Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Jackie C.]

Sweet zombie Jebus @Tessa. I can't even imagine living that kind of life. The one thing my parents taught me was what kind of relationship I absolutely did not want with my spouse. I'm glad you're mostly free of her while being in terror of that kind of person being the primary caregiver for your kids. I have no words besides that I am deeply sorry. Nobody should have to deal with a monster like that.

 

Sorry @ShawnaLeigh. I'm sorry you're having a bad day, but @Tessa completely won the award for "Terrible, awful no-good situation" today. You can have second prize, because that sounds ghastly. Had a tree fallen in my driveway, I'd be waiting for someone to come chop that sucker up. Seriously, I'd hurt myself and probably manage to burn down the neighborhood in the process. Good job on avoiding the moose though. Those suckers are HUGE and would probably wreck both you and your car.

We had moose here too once upon a time, though I haven't seen one in close to thirty years. We still have deer everywhere, but no moose.

 

As for me? I've done jack-all today. I got up, fed the cats, exercised then took my shower and my first dilation of the day. Usually that would be the other way around, but I've got new ointments to put on/in and I didn't want to wash them off. After that, medication, morning comics and TransPulse. No solid plans for the day. Just playing it by ear.

 

Hugs!

[Debra Michelle]

My husband and I doing great working things out,we have been having a few issues and did fight a couple times.A communication problem and seeing a marriage consoler for a month now.Good thing was the fighting wasn't physical laying a hand on each other

[Tessa]

What I wanted to say is today over the phone a lot of customers are calling me Mam and that makes me happy! 
 

Tessa

[Debra Michelle]

An excited first time grandparent,my son Tyler and his fiancé brought in their first child last night.His Fiance gave birth to a little boy and I got to hold him.He is happy to become a first time father and knows I love his gift from him

[Emily michelle]

That’s awesome  hear Debra. I hope the baby is healthy.

[TommieAnne]

1 hour ago, Tessa said:

I did not mean to repost this. Sorry. 

That's okay.

As long as you're okay. I don't want you to be hurting.

TA

[Debra Michelle]

1 hour ago, Emily michelle said:

That’s awesome  hear Debra. I hope the baby is healthy.

He is healthy,mom is doing good.

[Tessa]

1 hour ago, TammyAnne said:

That's okay.

As long as you're okay. I don't want you to be hurting.

TA

Actually I am. I’m did something to my back when I changed this morning. They finally fixed my carpet and I was able to put my living room back together. I notice that when I’m confident in my correct gender I don’t worry as much and I feel so much more comfortable. I’m pretty new to all this so is this what it feels like? I grew my hair out and made some bangs. Not to bad if I didn’t have the stubble. I’m not ready for hormones yet but I can see life would be easier for me as a woman. Would God understand? Would my family understand? I lived 13 years in a jail with a person who didn’t give a crap about me or how I felt. I know I have to love myself and that’s what I’m trying to do. As Tessa I’m sweet and love able. I don’t mean to bother you guys but I’m just reaching out to find my true identity. I’m tired of lying to myself and fighting a war I’m not going to win. Life is hard enough you know. My back will get better but I want my heart to heal and my mind to be free so that I can actually live the life I’m suppose to live. I’m ranting...You girls understand right? Anyway. 
 

thanks for listening

 

Love 

 

Tessa?‍?

[KathyLauren]

48 minutes ago, Tessa said:

Actually I am. I’m did something to my back when I changed this morning. They finally fixed my carpet and I was able to put my living room back together. I notice that when I’m confident in my correct gender I don’t worry as much and I feel so much more comfortable. I’m pretty new to all this so is this what it feels like? I grew my hair out and made some bangs. Not to bad if I didn’t have the stubble. I’m not ready for hormones yet but I can see life would be easier for me as a woman. Would God understand? Would my family understand? I lived 13 years in a jail with a person who didn’t give a crap about me or how I felt. I know I have to love myself and that’s what I’m trying to do. As Tessa I’m sweet and love able. I don’t mean to bother you guys but I’m just reaching out to find my true identity. I’m tired of lying to myself and fighting a war I’m not going to win. Life is hard enough you know. My back will get better but I want my heart to heal and my mind to be free so that I can actually live the life I’m suppose to live. I’m ranting...You girls understand right? Anyway. 
 

thanks for listening

 

Love 

 

Tessa?‍?

 

Sorry to hear that you hurt your back.  That's no fun.  I hope it's better soon.

 

Being confident and comfortable in the correct gender is what it's all about!  That is how it is supposed to feel.  I remember the revelation when I realized that that was how cis people felt all the time.  They take it for granted.  For us, it's like, "wow!"

 

Of course God understands.  He made you this way, and He gets it.  He'll be happy for you.  I can't promise you the same for your family, though.

 

Kathy

[Tessa]

1 hour ago, KathyLauren said:

 

Sorry to hear that you hurt your back.  That's no fun.  I hope it's better soon.

 

Being confident and comfortable in the correct gender is what it's all about!  That is how it is supposed to feel.  I remember the revelation when I realized that that was how cis people felt all the time.  They take it for granted.  For us, it's like, "wow!"

 

Of course God understands.  He made you this way, and He gets it.  He'll be happy for you.  I can't promise you the same for your family, though.

 

Kathy

I took a hot shower. It’s going to be soar for awhile. I just moved the wrong way. Weird how one wrong move can make you hurt. Maybe the universe is try to show me something here. I need to make the right moves in my life for me so that I can be happy. If I make a wrong move it’s going to hurt. I can’t deny my feelings like you can’t deny pain. You can live with it but you don’t have to. My life story is pain. Brothers always made fun of me, kids made fun of me in school, I never knew how to play football or basketball, I hated gym showers. I always thought it was because I was skinny but now maybe it was because I was uncomfortable with all the men around? Makes sense. They teased me for my skinny body and once they picked me up and almost dropped me. Dad never told us about sex either so we had to figure it out for ourselves. I’ve never been comfortable with my body but no matter what I did I couldn’t change it. I try to eat more but my body just stays skinny. I barely have hair on my legs and it use to bother me seeing guys with all the hair. I could never measure up to a man. In all my play as a kid I always portrayed myself as a woman. I’m the one who likes style and looking cute. I have a very sweet personality and many people have used me because of how easy it is to love people. I don’t judge people but I judge myself. I tell myself you can’t have these feelings. You can’t be loved. I’m just so messed up inside and feel so sad sometimes. I go back and forth like a swinging door. I just want to finally have that door shut to what I’m not. I know I have the key but I’m to afraid to use it. My heart sinks into a place where it’s hard to get out but I do find a way. Tessa screams to be heard and she always finds a way to come out. Is this how you girls feel? 
 

Tessa?‍?

[Emily michelle]

I too didn’t fit in growing up and was made fun of quite a bit. Then as I got older I wrapped myself in work and never allowed myself to do anything. It was my way of denying who I really was. 
On a lighter note I did find out one of my great danes fits in the cab of my side by Side with me haha

[Willow]

@Tessa I can’t imagine what your ex put you through. I thought my life was bad at times but I’m sorry to say that mi e was all in my head.  Nothing like this actually happened to me! I just thought it would.  
 

You need to know you are better than you were treated.  You didn’t deserve that and when you can, you need to fight for your rights for your kids.  
 

Yours was an amazing story that I for one am glad you shared.  We are all here to listen and share, and help any way we can.

 

Willow

[Willow]

Today was quite a sharing day.  And everything you share helps us all realize we may all be different, but we share many of the same things in life.  We certainly aren’t that different after all.  
 

Quite a day everyone, thanks for sharing your life with us.

 

Willow

[Oh_Kay]

2 hours ago, Tessa said:

Actually I am. I’m did something to my back when I changed this morning. They finally fixed my carpet and I was able to put my living room back together. I notice that when I’m confident in my correct gender I don’t worry as much and I feel so much more comfortable. I’m pretty new to all this so is this what it feels like? I grew my hair out and made some bangs. Not to bad if I didn’t have the stubble. I’m not ready for hormones yet but I can see life would be easier for me as a woman. Would God understand? Would my family understand? I lived 13 years in a jail with a person who didn’t give a crap about me or how I felt. I know I have to love myself and that’s what I’m trying to do. As Tessa I’m sweet and love able. I don’t mean to bother you guys but I’m just reaching out to find my true identity. I’m tired of lying to myself and fighting a war I’m not going to win. Life is hard enough you know. My back will get better but I want my heart to heal and my mind to be free so that I can actually live the life I’m suppose to live. I’m ranting...You girls understand right? Anyway. 
 

thanks for listening

 

Love 

 

Tessa?‍?

 

Tessa,

 

I felt like I was fighting an internal war my whole life. I am 59 and for several reasons all coming together, the war has ended. I can't even begin to describe the bliss that I often feel since totally accepting my inner female spirit. It's who I am. I have never been happier!

 

I have also wanted to share with you, my horror story of my first marriage. She had multiple affairs and blamed everything on me. When we would fight she would hit me in the face. I knew it was a trap, if I hit her it was all over and my small children needed a sane adult in their life. After the divorce, she remarried and I got blamed for everything under the sun. One morning when my kids were at my apartment, I fed them a coffee cake for breakfast. I never heard the end of that, what kind of breakfast are you feeding the kids! But guess what, on school days she never fed them breakfast! I would give my kids a few dollars every week so they could buy a muffin at the lunchroom at school in the morning. Then I got in trouble with the ex and her husband, why are you giving the kids money? They might buy something they aren't supposed to have! I could never win. That was only the tip of the iceberg. I could go on for hours. Trust me, when the kids get older, it gets better. And you don't have to deal with the ex and their loser husbands. Hang in there Tessa! You are a good person!

 

Hugs,

Kay

[BrandiBri]

45 minutes ago, Tessa said:

I don’t judge people but I judge myself.

Tessa, we are our own worst critics. But on the the bright side I think all women, cis or trans feel the same way about themselves. We have to go with what we were dealt with. I get the eating anything that I could to gain weight. I even was prescribed pills to gain weight, but when I only gained 2 or 3 pounds in a month, the doctor said to forget it. I think that when I graduated from high school I weighed less than the girls in my class.

2 hours ago, Tessa said:

I notice that when I’m confident in my correct gender I don’t worry as much and I feel so much more comfortable.

You asked if this is normal, the answer is yes. I am now at peace with myself and I view the world and my problems in a completely different way. I can imagine that Tessa is going to tell you when she is ready to come out and nothing is going to stop her! That's what happened to "him"! I said "this is it, I'm out and i won't go back"! 

Hun, I know that you have had a rough life, but it is never to late to change things for the better. 

 

Hugs from my fortress in Lincoln,

Brandi

[TommieAnne]

3 hours ago, Tessa said:

Actually I am. I’m did something to my back when I changed this morning. They finally fixed my carpet and I was able to put my living room back together. I notice that when I’m confident in my correct gender I don’t worry as much and I feel so much more comfortable. I’m pretty new to all this so is this what it feels like? I grew my hair out and made some bangs. Not to bad if I didn’t have the stubble. I’m not ready for hormones yet but I can see life would be easier for me as a woman. Would God understand? Would my family understand? I lived 13 years in a jail with a person who didn’t give a crap about me or how I felt. I know I have to love myself and that’s what I’m trying to do. As Tessa I’m sweet and love able. I don’t mean to bother you guys but I’m just reaching out to find my true identity. I’m tired of lying to myself and fighting a war I’m not going to win. Life is hard enough you know. My back will get better but I want my heart to heal and my mind to be free so that I can actually live the life I’m suppose to live. I’m ranting...You girls understand right? Anyway. 
 

thanks for listening

 

Love 

 

Tessa?‍?

I think we understand, pretty much everyone here.

I know I'm a happier, more pleasant person letting my female self out.

I'm so glad you're getting to be yourself Tessa.

TA

[Tessa]

Thank you everyone! I am on a journey of wholeness. On this journey I have to love myself and take care of myself the best that I can. Taking care of myself is letting out how I feel and trusting in that feeling. I was always taught not to trust your feelings. Everything was black and white but I’m now beginning to see things differently. Regardless if I fully transition I need to know that it’s better living my authentic self than going on living the hurt me. I need to be restored from all the pain that I have had to go through. My first step is loving myself and seeing that I am beautiful and wanted. For me this is the hardest step. Each step I make will get easier as I begin again. I don’t know where this journey will take me but it’s better than we’re I’ve been. 
 

Love 

 

Tessa?‍?

[Emily michelle]

42 minutes ago, Tessa said:

Thank you everyone! I am on a journey of wholeness. On this journey I have to love myself and take care of myself the best that I can. Taking care of myself is letting out how I feel and trusting in that feeling. I was always taught not to trust your feelings. Everything was black and white but I’m now beginning to see things differently. Regardless if I fully transition I need to know that it’s better living my authentic self than going on living the hurt me. I need to be restored from all the pain that I have had to go through. My first step is loving myself and seeing that I am beautiful and wanted. For me this is the hardest step. Each step I make will get easier as I begin again. I don’t know where this journey will take me but it’s better than we’re I’ve been. 
 

Love 

 

Tessa?‍?

You have to take care of yourself an be honest and kind to yourself. You are beautiful and wanted don’t let anyone tell you different. I too used to believe in only black and white (we’ll trucks can only be black and white haha) but there is a whole world of color out there we just have to trust ourselves to enjoy it.

[Oh_Kay]

Good Morning! Coffee is great this morning! I love all the messages here! Here are just a few:

• Journey of wholeness
• Self Love
• Self care
• Be honest to yourself
• Be kind to yourself
• You are beautiful
• Trust ourselves

[ShawnaLeigh]

Rainy.

Coffee.

Springtime -and I'm in love.

 

That about covers it today for me.

Have a wonderful day!

[Emily michelle]

Sunny and in the 70s today.

no coffee yet I’m trying to cut back from 2 pots a day. Looks to be another day in paradise at least it’s Friday. I hope everyone has a good day!

[Tessa]

10 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

You have to take care of yourself an be honest and kind to yourself. You are beautiful and wanted don’t let anyone tell you different. I too used to believe in only black and white (we’ll trucks can only be black and white haha) but there is a whole world of color out there we just have to trust ourselves to enjoy it.

Just hearing people say that I’m beautiful and wanted is hard for me. I try so hard to love everyone but I don’t have a lot of people who tell me these things. I’m trying so hard to see through all the pain and rejection but it’s like so hard sometimes I just don’t want to get out of bed sometimes. Everyday is hard for me. I got up today though. Took a hot bath. Brushed my teeth. Fixed my hair. I don’t like wigs so I’m trying to get a style that is more feminine. My bangs now reach over my eyes. I put on a sports outfit and it feels so good to show my skin! When I was a man I refused to wear shorts because I never had much hair and my legs were skinny. They called me chicken legs and also girl legs. Which now would be a compliment. When I’m dressed like a woman I feel confident like I can take on the day. It’s all a process. I still argue with God. Why would he give me feelings like this and not let me express them? Meaning I still feel God judges me. I love that you girls talk to me. I don’t think I’m pretty but people have said I have beautiful eyes and that I could easily pass as a woman. When I was younger I let my hair grow out and people would always call me mam. This is when I was 16. It bothered me back then but now I see that maybe the universe was trying to tell me something way back then. I’m reaching out to trans line as well. When I go back to work (Physical building)  I feel I will be a different person. I see this as a good thing. Got to work now. 
 

back is feeling better. 

Loves and hugs

 

Tessa?‍?

[Patti Anne]

It's going to be in the high 70's here today. And I can begin to focus on my most daunting goal.... coming out to the world! I have my soulmate at my side and an excellent therapist to begin working with in 3 days. I'd say that constitutes a reason to be in a great mood!

 

I hope everyone else has a good day today too!

[BrandiBri]

2 hours ago, Tessa said:

They called me chicken legs and also girl legs

My best friend always called me "weannie legs"! ?

 

Patti Anne, good for you! coming out is a huge step! ✌️ 

 

Hugs from my fortress in Lincoln,

Brandi

[Tessa]

Brandi. 
 

I work at home for the time being and my company has been so supportive of me in wanting to be Tessa. I asked if I could present myself as Tessa over the phone. They agreed and do I am now opening the call up as Tessa. Only one person thought I was male so far. If they do I will just kindly correct them. Some customers already thought I was female so my voice must reflect a feminine tone. By me saying my name as Tessa and helping them as Tessa I will begin to believe in myself. I’m not a freak I’m a lovely woman and that is what I want to come out to all the people I help. Management has my back. This will also help in these lonely times at home. I made the step. I took it and soon I’ll be running. 
 

Love you all! 
 

Tessa?‍?