[g.a.s] Regrets..there Are A Few

[Guest Zenda]

Here in little old NZ…the land of milk and honey [and not forgetting the Lord of the Rings] there are some people who have regretted rushing into having Gender Affirming Surgery G.A.S.

Up until three years ago I was living a stealth life I had been living full time as female for four years - stealth as in not having any contact whatsoever with other transsexual people. Even though I wrote letters to the local newspaper regarding transsexual matters I was not a member of any support group nor did I know any other transsexual people, I had only read about them

One day out of the blue a friend who had moved off the island rang me she asked if I would be interested in having a talk with this person [who a couple of her Island friends knew] who was going through an identity crises similar to the one I had overcome, this person also lived on Waiheke. I agreed and let her give this person my phone number. Anyway from this chance meeting I became acquainted with other Kiwi trans-people. Even though I'm still not a member of any support group, I’m now well tuned into the local trans-grapevine and have just recently heard about two trans-women who are having regrets about rushing into G.A.S.

They both suffer from what I call The 'sex change syndrome’[sCS]. This is like a contagious disease that seems to infect certain members of transgender support groups. It’s like “ trying to keep up with the Joneses” but worse….you can’t take the stuff back if you have made the wrong choice ie, you are way pass the ‘cut off’ point for returning goods. so to speak. On a more serious note it’s possible the two I've just mentioned now feel they are ‘freaks’ [perhaps their core gender identities were not ‘female’ and they just had a strong desire to express their ‘feminine’ side] they now talk of returning back to living as men. Sadly they might end up living the life of unhappy ‘gender limbos’.

In their case the Real Life Experience[RLE] was not fully felt-a real rush job on their part ie, they misguidedly believed the quicker they had surgery the better things will be and they would have proved to the others that thay were truely 'transsexual'…BIG COSTLY MISTAKE….IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE! And from what I gather they like many believed “we don’t need a ‘shrink’, to tell us what they think!” however they did had some form of counseling prior to surgery but didn’t have psychiatric assessments to assess they suitability ie, how they would cope with 'life' changing surgery.

Their surgeries were performed in Thailand where the criteria for GAS is less stringent than in more western countries….but I should add Thailand boast some of the world’s top G.A.S surgeons. There’s no problem with the quality of their work it’s just the somewhat relaxed manner in which they accept people for surgery. [Perhaps their Buddhist nature makes them 'too' compassionate when assessing Western patients.].

For some people the RLE can be an easy experience and they only need a short period of time to iron out any gender bumps in the transitional road. Some made need a little longer to adapted to the major shift in lifestyle. Others may find during the RLE that living the life of the opposite anatomical sex is not for them. This does not necessarily mean that they are not transsexual, but fulfilling their dream for whatever reason is just not feasible.

If any of you are contemplating going the whole way ie, having G.A.S. all I can say is...LIVE IT FIRST for at least a couple years and if you are not fully comfortable/content during that period of time, it could mean one of two things…One… you have not spent enough time sorting out your new life and need more time to get settled. Or two….it’s not the right choice for you ie, too many bumps in the road.

I realise some might disagree with some of my comments but I hope what I've said will at least help keep both your feet firmly in the real world and dissolve any fanasy worlds that tend to materialise during what could be seen as a weird and sometimes wonderful time of transition.

Metta Jendar

[Zufrieden]

On the whole, I agree with Jendar. There are some people out there with unrealistic expectations of what SRS will do. Maybe their minds are clouded with fantasy. Maybe they think if they force the issue they'll be happy on the other side of the great divide. RLE is certainly to be recommended.

I recognize that even in a minority forum like this, my opinion is a minority one. What follows is that opinion.

I am living a real life experience. I am living life as I need to live it. People seeing me would say, "That's a guy". I don't care. It's like when you're young and you rent a car or go to an upscale hotel for the first time and somebody says, "Sir, here's your keys", or "Welcome Mr. X" and you wonder if your father was there. Then you realize they were talking about you and it's kind of a joke. It won't kill me if everybody sirs me for the rest of my life.

I'm also a private person. I spend many hours by myself. I want to be comfortable with my body. I love that my body is softer and that I have breasts. Lying around in a T-shirt and sweatpants i feel more natural. Even though I have experimented with dressing up, I feel more like a natural woman in that when I come home, I just want to be comfortable.

Maybe some of you have read my post agonizing about whether to have my ears pierced. This would be a major decision for me. SRS, in contrast, is a trivial decision. How could that be?

For most people, deciding whether to have SRS is the biggest decision they will ever make. I have known since a long time that the decision scales for me are tipped in favor of having SRS. I acknowledge that many people have more compelling reasons than me. I acknowledge that it wouldn't kill me if I never had SRS, but it would be a big disappointment. Some people have unrealistic expectations that SRS would be the magic wand that would change life for them forever. To me, SRS would be a cosmetic piece of surgery on a par with a nose job. My expectations are minimal. I expect that it would be costly, a hassle, painful and require more upkeep than at present. The benefits would be that I would not be opressed by carrying something around in my pants that I don't use and don't like to even see. Calling it pathological hatred, though, would be an exaggeration.

Well what about becoming a eunuch, then? No thanks. I want to be a physical female for myself. The world can take care of itself. Even if I never planned to have coitus as a female, it would be stupid to just throw bits of me away.

As a man, I have found coitus to be an annoying responsibility. I have found it exhausting work. I have never faked an orgasm, but there have been times when my partner has interpreted my physical collapse as an orgasm. One of my most satisfying sexual relations was with a woman who, for personal reasons, did not want coitus. The sexual relations were entirely one sided, but we were both satisfied. "It is better to give than to receive." (i.e. she was on the receivng end.)

Well, I don't place much personal worth on coitus, although I can see how it could be the pinnacle of human sexual experience. What about orgasms? I actually discovered them late in life at the age of 18 (I mean any kind of orgasm). Since HRT they have become much more intense. Still, I wouldn't drop dead if I never had another one the rest of my life.

For me, with my very low libido (which I'm happy with), making an effort to have an orgasm is like dragging a lawn mower out of the garden shed after a long winter and seeing if the old piece of junk will still turn over. I have multiple orgasms now and the final orgasm is mind blowing. But before anybody gets jealous, I can't really say that any of it is pleasant. It's all too intense. I would say it "hurts". but I couldn't say how or where. The final stage causes disorientation and vertigo. It literally takes me half an hour afterwards to clear my head. I feel like one feels on the worst groggy morning you've ever had in your life when you can't shake your eyeballs straight.

In the last five years nobody has looked inside my pants. If I had had SRS five years ago, it would have made no difference to anybody on the planet except me.

So where am I going with all this? I would like to be in a long term, loving relation with a woman. Admittedly, HRT and SRS are not the best strategic moves to enhance your chances.

So, what about "passing"? With no disrepect to anyone, I would rather be a freak than a fraud. Wearing a wig or speaking in another voice would be for me fraudulent.

So, the long and short of it (so to speak), if somebody will be so kind as to send me a check for the required amount, I'll go and schedule my SRS for next week.

And I promise not to have any regrets.

Z.

[Zufrieden]

On the subject of those who do have regrets about SRS is this article from The International Journal of Transgenderism.

Gender Role Reversal among Postoperative Transsexuals

Z.

[Zufrieden]

On the subject of those who don't have regrets about SRS is this article from Anne Lawrence.

SRS After Less Than a One-Year Real-Life Test: Absence of Regrets

Z.

[Guest elenag]

...

In their case the Real Life Experience[RLE] was not fully felt-a real rush job on their part ie, they misguidedly believed the quicker they had surgery the better things will be and they would have proved to the others that thay were truely 'transsexual'…BIG COSTLY MISTAKE….IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE! And from what I gather they like many believed “we don’t need a ‘shrink’, to tell us what they think!” however they did had some form of counseling prior to surgery but didn’t have psychiatric assessments to assess they suitability ie, how they would cope with 'life' changing surgery.

...

I went through a phase of constantly feeling the need to qualify and prove I was TS. I think it originated from feeling lesser than those who were doing the things I was too fearful to do. Coming out and going public with my crossdressing* for a considerable portion of my work week caused those feelings to dissipate. I'm wondering if anyone else felt a need to prove they were genuine for fear of others not believing them, particularly by those who had transitioned?

I could envision someone going to the extreme and bypassing HBIGDA to validate themselves. A permanent surgical alteration is very bad way to test if your TS. There are better ways to do that, and I think the pecking order only intensifies this. I'm curious if gender therapists have given this any thought? It strikes me as something they should be trained to look for in patients.

--

* It doesn't feel like crossdressing to me though.

[Guest Zenda]

I’m sure gender counselors/therapists are on the look out for trans-clients who want surgery for all the wrong reasons. But some do slip through the ’gate’…not only do they fool themselves but manage to pull the wool over the therapist’s eyes. You have also got to remember if ones got the money there are surgeons in Thailand who will perform GAS...no questions asked. Sadly no doubt there are some post op women who may secretly regret surgery but won’t admit it for fear of being seen as a TS failure. It's like a vicious cycle-pressure from others to change then regrets after doing so.

It’s true euphoria does set in when one finally surrender’s to ones true self, but sadly reality can get somewhat blocked out by this short lived gender euphoric bubble. Many it seems have no idea of the immense pressure they might have to bear long term with the possibility of having to run the gauntlet of ridicule and rejection, especially if they fail to reach society’s G.I.R.L [gender identity recognition level]. For some it’s “out of the CD frying pan and into society’s TS line of fire!”

Z you seem to have your head screwed on by managing to reach a level of dimorphic contentment ie, feeling like a woman but looking like a...androgyne, but most importantly it sound like you are comfortable with who you are.

Metta Jender

[Zufrieden]

Z you seem to have your head screwed on...

...but most importantly it sound like you are comfortable with who you are.

Thanks Jendar for the compliment! I guess my head is screwed on pretty tight.

But I don't know whether it's cross-threaded.

I've always been pretty happy with who I was, I'm just happier now.

Z.

[Guest angie]

Hey Ladies,

Good post,very thought provoking.

I too do not have a pathalogical hatred of my genitalia,it's just on wrong body.

As for a wig,my real hair is filling in,until it does,i wear a wig.

It gives me comfort,a full head of hair and looking like a general female.

I believe that SRS/GAS is something that is my divine destiny.

I know,that one day i will have corrective surgey.

But it is not the focus of my life,or the reason for my transition.

RLE/RLT is something that i really enjoy.

Taking my time growing/experiencing my womanhood.

Learning to be me.

My sex,has also been a single affair.

I have been without a sexual relationship for almost eight years.

It's the companionship i miss.

A warm body lying next to me.

Somebody to hold,or be held by.

Simple affection.With or without sex.

As for whom i end up with as my eventual lover.

I see myself with a straight masculine man.

But,there is no hurry.I have a lifetime of womanhood on front of me to live.

Angie

[Guest Zenda]

Angie

I was once a forty grand a year person owning in a five bedroom house...company car plus family car all the perks of a manager...over seas trips paid for by the company...Now I'm on twelve grand a year...second hand car [my son's old one] and the only overseas trips I go on are on the car or passinger ferries when going a cross to Auckland...But hey I'm happy and content with my Re-birth... I live in a one bedroom flat that overlooks a beautiful bay I'm surrounded by beautiful beaches and beautiful people...My past life wasn't a bad one just different... As for sex...plenty of opportunities with 'both' but no desires

Metta Jendar

[Guest Jenny]

Jendar, when you had GRS, were you on the old job or new?

[Guest angie]

Hey There Ms.Jendar,

As a man,i was a driven to succeed individual.

I was at 54 grand a year plus a great 401k plan.

Huge yearly bonuses.

And the respect due someone of my level of experiece.

Though without a college education i made a dang good living.

But did that stop me?

It sure made me pause in my path to wholeness for sure.

I too make a pittance of that of my former self.

I am one heck of a lot happier than"he",ever was.Broke or not.

I am happy....yessa m'am i are indeed... i are indeed.(smile)

Angie.

[Guest Zenda]

Jenny Re your question 23rd sept.

I was unemployed...well I was actually working part time doing bird protection for the local council on one of their reserves on the island. In order to get government funded surgery they asset test you...you know...do you own a home -how much money are you earning etc.

When I transition I was still working for the company...but six months down the track the boss told me he had sold the division I ran 'the pestology division'...It had been on the market for well over a year before I transition..my transition had nothing to do with him selling it off...it just happened that way. I was offered another position within the company on the same salary but I declined the offer and was made redundant.

I had spent twenty odd years studying and teaching others about urban pests and to start running a carpet cleaning division just wasn't my 'cup of tea' [The company I worked for was/is a big commerical cleaning company]....The slogan that I thought up for advertising my divison " Your pests will be 'dying' to meet us !"

Angie,

Happiness is a mental state wouldn't you agree... Money can buy material things that we like but not true happiness... being real is being happy and ya just can't buy that...[apart from G.A.S that is !], ! It sounds like you've reached your first million $$$$ worth of HAPPINESS and Angie its CONTAGIOUS ! so keep on keeeeeping on...the skys the limit !

Metta Jendar

[Guest Rach]

I posted this link on one ohter thread already, but I feel that it takes a real good look at the realities of transitioning, and it provides a no-nonsense aooriach of examining the harsh realities of the life of a true transsexual in transition. I hope you find this to be helpful. It is not intended to scare you away from any of your goals. Instead, it takes a look at the facts behind it all, and is meant to help you determine if this is really the path that you want to take in life, or not. Its not sugar coated, by any means:

http://www.mtftransition.com/t-girl.htm

hth,

Rach

[Guest Zenda]

Kia ora Rach,

I've just read the article/book you pasted re RLE .What I posted earlier reads like a summary of what this person wrote. I would recommed others read the article too...It give a better insight/more details of the pros and cons of going 24/7...ie, separates fact from fiction so to speak !

Metta Jendar

[Guest Madi]

Kia ora Rach,

I've just read the article/book you pasted re RLE .What I posted earlier reads like a summary of what this person wrote. I would recommed others read the article too...It give a better insight/more details of the pros and cons of going 24/7...ie, separates fact from fiction so to speak !

Metta Jendar

I read it too, it was very.....harsh

I like her view on the "A" type though: Bam, dong, doon. Done before 25, completely blends in, and is never heard of again. Thats how it should be done for all of us. Sadly, reading it through, I find its not.

Oh, why is our world so harsh? =[

Madi.

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora Madi,

You've got many years to go before you have to start worrying about the 'what ifs' of affirming your gender'...I 'blend' in-that is, have reached society's G.I.R.L 'gender identity recognition level' and I didn't start to affirm my gender identity untill I was in my mid forties...For late transitioners like myself...it's just the 'luck' of the draw ie, what cards Mother Nature deals you at the begining of life's game...But for many the younger they are the more chance of a sucessful transition both mentally and physically...The 'birth sex' baggage-male/female etiquette is not so full/heavy and can easily be replaced-the older one gets the heavier the baggage the more difficult it can be replacing/exchanging it.

AND YOU MADI MY DEAR HAVE LITERALLY BAGS OF TIME...BEFORE THIS MIGHT HAPPEN !

Metta Jendar

[Guest Madison_Always]

thats why i wanna come out soon cause i dont want much baggage the biggest challenge for my transition is gonna be my voice

[Guest silverpetals]

I posted this link on one ohter thread already, but I feel that it takes a real good look at the realities of transitioning, and it provides a no-nonsense aooriach of examining the harsh realities of the life of a true transsexual in transition.

i don't agree with a lot of the things she's said, but i totally lol'd at the "You Shouldn't Transition If..." section.

"if you do not plan on, are working towards, or already have tried to get GRS" ~ doesn't that include like, the entire human population?

"if you think transitioning will make you happy" ~ well, i was kind of hoping, you know...

"if you want to become a woman." ~ ... i don't have a lot to say to that i guess .

do you have an account on trueselves btw?

x

[Guest angie]

So You Wanna Be A TGirl...The first part was excellent.

Then she got real flakey to me...Pushing Promoting Total Stealth?Mmmmmm NONONO.

Does transition make me happy?In a word...Undoubtedly.

I am by far the happiest i have ever been in my life...And That Is A Fact.

Do i want to be a woman?Heck,I All Ready Am One.Just Ask Me.I'll Be Glad To Tell Anyone.

The Only Things Missing To Make Me Whole,Is My Girl Thing Period.

I think,feel,act,live and have a womans emotions...So I Guess That Makes Me A Woman.Yep.

Then again,i've waited a very long time to get to this point...

So i cherish what i have got,and where i am at.Yes M'am I Do.

Hugs Ladies,

Angelique(Angie)

[Guest Michelle M]

http://www.mtftransition.com/t-girl.htm

^

I read that earlier today, and it's just so depressing and full of negativity. It has some good points, but it's all common sense, and most of it I knew already. It's just delivered so harshly. Andrea James' information pages deliver it without sugar coating, and realistically, but not so harsh.

So after reading it, it smashed the shell of my world, and for the first hour at work it was all I could think about. I even thought about not wanting to trans anymore. Then I thought about suicide, because I hate living as man; but if I can't live as a trans, what's the point in living. After about 1 hour, I cleared my head, and I feel normal again. I have heard my bell, but it's more like a chime. I don't have an overwhelming must trans-or-die-urge. I suppose I could endure guy mode for the rest of my life, but I wonder if 10 years from now how much I would regret it. Right now would be the best time for me, while I'm still relatively young, and I have no baggage. (Wife, friends) But, the thoughts of wanting to trans will always be with me now, no matter what I do. I'll carry it with me to the grave, like a poison, and I'll always wonder if I did the right thing, or I'll wonder if I'll regret not being the real me, just to avoid the shackles of society. If I'm not being clear, I think it's because my feelings are all over the place right now.

Oh, and don't let my mention of suicide panic anyone. I'm not doing it for attention. It's something I've carried with me since I was a young teen. I wouldn't do it lightly, or without thinking it through first, like any big decision in my life. I really overanalyze any decision I make before I make it. The thought comes and goes, but I don't think I'm ever serious about it. I'm generally a happy person, or at least, content with life, and I want to live enough to see what happens next.

[Guest elenag]

i don't agree with a lot of the things she's said, but i totally lol'd at the "You Shouldn't Transition If..." section.

The thing about language and using it to describe aspects of humanity is it's difficult to write anything and be absolutely correct. It's also difficult because my transition experience will not be the same as another's. Mine may progress well, but another's may be nothing but hardship and suffering. I believe there are a lot of factors going into the mix that determine one's future, and unfortunately some of them are very superficial and pre-determined. Her writing does serve well as a wake-up for glossy eyed girls indulging in unrealistic fantasy.

Like you, I also disagreed with several aspects, particularly the part about non-ops, as well as the wanting to become a woman part. I am an extremely pragmatic person deeply rooted in reality and I understand the difference between the female sex and the female gender, so I try not to fret over statements such as "i want to become a woman" without first asking what is meant by that? Sex, body, or gender? It's true women are born not created, but I wasn't born a woman, which is the reason for my problem. I'm simply not going to sit here and tell anyone I was. I want a female body, I know my gender is female, but I cannot change my genetics. That's the entire point of why being transgendered or feeling incongruent is a problem. If I was born female, there'd be no issue, which is in direct opposition to her statement.

I'd rather not steadfastly demand I am female through and through because I am not. When pressed, I'll say I am female. Otherwise I'll be more descriptive and say my gender is female and my genetics are male.

Of course, there is another aspect of her writing. It was written using artistic license, so there's probably a deeper meaning with comments like that. There are times when one can issue statements that on their own are incorrect, but within the context of the work are perfectly valid. I think her statement hinged on "women are not created". I cannot recreate myself as female nor change my brain to behave or think more feminine and attempting to do so would probably be futile, so her point is dead on accurate when I consider it under that light. She cuts through the useless wishing and wanting so often coinciding with fantasy daydreams of a newbie.

---

There were a couple other parts I objected to in that section:

• if you go to meetings at a crossdresser club, a transsexual club, or a gay rights group
  
• if you are “out and proud”
  
• if you still own a single item of male clothing
  
• if you display photos of the “old” you
  

I have a couple reasons for those. "Transsexual club" and "gay rights" group sound a lot like support groups. I simply don't see why providing support to others is an issue. I also see those as opportunities to socialize, particularly if one's friends no longer speak to them, but I "get it" with the crossdresser club. Those should probably be avoided.

Then there's out and proud. Who's going to support new transitioners if no one's out and everyone's going around embarrassed and ashamed? I think being out depends solely on whether you can get and keep a job and whether you can handle negative public opinion, but most probably can't.

And then there's the clothing. I'm still phasing out my male clothes and I need them because I'm not full time, but I don't see myself dumping them post-transition because they serve well for mowing the lawn and doing gardening work.

Lastly about the old photos. What shall I do with my photos of me and my children? Or, me and my deceased grandmother? Am I supposed to burn those? I will not do that. They stay, displayed over the fireplace mantle.

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora all,

Well because I'm way past having to affirm my gender identity to society, I guess reading the link on 'dos and don'ts' I was just looking from an outsiders view point....that is it's really important to have your head screwed on when venturing into the unknown that's what I got from the link nothing more-nothing less...and as harsh as it may sound all she's doing is opening your eyes as to what 'might' could happen.

You have to be made of 'tough stuff' in order to survive what society might throw at you...And it's a sad fact in reality many who transition will not be 'fully' accepted in their affirmed gender ie, family, friends, strangers may look-laugh and ridicule plus in some cases violence may occur...All this I guess depends on where one lives ie whether it's in a liberal or 'red neck' conservative area...However in saying that most trans-'identified' people I know [trans-people whose birth sex is still quite obvious after transitioning] have developed 'coping' mechanisms they may have 'jumped out of the CD frying pan and into the TS line of fire' but they have grown fire proof skin...

To reiterate the contents of my original post...before thinking of genital surgery-the cut off point-the point of no return...LIVE IT FIRST FOR AT LEAST A COUPLE OF YEARS...During that two year RLE period society's going to throw all they got at you and if you survive the bombardment then 'bob's your uncle-or bobby's your aunt...THEN YOU CAN ADD THE ICING TO THE CAKE! If you make the ICING before baking the cake you might regret it!!! It seems the most 'logical' way to do it...live it untill you're really comfortable in the role, that is you 'pass' or you've developed 'coping' mechanisms then you can safely venture out pass the 'cut off' point with no regrets....

Metta Jendar

[Guest silverpetals]

i'm trying not to sound overly harsh here, and i do appreciate that she made the effort to write all of that and put it up on the internet as a resource, but what she has written make her sound like such a *not sure if i can write it on these forums* in my opinion.

in that particular section, she has done nothing but run off a list of people she hates, based on her decision that they are not 'true transsexuals' and that she is somehow 'more transsexual' and more valid than they are. all it does is hurt people, and i'd really like to know who she thinks she is, by telling people that they should not transition because they have broken one of her 'rules'. i think she really shows it in the "if you are 'out and proud' (lesbians don't count)...okay, my guess is that she's lesbian, so she exempts herself from her circle of hate, but finds it okay to be bigoted against everyone else she doesn't like, to the point of saying things that are just. plain. bizarre.

the rest of it is informative, but slightly confused, i think. maybe i've misinterpreted it, but she is continuously using questionable pronouns depending on who she is referring to, the way she uses genders and words some of her sentences is pretty...well, weird.

she really does play on the fact that she *i assume* was not a particularly young transitioner, the way she portrays it as basically: *magic wand*, turn into a woman, off you go. also, the way she elaborates on what i guess are her experiences, whilst not so much anticipating others' positions and problems as going over her own, again and again and again.

she even weirdly seems to get into telling people what they think, how they feel, and i also seriously disagree with a lot of the things she says about hormones making you start "thinking more like a woman", and the way she uses almost a threat of turning gay as a deterrent to put people off starting hrt. some parts of it sound alsomst like a joke, and she seems to switch between making chasms between tses and tvs/cds, and relating to experiences which, by her standards, would put her in the latter group.

she also does the 'it's just a really big clitoris' thing, which annoys me.

ugh, i've just spent so long just picking holes in this website , i'm so sorry (to the author if she's reading this (which i don't imagine she is)) i hate it when i do things like that, like don't i have anything better to do? i can be so bitter sometimes .

i'm sure she's a nice person, i just think that this isn't a good source for anybody considering/transitioning (no offense rach), she seems to want to put others off instead of helping them, whatever path they take. and i think these sort of resources should be more about giving people help and support, rather than puching them away (*sighs* this, after i just wrote all of that).

anyway, sorry, i didn't mean to be so harsh about it, just my thoughts

x

[Guest Michelle M]

Hmm, honestly, it is a good piece of writing, for the people with wool over their eyes about the subject. Not many of those situations will apply to me either, since I'm such a hermit. I don't even like bars.

There is one thing that bugged me for awhile, the scare tactic where she graphically described the murders of T-girls. I thought it was a good reality check, but overdone. I realize though, it's nothing to be feared. All kinds of people are brutally murdered or tortured every day, we just don't hear about them. Especially things involving gangs and mafia, genetic girls who are raped and murdered, crazy parents who drown their children; the list goes on. That truck driver during the L.A. riots was a perfectly normal male, and what did he get? Bricks to the head. Human nature is an ugly thing, and it can happen to anyone, not just us.

Wow, I wonder if it's possible to get this topic positive again. I apologize for the morbidity.

[Guest angie]

Good Evening Michelle,

My dear,i cannot stress enough the pain that some sites can and do inflict.

It is in your own best interest,that if you come upon one to log off immediately.

During this period of selfdiscovery,your psyche is very fagile and easily damaged.

I know,it happened to me almost five years ago.Setting me back a few years.True.

About hearing your bell...Once Pandora's box has been peeked into,you cannot refit the lid.

Ten years from now,the feelings will still be there,only stronger and more urgently.

But at twenty seven,time is on your side,take all the time you need to make this life altering Choice.

I would suggest researching all the subjects on transsexuality intensely.

Educate yourself about just what is available to you,and what you can expect from transition.

Above All...Take Your Time.It Is On Your Side For Now...And You Are Still Quite Young... Make Sure.

Big Hugs Michelle,

Miss Angie.