Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

Recommended Posts

  • Forum Moderator
2 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I've been struggling a bit with something my therapist said. It's not about me but about my partner. The cliff-notes: When I was booking accommodations I had to consider if the places would be safe for me to stay. The easy answer would have been to find lgbt friendly places. Not a problem since "gay" resorts do exist but when the promo pictures show guys, guys and more (potentially gay) guys, it's a bit of a turn off for the both of us. So I opted more for the ones that were more low-key and would just be happy to take our money and not treat us like trash. Back to the therapist thing....  So when I mentioned it to him, he got a strange kind of defensive and started suggesting my partner is homophobic. I know she is OK with the lgbt community but she never asked to be a participating member. I feel as though my therapist is pushing for us to be out there flying lesbian and trans pride flags even though it's not our thing and we just want the quiet life. I don't want the world to look at me as a trans woman but rather just as a woman. Anyways, there's a lot more to the issues but I feel it's time for a new therapist.

 

 

Yes, I am not sure why some people, including therapists, think we have to go all-out and be flag-waving activists.

 

My wife is very LGBTQ-friendly, and likes hanging out with gay guys.  But she would also see the "ewww" factor in a resort full of gay guys, just like I would.  Like your partner, she never asked to be a participating member of the LGBTQ community.  She calls herself "lesbian by marriage". 

 

We like to hang out with our lesbian neighbours, but, like them, we are just your basic couple, mowing our lawn, hanging out out laundry, volunteering in town when there isn't a pandemic on.  We sometimes go to Pride events, but most of the year, there's nothing to see here.  Move along, folks.

 

There is nothing homophobic about wanting a "normal" lifestyle.  I actually think we are more successful as activists by being seen as ordinary than we would if we were always waving flags.

 

If you had asked anyone in this community ten years ago what they thought of trans people, you would likely have gotten some phobic replies.  Ask them now, and you are more likely to get told that Kathy is trans and she seems kind of normal. 

Link to comment
  • Replies 23.3k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Willow

    2038

  • KymmieL

    1651

  • Mmindy

    1376

  • Ivy

    1187

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

1 hour ago, KathyLauren said:

always waving flags.

It can be exhausting, for everyone. Though there is also something comforting about a flag you identify with. I’m ex-military so I used to be cheered at the the sight of a US flag. Not so much these days. I used to run with a homophobic crowd of Christians and a rainbow flag evoked feelings of usurpation. Now when I walk through a neighborhood I look for them and see potential allies. Weird.

 

I myself have always been hesitant to put up flags, I suppose I have a private sort of personality and am reluctant to advertise my inner thoughts to the world. I’m getting less hesitant the more I progress on my journey. I look at clothing as “flags” in a way, preferring a more androgynous look. I can see a day down the road where all of that might change though. 
 

I think for me, the waving part of the flag is more to signal the presence of an ally rather than to promote a cause or to “recruit.” 

Link to comment

I'm fine with the "gay" community.  But I don't really feel part of it myself.  

It's not that I'm homophobic, it's just not me.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
17 hours ago, Robin.C said:

It's a bit sad you had to move for work and lose all those little beaks.

Robin, I do miss the farm, and my Chicken Stampede. The move was a huge economic boost for the family, it also allowed  move my children out of the emerging Crack Capital of the Ozarks. My following generations are in a much better place now.  

15 hours ago, LindaMarie said:

I mean like really, gosh, how else do you get chicken pox?

Linda, you know back in the day. We got our childhood diseases from our friends, because once someone had an identifiable disease, our mothers took us over there to get us exposed, and eventually immune to that illness.

 

Hugs for all,

 

Mindy??️‍⚧️?

Link to comment
4 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Good morning everyone.

Things have been pretty quiet in my world. Well, except for the chickens.

 

I've been struggling a bit with something my therapist said. It's not about me but about my partner. The cliff-notes: When I was booking accommodations I had to consider if the places would be safe for me to stay. The easy answer would have been to find lgbt friendly places. Not a problem since "gay" resorts do exist but when the promo pictures show guys, guys and more (potentially gay) guys, it's a bit of a turn off for the both of us. So I opted more for the ones that were more low-key and would just be happy to take our money and not treat us like trash. Back to the therapist thing....  So when I mentioned it to him, he got a strange kind of defensive and started suggesting my partner is homophobic. I know she is OK with the lgbt community but she never asked to be a participating member. I feel as though my therapist is pushing for us to be out there flying lesbian and trans pride flags even though it's not our thing and we just want the quiet life. I don't want the world to look at me as a trans woman but rather just as a woman. Anyways, there's a lot more to the issues but I feel it's time for a new therapist.

 

 

 

I think that a skilled therapist who suspected the case was that your wife is phobic should be able to check any of their personal reactions to such a suspicion (and also realize it's a suspicion and not necessarily a fact) and be able to ask some probing questions to learn more about your motives for choosing the sort of accommodations you did. It sounds like a case of therapist transference in which some reaction that was triggered in your therapist was redirected to you. Transference is unprofessional and inappropriate. If you've found value in working with the therapist, and you feel motivated, you may consider confronting him about this. Alternatively, indeed there are other therapists in the sea. 

 

It seems a common challenge with couples where one person comes out as trans that the other person is suddenly confronted by what this means for their identity. (Obviously, this is not the only challenge, but a significant one.) It wasn't even on my radar until it revealed itself in my relationship. It makes complete sense, though. I think it's vital to learn how to balance not compromising oneself while also being sensitive to one's partner's needs so that a  reasonable level of safety and comfort can be mutually experienced. We all know it's not so easy and requires near constant adjustment. A skilled therapist ought to be able to help their clients to navigate these adjustments with finesse and compassion. There's a time and place to take a stand on something, but no one should feel they're being coerced by a therapist. 

Link to comment

Did you know? If you accidentally knife hand a 200lb hardened steel door…. it really freaking hurts! I am ok, just had to tape up two fingers. Though if anyone has the chance to try it for themselves, don’t lol. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
14 hours ago, JustineM said:

Did you know? If you accidentally knife hand a 200lb hardened steel door…. it really freaking hurts! I am ok, just had to tape up two fingers. Though if anyone has the chance to try it for themselves, don’t lol. 

Gee thanks Justine, just ruined all my fun. LOL.

 

Well tomorrow is my Friday. I am so fried out it isn't funny. I am close to stepping down from management. Go back to a position That is days only. Almost no BS. don't deal with customers that often. I may just see what the reduction in pay would be. If it is a buck or less I just may.

 

Things at home are still on the cool side. For some reason. I just don't feel the love from my wife I once did. It is had to explain. I guess time will tell.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment

I’m on the hunt for an actual gt. I found a place that’s significantly closer than the lcpc I’m currently seeing. I was really put-off by his comment(s) and I’m taking it as a sign that I need to find someone else and start moving forward again. So I called and and per SOP left a message. Now the waiting game begins. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Good luck @Elizabeth StarI think you're doing the right thing. A therapist should not be saying negative things about your partner. Especially if they've never been in sessions together. I hope you and your partner can continue to find common ground, and happiness.

 

Hugs for you both,

 

Mindy??️‍⚧️?

Link to comment

@Elizabeth Star I agree with Mmindy. Your therapist should never talk negative things about you or your partner. Stuff like that belongs in marriage counseling while seeking divorce.

LM❤️

 

Link to comment
18 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Gee thanks Justine, just ruined all my fun. LOL.

 Sorry Kymmie!
You wouldn’t think a slight breeze could swing a door that masses that much. 

 

Been a little frustrating lately, a couple people at work are trying to push the idea of me or the company making some big announcement about my transition. One is trying to claim discrimination and threatened to get a lawyer to make me make the announcement.  This from the one guy in the branch that I thought I would have the LEAST amount of problems with. 

Link to comment

Gender therapy, I have no idea what it is like now. I do know that when I went through it, it had nothing to do with anyone but me. That was many years ago. For me the questions I went through were more based on when did you know, and I was like I don't know, I didn't know why I loved looking and wanting to be a girl.

Q When did you first dress up/

A 7, I was still sharing a bedroom with my older sister.

 

And so forth. 

Most important part, the question came up. 

Q You are married, right?

A Yes.

Q How do you feel about that?

A I'm scared

Q How does your wife feel?

A She is scared.

LM❤️

 

 

 

 

Link to comment

Walking away.

Sad topic. 

Where do I go from here?

 

I get angry, slowly I feel......

OTHERS SEE AND THEY TURN AWAY

 

Where do I belong, where do I go, doesn't matter to me

 

You gave me a label I don't understand,

Is that the reason I am who I am?

 

I see everything around,

peace of mind when they don't come

Where am I going I can not tell.

It is up to you. peace or hell

 

You gave me a label I don't understand,

Is that the reason I am who I am?

 

You turn me away when I walk through the door

I know now I don't belong.

 

Now it is time to go

I don't why

 

May be I'm Tired of the eyes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LM Gazing in the mirror.jpg

Link to comment

Color me impressed. I got a call back from the therapist office I called yesterday. I’ve  filled out and returned the paperwork. I was told up front I probably won’t hear from anyone until next week so it’s already an improvement over what I had. 
 

My partner did tell me to find a new therapist. She just didn’t specify what kind so I don’t know how she’s going to handle it when I tell her they’re a gt and I’m moving forward towards gcs. It’s not like I have a choice. I can feel the dark thoughts starting to once again encroach on the fringes of my sanity. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
2 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I can feel the dark thoughts starting to once again encroach on the fringes of my sanity.

 

Well, the Harvest is nigh... Cthulhu fhtagn! Ph'nglui mglw'nfah Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

 

Good on you for moving forward. You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin. Or just make a comfortable nest of skin and skulls from those who have earned your ire.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
6 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Color me impressed. I got a call back from the therapist office I called yesterday. I’ve  filled out and returned the paperwork. I was told up front I probably won’t hear from anyone until next week so it’s already an improvement over what I had. 
 

My partner did tell me to find a new therapist. She just didn’t specify what kind so I don’t know how she’s going to handle it when I tell her they’re a gt and I’m moving forward towards gcs. It’s not like I have a choice. I can feel the dark thoughts starting to once again encroach on the fringes of my sanity. 

Congrats on making the right choices for yourself @Elizabeth Star. And for getting a GT therapist. I just got one and it really helps. Someone who understands me and suggests the directions I might take. Good luck with all the forks in the road ahead, with you being you.

hugs,

Davie

Link to comment
15 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Color me impressed. I got a call back from the therapist office I called yesterday. I’ve  filled out and returned the paperwork. I was told up front I probably won’t hear from anyone until next week so it’s already an improvement over what I had. 
 

My partner did tell me to find a new therapist. She just didn’t specify what kind so I don’t know how she’s going to handle it when I tell her they’re a gt and I’m moving forward towards gcs. It’s not like I have a choice. I can feel the dark thoughts starting to once again encroach on the fringes of my sanity. 

That's great news. Don't EVER let the darkness creep in. ❤️

Link to comment

Hello everyone i must be very lucky i have a really good therapist she has really ben there for me and my doc. and staff has ben really good also but on the outside the ones i have told it is just like another day for them kind of blank no matter it is there problem not mine just having thoughts

Link to comment

Good morning.

I have been through several therapists on my road.

My therapist now,(and for the 4 years) is talented at writing letters of readiness.  I don't feel any other connection with him, and his feedback is only a mirror of what I say to him.  But his letters....omg I get compliments from surgeons about them.  My insurance needs no updates other than the one he sent.

My attempts to find a therapist to connect with and work on my issues have failed, but I am gratefully holding on to this guy to see me through the next year+.

Have a nice day.  Best luck in your road.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
20 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

My partner did tell me to find a new therapist. She just didn’t specify what kind so I don’t know how she’s going to handle it when I tell her they’re a gt and I’m moving forward towards gcs. It’s not like I have a choice. I can feel the dark thoughts starting to once again encroach on the fringes of my sanity. 

That's great Liz,

I hope you and your partner continue to move forward supporting each other as a loving couple.

This is my dream for my Suzie and I, however I know the percentages are against that.

A girl can dream? Right?

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy??️‍⚧️?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
5 hours ago, rachel w said:

Hello everyone i must be very lucky i have a really good therapist she has really ben there for me and my doc. and staff has ben really good also but on the outside the ones i have told it is just like another day for them kind of blank no matter it is there problem not mine just having thoughts

Good morning Rachel,

 

The coffee is HOT, black and strong this morning. The people I've come out to is very limited, two don't want to hear anything more about it. One wants me to just keep it out of his area of concern. We both use to work for the City, and he's still employed there. My wife is coming along, and my daughter wants to take me to salons and close shopping as soon as possible. I'm just now eligible for Medicare and look forward to starting with my updated medical care team, as an out and proud MtF woman.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and safe,

 

Mindy??️‍⚧️?

Link to comment
On 10/6/2021 at 5:48 PM, JustineM said:

couple people at work are trying to push the idea of me or the company making some big announcement about my transition. One is trying to claim discrimination and threatened to get a lawyer to make me make the announcement.

 

Geez. That sounds more than frustrating. I hope measures can and will be taken to ensure your safety and well-being, @JustineM . So, a coworker feels discriminated against because you're transitioning? Whut tha whu?? 

Link to comment

Gosh, Have just learned something? Or have I just been schooled?

I've only had one gender therapist and she was really good. I thought all therapist's were the same.

LM

 

 

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

So, a coworker feels discriminated against because you're transitioning? Whut tha whu?? 

This doesn't make much sense to me.

Link to comment
On 10/6/2021 at 5:48 PM, JustineM said:

 Been a little frustrating lately, a couple people at work are trying to push the idea of me or the company making some big announcement about my transition. One is trying to claim discrimination and threatened to get a lawyer to make me make the announcement.  This from the one guy in the branch that I thought I would have the LEAST amount of problems with. 

This guy is being discriminated against only if he's being forced to announce his gender company-wide, while nobody else has to do so.  In other words, he's trying to discriminate against you by forcing you to do something nobody else is required to.  Fortunately, you're not required to make any such announcement, and if he tries to get the company to do it, it will be his lawyers versus the company's lawyers, and I don't think the company would like that very much.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 99 Guests (See full list)

    • Mirrabooka
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Kait
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769.5k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,068
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Kait
    Newest Member
    Kait
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Caridad
      Caridad
    2. Certbunnie
      Certbunnie
      (25 years old)
    3. EstherElle
      EstherElle
      (43 years old)
    4. Juliet
      Juliet
      (43 years old)
    5. MelissaAndProudOfIt
      MelissaAndProudOfIt
      (59 years old)
  • Posts

    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I agree that porn is a really bad thing.  Bad in general, but probably gives a misleading view of trans folks.  If you don't see trans folks out in the wild, but you see plenty of them online, that is going to give the impression that it is primarily sex-driven, and that trans folks are interested in sex with just about everybody all the time.  Similar to what people often assume about being bisexual.    I'm androgynous, so sometimes people look at me this way.  Especially if my husband and I are together (if they don't assume I'm his kid) people get that "judgy" look on their faces.  You can sort of read their minds.  I even heard on lady say something like, "Oh, that's just so wrong" when we came out of a shower at a truck stop.  I mean, I like sex and we have a great connection in that way, but its not "THE REASON" for our relationship. 
    • Justine76
      Thank you for sharing! This is very much where I am currently. Questioning my motivation's, wondering where this is going and do I have the fortitude to continue the journey?   I too like to dress in what would probably be eye catching in your typically suburb. Not in a revealing way but beyond casual. Not that I’ve presented in public yet. Trying to build the confidence to dress for the next trans pride event locally ;)
    • Maddee
    • Justine76
      Certainly considering this. I’ve seen some reports, albeit anecdotal, of laser treatments causing some mild skin damage; like mild pitting, etc. Any validity to this in anyone’s experience? 
    • VickySGV
      @FelixThePickleManI and at least 3 or 4 others here on the Forums are in recovery (a couple of us over 15 years) from drugs and alcohol. Any drug, legal or not so, including abused prescription drugs (me) is potentially addictive and you need some help and uplift to break that cycle.  At first you do feel better by using your substance of choice, I know I did, but the substance takes over our lives, because for us they are cunning, baffling and POWERFUL and too much for us to control.  It was during my recovery from my alcohol and drug abuse that I first fully and with a lot of fear, but a desire to be honest came out to a group that actually turned out to be wholly supportive both of my recovery and encouraging me to get into things that would forward me toward my Transition.  Let us help you feel better about yourself without the substance since without the substance you can actually meet the challenges you face to become the best self you can be.  The goal is to like yourself every day without the false gods that chemicals can become, because they want to destroy us not help us live. We deserve to be happy and able to work and live our lives. PM me if you need some one-on-one and do the same with the others who will respond to you here.  A choral group I am part of sang a song in a concert last week that tells us that we Trans are OK and great, it is the people in the village around us that are the real grief in our lives, but here you are in  a village on-line that will support you.  
    • Vidanjali
      I can only imagine what your early life experience was like. It's very weird when children's bodies are treated as property of their parents and not really their own. Certainly children don't have agency to make major life decisions. But parents operating covertly doesn't seem to be entirely sensible. I'm sure there was a lot of fear on the part of your parents, and perhaps/probably even coercion by medical professionals. But what is your relationship like with your parents now, if they are still living or in your life? 
    • Vidanjali
      Hello & welcome, @Ladypcnj. That's great you're involved in several online communities. Reaching out to connect with others is a gift for all involved. 
    • FelixThePickleMan
      My mom found a vape of mine and this is the third time. I hid it out in the garage but she found it because I looked suspicious and now shes mad at me again which makes sense but she told me not to bring it in the house so I figured the garage was okay. But I know I should just stop but its something that I enjoy doing. I do it with my buddies and I do it alone. The one she found was a different, typically I have weed but today I had nic, but still, I know I should quit. Not because it's bad for me but because its hurting the relationship that I barley have with my mother and that's tough but for some reason I want to have my cake a and eat it too, but that isn't possible. I finally understand that phrase now, well I already understood it but now I really understand because I'm living it. and with that my mom most likely will pull me out of the school that I'm at now because that's when I started, this year. I've always had an interest in weed the way I have an interest of anything else. To me it's no different than the other things I'm interested in but this just happens to be a drug. I know I should quit I know it's wrong and I know that I'm choosing to do it, because I like it and I think in order for me to stop is to not like it anymore otherwise I most likely will continue. I know its sad but unfortunately it is true I know I'll have to quit before I go in the Marines so maybe I'll stop then. I smoke because I don't have anything else to do initially but now I smoke because I don't have anything to do and I  like it. Even when I did basketball I still was high, and I still played in fact I played better. I do everything better when I'm high I'm like a better version of myself, I can let go and let the me on the inside show on the outside with no fear, my creativity flows like Niagara falls just a contunious stream of creative output and innovative ideas that leave a good impression on others. I'm better to be around when high. I like myself better when I'm high.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      This neighbor's friend,luckily my health insurance covered it.Luckily my vehicles,house and shop are smoke free.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      @VickySGV    Good point.  There are websites full of porn and fantasies related to cross dressing, trans stories, etc., and people might easily think those are written by TG types and accurately describe TG folk.
    • VickySGV
      No one has mentioned the Adult Entertainment Industry aka the Pornography Industry which for too long was the ONLY source of information about us for the general public.  I actually realized what I was from an XX Rated publication that I snuck behind a comic book at the neighborhood convenience / liquor store.  The person in the article told of her feelings up until and through GCS which I identified with completely, but then went on to the sob story of a marriage crashing when her knowing husband went to a new job and they found out she was Trans on a security check and threatened the husband with legal action unless he divorced her ---  yada yada!!   On that note she decided her  life was ruined. --    Other problems in the Porn Press are of course the "Morality" and it is there that child endangerment stories for actual mental illness types  comes in.  Also in that media they emphasize the Fetishistic Cross Dresser classification which is an actual addiction situation and is a harmful process addiction of sex that is as terrible as Drug and Alcohol Addiction can be.  The pornographic issues and sources of information are readily available in the opening pages of a Google Search while actual Trans information is about page 200 on the engine.   A recent misadventure I had that shows how acceptable I am as my True Self is that a man who claimed to be a church elder (minister??) told me how he had never come up with legitimate information   on Trans People and actual Trans Children and he went on to brag about what he did find that was morally damning by looking for the  information.  He continued to go into detail about other pornographic sources and how nasty they were. I asked him then why HE, a MINISTER kept looking at the Porn.  He replied to me that he kept up with it to warn his congregation of the true evils he had seen so he could minister to them.  Happily for me a friend of mine came along so I could  break away from the guy who was after my soul.  (He did not read me as Trans, whew!!)
    • Ashley0616
      Just like anything else that is new it's always the thing that people fear of. People are typically afraid of change. Even something as simple as new procedure at work or the population growing. Typically just have the mindset of it's not broken then don't fix it type of attitude. The world is progressing and they need to accept that or they will eventually be left behind. A good example after WW II women working in the workforce things didn't go well at all due to a lot of butting heads. There are still even people now that think women are only meant for housework and raising babies. 
    • RaineOnYourParade
      I've actually seen a lot of people who at least tolerate the LGB and not the T. There's also some of the gay/lesbian population that, unfortunately, alienate trans people away from other parts of the community.   To me, the biggest block is probably the lack of formal exposure. If people aren't taught about LGBT they will, just like any other topic, come to misunderstandings and more. Besides, how can most LGBT people figure out that they are such if they don't know it exists? I know that, personally, I didn't realize I was a guy rather than just someone who wanted to be a guy until I was introduced to trans as a concept 
    • Ashley0616
      You're welcome. I wanted to post something new that I haven't posted yet.   
    • Ashley0616
      That's a lot of weight congratulations. I was almost about to become a K9 handler in the Air Force back in 2006 but I found out that once you get promoted to E7 you lose your dog. You can get it at E4 as long as they need them but it is usually E5. If you don't understand military jargon, I'll help you out. I didn't want to join the Marines because I actually like to be treated better. I was Security Forces and performed security, law enforcement and everything you could think of such as convoying, fire fights, search pit just to name some. It also helped that I had family that was Air Force and I went through Air Force Junior Reserves Officer Training Corps so I knew the basics of Air Force already. That's awesome that you have goals in life. I hope you get it. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...