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Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

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My last post was actually for yesterday. Anyway I know it’s evening now. I did laundry and worked from noon to 430. I paid off one of my department store credit cards. Felt good to do that! It’s not my day but I wanted to get Carter some Sonic. Ex would not allow it. Carter told me to ignore her and do it anyway. I told her we have to follow the rules. I know my ex and her boyfriend would love to get me out of the picture. Carter got mad and hung up. This is hard because I really wanted to see my child today. I have to look like the bad co parent. This is all because my ex has full custody. So I’m here taking a hot bath trying to relax the stress away. Rained today. I’m working on getting out of debt. I feel Carter will not want to follow the rules but I can’t risk losing my child for a Slushy! 
Ex text me food in the house. It’s not about that I just wanted to see my child. Just venting now! 
I want to go shopping but no stores are open accept Target and Walmart. I miss my job at the Gap. I miss people, places, and just sitting at a coffee shop. I’m saving money but I miss going out even if it is with one person. She’s not even home! She’s at her boyfriends. She’s doing this to hurt me I know it! She knows how much my child looks forward to getting something special from Dad/Tessa. I feel more like a mother. Anyway. Could use some encouragement. Not many smiles here. 
 

Love 

 

Tessa ?‍?

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Tessa,

 

I know it doesn't feel like it, but it will get better one day. I was married once before and we have 3 kids. She re-married and they blamed me for everything wrong in the whole world. I used to get calls constantly with them trying to pick a fight with me. My kids are grown and the ex is out of my life and out of the picture. I can call and visit my kids without them trying to make me look bad. And my kids now understand what was going on.

 

You probably did the right thing by following the rules, but yes it totally sucks not seeing your child. I remember spending holidays alone in my little apartment. Then one Christmas, my ex asked me what presents I was buying for my kids. Well, I told her as I thought she didn't want them to get duplicates. No, she went and bought them everything that I bought. So frustrating!

 

Sorry, you don't deserve this, hang in there!

 

Hugs,

Kay 

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Thank you. 
 

Because I don’t have a partner I get jealous she has one. I know I would never get back with her but they are trying to live the life we should have had. He’s a EMT and my ex is a ER nurse. He has a big house and a lot of money. The kids don’t like him though because he’s strict. But they hint things like, we all watched a movie at his house and laughed and had a great time. The boyfriend has told them he will take them away from me. It’s so hard being lonely. 
 

So I’ve created a world to cope. In this world I have a handsome boyfriend and he loves me and cherished me. He tells me I’m pretty and he thinks the world of me! I don’t know if this is healthy or not but it gets me through the lowliness. I write stories on an app and post them for people to read. I love to cuddle and watch a good romance! I just wish I had someone to cuddle with. I love to make a person laugh. I will sit and listen to you. I love to dress up! If I could I would wear dresses and cute outfits all the time! I’m just sharing Tessa here! I take pictures and love nature! 
 

This is me! I love who I am! That is actually hard to say. I’m a cute, adorable, make you laugh kinda Babe! Lol

 

Love

 

Tessa?‍?
 


 

 

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Mom and I went shopping together.She knows I love vintage clothing since I started my transition.Found me a couple dresses from the 1950s era I loved and tried on buying them.One is an emerald green color and the other is blue dress.Mom bought me one,a black one from the 1940s.She bought a pair of earrings she liked

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Oh, @Tessa, my heart aches for you. I have spent most of my life in a place of loneliness, with only my fantasies to keep me warm at night. You deserve better. You deserve a love of your own. I know it is painful to have an ex who has moved on, and children who cannot be in your life the way you need them to be. I cannot make promises to you about your future, but know this - we are all here for you here and now. Do not give up, do not give in. Stay strong, and if you feel weak, lean on us. We will be here. 

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Tessa,

 

I went through some similar things. My ex and her husband would take the kids on vacations and I would hear about the wonderful time they had. And I know that I was helping pay for those vacations with my child support. In the end, her husband was very strict and my kids ended up not liking him. Your kids need you and always will. Just listen if they tell you what a great time they had at the ex's. It hurts, but just listen. And take care of yourself! And try to weather the storms of fighting with the ex. It will get better when your kids are older.

 

Kay

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4 hours ago, MetaLicious said:

Oh, @Tessa, my heart aches for you. I have spent most of my life in a place of loneliness, with only my fantasies to keep me warm at night. You deserve better. You deserve a love of your own. I know it is painful to have an ex who has moved on, and children who cannot be in your life the way you need them to be. I cannot make promises to you about your future, but know this - we are all here for you here and now. Do not give up, do not give in. Stay strong, and if you feel weak, lean on us. We will be here. 

(Long Reply but worth reading-A little of my story) 
Thank you for your kind words. Amazing you would say what you said at the end. My motto was never give in, never give up, but always surrender everything to Him. I’ve done that my whole life and I’m still here. The divorce was horrific! She gained custody because she put me on a false restraining order. I was banned from my children, house, school, for a full year. She told the children I abandoned them. She threw away all my possessions. All I had was my old car and clothes. I had to do supervised visits for 6 months before the court saw through her evil game and dismissed the order but the damage had already been done. It took me awhile to gain trust in my kids again. But I did it! My oldest I didn’t see for 5 years! Then she came back for a short time but now she’s left again. I’m left with visits only and child support. I’ve lived with my brother, uncle, rented a room in a trailer, and finally have my own apt. I plan on staying here. Got fired from a good job for something I didn’t do. 2 months looking and child support backed up. The stimulus cane and the govt ceased it and gave it to her. This Covid 19 had me lose my pt job at the Gap. I’m left with one job now that I do at home. My kids now know what happened and they want to be with me but I have no money to go to court right now and fight for custody. My ex is brutal in her attacks. She calls me my male name but not Dad. She knows of my female side and tried to use that against me. She abandoned the kids and a CPS case started. One of the teachers called seeing one of my kids tired and hungry. I never called because I didn’t know really how bad it was. I dropped food off for them. I was meeting with a lady for awhile but since Covid 19 that has been suspended. Life is tough for me because I love so much! I’ve helped so many people in my life. I’ve been a Youth Pastor, Assistant Director of an outreach center, a supervisor, puppet team leader, and had my own photo business at one time. Tessa didn’t come out until after the divorce but she maybe a walk in. I don’t know if you believe in soul swaps but it makes sense. I was hit by a semi and my car totaled and I lived but the strange thing is when I approached the man he thought I was a ghost! I terrified him! The police told me I should have been dead. This was 2011. After that accident I began to see that I was in a trapped toxic marriage and I needed to get out. After getting out I began to discover the new me! My creative side was turned on. I became a different person my kids said! I was nicer, more loving, more nurturing. I began to explore these things and that’s when I found Tessa! I found a new personality and new person that people fell in love with! Soon I stared changing my wardrobe and let the feelings of a female take place. Since then the universe has show me signs. I’ll watch a random movie with Tessa in it, pick up a book not knowing that Tessa is the main character, weird things like that. My family will never accept me like this, the world may reject me, but I must present my authentic self. My old life is washed away. She verbally, emotionally, and once physically abused me. I’m alive and even if I don’t love again I will love myself and who I am! I am a rare jewel, a gift to this world, a special soul, a creative beautiful creature, and a light to the darkness. I love deeply and hurt deeply to but I know the struggle is real but I also know how to struggle. You work to become the better version of yourself and you don’t let anyone or anything put you down because you know how special and rare you are! This is what I’ve learned but I’m still evolving and adjusting into this new person. 
 

Love to all

 

Tessa ?‍?

 

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Good Morning!  Sipping coffee. Didn't sleep very well, woke up a lot. I will take a nap later. Going to be a nice day here. Take the dog for a long walk, might grill some small steaks.

 

Here is my thought and message today!

 

awesome 1.jpg

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Tessa, I am sorry that your Ex is such a B. I am happy that your kids hate the exs boyfriend. All the better for you. they have seen through her crap. whether they show it or not they still love you. What ever their mom spews they can see though it.

 

Well up for my Sunday opening. Coffee is done. Just need to put it in a travel mug and take it. looking to be warm today. It just may be a moral imperative to get the bike out. The road has been calling to my soul. I need to answer it.

 

Hugs

Kymmie

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Good morning, it's a sunny day here. We've cleaned out one of the girl's bedrooms here recently, and I received a hand me down from my youngest, she gave me her "Caboodle" from her teen aged years, it still has her stickers on it. I just love it, I put my lipsticks in it,  my nail polishes, my mascara, it has a fold out mirror. It's just so girlie, it has a cute butterfly on the clasp, and I'm so organized now, I can take it with me...

 

C

 

 

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Good morning.

Coffee. Mmmm.

Nice bright day here.

More drawing in my future.

Wishing you all a nice day.

And @Tessa even if it seems extra difficult now, keep being solid for your children, ignore (very easily said very difficult to do) the hurtful nonsense from your ex, or at least don't let on like it affects you.

I went through that 20+ years ago. My children came back to me, their mother is a miserable, petty person who has since apologized to me for being so awful. Just do what's right, it will all sort itself out in the end.

Life is too short to get bogged down in petty things.

TA

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Ended up sending my husband's ex wife to jail,assaulted me last night.I did press charges,she slapped me in the face.Came by and we had a fight and she started it.Husband called the cops.I wrestled her to the ground keeping her there till the cops came.Husband and I are going to file for a restraining order against her.Added a drug charge too,they found cocaine in her left pants pocket.

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3 hours ago, Debra Michelle said:

Ended up sending my husband's ex wife to jail,assaulted me last night.I did press charges,she slapped me in the face.Came by and we had a fight and she started it.Husband called the cops.I wrestled her to the ground keeping her there till the cops came.Husband and I are going to file for a restraining order against her.Added a drug charge too,they found cocaine in her left pants pocket.

 

Debra,

 

So glad you came out of that safe. Restraining order sounds like a good idea! 

 

Kay

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I think jail and a restraining order is what she needs. Debra. 
 

I had a good weekend didn’t have to work Saturday was raining so no farming got done so I went truck shopping and then today the weather was sunny and 68 so my wife and spread mulch and went flower shopping, which was great I love flower shopping I was like a kid my sister and my wife looked at me like I’m crazy. Never before would I have allowed myself to do that but I had a blast.

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I did some grocery shopping and for the first time wore a mask (blue hanger chief) I wore gloves to. Felt weird but I guess it’s the new normal. I bought 2 more sundresses! Now I have 5! So I can be in a dress 5 times a week while I work! There so comfortable! Better than jeans. I cut up some pants I don’t want and made them into mini skirts. Saving money and creating a new style! Way to short to go out in public if I ever would be brave enough to do that. Posted some Tic Toc’s and finished another chapter and posted it of my story. Carter my Trans Daughter called and we talked for an hour! She was not upset with me and her sister did get her what she wanted. I enjoyed a few movies and are choc ice cream. Been craving that for sometime. Cooking a TV chicken dinner and about to sit down and watch another movie and journal. Wearing one of my new sundresses. Feeling very womanly today! I wish I had some woman here with me for company. This app is helping me. Did my nails and toe nails today to. I just use the clear. Cried a little. Feeling emotional today. Did any of you have a chance to check out my videos I posted? 
 

Love to all! 
 

Tessa?‍?

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10 hours ago, TammyAnne said:

Good morning.

Coffee. Mmmm.

Nice bright day here.

More drawing in my future.

Wishing you all a nice day.

And @Tessa even if it seems extra difficult now, keep being solid for your children, ignore (very easily said very difficult to do) the hurtful nonsense from your ex, or at least don't let on like it affects you.

I went through that 20+ years ago. My children came back to me, their mother is a miserable, petty person who has since apologized to me for being so awful. Just do what's right, it will all sort itself out in the end.

Life is too short to get bogged down in petty things.

TA

Thank you. I will be that solid person that my kids need. 

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11 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Tessa, I am sorry that your Ex is such a B. I am happy that your kids hate the exs boyfriend. All the better for you. they have seen through her crap. whether they show it or not they still love you. What ever their mom spews they can see though it.

 

Well up for my Sunday opening. Coffee is done. Just need to put it in a travel mug and take it. looking to be warm today. It just may be a moral imperative to get the bike out. The road has been calling to my soul. I need to answer it.

 

Hugs

Kymmie

Thank you. My kids do love me I know. We’re all going through hard times right now. I give them grace and nothing will stop me from loving them! I fought hard in the divorce to have them in my life. I’m here to stay and they know that. 

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3 hours ago, Oh_Kay said:

 

Debra,

 

So glad you came out of that safe. Restraining order sounds like a good idea! 

 

Kay

I have a couple scratches on my forehead which have been taken care of healing up good slowly.My husband divorced her because of her drug problem

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2 hours ago, Tessa said:

I did some grocery shopping and for the first time wore a mask (blue hanger chief) I wore gloves to. Felt weird but I guess it’s the new normal. I bought 2 more sundresses! Now I have 5! So I can be in a dress 5 times a week while I work! There so comfortable! Better than jeans. I cut up some pants I don’t want and made them into mini skirts. Saving money and creating a new style! Way to short to go out in public if I ever would be brave enough to do that. Posted some Tic Toc’s and finished another chapter and posted it of my story. Carter my Trans Daughter called and we talked for an hour! She was not upset with me and her sister did get her what she wanted. I enjoyed a few movies and are choc ice cream. Been craving that for sometime. Cooking a TV chicken dinner and about to sit down and watch another movie and journal. Wearing one of my new sundresses. Feeling very womanly today! I wish I had some woman here with me for company. This app is helping me. Did my nails and toe nails today to. I just use the clear. Cried a little. Feeling emotional today. Did any of you have a chance to check out my videos I posted? 
 

Love to all! 
 

Tessa?‍?

Tessa I’m rather jealous I don’t have any sundress’s yet, I have a couple maxi dresses. If I could wear a dress everyday I would they make me feel great and they are so comfortable.

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7 hours ago, Tessa said:

The ones I buy are where I grocery shop. I plan on getting more. There only 11.99. What did you do today? 

That was a good price for them. I was gonna order some from old navy I just haven’t yet cause I would really like to try them on. Yesterday day I showed my wife a truck I was looking at and then, we did yard work and went plant shopping with my sister. It’s another I love my job Monday at least it’s not raining and the temps will be in the mid 60s today.

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42 minutes ago, Emily michelle said:

That was a good price for them. I was gonna order some from old navy I just haven’t yet cause I would really like to try them on. Yesterday day I showed my wife a truck I was looking at and then, we did yard work and went plant shopping with my sister. It’s another I love my job Monday at least it’s not raining and the temps will be in the mid 60s today.

I miss shopping. I’m on furlough from my retail job right now. I like just walking through a mall and going to the different stores. I might buy something I might not. What kind of truck where you looking at? 

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47 minutes ago, Emily michelle said:

That was a good price for them. I was gonna order some from old navy I just haven’t yet cause I would really like to try them on. Yesterday day I showed my wife a truck I was looking at and then, we did yard work and went plant shopping with my sister. It’s another I love my job Monday at least it’s not raining and the temps will be in the mid 60s today.

 

1 hour ago, Oh_Kay said:

Good Morning! The coffee is hot and delicious! Off to work soon. Everyone have a great day!

You to! If you drive be safe. Have a good day at work. 

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