Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Elizabeth Star]

12 hours ago, Susan R said:

Wonderful news @Elizabeth Star. That is a long time to wait but worth it in the end I’m sure you’ll agree. Sorry to read your spouse is a little reluctant. I’m glad you did this for yourself. It makes life so much easier.

Thank you Susan.  I no longer feel like I'm living a double life. I always felt like I was, to some degree, lying by telling people when I told 'em my name was Liz. Now to get everything updated. This ought to be an emotional roller-coaster.

[Heather Shay]

@Elizabeth Star I thought the name change legally would be a roller coaster but I was surprised how much I am enjoying it and reaffirming my transition. Have others accepted it? Reluctantly but I am happier every day.

[KymmieL]

Well, I sent my middle son a copy of the text my wife received which read. "To be honest we are not thrilled about dad coming. It kind of makes us mad. almost feels like an ambush cause i didn't want to really see him"

 

Hope the weather is nice after work today. as I want to work on something or take a ride. to help clear my head.

 

Hugs

 

Kymmie

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

Well, I sent my middle son a copy of the text my wife received which read. "To be honest we are not thrilled about dad coming. It kind of makes us mad. almost feels like an ambush cause i didn't want to really see him"

 

Hope the weather is nice after work today. as I want to work on something or take a ride. to help clear my head.

 

Hugs

 

Kymmie

 

Yeah, that's beyond the pale. We do not treat people in our lives like that. No, scratch that. We do not treat PEOPLE like that. Period.

 

I'm sorry your eldest feels uncomfortable, but he's never going to "understand" unless he makes an effort to understand.

 

Big hugs sweetie! Do something for YOU today.

 

Hugs!

[Willow]

Sorry your oldest is so nasty to you. 
 

I got a complement this morning.  My wife says to me, “You look better than I do!”  I’m not trying to out shine her in fact I went pretty simple.  Foundation, eyes and hair.  Clothes are a T-shirt and skort.  I did put on a necklace but no more.

 

 

[KathyLauren]

2 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Well, I sent my middle son a copy of the text my wife received which read. "To be honest we are not thrilled about dad coming. It kind of makes us mad. almost feels like an ambush cause i didn't want to really see him"

 

Hope the weather is nice after work today. as I want to work on something or take a ride. to help clear my head.

 

Hugs

 

Kymmie

 

Oof, that's nasty!  I hope your day gets better.

[Ivy]

2 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Well, I sent my middle son a copy of the text my wife received which read. "To be honest we are not thrilled about dad coming. It kind of makes us mad. almost feels like an ambush cause i didn't want to really see him"

I'm sorry.   This has to hurt so much.

[Bri2020]

3 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Well, I sent my middle son a copy of the text my wife received which read. "To be honest we are not thrilled about dad coming. It kind of makes us mad. almost feels like an ambush cause i didn't want to really see him"

 

Hope the weather is nice after work today. as I want to work on something or take a ride. to help clear my head.

 

Hugs

 

Kymmie

I can't imagine the pain this causes. I pray that your family can get to the point of at least talking to each other directly so that feelings can be aired and hopefully a constructive dialog ensue.  Good luck and definately do something for yourself.

2 hours ago, Willow said:

 

I got a complement this morning.  My wife says to me, “You look better than I do!”  

 

 

My wife was similar this morning. She tongue in cheek says stuff like "damn your hair" or "I could never pull of that dress like you do".  Even though we are having some problems, she did say this morning- "I always thought Rick was attractive but Bri is a gorgeous woman".   I'll take it.  I'm not quite in the camp of "I'm gorgeous" but I certainly feel better about myself and level of attractiveness as Bri than I ever did as Rick.

[Heather Shay]

@KymmieL my heart feels for you - stress in family due to something none of you ever asked to deal with, especially you, is just another weight to bear.

 

@Bri2020 well that is progress - I've not worn dresses around my wife but she's fine with my unisex look. I'm finally letting her wash my under things as she says there is no reason to do those myself. She knows I don't wear anything male any longer.

[Bri2020]

1 hour ago, Shay said:

 

@Bri2020 well that is progress - I've not worn dresses around my wife but she's fine with my unisex look.  wear anything male any longer.

I am feeling a bit babe-alicious today.  I'm wearing the bra that simulates the size I will be after my BA in September.  Gotta say, I like the look on me.

[KymmieL]

Looking good,  Bri.

[Jackie C.]

8 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

"I always thought Rick was attractive but Bri is a gorgeous woman".

 

Gorgeous comes from the inside. We're often the last ones to see it, but your spouse is right (about you being gorgeous anyway, I'm still a little salty about the other stuff).

 

Hugs!

[KymmieL]

15 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

I'm sorry your eldest feels uncomfortable, but he's never going to "understand" unless he makes an effort to understand.

 

Big hugs sweetie! Do something for YOU today.

 

Hugs!

My thoughts exactly. I have made the effort twice. him Zero. He was mad about what I said. He called my wife and canceled the whole thing. Disappointing  my wife and one of my grandsons. He was looking forward to having fun with his cousin.

 

To elevate the whole problem, After I texted him on Tuesday, wishing him, safe travels and will see him Friday. All he would have had to do is just send me a message. saying I would you rather not come Friday. Yet, he had to go through my wife.  Sending the above message.

 

Had a discussion with my wife when one of my grandson's was napping and the other outside. She was he doesn't understand, and  I don't and I live with you. He was saying that this is the way he was raised by his parents and grandparents. Yeah, I can see that my father was totally unaccepting. Maybe my wife but I don't think it was ever me. I can't remember. Heck I can barely remember what happened yesterday let along years ago.

 

Hugs,

 

Kymmie

[Jamie68]

On 7/1/2021 at 11:04 PM, KymmieL said:

Well looks like my oldest son ruined my plans for tomorrow. He is in CO. visiting his inlaws. On Tuesday I texted him to drive safe and will see him on Friday. Today we went and got our other two grandsons and were going to get all 4 of the grandkids together.

 

My wife gets a text on our way home. My oldest isn't comfortable with me coming. He thinks I am ambushing him. SO I decided just to let my wife and youngest go down tomorrow. I am not worrying about getting off early from work. I have had it with him. My wife says he doesn't understand. yet he hasn't talked to me in 3 months.

 

Kymmie

That sucks. I'm sorry to hear that. Hope it gets better.

[Jamie68]

1 hour ago, Jamie68 said:

That sucks. I'm sorry to hear that. Hope it gets better.

It seems that family is the slowest to accept us. I haven't had a single negative response from anyone but family. You would think they would be the first to accept us. They say they love us so much. How about showing it.

[Jackie C.]

2 hours ago, Jamie68 said:

It seems that family is the slowest to accept us. I haven't had a single negative response from anyone but family. You would think they would be the first to accept us. They say they love us so much. How about showing it.

 

Depends on the family. My dad says he's accepting but we haven't done much since I came out. My bio-mom is completely against it and thinks I'm some sort of monster. My in-laws are all OK with it and our relationship is better than ever.

 

@KymmieL, your eldest MIGHT (and keep in mind that I'm not excusing his behavior AT ALL, that's some big passive-aggressive energy right there) have picked up on some of the vibes from you. I know I internalized a LOT of transphobia growing up. I was so deep in denial... frankly I'm ashamed of a lot of things I did and said back in the day.

That said, the only way to change and become a better person is to start from within. If he doesn't want to change, then change isn't going to happen.

 

Hugs!

[Bri2020]

2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Depends on the family. My dad says he's accepting but we haven't done much since I came out. My bio-mom is completely against it and thinks I'm some sort of monster. My in-laws are all OK with it and our relationship is better than ever.

 

@KymmieL, your eldest MIGHT (and keep in mind that I'm not excusing his behavior AT ALL, that's some big passive-aggressive energy right there) have picked up on some of the vibes from you. I know I internalized a LOT of transphobia growing up. I was so deep in denial... frankly I'm ashamed of a lot of things I did and said back in the day.

That said, the only way to change and become a better person is to start from within. If he doesn't want to change, then change isn't going to happen.

 

Hugs!

^what she said.  I don't remember you saying whether you are in couples or family counseling or not but I think that is the only way your family is going to learn to communicate in a healthy way.  Yes your son is being passive aggressive, but also using intermediaries to relay feelings is unhealthy. He's doing it through your wife but you are using it through your other progeny/family .  It's really hard to not try and get people to "take sides" but when it comes to family dynamics it is critical not to.  You see this alot in divorces where each parent tries to get the kids to take their side and make the other parent look like the offender or cause of problems.  This causes the family bonds to break down even further and no one ends up being comfortable talking to each other because they are afraid those words will be used against them with the "other side".  

In the end, you can't force people into acceptance or preventing them from hurting you but you can control how you handled it. If the pain they cause causes you to create pain back, you have to live with that later.  Life is a long journey and sometimes families take years or decades to mend fences, but it's really hard if the fence was completed torn down in anger and resentments.  I truly wish you the best, and I am hoping I can take my own advice here.

[Heather Shay]

@Jackie C. can I assume that bio-mom means birth or biological mom? I'm not very good with the lol and btw things.

 

@KymmieL I am glad you are getting support here and elsewhere and these are the type of things we are faced with when we never asked for our situation.my biggest comment to the slow acceptance of family is that I never bargained for this nor did you and do you think I would be telling you of my situation if it wasn't necessary for my survival?

[Willow]

Hi everyone 

 

happy Independence Day to our northern cousins.  Beautiful weather here today but what ever is left of our first hurricane is heading our way mid week.  
 

Packing and moving is real close to done. I’ve got two pieces of furniture that I’ll move when our daughter and family are here.  Too fragile and too heavy for just my wife and I.  They are antiques from her family.  At least 100 years old.

 

one piece has books in it from the 1880s.  
 

I’m wearing a top my wife made for herself today.  Too snug on her.  I can’t believe it but she shows me clothes she thinks would look nice on me and I can similarly show her pretty things.  Doesn’t seem all that long ago that would have started a huge fight.  She hasn’t even shown much disagreement about the possibility of me getting very basic bottom surgery.  I’m not even too sure how far I’m willing to go or would like to go.  Starting next Wednesday the only time old self will be around will be for house closing and IF we decide to get a mortgage for the new house.  Pluses and minuses there.  I need to work up a budget after I know the final proceeds from our sale.  
 

I also couldn’t believe my ears when my wife said something about watching fireworks from our boat. Not really sure that’s a good idea.  
 

more later

 

hugs

 

Willow

 

[KymmieL]

I wonder what my wife and oldest would say, if I  brought up that I never asked to be transgender.  I just am. 

 

Kymmie 

[Willow]

Very true words.

[MelanieTamara]

2 hours ago, KymmieL said:

I wonder what my wife and oldest would say, if I  brought up that I never asked to be transgender.  I just am. 

 

Kymmie 

 

Is there something to be said for focusing on the 99% that do accept your truth and letting the others, regardless if they are the closest ones to you,  learn by observation about the happiness and fulfillment transition has brought?

 

 

[KathyLauren]

I received my updated citizenship certificate in the mail, yesterday.  (Didn't check the mailbox until today! )  It has my correct name and gender on it!  ?  It only took 18 months from the time I submitted my application!  ?

 

At least now, once travel opens up, I can apply for a passport that will properly identify me.

[Jamie68]

2 hours ago, KathyLauren said:

I received my updated citizenship certificate in the mail, yesterday.  (Didn't check the mailbox until today! )  It has my correct name and gender on it!  ?  It only took 18 months from the time I submitted my application!  ?

 

At least now, once travel opens up, I can apply for a passport that will properly identify me.

Yahoo!!!!!!

[KymmieL]

7 hours ago, MelanieTamara said:

 

Is there something to be said for focusing on the 99% that do accept your truth and letting the others, regardless if they are the closest ones to you,  learn by observation about the happiness and fulfillment transition has brought?

 

 

Melanie, you are right. I just need to continue being my true self. Let the rest of the world see me happy.

 

Kymmie