MaeBe's Trail of Discovery

[EasyE]

5 hours ago, MaeBe said:

 

That said, I went out to dinner last night with my eldest wearing a skirt in public for the first time ever,

Envy, envy, envy!! ;-)

 

I have won a skirt in public twice, walking from a doc appointment to my car. All I could think was, 'Why am I bringing all this scorn upon myself?" as I passed by folks during the 500 yard walk...  

[Ivy]

33 minutes ago, EasyE said:

All I could think was, 'Why am I bringing all this scorn upon myself?

The more you do this, the easier it gets.

I dress fem 24/7 (nightgown in bed)  I think most people don't particularly care.  And I live in a smaller town in a red county.  There have been some people who go out of their way to be friendly, most mind their own business.  I have had very few react negatively.  Of course I don't hang out in bars till midnight.

I just want to say, yes be smart, but don't be afraid.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

6 hours ago, MaeBe said:

The cotton bikinis just aren't cutting it for keeping a casual tuck. HRT changes plus (maybe) losing some weight has made life difficult in that regard. I have avoided purchasing any specific garments or products to assist with it, I prefer the thought of not having to re-tape in a public restroom, but that may need to change. I have a couple pair of seamless high wasted panties from UNIQLO that rock for keeping a secure tuck, so maybe I just have to go underwear shopping again instead of going down the gaff/tape path.

 

It seems that specialty apparel is the key.  My two friends wear undergarments that have a much tighter elastic fit, which keeps things tucked.  And swimsuits are even more difficult than regular undergarments.  A really bold colorful pattern can disguise things, too. 

 

I went through some of this when I was still trying to fit into my "assigned" girl form.  Being intersex, what I've got "down below" isn't neat and small the way an average female looks.  I went to an all-female gym for a long time, and believe me, women have a really good eye for spotting anything mildly out-of-place or slightly larger than average. 

 

Probably thicker skirt fabric will stay in place better, avoiding unwanted effects from wind. 

[Timi]

On 4/9/2024 at 4:56 PM, Ivy said:

I couldn't spell "dyslexia" either.

I don't know quite why but that made me giggle ... not that I'm laughing at you, but it reminded me of something that the comedian Steven Wright might have said. (Actually inspired me to watch some of his vintage Tonight show monologues on YouTube for a laugh.)

[MaeBe]

2 hours ago, EasyE said:

All I could think was, 'Why am I bringing all this scorn upon myself?"

My wife just got back from a quick professional trip. I picked her up at the airport in sunglasses, leggings, and a sports bra. She landed right as I was finishing my workout. Quite the reception, I'm sure she thought!

 

We went home, I showered and changed, and donned the same skirt (because I shaved and moisturized, naturally). She wanted to do take out for an early dinner, so out I went for round two in a skirt. I walked into the restaurant thinking "everyone's looking at me". I got our order, paid, and walked out. There was a clutch of people ruminating or waiting for a table out front on both sides of the trip. On the way in I thought, "I'll bet they're making a comment about me as soon as I'm inside and the door closes." On the way out, I smiled as I walked past them. My hips took over. If I was a spectacle and they were going to watch, they were going to get some swish! It came out of nowhere! Then a woman, smoking, came around a corner. I smiled demurely and got into the car, swiping my skirt smoothly and we were on our way.

 

Quite the two-sided tale of anxiety.

[MaeBe]

1 hour ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

Probably thicker skirt fabric will stay in place better, avoiding unwanted effects from wind.

I'm sure you're quite right. I think I hold myself to a very high standard, to the point of the level of perfection I can attain, when it comes to presenting feminine. Likely no one noticed (an hopefully no one was looking!), but I could feel things weren't quite as secured as they could be--which, if the gals were anything like your gym colleagues, they might have clocked onto. It is a black skirt at least, so there was that.

 

2 hours ago, Ivy said:

I just want to say, yes be smart, but don't be afraid.

Last night was the first time I thought about this. I have seasons tickets for the local MLS soccer club and I decided not to go as I didn't have anyone with me. If I was going to go, it was going to be as me, and a late night walk home alone preyed on my head. It shouldn't, but it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Instead I had a fine time with my kids and online with a friend playing a game. However, I am kicking myself not going because there are a couple women who sit near me that are good people and I wanted to catch up with them. One of them texted if I was going to make it, because she wanted to catch up (this was after me showing up en femme last week). She mentioned and complimented my longer hair, last game. :blush:

 

I was stupid and mildly afraid. :shame:

[Ivy]

1 hour ago, MaeBe said:

I was stupid and mildly afraid. :shame:

No shame.  it's baby steps.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

1 hour ago, MaeBe said:

I'm sure you're quite right. I think I hold myself to a very high standard, to the point of the level of perfection I can attain, when it comes to presenting feminine. Likely no one noticed (an hopefully no one was looking!), but I could feel things weren't quite as secured as they could be--which, if the gals were anything like your gym colleagues, they might have clocked onto. It is a black skirt at least, so there was that.

 

Certainly the women at the gym I used to go to were...overly attentive.  I found out quickly that it was a spot where women tended to look for hookups.  In my girl form, I was ridiculously flat and boyish and I still got some attention.  I'd say you're way more likely to get clocked if you're in a spot where women are sniffing around for a female fling or partner. 

 

Black is a pretty good color for hiding all sorts of things.  Of course, a lot depends on your overall physical size and build, and the size of whatever needs to be hidden.  Both of my trans friends are fairly small and slender.  The older one of the two (she's in her late 20s) has practically nothing to hide, since she was on HRT and puberty blockers at a young age.  She just wears normal female undergarments, and uses a black bikini for swimming.  My younger friend...I'm not quite sure if she even wants to use a public pool.  Fortunately we've got a pond at my place, and nobody is going to be looking or staring here

[EasyE]

2 hours ago, MaeBe said:

they were going to get some swish! It came out of nowhere! ... Quite the two-sided tale of anxiety.

Love this! Love your boldness. Go get 'em girl!

[MaeBe]

21 hours ago, Ivy said:

No shame.  it's baby steps.

If you insist. ;)

 

20 hours ago, EasyE said:

Love this! Love your boldness. Go get 'em girl!

Bolder day by day!

[Mirrabooka]

On 4/15/2024 at 7:25 AM, EasyE said:

I would say the "totally accepting" is not very typical... at least from my vantage point ... but I am biased because my wife is so against this part of me (and not all that happy with a lot of other things about me either)... that is a blessing that you at least have that more firm foundation around you...

Fair point, and thank you. I am lucky, I guess. I should probably qualify what I said previously by adding that I actually do very little compared to most people here. I'm not even trying to socially transition. I have no interest in passing or wearing what is obviously feminine attire in public. Luckily for me, I'm not looking to present myself in a manner beyond androgyny; if I did, it would be met with opposition, so all is good. What I do have acceptance with are things like discreetly worn bras, unisex clothing, etc.

 

So yeah, my wife accepts what I do now, but the line in the sand is clear. I am sorry if you cannot attain that level of acceptance. But I'm nowhere near the level of others!

[Ivy]

1 hour ago, Mirrabooka said:

But I'm nowhere near the level of others

We all do what we can.

I split with my ex a few years ago.  That's not much fun, but I do have my freedom from trying to accommodate a non-supporting spouse.

[MaeBe]

4 hours ago, Mirrabooka said:

So yeah, my wife accepts what I do now, but the line in the sand is clear. I am sorry if you cannot attain that level of acceptance. But I'm nowhere near the level of others!

If you are happy, you are happy. There’s no competition. If you aren’t happy and you’re compromising your happiness for a reason, you’re making a calculated choice. If you can be relatively happy, then that’s maybe good enough. I know my wife has a limit and I may be beyond it already and not know it, but so far so good?

[Ivy]

21 minutes ago, MaeBe said:

If you can be relatively happy, then that’s maybe good enough.

Sometimes this is our best option.

[MaeBe]

7 minutes ago, Ivy said:

Sometimes this is our best option.

Agreed, Ms. Ivy!

 

I hope you’re having the loveliest of days!

[MaeBe]

Maybe they called me he/him at the dealership because I completely forgot my mascara! Eyeliner without mascara…a bold new trend among the helplessly lost! :)

 

Fixed that! 

[Ashley0616]

1 hour ago, MaeBe said:

Maybe they called me he/him at the dealership because I completely forgot my mascara! Eyeliner without mascara…a bold new trend among the helplessly lost! :)

 

Fixed that! 

You're pretty! It's nice to see a face.

[Timi]

2 minutes ago, Ashley0616 said:

You're pretty! It's nice to see a face.

I agree!!!

[MaeBe]

Aww, shucks! Thank you, @Ashley0616 and @Timi! I find taking a picture of myself so difficult. 

[Mirrabooka]

33 minutes ago, Ashley0616 said:

You're pretty! It's nice to see a face.

 

30 minutes ago, Timi said:

I agree!!!

So do I! You look terrific, @MaeBe!

[MaeBe]

20 hours ago, Mirrabooka said:

 

So do I! You look terrific, @MaeBe!

Thank you @Mirrabooka!

[Sally Stone]

22 hours ago, MaeBe said:

I find taking a picture of myself so difficult.

That's me too, Mae.  I don't think it's me as much as it is the camera (that's my story anyway).  Cameras hate me.  I never met one that liked me.  I often wish I was photogenic; sadly, not so much.

 

However, you look terrific in that selfie! 

[MaeBe]

2 hours ago, Sally Stone said:

Cameras hate me.

I lucked into that picture. I took like 10 before that, which appropriately make me look like a donkey. ;)

 

Thank you so much for the compliment!

[MaeBe]

So…I didn’t know your Facebook avatar was public. So, on my birthday, a couple people used a group avatar message to wish me a happy birthday…and now my Facebook friends can see a short video of my female avatar dancing with an old friend’s and another with my uncle’s avatars. So am I “Facebook out” now? 😬

[April Marie]

I think we tend to be overly critical of our looks, whether we're trying to express ourselves as masculine, feminine or anywhere along the gender spectrum. For me, I use photos as a way to track my progress, to help me find my style and look and to help me find ways to improve myself in posture, looks, make-up, style......

 

I didn't really think about our FB avatar being public but then realized that when people search they do see it.

 

Since I'm not out to anyone but my wife, therapist, priest and people here, my FB page remains "that guy." I have created a Bitmoji that is relatively androgynous moving slowly towards the feminine. Long gray hair, earrings, softer features...I'm transitioning it along with myself. :-)