Good morning All. Coffees on.

[KathyLauren]

2 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I've been struggling a bit with something my therapist said. It's not about me but about my partner. The cliff-notes: When I was booking accommodations I had to consider if the places would be safe for me to stay. The easy answer would have been to find lgbt friendly places. Not a problem since "gay" resorts do exist but when the promo pictures show guys, guys and more (potentially gay) guys, it's a bit of a turn off for the both of us. So I opted more for the ones that were more low-key and would just be happy to take our money and not treat us like trash. Back to the therapist thing....  So when I mentioned it to him, he got a strange kind of defensive and started suggesting my partner is homophobic. I know she is OK with the lgbt community but she never asked to be a participating member. I feel as though my therapist is pushing for us to be out there flying lesbian and trans pride flags even though it's not our thing and we just want the quiet life. I don't want the world to look at me as a trans woman but rather just as a woman. Anyways, there's a lot more to the issues but I feel it's time for a new therapist.

 

 

Yes, I am not sure why some people, including therapists, think we have to go all-out and be flag-waving activists.

 

My wife is very LGBTQ-friendly, and likes hanging out with gay guys.  But she would also see the "ewww" factor in a resort full of gay guys, just like I would.  Like your partner, she never asked to be a participating member of the LGBTQ community.  She calls herself "lesbian by marriage". 

 

We like to hang out with our lesbian neighbours, but, like them, we are just your basic couple, mowing our lawn, hanging out out laundry, volunteering in town when there isn't a pandemic on.  We sometimes go to Pride events, but most of the year, there's nothing to see here.  Move along, folks.

 

There is nothing homophobic about wanting a "normal" lifestyle.  I actually think we are more successful as activists by being seen as ordinary than we would if we were always waving flags.

 

If you had asked anyone in this community ten years ago what they thought of trans people, you would likely have gotten some phobic replies.  Ask them now, and you are more likely to get told that Kathy is trans and she seems kind of normal. 

[Aggie1]

1 hour ago, KathyLauren said:

always waving flags.

It can be exhausting, for everyone. Though there is also something comforting about a flag you identify with. I’m ex-military so I used to be cheered at the the sight of a US flag. Not so much these days. I used to run with a homophobic crowd of Christians and a rainbow flag evoked feelings of usurpation. Now when I walk through a neighborhood I look for them and see potential allies. Weird.

 

I myself have always been hesitant to put up flags, I suppose I have a private sort of personality and am reluctant to advertise my inner thoughts to the world. I’m getting less hesitant the more I progress on my journey. I look at clothing as “flags” in a way, preferring a more androgynous look. I can see a day down the road where all of that might change though. 
 

I think for me, the waving part of the flag is more to signal the presence of an ally rather than to promote a cause or to “recruit.” 

[Ivy]

I'm fine with the "gay" community.  But I don't really feel part of it myself.  

It's not that I'm homophobic, it's just not me.

[Mmindy]

17 hours ago, Robin.C said:

It's a bit sad you had to move for work and lose all those little beaks.

Robin, I do miss the farm, and my Chicken Stampede. The move was a huge economic boost for the family, it also allowed  move my children out of the emerging Crack Capital of the Ozarks. My following generations are in a much better place now.  

15 hours ago, LindaMarie said:

I mean like really, gosh, how else do you get chicken pox?

Linda, you know back in the day. We got our childhood diseases from our friends, because once someone had an identifiable disease, our mothers took us over there to get us exposed, and eventually immune to that illness.

 

Hugs for all,

 

Mindy??️‍⚧️?

[Vidanjali]

4 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Good morning everyone.

Things have been pretty quiet in my world. Well, except for the chickens.

 

I've been struggling a bit with something my therapist said. It's not about me but about my partner. The cliff-notes: When I was booking accommodations I had to consider if the places would be safe for me to stay. The easy answer would have been to find lgbt friendly places. Not a problem since "gay" resorts do exist but when the promo pictures show guys, guys and more (potentially gay) guys, it's a bit of a turn off for the both of us. So I opted more for the ones that were more low-key and would just be happy to take our money and not treat us like trash. Back to the therapist thing....  So when I mentioned it to him, he got a strange kind of defensive and started suggesting my partner is homophobic. I know she is OK with the lgbt community but she never asked to be a participating member. I feel as though my therapist is pushing for us to be out there flying lesbian and trans pride flags even though it's not our thing and we just want the quiet life. I don't want the world to look at me as a trans woman but rather just as a woman. Anyways, there's a lot more to the issues but I feel it's time for a new therapist.

 

 

 

I think that a skilled therapist who suspected the case was that your wife is phobic should be able to check any of their personal reactions to such a suspicion (and also realize it's a suspicion and not necessarily a fact) and be able to ask some probing questions to learn more about your motives for choosing the sort of accommodations you did. It sounds like a case of therapist transference in which some reaction that was triggered in your therapist was redirected to you. Transference is unprofessional and inappropriate. If you've found value in working with the therapist, and you feel motivated, you may consider confronting him about this. Alternatively, indeed there are other therapists in the sea. 

 

It seems a common challenge with couples where one person comes out as trans that the other person is suddenly confronted by what this means for their identity. (Obviously, this is not the only challenge, but a significant one.) It wasn't even on my radar until it revealed itself in my relationship. It makes complete sense, though. I think it's vital to learn how to balance not compromising oneself while also being sensitive to one's partner's needs so that a  reasonable level of safety and comfort can be mutually experienced. We all know it's not so easy and requires near constant adjustment. A skilled therapist ought to be able to help their clients to navigate these adjustments with finesse and compassion. There's a time and place to take a stand on something, but no one should feel they're being coerced by a therapist. 

[JustineM]

Did you know? If you accidentally knife hand a 200lb hardened steel door…. it really freaking hurts! I am ok, just had to tape up two fingers. Though if anyone has the chance to try it for themselves, don’t lol. 

[KymmieL]

14 hours ago, JustineM said:

Did you know? If you accidentally knife hand a 200lb hardened steel door…. it really freaking hurts! I am ok, just had to tape up two fingers. Though if anyone has the chance to try it for themselves, don’t lol. 

Gee thanks Justine, just ruined all my fun. LOL.

 

Well tomorrow is my Friday. I am so fried out it isn't funny. I am close to stepping down from management. Go back to a position That is days only. Almost no BS. don't deal with customers that often. I may just see what the reduction in pay would be. If it is a buck or less I just may.

 

Things at home are still on the cool side. For some reason. I just don't feel the love from my wife I once did. It is had to explain. I guess time will tell.

 

Kymmie

[Elizabeth Star]

I’m on the hunt for an actual gt. I found a place that’s significantly closer than the lcpc I’m currently seeing. I was really put-off by his comment(s) and I’m taking it as a sign that I need to find someone else and start moving forward again. So I called and and per SOP left a message. Now the waiting game begins. 

[Mmindy]

Good luck @Elizabeth StarI think you're doing the right thing. A therapist should not be saying negative things about your partner. Especially if they've never been in sessions together. I hope you and your partner can continue to find common ground, and happiness.

 

Hugs for you both,

 

Mindy??️‍⚧️?

[LindaMarie]

@Elizabeth Star I agree with Mmindy. Your therapist should never talk negative things about you or your partner. Stuff like that belongs in marriage counseling while seeking divorce.

LM❤️

 

[JustineM]

18 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Gee thanks Justine, just ruined all my fun. LOL.

 Sorry Kymmie!
You wouldn’t think a slight breeze could swing a door that masses that much. 

 

Been a little frustrating lately, a couple people at work are trying to push the idea of me or the company making some big announcement about my transition. One is trying to claim discrimination and threatened to get a lawyer to make me make the announcement.  This from the one guy in the branch that I thought I would have the LEAST amount of problems with. 

[LindaMarie]

Gender therapy, I have no idea what it is like now. I do know that when I went through it, it had nothing to do with anyone but me. That was many years ago. For me the questions I went through were more based on when did you know, and I was like I don't know, I didn't know why I loved looking and wanting to be a girl.

Q When did you first dress up/

A 7, I was still sharing a bedroom with my older sister.

 

And so forth. 

Most important part, the question came up. 

Q You are married, right?

A Yes.

Q How do you feel about that?

A I'm scared

Q How does your wife feel?

A She is scared.

LM❤️

 

 

 

 

[LindaMarie]

Walking away.

Sad topic. 

Where do I go from here?

 

I get angry, slowly I feel......

OTHERS SEE AND THEY TURN AWAY

 

Where do I belong, where do I go, doesn't matter to me

 

You gave me a label I don't understand,

Is that the reason I am who I am?

 

I see everything around,

peace of mind when they don't come

Where am I going I can not tell.

It is up to you. peace or hell

 

You gave me a label I don't understand,

Is that the reason I am who I am?

 

You turn me away when I walk through the door

I know now I don't belong.

 

Now it is time to go

I don't why

 

May be I'm Tired of the eyes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Elizabeth Star]

Color me impressed. I got a call back from the therapist office I called yesterday. I’ve  filled out and returned the paperwork. I was told up front I probably won’t hear from anyone until next week so it’s already an improvement over what I had. 
 

My partner did tell me to find a new therapist. She just didn’t specify what kind so I don’t know how she’s going to handle it when I tell her they’re a gt and I’m moving forward towards gcs. It’s not like I have a choice. I can feel the dark thoughts starting to once again encroach on the fringes of my sanity. 

[Jackie C.]

2 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I can feel the dark thoughts starting to once again encroach on the fringes of my sanity.

 

Well, the Harvest is nigh... Cthulhu fhtagn! Ph'nglui mglw'nfah Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

 

Good on you for moving forward. You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin. Or just make a comfortable nest of skin and skulls from those who have earned your ire.

 

Hugs!

[Davie]

6 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Color me impressed. I got a call back from the therapist office I called yesterday. I’ve  filled out and returned the paperwork. I was told up front I probably won’t hear from anyone until next week so it’s already an improvement over what I had. 
 

My partner did tell me to find a new therapist. She just didn’t specify what kind so I don’t know how she’s going to handle it when I tell her they’re a gt and I’m moving forward towards gcs. It’s not like I have a choice. I can feel the dark thoughts starting to once again encroach on the fringes of my sanity. 

Congrats on making the right choices for yourself @Elizabeth Star. And for getting a GT therapist. I just got one and it really helps. Someone who understands me and suggests the directions I might take. Good luck with all the forks in the road ahead, with you being you.

hugs,

Davie

[Jamie68]

15 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Color me impressed. I got a call back from the therapist office I called yesterday. I’ve  filled out and returned the paperwork. I was told up front I probably won’t hear from anyone until next week so it’s already an improvement over what I had. 
 

My partner did tell me to find a new therapist. She just didn’t specify what kind so I don’t know how she’s going to handle it when I tell her they’re a gt and I’m moving forward towards gcs. It’s not like I have a choice. I can feel the dark thoughts starting to once again encroach on the fringes of my sanity. 

That's great news. Don't EVER let the darkness creep in. ❤️

[rachel w]

Hello everyone i must be very lucky i have a really good therapist she has really ben there for me and my doc. and staff has ben really good also but on the outside the ones i have told it is just like another day for them kind of blank no matter it is there problem not mine just having thoughts

[Maddee]

Good morning.

I have been through several therapists on my road.

My therapist now,(and for the 4 years) is talented at writing letters of readiness.  I don't feel any other connection with him, and his feedback is only a mirror of what I say to him.  But his letters....omg I get compliments from surgeons about them.  My insurance needs no updates other than the one he sent.

My attempts to find a therapist to connect with and work on my issues have failed, but I am gratefully holding on to this guy to see me through the next year+.

Have a nice day.  Best luck in your road.

[Mmindy]

20 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

My partner did tell me to find a new therapist. She just didn’t specify what kind so I don’t know how she’s going to handle it when I tell her they’re a gt and I’m moving forward towards gcs. It’s not like I have a choice. I can feel the dark thoughts starting to once again encroach on the fringes of my sanity. 

That's great Liz,

I hope you and your partner continue to move forward supporting each other as a loving couple.

This is my dream for my Suzie and I, however I know the percentages are against that.

A girl can dream? Right?

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy??️‍⚧️?

[Mmindy]

5 hours ago, rachel w said:

Hello everyone i must be very lucky i have a really good therapist she has really ben there for me and my doc. and staff has ben really good also but on the outside the ones i have told it is just like another day for them kind of blank no matter it is there problem not mine just having thoughts

Good morning Rachel,

 

The coffee is HOT, black and strong this morning. The people I've come out to is very limited, two don't want to hear anything more about it. One wants me to just keep it out of his area of concern. We both use to work for the City, and he's still employed there. My wife is coming along, and my daughter wants to take me to salons and close shopping as soon as possible. I'm just now eligible for Medicare and look forward to starting with my updated medical care team, as an out and proud MtF woman.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and safe,

 

Mindy??️‍⚧️?

[Vidanjali]

On 10/6/2021 at 5:48 PM, JustineM said:

couple people at work are trying to push the idea of me or the company making some big announcement about my transition. One is trying to claim discrimination and threatened to get a lawyer to make me make the announcement.

 

Geez. That sounds more than frustrating. I hope measures can and will be taken to ensure your safety and well-being, @JustineM . So, a coworker feels discriminated against because you're transitioning? Whut tha whu?? 

[LindaMarie]

Gosh, Have just learned something? Or have I just been schooled?

I've only had one gender therapist and she was really good. I thought all therapist's were the same.

LM

 

 

[Ivy]

3 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

So, a coworker feels discriminated against because you're transitioning? Whut tha whu?? 

This doesn't make much sense to me.

[MetaLicious]

On 10/6/2021 at 5:48 PM, JustineM said:

 Been a little frustrating lately, a couple people at work are trying to push the idea of me or the company making some big announcement about my transition. One is trying to claim discrimination and threatened to get a lawyer to make me make the announcement.  This from the one guy in the branch that I thought I would have the LEAST amount of problems with. 

This guy is being discriminated against only if he's being forced to announce his gender company-wide, while nobody else has to do so.  In other words, he's trying to discriminate against you by forcing you to do something nobody else is required to.  Fortunately, you're not required to make any such announcement, and if he tries to get the company to do it, it will be his lawyers versus the company's lawyers, and I don't think the company would like that very much.