Good morning All. Coffees on.

[TommieAnne]

9 hours ago, Tessa said:

Are you still holding me because I need someone’s shoulder to cry on right now. I’m just feeling it tonight hard. Who will want me? I’m a broken mirror that has shattered to the ground. If you pick up a piece you might bleed so leave me on the floor. I just don’t want to hurt anymore. Who will dare pick these pieces of me up and love me again? I’m hurting but each piece is from a shattered life and the pieces are not dust yet so there is still hope. Hope that maybe I can heal from all the pain. That mirror someone will want. Don’t let me go! 
 

Tessa, we are all here for you.

Hang in there Babe!

TA

《《《 great big hug 》》》

[MikaReich]

34 minutes ago, Tessa said:

My kids are teens and they know about Tessa but due to the ex will use anything to hurt me I can’t fully dress like Tessa in front of them. But I am dressed inside. I dress very stylish like a woman when I can’t wear dresses and such. Today I’m wearing black rock star frayed skinny jeans with zippers all over them. Gap white sweatshirt. Tan leather boots that zip up. Grey panties. My garnet and diamond ring. A black leather zipper jacket. Hair with some bangs. I could be looked at either way. Nails always looking good! Going out for Burger King for breakfast. Then laundry. Kids later. Birthday party for Carter at 4. Tomorrow won’t see kids. No work. Probably wear a nice dress and be Tessa all day! 
 

I’m glad your kids accept you. My kids also call me Dad and that’s ok. One thing I’ve learned in being trans is we have to also be gentle with others feelings. Not to let them hurt you because that’s not good. But be respectful and see where they are. Your true gender is in who you are inside not what you wear outside. But it is nice to match both sides. 
 

Love Tess

I am teaching them to figure their selves out too.It was on Monday my oldest came out to me about something finally,it was about her true sexual orientation.Came out to me as a lesbian,likes girls now.Had a boyfriend that didn't last long I did meet,he was being a jerk to her and said it was over.I accept it,told her I still love her.Plus I was proud of her for dumping that boyfriend,she knew he was treating her like crap.

[TommieAnne]

Whew. It has been an interesting week of feeling very low self worth, as if nothing I say or do matters to anyone. My therapist even called me to cancel and reschedule my appointment although at least she called.

Sometimes it feels like I'm dropping bricks down an empty dry well. Wait and wait and wait for the splash that never comes. I will finish my 70th year on earth this summer without ever being able to look at myself in the mirror happily. Worst of all, I probably only have another decade or so on this earth.

I hate to even write this, but looking back over my life I can only conclude that I have been a complete and total failure at everything I've ever done or tried to do. I don't feel that anyone respects me as an artist or a person. So despite the cold clear sunshine outside, it's very glum and dreary here in my heart.

TA

[Oh_Kay]

Good Morning! Moving slow today. Reading how everyone is feeling. I was feeling down yesterday, I'm usually chipper. Missing my kids, going out to eat, shopping without wearing a mask, visiting friends. At least the sun is out here today. Planning to walk the dog several times for exercise and to let the sun shine on my face. Take care everyone!!!

 

If I go for groceries, I might pick up some new lipstick. Just a treat to help cheer me up!

[Maddee]

Good morning. 

Sunny and no snowflakes.

Tammy Anne is there anyway to see or listen to your art or music?

I kind of feel this way too.  I don't feel respected for whatever I've done.  Seems like I just don't know how to put it together, especially if I think it's important or someone's watching.

[Tessa]

1 hour ago, TammyAnne said:

Whew. It has been an interesting week of feeling very low self worth, as if nothing I say or do matters to anyone. My therapist even called me to cancel and reschedule my appointment although at least she called.

Sometimes it feels like I'm dropping bricks down an empty dry well. Wait and wait and wait for the splash that never comes. I will finish my 70th year on earth this summer without ever being able to look at myself in the mirror happily. Worst of all, I probably only have another decade or so on this earth.

I hate to even write this, but looking back over my life I can only conclude that I have been a complete and total failure at everything I've ever done or tried to do. I don't feel that anyone respects me as an artist or a person. So despite the cold clear sunshine outside, it's very glum and dreary here in my heart.

TA

Tammy Mirrors lie. They can only reflect the outside not the inside. Look inside yourself and see the beautiful person you are! I’m also an artist, photographer, writer, poet, puppeteer, father, mother, teacher, lover, counselor, listener, ect. I may never publish a book, sell a photo. That doesn’t mean that those things are not valuable. Value is not put on by the person buying or looking at what we do but by us. Value yourself Honey! You are wanted and age means nothing to the soul Babe! You are loved! 
 

Love Tessa ❤️

 

[Tessa]

28 minutes ago, Tessa said:

Tammy Mirrors lie. They can only reflect the outside not the inside. Look inside yourself and see the beautiful person you are! I’m also an artist, photographer, writer, poet, puppeteer, father, mother, teacher, lover, counselor, listener, ect. I may never publish a book, sell a photo. That doesn’t mean that those things are not valuable. Value is not put on by the person buying or looking at what we do but by us. Value yourself Honey! You are wanted and age means nothing to the soul Babe! You are loved! 
 

Love Tessa ❤️

 

This is for you to laugh. Iggi feels green. I posted this on my Tic Toc. Let me know if you laugh Babe! 

[Jackie C.]

@Tessa, while I'm like 99% sure that this is part of the universal MtF trans experience... I'm going to be the voice of reason on the mini-skirts. I have one at the bottom of the lowest drawer in my dresser too but I put it on, looked at myself in the mirror and asked myself, "What do you think you're doing?" I have lovely legs, but I seriously can't pull a mini-skirt off. I've dressed my age ever since. Oh to be a teenager again.

 

Although a teenager on puberty blockers and appropriate HRT. Boy puberty didn't do as much damage as it did to some, but it didn't do me any favors either.

 

So yeah, today. No coffee because I don't do caffeine. Anymore.

 

Washed the bathtub first thing this morning so I could have a nice soak. Thanks for that @Tessa. I've been craving a good soak since you mentioned it a couple of days ago. The tub looked like a science project. It's better now. I fed the cats while the cleaning chemicals were doing their thing. So a little scrubbing, some rinsing, and a nice soak for about an hour. Then my self-care routine and a trip out to the bank so Susan and I don't starve or lose the house or anything during the coming week.

 

Now I'm doing laundry. I still need breakfast though. Kind of hungry. Maybe I'll make waffles.

 

Hugs!

[Mx.Drago]

?I desperately need to get my but up, make coffee and have a smoke. I can't read and look at depressing stuff, especially in the morning. Maybe, I think and know too much and my gears run extra hot when I feel the words I read. I miss going for long walks, but got tons of laundry and I don't have machines. Luckily the laundromat is close but my body sadly was born allergic to the world, literally. Everytime I get the spring tickle I'm afraid of people just being crazy and bored.

[Tessa]

3 hours ago, Mx.Drago said:

?I desperately need to get my but up, make coffee and have a smoke. I can't read and look at depressing stuff, especially in the morning. Maybe, I think and know too much and my gears run extra hot when I feel the words I read. I miss going for long walks, but got tons of laundry and I don't have machines. Luckily the laundromat is close but my body sadly was born allergic to the world, literally. Everytime I get the spring tickle I'm afraid of people just being crazy and bored.

Fill yourself with positive energy! Remember we always have the choice to choose what we watch and listen to. This also includes when our mind is wandering. Do things you love to do and don’t let anything pull you down. Remember it’s easy to smile ? So smile and enjoy what you have and know that you are special just for being here! People can only see the outside but when we live in the now and put the inside on the outside this is when our true nature reveals itself. This morning I just parked up on a hill ate some Burger King. Played some country and danced outside my car. Felt so good! I didn’t care who was watching because they don’t live my life or have my feelings. Bad days come but we have to look at every opportunity to make them better. Some days it’s just getting through I know. Be encouraged you are not the only one that feels this way. Your homework: Smile?

 

Love Tess

[MikaReich]

My daughters and I did some shopping,took them bra shopping since they had some that needed replaced.I could not believe what a couple female customers said to me,said I look beautiful dressed as a woman telling them thank you.Usually I get a bad stare or two.Then I was surprised I take my daughters to for bra shopping is TG friendly,I did a little bra shopping too.The last place I went to,I was getting worried at.They have a couple of the sales ladies that love to help out the TG community

[Mx.Drago]

35 minutes ago, Tessa said:

Fill yourself with positive energy! Remember we always have the choice to choose what we watch and listen to. This also includes when our mind is wandering. Do things you love to do and don’t let anything pull you down. Remember it’s easy to smile ? So smile and enjoy what you have and know that you are special just for being here! People can only see the outside but when we live in the now and put the inside on the outside this is when our true nature reveals itself. This morning I just parked up on a hill ate some Burger King. Played some country and danced outside my car. Felt so good! I didn’t care who was watching because they don’t live my life or have my feelings. Bad days come but we have to look at every opportunity to make them better. Some days it’s just getting through I know. Be encouraged you are not the only one that feels this way. Your homework: Smile?

 

Love Tess

Sadly live in an epicenter, and have seasonal asthma, and my lungs are still weak from the bronchitis from before this stuff happened. I'm craving burger king, so bad now. Closest is at a gas station where people cough everywhere. Hard pass. But always try for a smile. Sadly I don't drive, but happy you can find escape.?

Cheers!

[Tessa]

1 hour ago, Mx.Drago said:

Sadly live in an epicenter, and have seasonal asthma, and my lungs are still weak from the bronchitis from before this stuff happened. I'm craving burger king, so bad now. Closest is at a gas station where people cough everywhere. Hard pass. But always try for a smile. Sadly I don't drive, but happy you can find escape.?

Cheers!

Awe...I’m so sorry. If I could I would drive and get you some. I hope soon this whole thing is over. I’m here for you if you need to talk. 
 

Tessa

[Mx.Drago]

36 minutes ago, Tessa said:

Awe...I’m so sorry. If I could I would drive and get you some. I hope soon this whole thing is over. I’m here for you if you need to talk. 
 

Tessa

It's a sweet kind gesture but am a bit too far plus it probably safer where you are. Trying out a Little Caesars by me. Order their cheesy garlic bread, put my partners home made tomato sauce leftovers from meatballs on the bread with Parmesan cheese and baked it in the toaster oven for 20 mins on full bake. It's alright.

-Mx.Drago

[Tessa]

3 hours ago, Mx.Drago said:

It's a sweet kind gesture but am a bit too far plus it probably safer where you are. Trying out a Little Caesars by me. Order their cheesy garlic bread, put my partners home made tomato sauce leftovers from meatballs on the bread with Parmesan cheese and baked it in the toaster oven for 20 mins on full bake. It's alright.

-Mx.Drago

Sounds yummy! I wish I had a partner. I’m single doing this quarantine thing all alone. Celebrated my son’s bday today. He’s 16! I’m divorced and only get visitation with my kids. My ex bought her a Nintendo switch because she can afford that. I got him some gamer headset. It’s not about the item it’s about spending time with them. Ex is so cruel she can’t even give me an extra hour. I only get 1 to 7. The sad thing is she will probably be with her boyfriend anyway. My apt is next to the washer. Water backed up and flooded the floor. They had to send out the extractors plus now I have to listen to a loud fan. So frustrated! The party still must go on! We had choc cake and ice cream. Have a good night. 
 

Tess 

[Willow]

Good evening!  and I do mean GOOD

 

I've been busy all day today.  I've been working on a sewing project, making a new bimini for my sailboat.  I can definitely understand why the pros charge such high prices for the professionally made ones.

 

Oh, did I forget to mention why this was such a GOOD, no make that GREAT day?  I got dressed up, and did my makeup this morning and spent all day as Willow.  No issues, no complaints.  I really had a great day.  Now I just have to remember to take off the make-up and mascara before going to bed.  I really hate for the day to come to an end, but everyday has a beginning and an ending.  Its what you do in between that really matters.

 

I hope everyone had a great day like I did.

 

Willow

[Jani]

Thats nice @Willow.  I'm glad you enjoyed the day.  Sometimes thats all it takes!  

 

Yes do remember to remove the makeup otherwise as you know it leaves a mess on the pillow case!  
Jani

[KayC]

13 hours ago, TammyAnne said:

I hate to even write this, but looking back over my life I can only conclude that I have been a complete and total failure at everything I've ever done or tried to do. I don't feel that anyone respects me as an artist or a person.

Hi Tammy - first time writing to you (I think?)
It may seems at times our lives have little meaning, but if you do a rewind and think about every small event and the lives you have touched over your 70 years you will be able to connect the dots and see the true value in your (and everyone's life) are these basic human connections.
Similarly, as an artist or a creator of art, the "value" of that art is eternally established at the moment of its creation.  The value is there, just sometimes hidden from the casual observer until that art meets the right time, place, and person who will appreciate it.
In this way, our true hearts also establish that same hidden treasure.  So, stay true to your heart ❤️
I hope you can visit with your therapist soon and it helps.  Let  us know how it goes
Take time to enjoy the rest of the weekend .. you deserve it❣️

Kay
 

[Mx.Drago]

6 hours ago, Tessa said:

Sounds yummy! I wish I had a partner. I’m single doing this quarantine thing all alone. Celebrated my son’s bday today. He’s 16! I’m divorced and only get visitation with my kids. My ex bought her a Nintendo switch because she can afford that. I got him some gamer headset. It’s not about the item it’s about spending time with them. Ex is so cruel she can’t even give me an extra hour. I only get 1 to 7. The sad thing is she will probably be with her boyfriend anyway. My apt is next to the washer. Water backed up and flooded the floor. They had to send out the extractors plus now I have to listen to a loud fan. So frustrated! The party still must go on! We had choc cake and ice cream. Have a good night. 

Tess

Morning, just finished age of empires 2 for the first time in forever. Conquered all.

Having my partner has its definite pros. Sadly, my partner also is his own form of child, but it is nice to have him all the same.?

I would only get a nintendo switch to hack it and make a portable pc entertainment system. But I already have a pc, but for a kid it's nice. If your ex can afford it, all the better for the kid. Gamer headset is a nice gift, those can get expensive. Kid will at least get the full immersion space. Lol.

Your ex might not like the headset cuz kid might not hear her when he's in the zone. It's sad the time is short to be with him, but before you know it, it will be your son's decision to go visit you. Best you can do is be there.

Best part bout parties with me is I tend not eat cake cuz it messes my stomach up so more for the party, but I love icecream. Though ever since giving up whole milk, I haven't craved it at all. Lost a ton of weight.

Sorry to hear bout the wash flooding the floor, better fans then mold, trust me. I can smell mold, I'm so highly allergic, throat closes up and I got down. Hopefully it dries and gets fixed fast. You'll have to check everything and clean down every where water touched. I wish you the best.

- Mx. Drago

 

 

 

[Oh_Kay]

Good Morning! Coffee is good. I will be cooking dinner for wife today as it's Mother's Day. It's supposed to rain here, but dry outside now. I need more sunshine! Hope everyone has a wonderful day!

[Tessa]

Hi everyone! 
 

Today I don’t see my children so I will be alone. I really want to go shopping. I would like some new nightgowns and an actual mini skirt. With the virus out there shopping is a little weird. Seeing people in masks and all the 6 feet away signs is just weird. I know it’s for our own safety but the world has changed. Maybe I’ll order a mini skirt online. I’m skinny so probably a small. With a fan blowing to dry my carpets my day is spent in my bedroom. I’ve been patient with this place. I don’t have the money to move. Since I’ve been here I have had 3 floods. 
 

My mom and step dad came over to celebrate my son’s bday. I say som but my child is f+m. When we sang I sang “Happy Birthday to Carter” They used my kids girl name. I named him when he was a her. I’m ok of course with him being male. My other son who is 13 never gets people to listen to him. He talks scientifically to grandpa and grandma. He is very smart. I’m glad they took time to listen to him. My ex doesn’t listen. 
 

Anyway. No work today and no kids. Maybe shopping or maybe not. Hot bath (oh yea! Long one) maybe some shows and movies. I’ll probably write a little and journal. 
 

What I really would like in the morning is for someone to rub my back. I did this for my ex every morning when things were good. I would rub her back. She never said thank you though. I would tell her I love you. She at that time would say it back. At night she would put her legs on my lap and we would watch Walking Dead. These were the good times. A lot of times she would fall asleep during the movie. We went as a couple to go see all the Twighlight movies and one of the most romantic memories I have is when we would both sit in the backyard. She would rest her legs on me and I would read twighlight books to her while the kids (young then) would play in our backyard. We built a whole play place in the basement for our kids with a swing and everything! Painted it and put princess posters all around it. The kids loved it! I enjoyed watching my kids play. Windy is her name. Windy would plant flowers and I remember always going to Walmart to pick up soil and flower seeds. These memories are good but should I get rid of them? 
 

On another note. Last night I had what I call a trans dream. I saw myself without clothes on completely a woman. I was very beautiful! I was standing in a bath tub. Someone was admiring me! It was a very vivid and felt real dream. I’ve had other dreams where I was a woman in a relationship and I looked spectacular! I guess I had a boyfriend in this one but hadn’t gone through bottom surgery but I did have breasts. The guy put his arms around me. He looked at me and said. “You don’t have to go through the surgery for me to love you.” I also remember sitting in his lap in this dream. It felt in this dream we had been together for a while. I don’t know if dreams like these are confirmation or just my mind wandering places.

 

Time for the hot bath. Love you all! 
 

Tess❤️?‍??

[KathyLauren]

Good morning, all.  Espresso was good this morning.

 

Last night, it snowed enough to stick on the ground, and the winds gusted to hurricane force.  I took down the clothesline because the tree that the far end was attached to was moving around too much.  This morning, the snow had melted overnight, but it is still windy and 2 degrees.

 

I hope everyone has a good day.

 

Kathy

[Tessa]

The bath was good. Well I finally found my mini skirts at Target! I didn’t know my size. They only have a few left. I just don’t like shopping online. I am so skinny. So built like a woman. I fit in a 0 and 4! How is that possible? My legs are skinny and I really think I could pull off these skirts girls and look hot doing it! My legs are shaved and smooth. I decided to be brave and walked outside in one this morning! I had a turquoise hoody on and kept my head down. So cute! I bought a pink one, striped one, and a jean one. All good styles. I’m wearing my striped one with pink socks on. I’m so excited I found some! Will shoot you a pick of the skirts to see what you Babes think? Now for some breakfast. Today was the first time I walked outside with a mini on. I’ve only real fast stepped out of my apt onto my patio and came back in. This time full walk to my apt. I’m being so brave but careful to. Talk to you Babes later. 
 

Love ya all! 
 

Tessa ❤️

[BrandiBri]

They are all cute! I can't do mini skirts, this 72 year old would look totally ridiculous in one of those!?

[BrandiBri]

6 hours ago, Tessa said:

These memories are good but should I get rid of them? 

I don't think that you should get rid of the memories as they are part of who you are. I don't think that they would go away even if you wanted them to. I find that certain things bring back memories and they tend to help me even though I no longer want to live that way. They have helped shape me in my new life and I really don't want to forget that part of my life.

 

Hugs from my fortress in Lincoln,

Brandi