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I Am Beautiful


Tessa

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Thank you. 

 

We went to go see Wreck It Ralph movie yesterday and had a good time. I miss having someone special in my life. The days I don’t see them are empty. I’m now working so at least Mon thru Fri 8 hours of that are of work. But it’s hard sometimes to come home to no one. I have plenty to do though. I can watch a movie, write, draw, read, take pictures, play on phone, go clothes shopping, etc. I love to write! I just finished another one of my short stories. This one was Christmas Puppy. I love to build up my characters and make them go through life situations.  Right now I love to write about Romance. Maybe it’s because I want it so much! I may never fully transition but the person I marry will have to love my sensitive side. Being a part time parent is hard sometimes.  My brothers both have families and houses and great jobs. They never call me. I’m alone just trying to survive sometimes but I just did my taxes and I’m getting a nice refund so this will help. My ex found out about the change in jobs and already demanding child support. Time moves forward and we move with it. It’s hard out here but it’s better than living under abuse and ridicule. 

No one should own anyone. In my marriage she owned me and kept me in prison by threatening divorce. When I let go I lost everything but If I would have stayed I would have probably lost my life. The kids will grow up and I will get older. I know that love is out there! I will live my life and love all until the day I find that love of my life.

 

Be strong and courageous when you have to and sacrifice when needed and live your life for others not yourself and good things will come! You just wait and see how wonderful your life can be! Hang in there and never give up! You got this! 

 

This is what I tell myself every day. 

 

Love, 

 

Tessa?‍?

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Ugly

 

How can any one say your ugly

Can they read what’s inside

They will never be able to see

What I’m trying to hide 

 

Won’t someone say I’m pretty

Or give me a second glance 

It would make me feel so free

If someone would give me the chance

 

No one is truly ugly 

It’s just something we say 

If we could truly see 

Ugliness would just go away 

 

We all bleed the same 

We all have to feel

So next time you feel shame 

Remember ugliness ain’t real

 

By 

 

Tessa 

 

(I used ain’t in my poetry to prove that even words can be thought as ugly. This word when it is expressed in the way it is in this poem brings out how evil it is to call anyone ugly. 

 

We are all breautiful in our own skin because beauty comes from within. 

 

Love ?

 

Tessa

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Another Day

 

Another day goes by 

Am I worth anything at all

Sometimes I wonder why 

I’m in a constant free fall 

 

I jumped a long time ago 

But I haven’t hit the ground

Life gave me a big blow 

But I hear a sound 

 

Beautiful music playing in my ear 

Saying I am worth something to someone somewhere

I’m not just nothing floating in the atmosphere

There is someone who does care 

 

Maybe a stranger or a friend 

 A lover from a far who sees me 

Someday this free fall will end 

And I can truly be free 

 

love, 

 

Tessa❤️?‍?

 

 

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Sweetheart

 

Roses are red the sky is blue 

They each no their color 

How about you 

They each no one another 

 

The sky brings the sunshine 

So the rose can grow 

When will it bring mine 

I just don’t know 

 

Some one that will love me 

For who I really am inside 

some one who will set me free 

In then I can confide 

 

If the sky watches over the rose 

Makes sure that it will bloom 

Somebody out their knows 

And surely has the room 

 

To fit little pretty me 

Into their life and heart 

They can truly see 

I am their sweetheart 

 

by 

 

Tessa ?‍?

 

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Broken Mirror

 

I look in the mirror 

And she looks back at me 

Things become clearer 

As she begins her plea 

 

Please don’t ignore me anymore

I long to come out 

Hear my roar

Dont silence my shout 

 

I am your true reflection 

Every thing you want to be 

You treat me like an infection 

Its because your blind and cannot see

 

The mirror is my place 

I stay locked inside 

How long will you chase 

You’ll never be satisfied 

 

Brake the mirror 

And let me free

You have nothing to fear 

This is my plea

 

by

 

Tesss?‍?

 

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Your poems are all so beautiful. Compliment was sweet. I especially related to ugly bc I feel ugly on the outside. I hope hrt will shapen and soften me to reflect how I feel within, lovely. 

 

Fallen Rose touched me too. I've gone through a lot of heartbreak in my life. Life can be so cruel sometimes, but sometimes it can be sweet too. 

 

Keep up your art! ❤️

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Thank you so much! I don’t get s lot of compliments so I appreciate it. Life had been tough on me going through a nasty divorce. I am a soft loving women inside. I long for someone to understand me for who I really am. I scared to do hrt. Not ready for that. Just focusing on getting to know Tessa. Nice to meet you and have a lovely day! 

 

Tessa?‍?

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A Gift 

 

I am a gift 

I can never share 

I would love to lift 

The burden I bare 

 

What is beauty

How can anyone vote

Can they see inside me

What I wrote

 

I see Tessa in my eyes

Her beauty and smile

I see how she tries 

Maybe I should let her out awhile

 

The eyes that stare 

Are only a faded background 

I’m a gift to share 

True beauty I’ve found 

 

Faced my fears 

Forgotten what they say 

She’d some tears 

I’m here to stay 

 

No place to rest 

I sit inside my brain 

I’ve done my best

To deal with the pain

 

Am I a gift 

Would anyone open me 

Then maybe the burden would lift 

I could finally be free

 

It’s so hard to be me. The inside wants to reflect the outside. However, the transition is hard. I’m slowly moving into a new phase in my life but it’s a scary one. I’m glad at least I’m not alone. Last night I bought some woman’s dresses, skirts, and shirts. It’s hard being Tessa. I can admit it. It’s hard being you. The true you that you let no one see. 

 

Love 

 

Tessa?‍?

 

 

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  • Forum Moderator

Very nice Tessa, I enjoyed reading this morning

 

Have a great day !

 

C -

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  • Forum Moderator

Give yourself time Tessa.  Your writing so reminds me of myself some years ago.  This morning as i brushed my wig i saw a lovely ,if old, woman looking back. 

You are certainly not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Dress Up 

 

Everyone likes to dress up 

Look good for the one you love 

Everyone likes to dress up 

To be able to rise above 

 

To feel a lovers embrace 

As they hold your hand 

To feel a gentle touch to your face 

You can barely stand 

 

To be loved is such a way 

That everything begins to spin 

You forget what to say 

It takes you out of your skin 

 

What if we dressed our heart 

What color would you choose 

What if we expressed our inner part 

What do we have to lose 

 

Tessa❤️

 

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  • 5 weeks later...

I look at the sunset 

See all the brilliant colors

We must not forget 

That we are all sisters and brothers 

 

living under the same sky 

We all see the same

But we walk right by 

Afraid to give our name

 

The world has become so cold 

That hearts just break 

If we could just be bold 

Give instead of take 

 

To live together in peace 

Is a sign of love that’s real

Let all the judging cease 

A new world we will reveal

 

By 

 

Tessa?‍?

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  • Forum Moderator

Lovely thought.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Real

 

What matters more 

How you look or feel

Down in our inner core 

That’s where we’re real 

 

Does anyone truly see

The deepest, darkest part 

Of you and me 

Down deep in our heart 

 

You have to dig deep inside

Be willing to get dirty 

You have to confide 

Really listen to our story

 

Hearts come in different sizes

But we all pump blood 

Inside us are surprises 

If only a person could 

 

See the truest form of you

You are wonderfully made 

All that you’ve been through

No need to be afraid 

 

If your living from the inside

Then the outside shouldn’t matter now

But we will run and hide 

Can someone show us how

 

By Tessa?‍?

 

 

 

 

 

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  • Forum Moderator

Nice read this morning Tessa,

 

I like being real, I live in the real world....

 

C -

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Balance 

 

Life is all about balance 

Walking that line 

Taking a chance

You will be fine 

 

Stick to what you know 

Learn what you can 

Your life will grow 

Stick to your plan 

 

Don’t look down 

Focus straight ahead 

Don’t wear a frown 

Smile instead 

 

Life is hard you know

No ones life is a walk in the park

The places you will go 

If you choose to get out of the dark

 

Set your gaze on the light 

Watch your feet on the line

Your going to be alright 

Your going to be just fine

 

by

 

Tessa?‍?

 

Your going to be just fine. Maybe someone needed to hear that. ❤️

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Journal

 

I carry my journal 

In my pocket 

It’s my secret tunnel 

So I make sure to lock it

 

I feel better after I write 

My thoughts are my cure 

My mind can rest from the fight 

I see I have nothing to fear 

 

The words are from my heart 

So no one could ever erase

Their from my inner part 

My inner beautiful face 

 

Me and my little book 

I can take anywhere 

It causes me to take a deeper look 

No longer do I need to compare

 

I am who I am to be

Every word that I write 

Is a part of me 

Fear can take flight 

 

I am who I am and that’s ok because who I am is the best version of myself.

 

By

 

Tessa?‍?

 

 

 

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"You're going to be just fine"... 

I did need to hear that. Thanks for your beautiful words Tessa

❤️

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Here

 

I’m just here

Does anyone see

Just another tear

Can anyone here me

 

I feel the tension 

It pulls me tight 

A little attention 

Would that be alright 

 

Fighting inside my head

The battle does wage

More tears I shed

As I try to get out of this cage

 

My silent world inside

Tucked away in my head 

I just want to hide 

Get away instead

 

Will my friends understand 

Will family leave me cold

Will anyone hold my hand 

Somethings wrong I’m told 

 

But nothings wrong with me 

I am living what’s inside

I just wish they all could see 

I don’t want to run and hide

 

I’m here 

Here to stay 

Another tear

But I’m not going away

 

By 

 

Tessa?‍?

 

This ones a little dark I know. But life sometimes is. The poem is about fighting through the tears and facing your fears. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Simple

 

If life was simple 

Everyone would smile

If life was easy 

We would all be happy 

 

life is not simple 

life is hard 

Everyday is a struggle 

But it can be easier 

 

Loving yourself 

Maybe the hardest thing you do 

Understanding who you are 

Takes time and patience 

 

Be patient with yourself 

Love who you are 

Don’t let anyone tell you your not loveable 

See yourself beautiful 

 

Words don’t have to rhyme 

But they need to be true 

Free yourself 

Take courage and be strong 

 

Life is not simple 

But living it we must 

Find that inner peace 

That ignites your inner person

 

We all we’re built to love 

Hate is only a choice 

Love is always stronger 

Find your inner voice and be at peace

 

I have always tried to rhyme my poems but this one I purposely chose not to. Pay attention to the words and let them speak to your heart. Words are the morrow of the soul. Communication is all we have and our words bring life to people. Be encouraged today that you are loved and have the courage to love yourself. 

 

Love

 

Tessa❤️?‍?

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Gotta love oneself! It is hard sometimes though. 

 

I think most people have the misconception that poems have to rhyme. I like to focus more on the rythmn, the "timing" of syllables, and the word flow  Ya know!

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If You Were Mine

 

Oh, If you were mine

I’de hold you tight

Everything would be divine

Oh, what a delight

 

You would have nothing to fear

Your tucked away in my heart

I would hold you so near 

We would never depart 

 

Locked in my forever embrace

You would no my love is real

Oh, what a lovely face 

I’de let you express what you feel 

 

Safe in my arms embrace

 Connected by love’s touch

Our hearts beating the same pace

Oh, I’de love you so much 

 

By 

 

Tessa?‍?

 

I found a friend that will let me be Tessa. I can be myself around him. It’s not a romantic relationship but It gets her out and that’s a big thing for me!  Last night I got to be fully dressed in a skirt and wear my wig and actually be me! It was a wonderful feeling! My family judges me but he does not. My trans daughter cut her hair even shorter. I can also be myself around my daughter. I went to a support group and I plan on going again. I was inspired to write this poem when I woke up. I would love to meet that person that would love me in this way!

 

Love to all!

 

Tessa?‍?

 

 

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A Song 

 

I wake up to a bird’s song 

I hear the beautiful melody 

I would love to sing along 

Could the song be about me 

 

not done with this one yet. 

 

 

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