the outside world tells us that it's something to be ashamed of.

I'm learning to pay less attention to the evil people in theoutsideworld and more to the people that matter to me and those who like me for who I am.

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Guest Sabrina Esmeralda

Yes, especially before I faced myself and realised that it's just who I am and that I wasn't doing something wrong or deliberately hurting anyone. Except for myself, for trying to deny it.

I'm okay with me now, but kind of like Jaded said; the outside world tells us that it's something to be ashamed of.

I'm learning to pay less attention to the evil people in the outside world and more to the people that matter to me and those who like me for who I am. I would very much like to enjoy my life without needing to be ashamed of what insignificant others might think.

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Guest Vince1995

One of my BIGGEST fears, is that when I get a gender therapist, he/she will say I do not have gender dysphoria and not let me start testosterone/SRS. I don't know ANYTHING about gender therapy, what they do, sessions, how they decide, etc., but I fear this. It has been one of my greatest fears since I realized you could change your gender; I know I have gender dysphoria, and really want to transition - one of my greatest desires.

Does anyone else have this fear?

Can anyone help lay my fears to rest?

Sorry, I'm just a silly teenage boy, worrying about the oddest things. /:

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    • Lydia_R
      Here is a legible copy (hopefully):    
    • Lydia_R
      I pulled this out of a stack of old military mementos yesterday.  I guess I didn't realize how cool this one was because I did so much of this kind of thing back then.    
    • Lydia_R
      This internet video thing is pretty amazing.  I'd call it Zoom, but there are other platforms out there.  I prefer Zoom over Teams because Zoom puts me and everyone else in the same picture.  I like seeing the whole group in one shot.  Teams of course is about having so many people that you can't get them in the shot, or is it?   Just saying that I have never met any of my counselors in person.  Doctors, of course I have and I am lucky there.  They are 3.5 miles from my house as is the main transgender surgery place in town.  I've been doing virtual visits with the medical doctors lately though.  It feels like once I became steady state, they don't need to interact with me physically that much.  I have enjoyed going into their office in my nice clothing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I guess a lot depends on where you start and where you wanna end up.  For me, doing the "boy form" thing has come with disadvantages.  Smaller skeleton, thinner bones, and skinny/tiny everything.  I'll never be taken seriously.  I guess the advantage is that my way of blending in is just kind of confusing.  "Mommy, is that a boy or a girl?"    One of the biggest arguments for starting transition early in life is I think it gives a person a greater ability to pass.  My two MtF friends started early, and pass really well.  They never got to the larger bone structure, beard, deep voice stuff.  Me being intersex (which is more complicated) and not getting around to "boy form" until my 30's, my body size and features were pretty much set in stone.      You're lucky.  Some folks pay all that and more, even AFTER insurance.  One of my friends faced the choice last year - pay for her final year of college or pay for her meds.  She's taken a year off from college to work and save up money to finish.    My medical expenses have been more injury-related than therapy or medication   The state covered some of it with a fund for crime victims, insurance covered a lot, but there's ended up being a few thousand dollars spent out-of-pocket since 2022 to put me back together again.  I've never found a decent therapist, but my husband has a psych degree among other things, so I figure talking with him is almost as good.  I do have a good doctor, although I have to drive a long way to a big city to see her.  Mostly she takes a basic look at me, and writes another year's prescription.  Since I'm non-op and only using testosterone cream for a localized effect, its pretty simple stuff. 
    • Lydia_R
      I'm a tracker and I've paid for 100% of my transition costs out of pocket.  Counseling was a huge, huge part of my transition and well worth my money.  Not to be uppity about all of this.  I'm just sharing information I have because I have it and it may be useful for others.  Here is my analysis of my spending on transition over the last 2.5 years:   Medical Doctors and Blood Draws: $2,397 Counseling: $3,800 Medications (brand name): $2,702.85 Medications (generic): $485.39 Total: $9,385.24   I picked up on the internet early in transition that transition is a consumer activity.  I tend to agree with that.   This year (Jan - May 18th, 2024), I've spent: Medical Doctors: $102 Medications: $241.52 Total: $343.52   So I'm on a much more sustainable path with it.  I'm pretty happy with where I am with it, although I do still desire surgery and am nervous about how that will all unfold.  But my doctors have me on this steady state thing.  I could seek out other medications, but what I'm doing is good enough.  Oh, I'm missing something....  I did a bunch of electrolysis that didn't appear to have any effect.  I've always enjoyed shaving and I use pink shaving cream now (I've got some lipstick blond in me).  It's good enough.  Not sure if I'll do electro or laser in the future.  The need to shave my body has become less and less.  Before HRT, I was shaving my body weekly or even every 5 days.  Now it is more like 2-3 weeks.  Everyone's body hair is different.  My beard is very coarse and stiff while my body hair has been somewhat minimal and light.  It's nice to have smooth legs and not have to shave as much.   Counseling was $200/session.  I tried one or two counselors before I found one who resonated with where I really was.  When I was prescribed HRT, I didn't fill the prescription until 4 months later.  I had to take some time to decide that I really wanted to take on that lifetime financial commitment.  And of course the possibly negative health consequences too, but I think I was actually thinking more about the finances of it all.  Maybe 51%.   I did a lot of work to revitalize my career before jumping into medical transition.  I started counseling 3 months before I got the best paying job of my life.  The pressure of wanting to transition was so great that I couldn't wait any longer.  She was coming out.  Even though I had very little money, I splurged on some nice dresses and a full length mirror and then started counseling.  Sometimes you just have to move forward and hope for the best.  Other times it is better to wait and do some hard work.  The grace of it all..
    • Ivy
      And when the pressure is released it sucks in heat.  I had a regulator leaking and it was covered with ice.  It's how a heat pump works as well.   Why do they always pick names like this?  It's like the exact opposite of what it really is. I hate politics so much.  But I still have to follow it.
    • Lydia_R
      Wonderful!  This reminds me of a discussion I had with my brother a decade ago.  I said that things expand when they get hotter.  He said, no, they expand when they get colder.  And I had to think about that for a while.  The weird thing is that H20 is special in that when it reaches freezing, it expands.   The pressure makes the cold and then we see the condensation.
    • KatieSC
      I used to have a really good therapist, however, she does not accept health insurance reimbursement fees as they are too low. I had to pay 130 per session. When she decided to jack the rates to 185 per hour, I cut bait. Without a doubt, counseling is very helpful. What concerns me greatly is that we are a vulnerable population. Unfortunately, we can easily be targeted for some pretty high fees. How many of us have been in the situation where our healthcare provider, surgeons, or counselors, have required cash payments? We get jammed as well by the health insurance companies as they often will not pay for items that could be essential to our well-being. It is my contention that our chances of being targeted for violence, death, or harassment, go up when we cannot easily blend in with the female population.    For those of us that are MTF, some of us are blessed with more feminine features, and many of us are not. We get the whammy of a larger skeleton, bigger hands, bigger feet, a beard, a deep voice, and masculine face. It takes a lot for some of us to be able to blend in. My belief is that the better we blend in, the better chance we have of not being targeted. In this, electrolysis, facial feminizing/gender affirming facial surgery, voice/speech therapy with voice feminization/gender affirming voice surgery, and body contouring are all potentially lifesaving. Unfortunately, many of the insurance companies deem the procedures as cosmetic, and yet there is no cosmetic that fixes all of these issues.    If you pay your money, you can get anything you want in this world. The sad reality is that for us, many of these procedures would enhance our lives tremendously, yet we face ongoing battles with our very existence. Yeah, an empathetic therapist helps, but is it just the concept of reasonable empathy at a reasonable cost? When my therapist jacked her rates to 185 per hour, I said enough is enough. Your mileage may vary.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I don't think the temperature matters as much.  Think about how gases like CO2 are stored in cylinders, and they are basically the same in summer or winter.  Any gas becomes liquid under enough pressure.  What does matter is the strength of the pressure vessel.  If exposed to excess external heat, pressure increases and can burst a tank or a pipe.  Household propane tanks are often painted white or silver and have safety release valves, because sunlight can heat a tank enough to cause a significant increase in internal pressure, even though the contents remain liquid. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      It has been a long week, and I think this weekend is going to be pretty busy.  The high school is having their graduation later today.  Although we don't have any grads in our family this year, my husband is going because he's involved with the school.  And tonight there's the torchlight ceremony for the county cadets who are finishing their program, and the reading of assignments for the new seniors.  One of my stepkids will be a senior this year.  She's talented, and will be assigned a squad leader position.  My husband is really proud of her, and she's well-liked by her peers even though she's very quiet and serious.    I might get to go on a trip to Texas this week.  The storms that hit Houston caused a lot of electrical damage, so no doubt the utilities in that area will be ordering stuff from my husband's company.  When the big hurricane hit Florida in 2022, we made several trips there with badly-needed equipment, and the entire transportation department was involved in the first convoy.  When he travels, I usually want to go along, since 1-on-1 time is kind of rare for us. 
    • Mmindy
    • Lydia_R
      Maybe surface tension?   I was in a political debate yesterday and it got way too focused on social stuff and I just had to steer the conversation back to how natural gas transitions to a liquid under pressure.  One of the people I was debating had a career working in that field and it was a good opportunity to expose stuff like that.  He mentioned that it isn't just pressure, it is temperature too.  So then I mentioned how the lines are running underground and asked how that played a role in it.  He came back saying that natural gas is a liquid under pressure.  I guess I didn't get a straight answer on that, but it did move my thinking one step down the road.  Perhaps I should have been more direct with him and asked him at what temperature and pressure.  Is there a chart?   I feel people would be better off if they paid more attention to the objects in their environment instead of focusing on some of the things that we hear so much of in the news.  People are pretty clueless as to how much trigonometry plays a role in so many things in our society.  Even land surveyors don't really use it anymore because programmers locked it away in a function.  Much like how cascading style sheets (CSS) is a wrapper for math.  I wonder what former president Trump thinks about all of that?  He must have some knowledge of how his buildings are constructed, right?  There certainly is a part of me that thinks he is just putting on a show about all of this.  Perhaps I'm wrong though.  All kinds of people in the world.
    • Jani
      Me as well.  I can use my left hand for many tasks though.
    • Jani
      Hello Jennifer and welcome back.  I find New England to be a great place to live.  I have a number of acquaintances and friends in Maine and I love the state.  It seems you are doing well.     Hugs,  Jani
    • MirandaB
      Oh, my "maybe this person is an egg" story is the (male presenting) piercing person and I discussed body hair removal methods, he says he doesn't want any hair except on his head, which is what I said during a couple hair removal sessions before and just after the egg cracked.     
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